da.therestaurantattheendoftheuniverse-第20章

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　Second　ing　of　the　Great　Prophet　Zarquon。〃
　　There　were　about　twenty　of　them；　sitting　right　out　on　the　edge　of　the　floor；　ascetically　dressed；　sipping　mineral　water　nervously；　and　staying　apart　from　the　festivities。　They　blinked　resentfully　as　the　spotlight　was　turned　on　them。
　　〃There　they　are；〃　said　Max；　〃sitting　there；　patiently。　He　said　he'd　e　again；　and　he's　kept　you　waiting　a　long　time；　so　let's　hope　he's　hurrying　fellas；　because　he's　only　got　eight　minutes　left！〃
　　The　party　of　Zarquon's　followers　sat　rigid；　refusing　to　be　buffeted　by　the　waves　of　uncharitable　laughter　which　swept　over　them。
　　Max　restrained　his　audience。
　　〃No；　but　seriously　though　folks；　seriously　though；　no　offence　meant。　No；　I　know　we　shouldn't　make　fun　of　deeply　held　beliefs；　so　I　think　a　big　hand　please　for　the　Great　Prophet　Zarquon。。。〃
　　The　audience　clapped　respectfully。
　　〃。。。　wherever　he's　got　to！〃
　　He　blew　a　kiss　to　the　stony…faced　party　and　returned　to　the　centre　of　the　stage。
　　He　grabbed　a　tall　stool　and　sat　on　it。
　　〃It's　marvellous　though；〃　he　rattled　on；　〃to　see　so　many　of　you　here　tonight　…　no　isn't　it　though？　Yes；　absolutely　marvellous。　Because　I　know　that　so　many　of　you　e　here　time　and　time　again；　which　I　think　is　really　wonderful；　to　e　and　watch　this　final　end　of　everything；　and　then　return　home　to　your　own　eras。。。　and　raise　families；　strive　for　new　and　better　societies；　fight　terrible　wars　for　what　you　know　to　be　right。。。　it　really　gives　one　hope　for　the　future　of　all　lifekind。　Except　of　course；〃　he　waved　at　the　blitzing　turmoil　above　and　around　them；　〃that　we　know　it　hasn't　got　one。。。〃
　　Arthur　turned　to　Ford　…　he　hadn't　quite　got　this　place　worked　out　in　his　mind。
　　〃Look；　surely；〃　he　said；　〃if　the　Universe　is　about　to　end。。。　don't　we　go　with　it？〃
　　Ford　gave　him　a　three…Pan…Galactic…Gargle…Blaster　look；　in　other　words　a　rather　unsteady　one。
　　〃No；〃　he　said；　〃look；〃　he　said；　〃as　soon　as　you　e　into　this　dive　you　get　held　in　this　sort　of　amazing　force…shielded　temporal　warp　thing。　I　think。〃
　　〃Oh；〃　said　Arthur。　He　turned　his　attention　back　to　a　bowl　of　soup　he'd　managed　to　get　from　the　waiter　to　replace　his　steak。
　　〃Look；〃　said　Ford；　〃I'll　show　you。〃
　　He　grabbed　at　a　napkin　off　the　table　and　fumbled　hopelessly　with　it。
　　〃Look；〃　he　said　again；　〃imagine　this　napkin；　right；　as　the　temporal　Universe；　right？　And　this　spoon　as　a　transductional　mode　in　the　matter　curve。。。〃
　　It　took　him　a　while　to　say　this　last　part；　and　Arthur　hated　to　interrupt　him。
　　〃That's　the　spoon　I　was　eating　with；〃　he　said。
