swan song-第3章

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scoundrels　must　be　asleep；　and　an　earthquake　wouldn't　wake　them
now！　Yegorka！　＇Picks　up　the　stool；　sits　down；　and　puts　the　candle
on　the　floor＇　Not　a　sound！　Only　echos　answer　me。　I　gave　Yegorka
and　Petrushka　each　a　tip　to…day；　and　now　they　have　disappeared
without　leaving　a　trace　behind　them。　The　rascals　have　gone　off
and　have　probably　locked　up　the　theatre。　＇Turns　his　head　about＇
I'm　drunk！　Ugh！　The　play　to…night　was　for　my　benefit；　and　it　is
disgusting　to　think　how　much　beer　and　wine　I　have　poured　down　my
throat　in　honour　of　the　occasion。　Gracious！　My　body　is　burning
all　over；　and　I　feel　as　if　I　had　twenty　tongues　in　my　mouth。　It
is　horrid！　Idiotic！　This　poor　old　sinner　is　drunk　again；　and
doesn't　even　know　what　he　has　been　celebrating！　Ugh！　My　head　is
splitting；　I　am　shivering　all　over；　and　I　feel　as　dark　and　cold
inside　as　a　cellar！　Even　if　I　don't　mind　ruining　my　health；　I
ought　at　least　to　remember　my　age；　old　idiot　that　I　am！　Yes；　my
old　age！　It's　no　use！　I　can　play　the　fool；　and　brag；　and　pretend
to　be　young；　but　my　life　is　really　over　now；　I　kiss　my　hand　to
the　sixty…eight　years　that　have　gone　by；　I'll　never　see　them
again！　I　have　drained　the　bottle；　only　a　few　little　drops　are
left　at　the　bottom；　nothing　but　the　dregs。　Yes；　yes；　that's　the
case；　Vasili；　old　boy。　The　time　has　come　for　you　to　rehearse　the
part　of　a　mummy；　whether　you　like　it　or　not。　Death　is　on　its　way
to　you。　＇Stares　ahead　of　him＇　It　is　strange；　though；　that　I　have
been　on　the　stage　now　for　forty…five　years；　and　this　is　the　first
time　I　have　seen　a　theatre　at　night；　after　the　lights　have　been
put　out。　The　first　time。　＇Walks　up　to　the　foot…lights＇　How　dark
it　is！　I　can't　see　a　thing。　Oh；　yes；　I　can　just　make　out　the
prompter's　box；　and　his　desk；　the　rest　is　in　pitch　darkness；　a
black；　bottomless　pit；　like　a　grave；　in　which　death　itself　might
be　hiding。。。。　Brr。。。。　How　cold　it　is！　The　wind　blows　out　of　the
empty　theatre　as　though　out　of　a　stone　flue。　What　a　place　for
ghosts！　The　shivers　are　running　up　and　down　my　back。　＇Calls＇
Yegorka！　Petrushka！　Where　are　you　both？　What　on　earth　makes　me
think　of　such　gruesome　things　here？　I　must　give　up　drinking；　I'm
an　old　man；　I　shan't　live　much　longer。　At　sixty…eight　people　go
to　church　and　prepare　for　death；　but　here　I　amheavens！　A
profane　old　drunkard　in　this　fool's　dressI'm　simply　not　fit　to
look　at。　I　must　go　and　change　it　at　once。。。。　This　is　a　dreadful
place；　I　should　die　of　fright　sitting　here　all　night。　＇Goes
toward　his　dressing…room；　at　the　same　time　NIKITA　IVANITCH　in　a
long　white　coat　comes　out　of　the　dressing…room　at　the　farthest
end　of　the　stage。　SVIETLOVIDOFF　sees　IVANITCHshrieks　with
terror　and　steps　back＇　Who　are　you？　What？　What　do　you　want？
＇Stamps　his　foot＇　Who　are　you？

