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ve killed anyone who touched her! 
 Ah。 This is too much for me! I didn't know how hard this was going to be! Bartola。 Kill anyone who touched her! And now nightmares descend; as if they were winged spirits themselves; and threaten to shut out the tiny silent and ever drifting lights of Heaven。 Let me return to my train of thought。
 My mother I never really understood; and probably misjudged; because everything seemed a matter of style and manners with her; and my father I found to be hysterically self…satirical and always funny。
 He was; beneath all his jokes and snide stories; actually rather cynical; but at the same time kind; he saw through the pomp of others; and even his own pretensions。 He looked upon the human situation as hopeless。 War was ic to him; devoid of heroes and full of buffoons; and he would burst out laughing in the middle of his uncles' harangues; or even in the middle of my poems when I went on too long; and I don't think he ever deliberately spoke a civil word to my mother。
 He was a big man; clean shaven and longhaired; and he had beautiful long tapering fingers; very unusual for his size; because all his elders had thicker hands。 I have the same hands myself。 All the beautiful rings he wore had belonged to his mother。
 He dressed more sumptuously than he would have dared to do in Florence; in regal velvet stitched with pearls; and wore massive cloaks lined in ermine。 His gloves were true gauntlets trimmed in fox; and he had large grave eyes; more deep…set than mine; and full of mockery; disbelief and sarcasm。 He was never mean; however; to anyone。
 His only modern affectation was that he liked to drink from fine goblets of glass; rather than old cups of hardwood or gold or silver。 And we had plenty of sparkling glass always on our long supper table。
 My mother always smiled when she said such things to him as 〃My Lord; please get your feet off the table;〃 or 〃I'll thank you not to touch me until you've washed your greasy hands;〃 or 〃Are you really ing into the house like that?〃 But beneath her charming exterior; I think she hated him。
 The one time I ever heard her raise her voice in anger; it was to declare in no uncertain terms that half the children in our villages round had been sired by him; and that she herself had buried some eight tiny infants who had never lived to see the light; because he couldn't restrain himself any better than a rampant stallion。
 He was so amazed at this outburst … it was behind closed doors … that he emerged from the bedchamber looking pale and shocked; and said to me; 〃You know; Vittorio; your mother is nothing as stupid as I always thought。 No; not at all。 As a matter of fact; she's just boring。〃
 He would never under normal circumstances have said anything so unkind about her。 He was trembling。
 As for her; when I tried to go in to her; she threw a silver pitcher at me。 I said; 〃But Mother; it's Vittorio!〃 and she threw herself into my arms。 She cried bitterly for fifteen minutes。
 We said nothing during this time。 We sat together in her small stone bedroom; rather high up in the oldest tower of our house; with many pieces of gilded furniture; both ancient and new; and then she wiped her eyes and said; 〃He takes care of everyone; you know。 He takes care of my aunts and my uncles; you know。 And where would they be if it weren't for him? And he's never denied me anything。〃
 She went rambling on in her smooth convent…modulated voice。 〃Look at this house。 It's filled with elders whose wisdom has been so good for you children; and all this on account of your father; who is rich enough to have gone anywhere; I suppose; but he is too kind。 Only; Vittorio! Vittorio; don't。。。 I mean 。。。 with the girls in the village。〃
 I almost said; in a spasm of desire to fort her; that I had only fathered one bastard to my knowledge; and he was just fine; when I realized this would have been a perfect disaster。 I said nothing。
 That might have been the only conversation I ever had with my mother。 But it's not really a conversation because I didn't say anything。
 She was right; however。 Three of her aunts and two of her uncles lived with us in our great high…walled pound; and these old people lived well; always sumptuously dressed in the latest fabrics from the city; and enjoying the purest courtly life imaginable。 I couldn't help but benefit from listening to them all the time; which I did; and they knew plenty of all the world。
 It was the same with my father's uncles; but of course it was their land; this; their family's; and so they felt more entitled; I assume; as they had done most of the heroic fighting in the Holy Land; or so it seemed; and they quarreled with my father over anything and everything; from the taste of the meat tarts served at supper to the distractingly modern style of the painters he hired from Florence to decorate our little chapel。
 That was another sort of modern thing he did; the matter of the painters; maybe the only modern thing other than liking things made of glass。
 Our little chapel had for centuries been bare。 It was; like the four towers of our castle and all the walls around; built of a blond stone which is mon in Northern Tuscany。 This is not the dark stone you see so much in Florence; which is gray and looks perpetually unclean。 This northern stone is almost the color of the palest pink roses。
 But my father had brought pupils up from Florence when I was very young; good painters who had studied with Piero della Francesca and other such; to cover these chapel walls with murals taken from the lovely stories of saints and Biblical giants in the books known as The Golden Legend。
 Not being himself a terribly imaginative man; my father followed what he had seen in the churches of Florence in his design and instructed these men to tell the tales of John the Baptist; patron saint of the city and cousin of Our Lord; and so it was that during the last years of my life on earth; our chapel was enfolded with representations of St。 Elizabeth; St。 John; St。 Anne; the Blessed Mother; Zachary and angels galore; all dressed … as was the way of the time … in their Florentine finest。
 It was to this 〃modern〃 painting; so unlike the stiffer work of Giotto or Cimabue; that my elderly uncles and aunts objected。 As for the villagers; I don't think they exactly understood it all either; except they were so overawed in the main by the chapel at a wedding or baptism that it didn't matter。
 I myself of course was terrifically happy to see these paintings made; and to spend time with the artists; who were all gone by the time that my life was brought to a halt by demonic slaughter。
 I'd seen plenty of the greatest painting in Florence and had a weakness for drifting about; looking at splendid visions of angels and saints in the rich dedicated chapels of the Cathedrals; and had even … on one of my trips to Florence with my father … in Cosimo's house; glimpsed the tempestuous painter Filippo Lippi; who was at that time actually under lock and key there to make him finish a painting。
 I was much taken with the plain yet pelling man; the way that he argued and schemed and did everything but throw a tantrum to get permission to leave the palazzo while lean; solemn and low…voiced Cosimo just smiled and talked him down more or less out of his hysteria; telling him to get back to work and that he would be happy when he was finished。
 Filippo Lippi was a monk; but he was mad for women and everybody knew it。 You could say that he was a favorite bad guy。 It was for women that he wanted out of the palazzo; and it was even suggested later at the supper table of our hosts in Florence on that visit that Cosimo ought to lock a few women in the room with Filippo; and that maybe that would keep Filippo happy。 I don't think Cosimo did any such thing。 If he had; his enemies would have made it the grand news of Florence。
 Let me make note; for it is very important。 I never forgot that glimpse of the genius Filippo; for that is what he was … and is … to me。
 〃So what did you so like about him?〃 my father asked me。
 〃He's bad and good;〃 I said; 〃not just one or the other。 I see a war going on inside of him! And I saw some of his work once; work he di

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