　　〃Alright；〃　said　Ford；　〃imagine　this　spoon。。。〃　he　found　a　small　wooden　spoon　on　a　tray　of　relishes；　〃this　spoon。。。〃　but　found　it　rather　tricky　to　pick　up；　〃no；　better　still　this　fork。。。〃
　　〃Hey　would　you　let　go　of　my　fork？〃　snapped　Zaphod。
　　〃Alright；〃　said　Ford；　〃alright；　alright。　Why　don't　we　say。。。　why　don't　we　say　that　this　wine　glass　is　the　temporal　Universe。。。〃
　　〃What；　the　one　you've　just　knocked　on　the　floor？〃
　　〃Did　I　do　that？〃
　　〃Yes。〃
　　〃Alright；〃　said　Ford；　〃forget　that。　I　mean。。。　I　mean；　look；　do　you　know　…　do　you　know　how　the　Universe　actually　began　for　a　kick　off？〃
　　〃Probably　not；〃　said　Arthur；　who　wished　he'd　never　embarked　on　any　of　this。
　　〃Alright；〃　said　Ford；　〃imagine　this。　Right。　You　get　this　bath。　Right。　A　large　round　bath。　And　it's　made　of　ebony。〃
　　〃Where　from？〃　said　Arthur；　〃Harrods　was　destroyed　by　the　Vogons。〃
　　〃Doesn't　matter。〃
　　〃So　you　keep　saying。〃
　　〃Listen。〃
　　〃Alright。〃
　　〃You　get　this　bath；　see？　Imagine　you've　got　this　bath。　And　it's　ebony。　And　it's　conical。〃
　　〃Conical？〃　said　Arthur；　〃What　sort　of。。。〃
　　〃Shhh！〃　said　Ford。　〃It's　conical。　So　what　you　do　is；　you　see；　you　fill　it　with　fine　white　sand；　alright？　Or　sugar。　Fine　white　sand；　and/or　sugar。　Anything。　Doesn't　matter。　Sugar's　fine。　And　when　it's　full；　you　pull　the　plug　out。。。　are　you　listening？〃
　　〃I'm　listening。〃
　　〃You　pull　the　plug　out；　and　it　all　just　twirls　away；　twirls　away　you　see；　out　of　the　plughole。〃
　　〃I　see。〃
　　〃You　don't　see。　You　don't　see　at　all。　I　haven't　got　to　the　clever　bit　yet。　You　want　to　hear　the　clever　bit？〃
　　〃Tell　me　the　clever　bit。〃
　　〃I'll　tell　you　the　clever　bit。〃
　　Ford　thought　for　a　moment；　trying　to　remember　what　the　clever　bit　was。
　　〃The　clever　bit；〃　he　said；　〃is　this。　You　film　it　happening。〃
　　〃Clever。〃
　　〃That's　not　the　clever　bit。　This　is　the　clever　bit；　I　remember　now　that　this　is　the　clever　bit。　The　clever　bit　is　that　you　then　thread　the　film　in　the　projector。。。　backwards！〃
　　〃Backwards？〃
　　〃Yes。　Threading　it　backwards　is　definitely　the　clever　bit。　So　then；　you　just　sit　and　watch　it；　and　everything　just　appears　to　spiral　upwards　out　of　the　plughole　and　fill　the　bath。　See？〃
　　〃And　that's　how　the　Universe　began　is　it？〃　said　Arthur。
　　〃No；〃　said　Ford；　〃but　it's　a　marvellous　way　to　relax。〃
　　He　reached　for　his　wine　glass。
　　〃Where's　my　wine　glass？〃　he　said。
　　〃It's　on　the　floor。〃
　　〃Ah。〃
　　Tipping　back　his　chair　to　look　for　it；　Ford　collided　with　the　small　green　waiter　who　was　approaching　the　table　carrying　a　portable　telephone。
　　Ford　excused　himself　to　the　waiter　explaining　that　it　was　because　he　was　extremely　drunk。
　　The　waiter　said　that　that　was　quite　alright　and　that　he　perfectly　understood。
　　Ford　thanked　the　waiter　for　his　kind　indulgence；　attempted　to　tug　his　forelock；　missed　by　six　inches　and　slid　under　the　table。
