the hunger games-饥饿游戏(英文版)-第53章

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I　raise　my　eyebrows　before　I　remember　he　doesnˇt　know　about　the　message　Haymitch　sent　us　a　couple　of　nights　ago。　One　kiss　equals　one　pot　of　broth。　Itˇs　not　the　sort　of　thing　I　can　blurt　out；　either。　To　say　my　thoughts　aloud　would　be　tipping　off　the　audience　that　the　romance　has　been　fabricated　to　play　on　their　sympathies　and　that　would　result　in　no　food　at　all。　Somehow；　believably；　Iˇve　got　to　get　things　back　on　track。　Something　simple　to　start　with。　I　reach　out　and　take　his　hand。
¨Well；　he　probably　used　up　a　lot　of　resources　helping　me　knock　you　out；〃　I　say　mischievously。
¨Yeah；　about　that；〃　says　Peeta；　entwining　his　fingers　in　mine。　¨Donˇt　try　something　like　that　again。〃
¨Or　what？〃　I　ask。
¨Or　。　。　。　or　。　。　。〃　He　canˇt　think　of　anything　good。　¨Just　give　me　a　minute。〃
¨Whatˇs　the　problem？〃　I　say　with　a　grin。
¨The　problem　is　weˇre　both　still　alive。　Which　only　reinforces　the　idea　in　your　mind　that　you　did　the　right　thing；〃　says　Peeta。
¨I　did　do　the　right　thing；〃　I　say。
¨No！　Just　donˇt；　Katniss！〃　His　grip　tightens；　hurting　my　hand；　and　thereˇs　real　anger　in　his　voice。　¨Donˇt　die　for　me。　You　wonˇt　be　doing　me　any　favors。　All　right？〃
Iˇm　startled　by　his　intensity　but　recognize　an　excellent　opportunity　for　getting　food；　so　I　try　to　keep　up。　¨Maybe　I　did　it　for　myself；　Peeta；　did　you　ever　think　of　that？　Maybe　you　arenˇt　the　only　one　who　。　。　。　who　worries　about　。　。　。　what　it　would　be　like　if。　。　。〃
I　fumble。　Iˇm　not　as　smooth　with　words　as　Peeta。　And　while　I　was　talking；　the　idea　of　actually　losing　Peeta　hit　me　again　and　I　realized　how　much　I　donˇt　want　him　to　die。　And　itˇs　not　about　the　sponsors。　And　itˇs　not　about　what　will　happen　back　home。　And　itˇs　not　just　that　I　donˇt　want　to　be　alone。　Itˇs　him。　I　do　not　want　to　lose　the　boy　with　the　bread。
¨If　what；　Katniss？〃　he　says　softly。
I　wish　I　could　pull　the　shutters　closed；　blocking　out　this　moment　from　the　prying　eyes　of　Panem。　Even　if　it　means　losing　food。　Whatever　Iˇm　feeling；　itˇs　no　oneˇs　business　but　mine。
¨Thatˇs　exactly　the　kind　of　topic　Haymitch　told　me　to　steer　clear　of；〃　I　say　evasively；　although　Haymitch　never　said　anything　of　the　kind。　In　fact；　heˇs　probably　cursing　me　out　right　now　for　dropping　the　ball　during　such　an　emotionally　charged　moment。　But　Peeta　somehow　catches　it。
¨Then　Iˇll　just　have　to　fill　in　the　blanks　myself；〃　he　says；　and　moves　in　to　me。
This　is　the　first　kiss　that　weˇre　both　fully　aware　of。　Neither　of　us　hobbled　by　sickness　or　pain　or　simply　unconscious。　Our　lips　neither　burning　with　fever　or　icy　cold。　This　is　the　first　kiss　where　I　actually　feel　stirring　inside　my　chest。　Warm　and　curious。　This　is　the　first　kiss　that　makes　me　want　another。
But　I　donˇt　get　it。　Well；　I　do　get　a　second　kiss；　but　itˇs　just　a　light　one　on　the　tip　of　my　nose　because　Peetaˇs　been　distracted。　¨I　think　your　wound　is　bleeding　again。　e　on；　lie　down；　itˇs　bedtime　anyway；〃　he　says。
My　socks　are　dry　enough　to　wear　now。　I　make　Peeta　put　his　jacket　back　on。　The　damp　cold　seems　to　cut　right　down　to　my　bones；　so　he　must　be　half　frozen。　I　insist　on　taking　the　first　watch；　too；　although　neither　of　us　think　itˇs　likely　anyone　will　e　in　this　weather。　But　he　wonˇt　agree　unless　Iˇm　in　the　bag；　too；　and　Iˇm　shivering　so　hard　that　itˇs　pointless　to　object。　In　stark　contrast　to　two　nights　ago；　when　I　felt　Peeta　was　a　million　miles　away；　Iˇm　struck　by　his　immediacy　now。　As　we　settle　in；　he　pulls　my　head　down　to　use　his　arm　as　a　pillow；　the　other　rests　protectively　over　me　even　when　he　goes　to　sleep。　No　one　has　held　me　like　this　in　such　a　long　time。　Since　my　father　died　and　I　stopped　trusting　my　mother；　no　one　elseˇs　arms　have　made　me　feel　this　safe。　
With　the　aid　of　the　glasses；　I　lie　watching　the　drips　of　water　splatter　on　the　cave　floor。　Rhythmic　and　lulling。　Several　times；　I　drift　off　briefly　and　then　snap　awake；　guilty　and　angry　with　myself。　After　three　or　four　hours；　I　canˇt　help　it；　I　have　to　rouse　Peeta　because　I　canˇt　keep　my　eyes　open。　He　doesnˇt　seem　to　mind。
