anecdotes of the late samuel johnson-第14章

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！


er　calls　us；　ripping　the　lace　off　our　waistcoats；　but　the　spirit　of　contention　from　our　souls　and　tongues！　　Let　us　all　conform　in　outward　customs；　which　are　of　no　consequence；　to　the　manners　of　those　whom　we　live　among；　and　despise　such　paltry　distinctions。　　Alas；　sir！〃　continued　he；　〃a　man　who　cannot　get　to　heaven　in　a　green　coat；　will　not　find　his　way　thither　sooner　in　a　grey　one。〃　　On　an　occasion　of　less　consequence；　when　he　turned　his　back　on　Lord　Bolingbroke　in　the　rooms　at　Brighthelmstone；　he　made　this　excuse；　〃I　am　not　obliged；　sir；〃　said　he　to　Mr。　Thrale；　who　stood　fretting；　〃to　find　reasons　for　respecting　the　rank　of　him　who　will　not　condescend　to　declare　it　by　his　dress　or　some　other　visible　mark。　　What　are　stars　and　other　signs　of　superiority　made　for？〃

The　next　evening；　however；　he　made　us　comical　amends；　by　sitting　by　the　same　nobleman；　and　haranguing　very　loudly　about　the　nature　and　use　and　abuse　of　divorces。　　Many　people　gathered　round　them　to　hear　what　was　said；　and　when　my　husband　called　him　away；　and　told　him　to　whom　he　had　been　talking；　received　an　answer　which　I　will　not　write　down。

Though　no　man；　perhaps；　made　such　rough　replies　as　Dr。　Johnson；　yet　nobody　had　a　more　just　aversion　to　general　satire；　he　always　hated　and　censured　Swift　for　his　unprovoked　bitterness　against　the　professors　of　medicine；　and　used　to　challenge　his　friends；　when　they　lamented　the　exorbitancy　of　physicians'　fees；　to　produce　him　one　instance　of　an　estate　raised　by　physic　in　England。　　When　an　acquaintance；　too；　was　one　day　exclaiming　against　the　tediousness　of　the　law　and　its　partiality：　　〃Let　us　hear；　sir；〃　said　Johnson；　〃no　general　abuse；　the　law　is　the　last　result　of　human　wisdom　acting　upon　human　experience　for　the　benefit　of　the　public。〃

As　the　mind　of　Dr。　Johnson　was　greatly　expanded；　so　his　first　care　was　for　general；　not　particular　or　petty　morality；　and　those　teachers　had　more　of　his　blame　than　praise；　I　think；　who　seek　to　oppress　life　with　unnecessary　scruples。　　〃Scruples　would；〃　as　he　observed；　〃certainly　make　men　miserable；　and　seldom　make　them　good。　　Let　us　ever；〃　he　said；　〃studiously　fly　from　those　instructors　against　whom　our　Saviour　denounces　heavy　judgments；　for　having　bound　up　burdens　grievous　to　be　borne；　and　laid　them　on　the　shoulders　of　mortal　men。〃　　No　one　had；　however；　higher　notions　of　the　hard　task　of　true　Christianity　than　Johnson；　whose　daily　terror　lest　he　had　not　done　enough；　originated　in　piety；　but　ended　in　little　less　than　disease。　Reasonable　with　regard　to　others；　he　had　formed　vain　hopes　of　performing　impossibilities　himself；　and　finding　his　good　works　ever　below　his　desires　and　intent；　filled　his　imagination　with　fears　that　he　should　never　obtain　forgiveness　for　omissions　of　duty　and　criminal　waste　of　time。　　These　ideas　kept　him　in　constant　anxiety　concerning　his　salvation；　and　the　vehement　petitions　he　perpetually　made　for　a　longer　continuance　on　earth；　were　doubtless　the　cause　of　his　so　prolonged　existence：　　for　when　I　carried　Dr。　Pepys　to　him　in　the　year　1782；　it　appeared　wholly　impossible　for　any　skill　of　the　physician　or　any　strength　of　the　patient　to　save　him。　　He　was　saved　that　time；　however；　by　Sir　Lucas's　prescriptions；　and　less　skill　on　one　side；　or　less　strength　on　the　other；　I　am　morally　certain；　would　not　have　been　enough。　　He　had；　however；　possessed　an　athletic　constitution；　as　he　said　the　man　who　dipped　people　in　the　sea　at　Brighthelmstone　acknowledged；　for　seeing　Mr。　Johnson　swim；　in　the　year　1766；　〃Why；　sir；〃　says　the　dipper；　〃you　must　have　been　a　stout…hearted　gentleman　forty　years　ago。〃

Mr。　Thrale　and　he　used　to　laugh　about　that　story　very　often：　　but　Garrick　told　a　better；　for　he　said　that　in　their　young　days；　when　some　strolling　players　came　to　Lichfield；　our　friend　had　fixed　his　place　upon　the　stage；　and　got　himself　a　chair　accordingly；　which　leaving　for　a　few　minutes；　he　found　a　man　in　it　at　his　return；　who　refused　to　give　it　back　at　the　first　entreaty。　　Mr。　Johnson；　however；　who　did　not　think　it　worth　his　while　to　make　a　second；　took　chair　and　man　and　all　together；　and　threw　them　all　at　once　into　the　pit。　　I　asked　the　Doctor　if　this　was　a　fact。　　〃Garrick　has　not　SPOILED　it　in　the　telling；〃　said　he；　〃it　is　very　NEAR　true；　to　be　sure。〃

