time enough for love-时间足够你爱(英文版)-第138章
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o treat it as a possible hypothesis。 Lazarus； it's just the inside track you need…if you weren't such … a
blithering idiot！
He tested the bath water…cold。 He shut it off and pulled the plug。 A promise of hot water all day long had been one inducement when Lazarus had rented this musty cave。 But the janitor turned off the water heater before he went to bed； and anyone looking for hot water later than nine was foolish。 Well； he qualified as foolish； and perhaps cold water would do more for his unstable condition than hot…but he had wanted a long； hot soak to soothe his nerves and help him think。
He had fallen in love with his mother。
Face it； Lazarus。 This is impossible； and you don't know how to handle it。 In more than two thousand years of one silly misadventure after the other this is the most preposterous predicament you ever got into。
Oh； sure； a son loves his mother。 As 〃Woodie Smith；〃 Lazarus had never doubted that。 He had always kissed his mother good…night （usually）； hugged her when he saw her （if he wasn't in a hurry）； remembered her birthday （almost alwayst； thanked her for cookies or cake she left out for him whenever he was out late （except when he forgot）； and sometimes had told her he loved her。
She had been a good mother。 She had never screamed at him （or at any of them；） and； when necessary； had used a switch at once and the matter was over with…never that Wait…till~your…father…gets…home routine。 Lazarus could still feel that peach swit~ch on his calves； it had caused him to levitate； better than Thurston the Great； at a very early age。
He recalled； too； that as he grew older； he found that he was proud of ihe way she looked…always neat and standing straight and invariably gracious to his friends…not like some of the mothers of other boys。
Oh； swe； a boy loves his mother…and Woodie had been blessed with one of the best。
But this was not what Lazarus felt toward Maureen John…
son Smith； lovely young matron； just his 〃own〃 age。 That visit this night had been delicious agony…for he had never in all his lives 'been so unbearably attracted； so sexually obsessed； by any… woman any where or when。 During …that short visit Lazarus had been forced to be most careful not to let his passion show…and… especially cautious not to appear too gallant； not be more than impersonally polite； not by expression or tone of voice or anything else risk arousing 。 Gramp's always…alert suspicions； not let Gramp suspect the storm of lust
…that had … raged up in him as soon as he touched her hand。
Lazarus looked down at proof of his passion； hard and tall； and slapped it。 〃What are you standing up for？ There's nothing doing for you。 This is the Bible Belt。〃
It was indeed！ Gramp did not believe in the Bible or live~ by Bible…Belt standards； yet Lazarus felt sure that； were he to
provoke it by breaching those standards； Gramp would shoot him quite dispassionately； on behalf of his son…in…law。 Possibly the old man would let the first shot go wide and give him a chance to run。 But Lazarus was not willing to bet his
life on it。 Gramp acting for his son…in…law might feel duty bound to shoot straight…and Lazarus knew how straight the old man could shoot；
Forget it； forget it； he was not going to give either Gramp or his father any reason to shoot； or even to be angry…and
…you forget it； too； you blind snake！ Lazarus wondered when his father would be home； and tried to remember how he looked…found his memory blurred。 Lazarus had always been closer to his Grandfather Johnson than to his father； not only had his father often been away on business； but also Gramp had been home in the daytime and willing to spend time with Woodie。
His other grandparents？ Somewhere in Ohio…… Cincinnati？
…No matter； his memory of them was so faint that it did not seem worthwhile to try to see them。
He had pleted all that he had intended to do in Kansas
…City…and if he had the sense God promised a doorknob； the time to leave is now。 Skip church on Sunday；？stay away from the pool hall； … go down Monday and sell his remaining hold~。 ings…and leave！ Climb into the Ford…no； sell it… and ta~ce a train to San Francisco； there catch the first ship south。 Send Gramp and Maureen polite notes； mailed from Denver or San Francisco； saying that he was sorry but that business trip； etc。
…but Get Out of Town！
Because Lazarus knew that the attraction had not been
488… …
489one~ided… He thought that he had kept Gramp from guessing his emotional storm 。 。 but Maureen had been aware of it…and had not resented it。 No； she bad been flattered and pleased。 They had been on the same frequency at once； and without a word or any meaningful glance or touch； her transponder had answered him； silently 。 。 then； as opportunity made it possible； she had answered overtly； once with a dinner invitation…which Gramp had tromped… on…and she had promptly tromped back in a fashion that made it acceptable by the mores。 Then a second time； just as he was leaving； with the also fully acceptable suggestion that she would expect to see him in church。 …
Well； why should a young matron； even in 1917； not be pleased…and flattered； and unresenthil…to know that a man wanted most urgently to take her to bed and treat her with gentle roughness？ If his nails were clean 。 。 if his breath was sweet 。 。 if his manners were polite and respectful…why not？ A woman with eight children is no nervous virgin； she is used to a man in her bed； in her arms； in her body…and Lazarus would have bet his last cent that Maureen enjoyed it。
Lazarus had no reason then； or in his earlier life； to suspect that Maureen Smith had ever been anything but 〃faithful〃 by the most exacting Bible…Belt standards。 He had no reason to think that she was even flirting with him。 Her manner had not suggested it； he doubted if it ever would。 But he held a deep certainty that she was as strongly attracted as he was； that she knew exactly where it could lead…and he suspected that she realized that nothing but chaperonage would stop them。
（But a father in residence and eight children； plus the contemporary mores concerning what can and can't be done； constituted a lot of chaperonage！ ilita's chastity belt could hardly be more efficient。）
Let's haul it out into the middle of the floor and let the cat sniff it。 〃Sin？〃 〃Sin〃 like 〃love〃 was a word hard to define。 It came in two bitter but vastly different flavors。 The first lay in violating the taboos of your tribe。 This passion
he felt was certainly sinful by the taboos of the tribe he had been born into…incestuous… in the first degree。
But it could not possibly be incest to Maureen。
To himself？ He knew that 〃incest〃 was a religious concept； not a scientific one； and the last twenty years had washed away in his mind almost the last trace of his tribal taboo。 What was left was no more than that …breath of garlic in a
490good …salad； it made Maureen more enticingly forbidden （if such were possible！）； it did not scare him off。 Maureen … did not seem to be his mother…because she did not fit his recollection of her either as a young woman or as …an old woman。
The other meaning of 〃sin〃 was easier to define because it was not clouded by the murky concepts of religion and taboo： Sin is behavior that ignores the welfare of others。
Suppose he stuck around and managed somehow （stipulate safe opportunity） to bed Maureen with …her full cooperation？
…Would she regret it later？ Adultery？ The word meant some…
…thing here。 ； …
But she was a Howard； one of the early ones when marriage between Howards was a cash contract； eyes wide open； payment from the Foundation for each child born of such union…and Maureen had carried out the contract； eight paid…for children already and would stay in production for； uh； about fifteen more years。 Perhaps to her 〃adultery〃 meant 〃violation of contract〃 rather than 〃sin〃…he did not know。
