rz.thegunsofavalon-第16章
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yourself。 It has been too long。〃
I nodded。 It was unfortunate； but family etiquette as well as the balance of power required that I answer his questions before asking any of my own。 He was my elder； and I had … albeit unknowing … intruded in his sphere of influence。 It was not that I begrudged him the courtesy。 He was one of the few among my many relatives whom I respected and even liked。 It was that I was itching to question him。 It had been； as he had said； too long。
And how much should I tell him now？ I had no notion where his sympathies might lie。 I did not desire to discover the reasons for his self…imposed exile from Amber by mentioning the wrong things。 I would have to begin with something fairly neutral and sound him out as I went along。
〃There must be a beginning；〃 he said then。 〃I care not what face you put upon it。〃
〃There are many beginnings；〃 I said。 〃It is difficult。。。 I suppose I should go all the way back and take it from there。〃
I took another sip of the wine。
〃Yes；〃 I decided。 〃That seems simplest … though it was only paratively recently that I recalled much of what had occurred。
〃It was several years after the defeat of the Moonriders out of Ghenesh and your departure that Eric and I had a major falling out；〃 I began。 〃Yes； it was a quarrel over the succession。 Dad had been making abdication noises again； and he still refused to name a successor。 Naturally； the old arguments were resumed as to who was more legitimate。 Of course； you and Eric are both my elders； but while Faiella； mother to Eric and myself； was his wife after the death of Clymnea； they …〃
〃Enough！〃 cried Benedict； slapping the table so hard that it cracked。
The lamp danced and sputtered； but by some small miracle was not upset。 The tent's entrance flap was immediately pushed aside and a concerned guard peered in。 Benedict glanced at him and he withdrew。
〃I do not wish to sit in on our respective bastardy proceeding；〃 Benedict said softly。 〃That obscene pastime was one of the reasons I initially absented myself from felicity。 Please continue your story without the benefit of footnotes。〃
〃Well … yes；〃 I said； coughing lightly。 〃As I was saying； we had some rather bitter arguments concerning the whole matter。 Then one evening it went beyond mere words。 We fought。〃
〃A duel？〃
〃Nothing that formal。 A simultaneous decision to murder one another is more like it。 At any rate； we fought for a long while and Eric finally got the upper hand and proceeded to pulverize me。 At the risk of getting ahead of my story； I have to add that all of this was only recalled to me about five years ago。〃 Benedict nodded； as though he understood。
〃I can only conjecture as to what occurred immediately after I lost consciousness；〃 I went on。 〃But Eric stopped short of killing me himself。 When I awakened； I was on a shadow Earth in a place called London。 The plague was rampant at the time； and I had contracted it。 I recovered with no memory of anything prior to London。 I dwelled on that shadow world for centuries； seeking some clue as to my identity。 I traveled all over it； often as part of some military campaign。 I attended their universities； I spoke with some of their wisest men； I consulted famous physicians。 But nowhere could I find the key to my past。 It was obvious to me that I was not like other men and I took great pains to conceal this fact。 I was furious because I could have anything that I wanted except what I wanted most … my own identity； my memories。
〃The years passed； but this anger and this longing did not。 It took an accident that fractured my skull to set off the changes that led to the return of my first recollections。 This was approximately five years ago； and the irony of it is that I have good reason to believe Eric was responsible for the accident。 Flora had apparently been resident on that shadow Earth all along； keeping watch over me。
〃To return to conjecture； Eric must have stayed his hand at the last moment； desiring my death； but not wanting it traceable to him。 So he transported me through Shadow to a place of sudden； almost certain death … doubtless to return and say that we had argued and I had ridden off in a huff； muttering something about going away again。 We had been hunting in the Forest of Arden that day … just the two of us； together。〃
〃I find it strange；〃 Benedict interrupted； 〃that two rivals such as yourselves should elect to hunt together under such circumstances。〃
I took a sip of wine and smiled。
〃Perhaps it was a trifle more contrived than I made it sound；〃 I said。 〃Perhaps we both weled the opportunity to hunt together。 Just the two of us。〃
〃I see；〃 he said。 〃So it is possible that your situations could have been reversed？〃
〃Well；〃 I said； 〃that is difficult to say。 I do not believe I would have gone that far。 I am talking as of now； of course。 People do change； you know。 Back then。。。？ Yes； I might have done the same thing to him。 I cannot say for certain； but it is possible。〃
He nodded again； and I felt a flash of anger which passed quickly into amusement。
〃Fortunately； I am not out to justify my own motives for anything；〃 I continued。 〃To go on with my guesswork； I believe that Eric kept tabs on me after that； doubtless disappointed at first that I had survived； but satisfied as to my harmlessness。 So he arranged to have Flora keep an eye on me； and the world turned peacefully for a long while。 Then； presumably； Dad abdicated and disappeared without the question of the succession having been settled …〃
〃The hell he did！〃 said Benedict。 〃There was no abdication。 He just vanished。 One morning he simply was not in his chambers。 His bed had not even been slept in。 There were no messages。 He had been seen entering the suite the evening before； but no one saw him depart。 And even this was not considered strange for a long while。 At first it was simply thought that he was sojourning in Shadow once again； perhaps to seek another bride。 It was a long while before anyone dared suspect foul play or chose to construe this as a novel form of abdication。〃
〃I was not aware of this；〃 I said。 〃Your sources of information seem to have been closer to the heart of things than mine were。〃
He only nodded； giving rise to uneasy speculations on my part as to his contact in Amber。 For all I knew； he could be pro…Eric these days。
〃When was the last time you were back there yourself？〃 I ventured。
〃A little over twenty years ago；〃 he replied； 〃but I keep in touch。〃
Not with anyone who had cared to mention it to me！ He must have known that as he said it； so did he mean me to take it as a caution … or a threat？ My mind raced。 Of course he possessed a set of the Major Trumps。 I fanned them mentally and went through them like mad。 Random had professed ignorance as to his whereabouts。 Brand had been missing a long while。 I had had indication that he was still alive； imprisoned in some unpleasant place or other and in no position to report on the happenings in Amber。 Flora could not have been his contact； as she had been in virtual exile in Shadow herself until recently。 Llewella was in Rebma。 Deirdre was in Rebma also； and had been out of favor in Amber when last I saw her。 Fiona？ Julian had told me she was 〃somewhere to the south。〃 He was uncertain as to precisely where。 Who did that leave？
Eric himself； Julian； Gerard； or Caine； as I saw it。 Scratch Eric。 He would not have passed along the details of Dad's non…abdication in a manner that would allow things to be taken as Benedict had taken them。 Julian supported Eric； but was not without personal ambitions of the highest order。 He would pass along information if it might benefit him to do so。 Ditto for Caine。 Gerard； on the other hand； had always struck me as more interested in the welfare of Amber itself than in the question of who sat on its throne。 He was not over…fond of Eric； though； and had once been willing to support either Bleys or myself over him。 I believed he would have considered Benedict's awareness of events to be something in the nature of an insurance policy for the realm。 Yes； it was almost certainly one of these three。 Julian hated me。 Caine neither liked nor disliked me especially； and Gerard and I shared
