ah.thefinaldiagnosis-第31章

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！


l　centers　in　which　he　had　been　offered　employment　had　names　that　were　internationally　renowned。　But　Three　Counties　was　scarcely　known　outside　the　immediate　area　it　served。
　Why　then？　Was　it　because　he　was　afraid　of　being　lost；　swallowed　up；　in　a　bigger　center？　Scarcely；　because　his　own　record　already　showed　he　could　hold　his　own　in　that　kind　of　environment。　Was　it　because　he　felt　he　would　be　freer　for　research　in　a　small　place？　He　certainly　hoped　to　do　some　research；　but　if　that　were　what　he　wanted　most　he　could　have　chosen　a　research　institute…there　had　been　one　on　his　list…and　done　nothing　else。　Was　it　because　of　the　challenge　that　he　had　made　his　choice？　Maybe。　There　were　certainly　a　lot　of　things　wrong　in　pathology　at　Three　Counties　Hospital。　He　had　seen　that　just　in　the　two　brief　days　he　had　spent　there　last　week；　following　the　phone　call　from　the　administrator　inviting　him　to　visit　the　hospital　and　look　the　situation　over。　And　working　with　Dr。　Pearson　was　not　going　to　be　easy。　He　had　sensed　resentment　in　the　older　man　when　they　had　met；　and　the　administrator　had　admitted　under　Coleman's　questioning　that　Pearson　had　a　reputation　for　being　hard　to　get　along　with。
　So　was　it　because　of　the　challenge？　Was　that　why　he　had　picked　Three　Counties？　Was　it？　Or　was　it　something　else；　something　quite　different？　Was　it　。　。　。　self…mortification？　Was　it　that　still…the　old　specter　that　had　haunted　him　so　long？
　Of　all　his　traits　of　character　David　Coleman　had　long　suspected　pride　to　be　the　strongest；　and　it　was　a　defect　he　feared　and　hated　most。　In　his　own　opinion　he　had　never　been　able　to　conquer　pride；　he　spurned　it；　rejected　it；　yet　always　it　came　back…seemingly　strong　and　indestructible。
　Mostly　his　pride　stemmed　from　an　awareness　of　his　own　superior　intellect。　In　the　pany　of　others　he　frequently　felt　himself　to　be　mentally　far　out　front；　usually　because　he　was。　And；　intellectually；　everything　he　had　done　so　far　in　his　life　proved　this　to　be　true。
　As　far　back　as　David　Coleman　could　remember；　the　fruits　of　scholarship　had　e　to　him　easily。　Learning　had　proved　as　simple　as　breathing。　In　public　school；　high　school；　college；　medical　school；　he　had　soared　above　others；　taking　the　highest　honors　almost　as　a　matter　of　course。　He　had　a　mind　which　was　at　once　absorbent；　analytical；　understanding。　And　proud。
　He　had　first　learned　about　pride　in　his　early　years　of　high　school。　Like　anyone　who　is　naturally　brilliant；　he　was　regarded　initially　by　his　fellow　students　with　some　suspicion。　Then；　as　he　made　no　attempt　to　conceal　his　feelings　of　mental　superiority；　suspicion　turned　to　dislike　and　finally　to　hate。
　At　the　time　he　had　sensed　this；　but　he　had　not　consciously　cared　until　one　day　the　school　principal；　himself　a　brilliant　scholar　and　an　understanding　man；　had　taken　him　aside。　Even　now　David　Coleman　remembered　what　the　other　man　had　said。
　〃I　think　you're　big　enough　to　take　this；　so　I'm　going　to　spell　it　out。　In　these　four　walls；　aside　from　me；　you　haven't　a　single　friend。〃
　At　first　he　had　not　believed　it。　Then　because；　above　all；　he　was　supremely　honest；　he　had　admitted　to　himself　that　the　fact　was　true。
　Then　the　principal　had　said；　〃You're　a　brilliant　scholar。　You　know　it　and　there's　no　reason　why　you　shouldn't。　As　to　what's　ahead；　you　can　be　anything　you　choose。　You　have　a　remarkably　superior　mind；　Coleman…I　may　say；　unique　in　my　experience。　But　I　warn　you：　if　you　want　to　live　with　others；　sometimes　you'll　have　to　seem　less　superior　than　you　are。〃
　It　was　a　daring　thing　to　say　to　a　young；　impressionable　man。　But　the　master　had　not　underrated　his　pupil。　Coleman　went　away　with　the　advice；　digested　it；　analyzed　it；　and　finished　up　despising　himself。
　From　then　on　he　had　worked　harder　than　ever…to　rehabilitate　himself　with　a　planned　program　almost　of　self…mortification。　He　had　begun　with　games。　From　as　far　back　as　he　could　remember　David　Coleman　had　disliked　sports　of　every　kind。　At　school；　so　far；　he　had　never　participated；　and　he　inclined　to　the　opinion　that　people　who　went　to　sports　events　and　cheered　were　rather　stupid　juveniles。　But　now　he　turned　up　at　practice…football　in　winter；　baseball　in　summer。　Despite　his　own　first　feelings　he　became　expert。　At　college　he　found　himself　in　the　first　teams。　And　when　not　playing；　as　a　supporter　in　college　and　high　school　he　attended　every　game；　cheering　as　loudly　as　the　rest。