¨Tomorrow；　when　itˇs　dry；　Iˇll　find　us　a　place　so　high　in　the　trees　we　can　both　sleep　in　peace；〃　I　promise　as　I　drift　off。
But　tomorrow　is　no　better　in　terms　of　weather。　The　deluge　continues　as　if　the　Gamemakers　are　intent　on　washing　us　all　away。　The　thunderˇs　so　powerful　it　seems　to　shake　the　ground。　Peetaˇs　considering　heading　out　anyway　to　scavenge　for　food；　but　I　tell　him　in　this　storm　it　would　be　pointless。　He　wonˇt　be　able　to　see　three　feet　in　front　of　his　face　and　heˇll　only　end　up　getting　soaked　to　the　skin　for　his　troubles。　He　knows　Iˇm　right；　but　the　gnawing　in　our　stomachs　is　being　painful。
The　day　drags　on　turning　into　evening　and　thereˇs　no　break　in　the　weather。　Haymitch　is　our　only　hope；　but　nothing　is　forthing；　either　from　lack　of　money　　everything　will　cost　an　exorbitant　amount　　or　because　heˇs　dissatisfied　with　our　performance。　Probably　the　latter。　Iˇd　be　the　first　to　admit　weˇre　not　exactly　riveting　today。　Starving；　weak　from　injuries；　trying　not　to　reopen　wounds。　Weˇre　sitting　huddled　together　wrapped　in　the　sleeping　bag；　yes；　but　mostly　to　keep　warm。　The　most　exciting　thing　either　of　us　does　is　nap。
Iˇm　not　really　sure　how　to　ramp　up　the　romance。　The　kiss　last　night　was　nice；　but　working　up　to　another　will　take　some　forethought。　There　are　girls　in　the　Seam；　some　of　the　merchant　girls；　too；　who　navigate　these　waters　so　easily。　But　Iˇve　never　had　much　time　or　use　for　it。　Anyway；　just　a　kiss　isnˇt　enough　anymore　clearly　because　if　it　was　weˇd　have　gotten　food　last　night。　My　instincts　tell　me　Haymitch　isnˇt　just　looking　for　physical　affection；　he　wants　something　more　personal。　The　sort　of　stuff　he　was　trying　to　get　me　to　tell　about　myself　when　we　were　practicing　for　the　interview。　Iˇm　rotten　at　it；　but　Peetaˇs　not。　Maybe　the　best　approach　is　to　get　him　talking。
¨Peeta；〃　I　say　lightly。　¨You　said　at　the　interview　youˇd　had　a　crush　on　me　forever。　When　did　forever　start？〃
¨Oh；　letˇs　see。　I　guess　the　first　day　of　school。　We　were　five。　You　had　on　a　red　plaid　dress　and　your　hair　。　。　。　it　was　in　two　braids　instead　of　one。　My　father　pointed　you　out　when　we　were　waiting　to　line　up；〃　Peeta　says。
¨Your　father？　Why？〃　I　ask。
¨He　said；　ˉSee　that　little　girl？　I　wanted　to　marry　her　mother；　but　she　ran　off　with　a　coal　miner；ˇ〃　Peeta　says。
¨What？　Youˇre　making　that　up！〃　I　exclaim。
¨No；　true　story；〃　Peeta　says。　¨And　I　said；　ˉA　coal　miner？　Why　did　she　want　a　coal　miner　if　she　couldˇve　had　you？ˇ　And　he　said；　ˉBecause　when　he　sings　。　。　。　even　the　birds　stop　to　listen。ˇ〃
¨Thatˇs　true。　They　do。　I　mean；　they　did；〃　I　say。　Iˇm　stunned　and　surprisingly　moved；　thinking　of　the　baker　telling　this　to　Peeta。　It　strikes　me　that　my　own　reluctance　to　sing；　my　own　dismissal　of　music　might　not　really　be　that　I　think　itˇs　a　waste　of　time。　It　might　be　because　it　reminds　me　too　much　of　my　father。
¨So　that　day；　in　music　assembly；　the　teacher　asked　who　knew　the　valley　song。　Your　hand　shot　right　up　in　the　air。　She　stood　you　up　on　a　stool　and　had　you　sing　it　for　us。　And　I　swear；　every　bird　outside　the　windows　fell　silent；〃　Peeta　says。
¨Oh；　please；〃　I　say；　laughing。
¨No；　it　happened。　And　right　when　your　song　ended；　I　knew　　just　like　your　mother　　I　was　a　goner；〃　Peeta　says。　¨Then　for　the　next　eleven　years；　I　tried　to　work　up　the　nerve　to　talk　to　you。〃
¨Without　success；〃　I　add。
¨Without　success。　So；　in　a　way；　my　name　being　drawn　in　the　reaping　was　a　real　piece　of　luck；〃　says　Peeta。
For　a　moment；　Iˇm　almost　foolishly　happy　and　then　confusion　sweeps　over　me。　Because　weˇre　supposed　to　be　making　up　this　stuff；　playing　at　being　in　love　not　actually　being　in　love。　But　Peetaˇs　story　has　a　ring　of　truth　to　it。　That　part　about　my　father　and　the　birds。　And　I　did　sing　the　first　day　of　school；　although　I　donˇt　remember　the　song。　And　that　red　plaid　dress　。　。　。　there　was　one；　a　hand…me…down　to　Prim　that　got　washed　to　rags　after　my　fatherˇs　death。
It　would　explain　another　thing；　too。　Why　Peeta　took　a　beating　to　give　me　the　bread　on　that　awful　hollow　day。　So；　if　those　details　are　true　。　。　。　could　it　all　be　true？
¨You　have　a　。　。　。　remarkable　memory；〃　I　say　haltingly。
¨I　remember　everything　about　you；〃　say