　　〃Mr。　Zaphod　Beeblebrox？〃　inquired　the　waiter。
　　〃Er；　yeah？〃　said　Zaphod；　glancing　up　from　his　third　steak。
　　〃There　is　a　phone　call　for　you。〃
　　〃Hey；　what？〃
　　〃A　phone　call；　sir。〃
　　〃For　me？　Here？　Hey；　but　who　knows　where　I　am？〃
　　One　of　his　minds　raced。　The　other　dawdled　lovingly　over　the　food　it　was　still　shovelling　in。
　　〃Excuse　me　if　I　carry　on；　won't　you？〃　said　his　eating　head　and　carried　on。
　　There　were　now　so　many　people　after　him　he'd　lost　count。　He　shouldn't　have　made　such　a　conspicuous　entrance。　Hell；　why　not　though；　he　thought。　How　do　you　know　you're　having　fun　if　there's　no　one　watching　you　have　it？
　　〃Maybe　someone　here　tipped　off　the　Galactic　Police；〃　said　Trillian。　〃Everyone　saw　you　e　in。〃
　　〃You　mean　they　want　to　arrest　me　over　the　phone？〃　said　Zaphod；　〃Could　be。　I'm　a　pretty　dangerous　dude　when　I'm　concerned。〃
　　〃Yeah；〃　said　a　voice　from　under　the　table；　〃you　go　to　pieces　so　fast　people　get　hit　by　the　shrapnel。〃
　　〃Hey；　what　is　this；　Judgment　Day？〃　snapped　Zaphod。
　　〃Do　we　get　to　see　that　as　well？〃　asked　Arthur　nervously。
　　〃I'm　in　no　hurry；〃　muttered　Zaphod；　〃OK；　so　who's　the　cat　on　the　phone？〃　He　kicked　Ford。　〃Hey　get　up　there；　kid；〃　he　said　to　him；　〃I　may　need　you。〃
　　〃I　am　not；〃　said　the　waiter；　〃personally　acquainted　with　the　metal　gentleman　in　question；　sir。。。〃
　　〃Metal？〃
　　〃Yes；　sir。〃
　　〃Did　you　say　metal？〃
　　〃Yes；　sir。　I　said　that　I　am　not　personally　acquainted　with　the　metal　gentleman　in　question。。。〃
　　〃OK；　carry　on。〃
　　〃But　I　am　informed　that　he　has　been　awaiting　your　return　for　a　considerable　number　of　millennia。　It　seems　you　left　here　somewhat　precipitately。〃
　　〃Left　here？〃　said　Zaphod；　〃are　you　being　strange？　We　only　just　arrived　here。〃
　　〃Indeed；　sir；〃　persisted　the　waiter　doggedly；　〃but　before　you　arrived　here；　sir；　I　understand　that　you　left　here。〃
　　Zaphod　tried　this　in　one　brain；　then　in　the　other。
　　〃You're　saying；〃　he　said；　〃that　before　we　arrived　here；　we　left　here？〃
　　This　is　going　to　be　a　long　night；　thought　the　waiter。
　　〃Precisely；　sir；〃　he　said。
　　〃Put　your　analyst　on　danger　money；　baby；〃　advised　Zaphod。
　　〃No；　wait　a　minute；〃　said　Ford；　emerging　above　table　level　again；　〃where　exactly　is　here？〃
　　〃To　be　absolutely　exact　sir；　it　is　Frogstar　World　B。〃
　　〃But　we　just　left　there；〃　protested　Zaphod；　〃we　left　there　and　came　to　the　Restaurant　at　the　End　of　the　Universe。〃
　　〃Yes；　sir；〃　said　the　waiter；　feeling　that　he　was　now　into　the　home　stretch　and　running　well；　〃the　one　was　constructed　on　the　ruins　of　the　other。〃
　　〃Oh；〃　said　Arthur　brightly；　〃you　mean　we've　travelled　in　time　but　not　in　space。〃
　　〃Listen　you　semi…evolved　simian；〃　cut　in　Zaphod；　〃go　climb　a　tree　will　you？〃
　　Arthur