da.therestaurantattheendoftheuniverse-第11章
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improve his state of mind。
About half…way down the side of the shattered building they stopped to rest。 It seemed to Zaphod as he lay there panting with fear and exhaustion that Marvin seemed a mite more cheerful than usual。 Eventually he realized this wasn't so。 The robot just seemed cheerful in parison with his own mood。
A large； scraggy black bird came flapping through the slowly settling clouds of dust and； stretching down its scrawny legs； landed on an inclined window ledge a couple of yards from Zaphod。 It folded its ungainly wings and teetered awkwardly on its perch。
Its wingspan must have been something like six feet； and its head and neck seemed curiously large for a bird。 Its face was flat； the beak underdeveloped； and half…way along the underside of its wings the vestiges of something handlike could be clearly seen。
In fact； it looked almost human。
It turned its heavy eyes on Zaphod and clicked its beak in a desultory fashion。
〃Go away；〃 said Zaphod。
〃OK；〃 muttered the bird morosely and flapped off into the dust again。
Zaphod watched its departure in bewilderment。
〃Did that bird just talk to me？〃 he asked Marvin nervously。 He was quite prepared to believe the alternative explanation； that he was in fact hallucinating。
〃Yes；〃 confirmed Marvin。
〃Poor souls；〃 said a deep； ethereal voice in Zaphod's ear。
Twisting round violently to find the source of the voice nearly caused Zaphod to fall off the building。 He grabbed savagely at a protruding window fitting and cut his hand on it。 He hung on； breathing heavily。
The voice had no visible source whatever … there was no one there。 Nevertheless； it spoke again。
〃A tragic history behind them； you know。 A terrible blight。〃
Zaphod looked wildly about。 The voice was deep and quiet。 In other circumstances it would even be described as soothing。 There is； however； nothing soothing about being addressed by a disembodied voice out of nowhere； particularly if you are； like Zaphod Beeblebrox； not at your best and hanging from a ledge eight storeys up a crashed building。
〃Hey； er。。。〃 he stammered。
〃Shall I tell you their story？〃 inquired the voice quietly。
〃Hey； who are you？〃 panted Zaphod。 〃Where are you？〃
〃Later then； perhaps；〃 murmured the voice。 〃I am Gargravarr。 I am the Custodian of the Total Perspective Vortex。〃
〃Why can't I see。。。〃
〃You will find your progress down the building greatly facilitated；〃 the voice lifted； 〃if you move about two yards to your left。 Why don't you try it？〃
Zaphod looked and saw a series of short horizontal grooves leading all the way down the side of the building。 Gratefully he shifted himself across to them。
〃Why don't I see you again at the bottom？〃 said the voice in his ear； and as it spoke it faded。
〃Hey；〃 called out Zaphod； 〃Where are you。。。〃
〃It'll only take a couple of minutes。。。〃 said the voice very faintly。
〃Marvin；〃 said Zaphod earnestly to the robot squatting dejectedly next to him； 〃Did a。。。 did a voice just。。。〃
〃Yes；〃 Marvin replied tersely。
Zaphod nodded。 He took out his Peril Sensitive Sunglasses again。 They were pletely black； and by now quite badly scratched by the unexpected metal object in his pocket。 He put them on。 He would find his way down the building more fortably if he didn't actually have to look at what he was doing。
Minutes later he clambered over the ripped and mangled foundations of the building and； once more removing his sunglasses； he dropped to the ground。
Marvin joined him a moment or so later and lay face down in the dust and rubble； from which position he seemed too disinclined to move。
〃Ah； there you are；〃 said the voice suddenly in Zaphod's ear； 〃excuse me leaving you like that； it's just that I have a terrible head for heights。 At least；〃 it added wistfully； 〃I did have a terrible head for heights。〃
Zaphod looked around slowly and carefully； just to see if he had missed something which might be the source of the voice。 All he saw； however； was the dust； the rubble and the towering hulks of the encircling buildings。
