ah.thefinaldiagnosis-第58章

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rength。〃
　〃Thank　you。〃　Elizabeth　was　quite　still；　not　looking　at　him；　but　holding　his　hand　tightly。　There　were　tears　on　her　cheeks；　and　John　found　his　own　eyes　moist。
　Trying　to　keep　his　voice　even；　he　said；　〃Elizabeth　darling　。　。　。　Whatever　happens　。　。　。　We're　still　young。　We've　a　lot　ahead　of　us。〃
　〃I　know。〃　The　words　were　scarcely　audible；　and　his　arms　went　around　her　again。　Her　head　close　against　him；　he　heard　her；　muffled　through　sobs。　〃But　。　。　。　two　babies　。　。　。　this　way　。　。　。〃　She　lifted　her　head；　her　cry　despairing。　〃It　isn't　fair！〃
　He　felt　his　own　tears　coursing。　Softly　he　whispered；　〃It's　hard　to　figure　。　。　。　We've　still　got　each　other。〃
　For　a　minute　longer　he　held　her；　she　was　sobbing　quietly；　then　he　felt　her　stir。　She　murmured；　〃Handkerchief；〃　and；　taking　one　from　his　own　pocket；　he　passed　it　to　her。
　〃I'm　all　right　now。〃　She　was　wiping　her　eyes。　〃It's　just　。　。　。　sometimes。〃
　He　told　her　softly；　〃If　it　helps；　honey　。　。　。　you　cry。　Any　time　you　want。〃
　She　smiled　wanly　and　returned　the　handkerchief。　〃I'm　afraid　I've　messed　it　all　up。〃　Then　her　voice　changed。　〃Johnny　。　。　。　lying　here　。　。　。　I've　been　thinking。〃
　〃What　about？〃
　〃I　want　you　to　go　to　medical　school。〃
　He　protested　gently。　〃Now；　honey；　we've　been　over　all　this　。　。　。〃
　〃No。〃　Elizabeth　stopped　him。　Her　voice　was　still　weak；　but　it　had　an　edge　of　determination。　〃I've　always　wanted　you　to；　and　now　Dr。　Coleman　says　you　should。〃
　〃Do　you　have　any　idea　what　it　would　cost？〃
　〃Yes；　I　do。　But　I　can　get　a　job。〃
　Gently　he　said；　〃With　a　baby？〃
　There　was　a　moment's　silence。　Then　Elizabeth　said　softly；　〃We　may　not　have　a　baby。〃
　The　door　opened　noiselessly　and　Nurse　Wilding　came　in。　She　glanced　at　Elizabeth's　red…rimmed　eyes；　then　discreetly　avoided　them。　To　John　she　said；　〃If　you　like；　Mr。　Alexander；　I'll　take　you　to　see　your　baby　now。〃
　
　After　he　had　left　John　Alexander　at　the　nursing　station　Dr。　Dornberger　had　headed　for　the　hospital　nursery。
　The　nursery　lay　at　one　end　of　a　long；　bright　corridor；　decorated　cheerfully　in　pastel　shades。　It　was　in　a　section　of　the　building　which　had　been　remodeled　two　years　earlier　and　reflected　the　newer　trend　to　spaciousness　and　light。　Approaching；　Dornberger　could　hear；　as　always；　the　cries　of　infants；　ranging　in　pitch　and　volume　from　full…lunged；　anguished　howls　to　tentative　falsettos。　More　out　of　habit　than　thought；　he　stopped　to　glance　through　the　thick　glass　paneling　which　screened　the　nursery's　main　area　on　three　sides。　Business；　he　reflected；　noting　the　preponderance　of　occupied　bassinets；　appeared　as　brisk　as　ever。　His　glance　ranged　over　the　orderly　rows。
　These；　he　thought；　were　the　normal；　healthy　animals　who　had　won；　for　the　moment；　their　battle　for　existence　and　in　a　few　days　more　would　go　outward　and　onward　into　the　waiting　world。　Their　destinations　were　the　home；　the　school；　the　strife　of　living；　the　petition　for　fame　and　possessions。　Among　these　were　some　who　would　taste　success　and　suffer　failure；　who；　barring　casualty；　would　enjoy　youth；　accept　middle　age；　and　grow　old　sadly。　These　were　those　for　whom　more　powerful　and　glossier　automobiles　would　be　designed；　in　whose　service　aircraft　would　wing　faster　and　farther；　whose　every　whim　and　appetite　would　be　wooed　by　others　of　their　kind　with　wares　to　market。　These　were　some　who　would　face　the　unknown　future；　most　with　misgiving；　many　bravely；　a　few　craven。　Some　here；　perhaps；　might　breach　the　barriers　of　outer　space；　others　with　the　gift　of　tongues　might　move　their　fellow　men　to　anger　or　despair。　Most；　within　twenty　years；　would　fulfill　their　physical　maturity；　obeying；　but　never　understanding；　the　same　primeval　craving　to　copulate　which　had　sown　their　seed　and　brought　them；　mewling；　puking；　here。　But　for　now　these　were　the　victors…the　born　and　urgent。　Their　first　and　greatest　barrier　was　down；　the　other　battles　yet　to　e。
　Across　the　hallway　was　another　area　with　a　smaller　nursery　beyond。　In　it；　quiet　and　separate；　each　in　an　incubator；　were　the　premature　babies；　these…the　doubtful　starters；　their　existence　insecure；　their　first　encounter　not　yet　won。　Turning　away　from　the　main　nursery；　it　was　this　section　that　Dornberger　entered　now。