Mr。　Beauclerc；　too；　related　one　day　how　on　some　occasion　he　ordered　two　large　mastiffs　into　his　parlour；　to　show　a　friend　who　was　conversant　in　canine　beauty　and　excellence　how　the　dogs　quarrelled；　and　fastening　on　each　other；　alarmed　all　the　company　except　Johnson；　who　seizing　one　in　one　hand　by　the　cuff　of　the　neck；　the　other　in　the　other　hand；　said　gravely；　〃Come；　gentlemen！　where's　your　difficulty？　　put　one　dog　out　at　the　door；　and　I　will　show　this　fierce　gentleman　the　way　out　of　the　window：〃　which；　lifting　up　the　mastiff　and　the　sash；　he　contrived　to　do　very　expeditiously；　and　much　to　the　satisfaction　of　the　affrighted　company。　　We　inquired　as　to　the　truth　of　this　curious　recital。　　〃The　dogs　have　been　somewhat　magnified；　I　believe；　sir；〃　was　the　reply：　　〃they　were；　as　I　remember；　two　stout　young　pointers；　but　the　story　has　gained　but　little。〃

One　reason　why　Mr。　Johnson's　memory　was　so　particularly　exact；　might　be　derived　from　his　rigid　attention　to　veracity；　being　always　resolved　to　relate　every　fact　as　it　stood；　he　looked　even　on　the　smaller　parts　of　life　with　minute　attention；　and　remembered　such　passages　as　escape　cursory　and　common　observers。　　〃A　story；〃　says　he；　〃is　a　specimen　of　human　manners；　and　derives　its　sole　value　from　its　truth。　　When　Foote　has　told　me　something；　I　dismiss　it　from　my　mind　like　a　passing　shadow：　　when　Reynolds　tells　me　something；　I　consider　myself　as　possessed　of　an　idea　the　more。〃

Mr。　Johnson　liked　a　frolic　or　a　jest　well　enough；　though　he　had　strange　serious　rules　about　it　too：　　and　very　angry　was　he　if　anybody　offered　to　be　merry　when　he　was　disposed　to　be　grave。　　〃You　have　an　ill…founded　notion；〃　said　he；　〃that　it　is　clever　to　turn　matters　off　with　a　joke　（as　the　phrase　is）；　whereas　nothing　produces　enmity　so　certain　as　one　persons　showing　a　disposition　to　be　merry　when　another　is　inclined　to　be　either　serious　or　displeased。〃

One　may　gather　from　this　how　he　felt　when　his　Irish　friend　Grierson；　hearing　him　enumerate　the　qualities　necessary　to　the　formation　of　a　poet；　began　a　comical　parody　upon　his　ornamented　harangue　in　praise　of　a　cook；　concluding　with　this　observation；　that　he　who　dressed　a　good　dinner　was　a　more　excellent　and　a　more　useful　member　of　society　than　he　who　wrote　a　good　poem。　　〃And　in　this　opinion；〃　said　Mr。　Johnson　in　reply；　〃all　the　dogs　in　the　town　will　join　you。〃

Of　this　Mr。　Grierson　I　have　heard　him　relate　many　droll　stories；　much　to　his　advantage　as　a　wit；　together　with　some　facts　more　difficult　to　be　accounted　for；　as　avarice　never　was　reckoned　among　the　vices　of　the　laughing　world。　　But　Johnson's　various　life；　and　spirit　of　vigilance　to　learn　and　treasure　up　every　peculiarity　of　manner；　sentiment；　or　general　conduct；　made　his　company；　when　he　chose　to　relate　anecdotes　of　people　he　had　formerly　known；　exquisitely　amusing　and　comical。　　It　is　indeed　inconceivable　what　strange　occurrences　he　had　seen；　and　what　surprising　things　he　could　tell　when　in　a　communicative　humour。　　It　is　by　no　means　my　business　to　relate　memoirs　of　his　acquaintance；　but　it　will　serve　to　show　the　character　of　Johnson　himself；　when　I　inform　those　who　never　knew　him　that　no　man　told　a　story　with　so　good　a　grace；　or　knew　so　well　what　would　make　an　effect　upon　his　auditors。　　When　he　raised　contributions　for　some　distressed　author；　or　wit　in　want；　he　often　made　us　all　more　than　amends　by　diverting　descriptions　of　the　lives　they　were　then　passing　in　corners　unseen　by　anybody　but　himself；　and　that　odd　old　surgeon　whom　he　kept　in　his　house　to　tend　the　out…pensioners；　and　of　whom　he　said　most　truly　and　sublimely　that

　　　　　〃In　misery's　darkest　caverns　known；　　　　　　　　　His　useful　care　was　ever　nigh；　　　　　　　Where　hopeless　anguish　pours　her　groan；　　　　　　　　　And　lonely　want　retires　to　die。〃

I　have　forgotten　the　year；　but　it　could　scarcely　I　think　be　later　than　1765　or　1766；　that　he　was　called　abruptly　from　our　house　after　dinner；　and　returning　in　about　three　hours；　said　he　had　been　with　an　enraged　author；　whose