the door in the wall-第5章

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imperative。　　But　the　third　time　was　different；　it　happened　a　week

ago。　　It　fills　me　with　hot　remorse　to　recall　it。　　I　was　with　Gurker

and　Ralphsit's　no　secret　now　you　know　that　I've　had　my　talk　with

Gurker。　　We　had　been　dining　at　Frobisher's；　and　the　talk　had　become

intimate　between　us。　　The　question　of　my　place　in　the　reconstructed

ministry　lay　always　just　over　the　boundary　of　the　discussion。　　Yes

yes。　　That's　all　settled。　　It　needn't　be　talked　about　yet；　but

there's　no　reason　to　keep　a　secret　from　you　。　。　。　。　。　　Yesthanks！

thanks！　　But　let　me　tell　you　my　story。



〃Then；　on　that　night　things　were　very　much　in　the　air。　　My

position　was　a　very　delicate　one。　　I　was　keenly　anxious　to　get　some

definite　word　from　Gurker；　but　was　hampered　by　Ralphs'　presence。　

I　was　using　the　best　power　of　my　brain　to　keep　that　light　and

careless　talk　not　too　obviously　directed　to　the　point　that　concerns

me。　　I　had　to。　　Ralphs'　behaviour　since　has　more　than　justified　my

caution　。　。　。　。　。　　Ralphs；　I　knew；　would　leave　us　beyond　the

Kensington　High　Street；　and　then　I　could　surprise　Gurker　by　a

sudden　frankness。　　One　has　sometimes　to　resort　to　these　little

devices。　。　。　。　。　　And　then　it　was　that　in　the　margin　of　my　field　of

vision　I　became　aware　once　more　of　the　white　wall；　the　green　door

before　us　down　the　road。



〃We　passed　it　talking。　　I　passed　it。　　I　can　still　see　the

shadow　of　Gurker's　marked　profile；　his　opera　hat　tilted　forward

over　his　prominent　nose；　the　many　folds　of　his　neck　wrap　going

before　my　shadow　and　Ralphs'　as　we　sauntered　past。



〃I　passed　within　twenty　inches　of　the　door。　　'If　I　say

good…night　to　them；　and　go　in；'　I　asked　myself；　'what　will　happen？'

And　I　was　all　a…tingle　for　that　word　with　Gurker。



〃I　could　not　answer　that　question　in　the　tangle　of　my　other

problems。　　'They　will　think　me　mad；'　I　thought。　　'And　suppose　I

vanish　now！Amazing　disappearance　of　a　prominent　politician！'　That

weighed　with　me。　A　thousand　inconceivably　petty　worldlinesses

weighed　with　me　in　that　crisis。〃



Then　he　turned　on　me　with　a　sorrowful　smile；　and；　speaking

slowly；　〃Here　I　am！〃　he　said。



〃Here　I　am！〃　he　repeated；　〃and　my　chance　has　gone　from　me。　

Three　times　in　one　year　the　door　has　been　offered　methe　door　that

goes　into　peace；　into　delight；　into　a　beauty　beyond　dreaming；　a

kindness　no　man　on　earth　can　know。　　And　I　have　rejected　it；

Redmond；　and　it　has　gone〃



〃How　do　you　know？〃



〃I　know。　　I　know。　　I　am　left　now　to　work　it　out；　to　stick　to

the　tasks　that　held　me　so　strongly　when　my　moments　came。　　You　say；

I　have　successthis　vulgar；　tawdry；　irksome；　envied　thing。　　I　have

it。〃　　He　had　a　walnut　in　his　big　hand。　　〃If　that　was　my　success；〃

he　said；　and　crushed　it；　and　held　it　out　for　me　to　see。



〃Let　me　tell　you　something；　Redmond。　　This　loss　is　destroying

me。　　For　two　months；　for　ten　weeks　nearly　now；　I　have　done　no　work

at　all；　except　the　most　necessary　and　urgent　duties。　　My　soul　is

full　of　inappeasable　regrets。　　At　nightswhen　it　is　less　likely　I

shall　be　recognisedI　go　out。　　I　wander。　　Yes。　　I　wonder　what

people　would　think　of　that　if　they　knew。　　A　Cabinet　Minister；　the

responsible　head　of　that　most　vital　of　all　departments；　wandering

alonegrievingsometimes　near　audibly　lamentingfor　a　door；　for

a　garden！〃





IV





I　can　see　now　his　rather　pallid　face；　and　the　unfamiliar

sombre　fire　that　had　come　into　his　eyes。　　I　see　him　very　vividly

to…night。　　I　sit　recalling　his　words；　his　tones；　and　last　evening's

Westminster　Gazette　still　lies　on　my　sofa；　containing　the

notice　of　his　death。　　At　lunch　to…day　the　club　was　busy　with　him

and　the　strange　riddle　of　his　fate。



They　found　his　body　very　early　yesterday　morning　in　a　deep

excavation　near　East　Kensington　Station。　　It　is　one　of　two　shafts

that　have　been　made　in　connection　with　an　extension　of　the　railway

southward。　　It　is　protected　from　the　intrusion　of　the　public　by　a

hoarding　upon　the　high　road；　in　which　a　small　doorway　has　been　cut

for　the　convenience　of　some　of　the　workmen　who　live　in　that

direction。　　The　doorway　was　left　unfastened　through　a

misunderstanding　between　two　gangers；　and　through　it　he　made　his

way　。　。　。　。　。



My　mind　is　darkened　with　questions　and　riddles。



It　would　seem　he　walked　all　the　way　from　the　House　that

nighthe　has　frequently　walked　home　during　the　past　Sessionand

so　it　is　I　figure　his　dark　form　coming　along　the　late　and　empty

streets；　wrapped　up；　intent。　　And　then　did　the　pale　electric　lights

near　the　station　cheat　the　rough　planking　into　a　semblance　of

white？　　Did　that　fatal　unfastened　door　awaken　some　memory？



Was　there；　after　all；　ever　any　green　door　in　the　wall　at　all？



I　do　not　know。　　I　have　told　his　story　as　he　told　it　to　me。　

There　are　times　when　I　believe　that　Wallace　was　no　more　than　the

victim　of　the　coincidence　between　a　rare　but　not　unprecedented　type

of　hallucination　and　a　careless　trap；　but　that　indeed　is　not　my

profoundest　belief。　　You　may　think　me　superstitious　if　you　will；

and　foolish；　but；　indeed；　I　am　more　than　half　convinced　that　he　had

in　truth；　an　abnormal　gift；　and　a　sense；　somethingI　know　not

whatthat　in　the　guise　of　wall　and　door　offered　him　an　outlet；　a

secret　and　peculiar　passage　of　escape　into　another　and　altogether

more　beautiful　world。　　At　any　rate；　you　will　say；　it　betrayed　him

in　the　end。　　But　did　it　betray　him？　　There　you　touch　the　inmost

mystery　of　these　dreamers；　these　men　of　vision　and　the　imagination。



We　see　our　world　fair　and　common；　the　hoarding　and　the　pit。　　By　our

daylight　standard　he　walked　out　of　security　into　darkness；　danger

and　death。　　But　did　he　see　like　that？