　When　he　had　viewed　his　newest　patient…a　tiny　fragment　of　insecure　humanity…he　pursed　his　lips　and　shook　his　head　doubtfully。　Then；　methodical　as　always；　he　wrote　careful　instructions　on　the　treatment　to　be　followed。
　Later；　as　Dornberger　left　by　one　door；　Nurse　Wilding　and　John　Alexander　came　in　by　another。
　Like　everyone　who　approached　the　premature　nursery；　they　had　put　on　sterile　gowns　and　face　masks；　even　though　plate　glass　separated　them　from　the　air…conditioned；　humidity…controlled　interior。　Now；　as　they　stopped；　Mrs。　Wilding　leaned　forward　and　tapped　lightly　on　the　glass。　A　younger　nurse　inside　looked　up　and　moved　toward　them；　her　eyes　above　the　mask　inquiring。
　〃Baby　Alexander！〃　Wilding　raised　her　voice　enough　to　carry　through　to　the　other　nurse；　then　pointed　to　John。　The　girl　inside　nodded　and　motioned　for　them　to　move。　They　followed　her　the　length　of　the　plate…glass　window　and　stopped。　Now　she　pointed　to　an　incubator…one　of　the　dozen　the　nursery　contained…and　turned　it　slightly　so　they　could　see　inside。
　〃My　God！　Is　that　all？〃　The　exclamation　was　torn　from　John　even　as　it　framed　itself　in　mind。
　Nurse　Wilding's　glance　was　sympathetic。　〃He's　not　very　big；　is　he？〃
　John　was　staring　as　if　in　unbelief。　〃I've　never　seen　anything　so　。　。　。　so　incredibly　small。〃
　He　stood　looking　down　into　the　Isolette　cabinet。　Could　this　be　human？…this　tiny；　shriveled；　monkeylike　figure；　little　larger　than　his　own　two　hands。
　The　baby　lay　perfectly　still；　its　eyes　closed；　only　a　slight　regular　movement　of　the　tiny　chest　testifying　to　its　breathing。　Even　in　the　incubator；　designed　for　the　smallest　infants；　the　little　helpless　body　appeared　forlorn　and　lost。　It　seemed　incredible　that　in　such　fragility　life　could　exist　at　all。
　The　younger　nurse　had　e　outside　to　join　them。　Wilding　asked；　〃What　was　the　birth　weight？〃
　〃Three　pounds　eight　ounces。〃　The　young　nurse　turned　to　John。　〃Do　you　understand　what's　happening；　Mr。　Alexander…how　your　baby　is　being　cared　for？〃
　He　shook　his　head。　He　found　it　hard　to　tear　his　eyes　away；　even　for　a　moment；　from　the　tiny　child。
　The　young　nurse　said　practically；　〃Some　people　like　to　know。　They　seem　to　think　it　helps。〃
　John　nodded。　〃Yes；　if　you'd　tell　me。　Please。〃
　The　nurse　pointed　to　the　incubator。　〃The　temperature　inside　is　always　ninety…eight　degrees。　There's　oxygen　added　to　the　air…about　40　per　cent。　The　oxygen　makes　it　easier　for　the　baby　to　breathe。　His　lungs　are　so　small；　you　see。　They　weren't　really　developed　when　he　was　born。〃
　〃Yes。　I　understand。〃　His　eyes　were　back　on　the　faint　pulsing　movement　in　the　chest。　While　it　continued　it　meant　there　was　life；　that　the　tiny　burdened　heart　was　beating；　the　thread　of　survival　still　unbroken。
　The　nurse　went　on。　〃Your　baby　isn't　strong　enough　to　suck；　so　we　have　to　use　intubation。　You　see　the　little　tube？〃　She　pointed　to　a　plastic　cord　with　a　hollow　center　which　ran　from　the　top　of　the　incubator　into　the　infant's　mouth。　〃It　goes　directly　into　the　stomach。　He'll　be　having　dextrose　and　water　through　the　tube　every　hour　and　a　half。〃
　John　hesitated。　Then　he　asked；　〃You've　seen　a　lot　of　these　cases？〃
　〃Yes。〃　The　nurse　nodded　gravely；　as　if　sensing　the　question　which　would　follow。　He　noticed　she　was　petite　and　pretty；　with　red　hair　tucked　under　her　cap。　She　was　surprisingly　young；　too；　perhaps　twenty；　certainly　no　more。　But　she　carried　an　air　of　professional　petence。
　〃Do　you　think　he'll　live？〃　He　glanced　down　again　through　the　paneled　glass。
　〃You　can　never　tell。〃　The　younger　nurse's　forehead　was　creased　in　a　frown。　He　could　sense　that　she　was　trying　to　be　honest；　not　to　destroy　his　hopes　and　yet　not　to　raise　them。　〃Some　do；　some　don't。　Sometimes　it　seems　as　if　some　babies　have　a　will　to　live。　They　fight　for　life。〃
　He　asked　her；　〃This　one…is　he　fighting？〃
　She　said　carefully；　〃It's　too　early　to　know。　But　those　extra　eight　weeks　would　have　made　a　lot　of　difference。〃　She　added　quietly；　〃This　will　be　a　hard　fight。〃
　Once　more　he　let　his　eyes　stray　back　to　the　tiny　figure。　For　the　first　time　the