anner.vittoriothevampire-第2章
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on follows guilt； in ways the most mysterious and stupendous … by agencies the most inexplicable and terrific … there is a spiritual system … great God； how I have been convinced！ … a system malignant； and implacable； and omnipotent； under whose persecutions I am； and have been； suffering the torments of the damned！
What do you think of that？
I am myself rather mortally struck by it。 I don't think I am prepared to speak of our God as 〃dreadful〃 or our system as 〃malignant；〃 but there seems an eerie inescapable ring of truth to these words； written in fiction but obviously with much emotion。
It matters to me because I suffer under a terrible curse； quite unique to me； I think； as a vampire。 That is； the others don't share it。 But I think we all … human； vampire； all of us who are sentient and can weep … we all suffer under a curse； the curse that we know more than we can endure； and there is nothing； absolutely nothing； we can do about the force and the lure of this knowledge。
At the end； we can take this up again。 See what you make of my story。
It's early evening here。 The brave remnant of my father's highest tower still rises boldly enough against the sweetly star…filled heavens for me to see from the window the moonlighted hills and valleys of Tuscany； aye； even as far as the twinkling sea below the mines of Carrara。 I smell the flowering green of the steep undiscovered country round where the irises of Tuscany still break out in violent red or white in sunny beds； to be found by me in the silky night。
And so embraced and protected； I write； ready for the moment when the full yet ever obscure moon leaves me for the hideaway of clouds； to light the candles that stand ready； some six； ensconced within the thick ruggedly worked silver of the candelabra which once stood on my father's desk； in those days when he was the old…style feudal lord of this mountain and all its villages； and the firm ally in peace and war of the great city of Florence and its unofficial ruler； when we were rich； fearless； curious and wondrously contented。 Let me speak now of what has vanished。
2
MY SMALL MORTAL LIFE； THE BEAUTY OF FLORENCE； THE GLORY OF OURSMALL COURT … WHAT IS VANISHED
I WAS sixteen years old when I died。 I have good height； thick brown hair down to the shoulders； hazel eyes that I are far too vulnerable to behold； giving me the appearance of an androgyne in a way； and a desirable narrow nose with unremarkable nostrils； and a medium…sized mouth which is neither voluptuous nor stingy。 A beautiful boy for the time。 I wouldn't be alive now if I hadn't been。
That's the case with most vampires； no matter who says otherwise。 Beauty carries us to our doom。 Or； to put it more accurately； we are made immortal by those who cannot sever themselves from our charms。
I don't have a childish face； but I have an almost angelic one。 My eyebrows are strong； dark； high enough over my eyes to allow them entirely too much luster。 My forehead would be a little too high if it wasn't so straight； and if I didn't have so much thick brown hair； making as it does a curly； wavy frame for the whole picture。 My chin is slightly too strong； too squared off for the rest。 I have a dimple in it。
My body is overmuscular； strong； broad…chested； my arms powerful； giving an impression of manly power。 This rather rescues my obdurate…looking jaw and allows to me to pass for a full…fledged man； at least from a distance。
This well…developed physique I owe to tremendous practice with a heavy battle sword in the last years of my life； and ferocious hunting with my falcons in the mountains； up and down which I ran often on foot； though I had already four horses of my own by that age； including one of that special majestic breed made to support my weight when I wore my full suit of armor。
My armor is still buried beneath this tower。 I never used it in battle。 Italy was seething with war in my time； but all of the battles of the Florentines were being fought by mercenaries。
All my father had to do was declare his absolute loyalty to Cosimo； and let no one representing the Holy Roman Empire； the Duke of Milan or the Pope in Rome move troops through our mountain passes or stop in our villages。
We were out of the way。 It was no problem。 Enterprising ancestors had built our castle three hundred years before。 We went back to the time of the Lombards； or those barbarians who had e down from the North into Italy； and I think we had their blood in us。 But who knows？ Since the Fall of ancient Rome； so many tribes had invaded Italy。
We had interesting pagan relics lying about； alien tombstones most ancient were sometimes found in the fields； and funny little stone goddesses which the peasants still cherished if we didn't confiscate them。 Beneath our towers were vaults that some said went back to the days even before the Birth of Christ； and I know now that is true。 These places belonged to the people known to history as the Etruscans。
Our household； being of the old feudal style； scorning trade and requiring of its men that they be bold and brave； was full of treasure acquired through wars without count or record … that is； old silver and gold candelabra and sconces； heavy chests of wood with Byzantine designs encrusted on them； the usual Flemish tapestries； and tons of lace； and bed hangings hand…trimmed with gilt and gems； and all of the most desirable finery。
My father； admiring the Medici as he did； bought up all kinds of luxury items on his trips to Florence。 There was little bare stone in any important room； because flowered wool carpets covered all； and every hallway or alcove had its own towering armoire filled with rattling； rusting battle dress of heroes whose names nobody even remembered。
We were incalculably rich： this I had more or less overheard as a child； and there was some hint that it had to do as much with valor in war as with secret pagan treasure。 There had been centuries of course when our family had warred with other hill towns and forts； when castle besieged castle and walls were ripped down as soon as they were built； and out of the city of Florence had gone the ever quarreling and murderous Guelfs and Ghibellines。
The old mune of Florence had sent armies to tear down castles like ours and reduce any threatening Lord to nothingness。 But that time was long over。
We had survived due to cleverness and good choices； and also because we were much off to ourselves； in high craggy uninviting country； crowning a true mountain； as this is where the Alps e down into Tuscany； and those castles most near to us were abandoned ruins。
Our nearest neighbor did rule his own mountain enclave of villages in loyalty to the Duke of Milan。
But he didn't bother with us or we him。 It was a remote political matter。
Our walls were thirty feet high； immensely thick； older than the castle and keeps； old indeed beyond anyone's most romantic tales and constantly being thickened and repaired； and inside the pound there existed three little villages busy with good vineyards that yielded marvelous red wine； prosperous beehives； blackberries； and wheat and the like； with plenty of chickens and cows； and enormous stables for our horses。
I never knew how many people labored in our little world。 The house was full of clerks who took care of such things； and very seldom did my father sit in judgment on any sort of case himself or was there cause to go to the courts of Florence。
Our church was the designated church for all the country round； so that those few who lived in less protected little hamlets down the mountain … and there were plenty … came to us for their baptisms； and marriages； and such； and we had for long periods of time within our walls a Dominican priest who said Mass for us every morning。
In olden times； the forest had been severely cut down on our mountain so that no invading enemy could make his way up the slopes； but by my time no such protection was necessary。
The woods had grown back full and sweet in some gullies and over old paths； even as wild as it is now； and almost up to the walls。 One could make out clearly from our towers a dozen or so small towns descending to the valleys； with their