IVANITCH。　It　is　I；　sir。

SVIETLOVIDOFF。　Who　are　you？

IVANITCH。　＇Comes　slowly　toward　him＇　It　is　I；　sir；　the　prompter；
Nikita　Ivanitch。　It　is　I；　master；　it　is　I！

SVIETLOVIDOFF。　＇Sinks　helplessly　onto　the　stool；　breathes　heavily
and　trembles　violently＇　Heavens！　Who　are　you？　It　is　you　。　。　。　you
Nikitushka？　What　。　。　。　what　are　you　doing　here？

IVANITCH。　I　spend　my　nights　here　in　the　dressing…rooms。　Only
please　be　good　enough　not　to　tell　Alexi　Fomitch；　sir。　I　have
nowhere　else　to　spend　the　night；　indeed；　I　haven't。

SVIETLOVIDOFF。　Ah！　It　is　you；　Nikitushka；　is　it？　Just　think；　the
audience　called　me　out　sixteen　times；　they　brought　me　three
wreathes　and　lots　of　other　things；　too；　they　were　all　wild　with
enthusiasm；　and　yet　not　a　soul　came　when　it　was　all　over　to　wake
the　poor；　drunken　old　man　and　take　him　home。　And　I　am　an　old　man；
Nikitushka！　I　am　sixty…eight　years　old；　and　I　am　ill。　I　haven't
the　heart　left　to　go　on。　＇Falls　on　IVANITCH'S　neck　and　weeps＇
Don't　go　away；　Nikitushka；　I　am　old　and　helpless；　and　I　feel　it
is　time　for　me　to　die。　Oh；　it　is　dreadful；　dreadful！

IVANITCH。　＇Tenderly　and　respectfully＇　Dear　master！　it　is　time　for
you　to　go　home；　sir！

SVIETLOVIDOFF。　I　won't　go　home；　I　have　no　homenone！
none！none！

IVANITCH。　Oh；　dear！　Have　you　forgotten　where　you　live？

SVIETLOVIDOFF。　I　won't　go　there。　I　won't！　I　am　all　alone　there。　I
have　nobody；　Nikitushka！　No　wifeno　children。　I　am　like　the　wind
blowing　across　the　lonely　fields。　I　shall　die；　and　no　one　will
remember　me。　It　is　awful　to　be　aloneno　one　to　cheer　me；　no　one
to　caress　me；　no　one　to　help　me　to　bed　when　I　am　drunk。　Whom　do　I
belong　to？　Who　needs　me？　Who　loves　me？　Not　a　soul；　Nikitushka。

IVANITCH。　＇Weeping＇　Your　audience　loves　you；　master。

SVIETLOVIDOFF。　My　audience　has　gone　home。　They　are　all　asleep；
and　have　forgotten　their　old　clown。　No；　nobody　needs　me；　nobody
loves　me；　I　have　no　wife；　no　children。

IVANITCH。　Oh；　dear！　Oh；　dear！　Don't　be　so　unhappy　about　it。

SVIETLOVIDOFF。　But　I　am　a　man；　I　am　still　alive。　Warm；　red　blood
is　tingling　in　my　veins；　the　blood　of　noble　ancestors。　I　am　an
aristocrat；　Nikitushka；　I　served　in　the　army；　in　the　artillery；
before　I　fell　as　low　as　this；　and　what　a　fine　young　chap　I　was！
Handsome；　daring；　eager！　Where　has　it　all　gone？　What　has　become
of　those　old　days？　There's　the　pit　that　has　swallowed　them　all！　I
remember　it　all　now。　Forty…five　years　of　my　life　lie　buried
there；　and　what　a　life；　Nikitushka！　I　can　see　it　as　clearly　as　I
see　your　face：　the　ecstasy　of　youth；　faith；　passion；　the　love　of
womenwomen；　Nikitushka！