　Yet　he　was　never　able　to　play　without　a　feeling　of　indifference　to　games；　which　he　carefully　concealed。　And　he　never　cheered　without　an　inward　uneasiness　that　he　was　behaving　childishly。　It　was　this　which　made　him　believe　that；　though　he　had　humbled　pride；　he　had　never　banished　it。
　His　relationship　with　people　had　gone　much　the　same　way。　In　the　old　days；　on　meeting　someone　whom　he　considered　intellectually　inferior；　he　had　never　bothered　to　conceal　his　boredom　or　disinterest。　But　now；　as　part　of　his　plan；　he　went　out　of　his　way　to　be　cordial　to　such　people。　As　a　result；　in　college　he　had　taken　on　the　reputation　of　a　friendly　sage。　It　had　bee　a　password　among　those　in　academic　difficulties　to　say；　〃Let's　have　a　bull　session　with　David　Coleman。　He'll　straighten　us　out。〃　And　invariably　he　did。
　By　all　normal　thinking　the　process　should　have　shaped　his　feelings　for　people　into　a　kindlier　mold。　Time　and　experience　should　have　made　him　sympathetic　to　those　less　gifted　than　himself。　But　he　was　never　sure　that　it　had。　Within　himself　Coleman　found　he　still　had　the　old　contempt　for　mental　inpetence。　He　concealed　it；　fought　it　with　iron　discipline　and　good　acting；　but；　it　seemed；　it　would　never　go　away。
　He　had　gone　into　medicine　partly　because　his　father；　now　dead；　had　been　a　country　doctor　and　partly　because　it　was　something　he　had　always　wanted　to　do　himself。　But　in　entering　a　specific　field　he　had　chosen　pathology　because　it　was　generally　considered　the　least　glamorous　of　the　specialties。　It　was　part　of　his　own　deliberate　process　of　beating　down　the　inevitable　pride。
　For　a　while　he　believed　he　had　succeeded。　Pathology　is　at　times　a　lonely　specialty；　cut　off　as　it　is　from　the　excitements　and　pressures　of　direct　contact　with　hospital　patients。　But　later；　as　interest　and　knowledge　grew；　he　found　the　old　contempt　returning　for　those　who　knew　less　than　he　of　the　hidden　mysteries　a　high…powered　microscope　revealed。　Not　to　the　same　extent；　though；　because　inevitably　in　medicine　he　met　minds　which　were　a　match　for　his　own。　And　still　later　he　found　he　could　relax；　lowering　some　of　the　iron　self…discipline　with　which　he　had　clad　himself。　He　still　met　those　whom　he　considered　fools…even　in　medicine　there　were　some。　But　he　never　showed　it　and　found　occasionally　that　contact　with　such　people　disturbed　him　less。　With　such　relaxation　he　began　to　wonder　if　at　last　he　had　beaten　down　his　old　enemy。
　He　was　still　wary　though。　A　program　of　deliberate　self…adjustment　which　had　lasted　fifteen　years　was　not　easy　to　shake　off　suddenly。　And　at　times　he　found　it　hard　to　decide　whether　his　motives　came　from　pure　choice　or　were　from　the　habit　of　sackcloth　he　had　worn　so　patiently　and　for　so　long。
　Thus　the　question　to　himself　on　his　choice　of　Three　Counties　Hospital。　Had　he　chosen　it　because　this　was　what　he　really　wanted…a　medium…size；　second…line　hospital；　without　reputation　or　glamor？　Or　had　it　been　an　old　subconscious　feeling　that　here　was　where　his　pride　would　suffer　most？
　As　he　mailed　the　two　letters　he　knew　these　were　questions　that　only　time　could　answer。
　
　On　the　seventh　floor　of　the　Burlington　Medical　Arts　Building；　Elizabeth　Alexander　dressed　herself　in　the　examining　room　adjoining　Dr。　Dornberger's　office。　In　the　last　half…hour　Charles　Dornberger　had　given　her　his　usual　thorough　physical　examination；　and　now　he　had　gone　back　to　his　desk。　Through　the　partly　opened　door　she　heard　him　say；　〃e　and　sit　down　when　you're　ready；　Mrs。　Alexander。〃
　Pulling　a　slip　over　her　head；　she　answered　cheerfully；　〃I'll　just　be　a　minute；　Doctor。〃
　Seated　at　his　desk；　Dornberger　smiled。　He　liked　to　have　patients　who　were　obviously　enjoying　pregnancy；　and　Elizabeth　Alexander　was。　She'll　be　a　good　no…nonsense　mother；　he　thought。　She　seemed　an　attractive　girl；　not　pretty　in　the　conventional　sense；　but　with　a　lively　personality　wh