〃Hey； er； why can't I see you？〃 he said； 〃why aren't you here？〃
〃I am here；〃 said the voice slowly； 〃my body wanted to e but it's a bit busy at the moment。 Things to do； people to see。〃 After what seemed like a sort of ethereal sigh it added； 〃You know how it is with bodies。〃
Zaphod wasn't sure about this。
〃I thought I did；〃 he said。
〃I only hope it's gone for a rest cure；〃 continued the voice； 〃the way it's been living recently it must be on its last elbows。〃
〃Elbows？〃 said Zaphod； 〃don't you mean last legs？〃
The voice said nothing for a while。 Zaphod looked around uneasily。 He didn't know if it was gone or was still there or what it was doing。 Then the voice spoke again。
〃So； you are to be put into the Vortex； yes？〃
〃Er； well；〃 said Zaphod with a very poor attempt at nonchalance； 〃this cat's in no hurry； you know。 I can just slouch about and take in a look at the local scenery； you know？〃
〃Have you seen the local scenery？〃 asked the voice of Gargravarr。
〃Er； no。〃
Zaphod clambered over the rubble； and rounded the corner of one of the wrecked buildings that was obscuring his view。
He looked out at the landscape of Frogstar World B。
〃Ah； OK；〃 he said； 〃I'll just sort of slouch about then。〃
〃No；〃 said Gargravarr； 〃the Vortex is ready for you now。 You must e。 Follow me。〃
〃Er； yeah？〃 said Zaphod； 〃and how am I meant to do that？〃
〃I'll hum for you；〃 said Gargravarr； 〃follow the humming。〃
A soft keening sound drifted through the air； a pale； sad sound that seemed to be without any kind of focus。 It was only by listening very carefully that Zaphod was able to detect the direction from which it was ing。 Slowly； dazedly； he stumbled off in its wake。 What else was there to do？
Chapter 10
The Universe； as has been observed before； is an unsettlingly big place； a fact which for the sake of a quiet life most people tend to ignore。
Many would happily move to somewhere rather smaller of their own devising； and this is what most beings in fact do。
For instance； in one corner of the Eastern Galactic Arm lies the large forest planet Oglaroon； the entire 〃intelligent〃 population of which lives permanently in one fairly small and crowded nut tree。 In which tree they are born； live； fall in love； carve tiny speculative articles in the bark on the meaning of life； the futility of death and the importance of birth control； fight a few extremely minor wars； and eventually die strapped to the underside of some of the less accessible outer branches。
In fact the only Oglaroonians who ever leave their tree are those who are hurled out of it for the heinous crime of wondering whether any of the other trees might be capable of supporting life at all； or indeed whether the other trees are anything other than illusions brought on by eating too many Oglanuts。
Exotic though this behaviour may seem； there is no life form in the Galaxy which is not in some way guilty of the same thing； which is why the Total Perspective Vortex is as horrific as it is。
For when you are put into the Vortex you are given just one momentary glimpse of the entire unimaginable infinity of creation； and somewhere in it a tiny little marker； a microscopic dot on a microscopic dot； which says 〃You are here。〃
The grey plain stretched before Zaphod； a ruined； shattered plain。 The wind whipped wildly over it。
Visible in the middle was the steel pimple of the dome。 This； gathered Zaphod； was where he was going。 This was the Total Perspective Vortex。
As he stood and gazed bleakly at it； a sudden inhuman wail of terror emanated from it as of a man having his soul burnt from his body。 It screamed above the wind and died away。
Zaphod started with fear and his blood seemed to turn to liquid helium。
〃Hey； what was that？〃 he muttered voicelessly。
〃A recording；〃 said Gargravarr； 〃of the last man who was put in the Vortex。 It is always played to the next victim。 A sort of prelude。〃
〃Hey； it really sounds bad。。。〃 stammered Zaphod； 〃couldn't we maybe slo