IVANITCH。　It　is　time　you　went　to　sleep；　sir。

SVIETLOVIDOFF。　When　I　first　went　on　the　stage；　in　the　first　glow
of　passionate　youth；　I　remember　a　woman　loved　me　for　my　acting。
She　was　beautiful；　graceful　as　a　poplar；　young；　innocent；　pure；
and　radiant　as　a　summer　dawn。　Her　smile　could　charm　away　the
darkest　night。　I　remember；　I　stood　before　her　once；　as　I　am　now
standing　before　you。　She　had　never　seemed　so　lovely　to　me　as　she
did　then；　and　she　spoke　to　me　so　with　her　eyessuch　a　look！　I
shall　never　forget　it；　no；　not　even　in　the　grave；　so　tender；　so
soft；　so　deep；　so　bright　and　young！　Enraptured；　intoxicated；　I
fell　on　my　knees　before　her；　I　begged　for　my　happiness；　and　she
said：　〃Give　up　the　stage！〃　Give　up　the　stage！　Do　you　understand？
She　could　love　an　actor；　but　marry　himnever！　I　was　acting　that
day；　I　rememberI　had　a　foolish；　clown's　part；　and　as　I　acted；　I
felt　my　eyes　being　opened；　I　saw　that　the　worship　of　the　art　I
had　held　so　sacred　was　a　delusion　and　an　empty　dream；　that　I　was
a　slave；　a　fool；　the　plaything　of　the　idleness　of　strangers。　I
understood　my　audience　at　last；　and　since　that　day　I　have　not
believed　in　their　applause；　or　in　their　wreathes；　or　in　their
enthusiasm。　Yes；　Nikitushka！　The　people　applaud　me；　they　buy　my
photograph；　but　I　am　a　stranger　to　them。　They　don't　know　me；　I　am
as　the　dirt　beneath　their　feet。　They　are　willing　enough　to　meet
me　。　。　。　but　allow　a　daughter　or　a　sister　to　marry　me；　an
outcast；　never！　I　have　no　faith　in　them；　＇sinks　onto　the　stool＇
no　faith　in　them。

IVANITCH。　Oh；　sir！　you　look　dreadfully　pale；　you　frighten　me　to
death！　Come；　go　home；　have　mercy　on　me！

SVIETLOVIDOFF。　I　saw　through　it　all　that　day；　and　the　knowledge
was　dearly　bought。　Nikitushka！　After　that　。　。　。　when　that　girl　。
。　。　well；　I　began　to　wander　aimlessly　about；　living　from　day　to
day　without　looking　ahead。　I　took　the　parts　of　buffoons　and　low
comedians；　letting　my　mind　go　to　wreck。　Ah！　but　I　was　a　great
artist　once；　till　little　by　little　I　threw　away　my　talents；
played　the　motley　fool；　lost　my　looks；　lost　the　power　of
expressing　myself；　and　became　in　the　end　a　Merry　Andrew　instead
of　a　man。　I　have　been　swallowed　up　in　that　great　black　pit。　I
never　felt　it　before；　but　to…night；　when　I　woke　up；　I　looked
back；　and　there　behind　me　lay　sixty…eight　years。　I　have　just
found　out　what　it　is　to　be　old！　It　is　all　over　。　。　。　＇sobs＇　。　。　。
all　over。

IVANITCH。　There；　there；　dear　master！　Be　quiet　。　。　。　gracious！
＇Calls＇　Petrushka！　Yegorka！

SVIETLOVIDOFF。　But　what　a　genius　I　was！　You　cannot　imagine　what
power　I　had；　what　eloquence；　how　graceful　I　was；　how　tender；　how
many　strings　＇beats　his　breast＇　quivered　in　this　breast！　It
chokes　me　to　think　of　it！　Listen　now；　wait；　let　me　catch　my
breath；　there；　now　listen　to　this：

　　〃The　shade　of　bloody　Ivan　now　returning
　　　Fans　through　my