bill_the_galactic_hero_v1.1-第24章

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epartment　。　。　。　？〃
　　〃I'm　sorry。　It　is　heartbreaking；　since　that's　right　down　your　alley　too；　so　to　speak；　but　if　there　is　one　operation　that　doesn't　give　us　any　problem；　it's　sewage；　because　it's　mostly　automated。　We're　proud　of　our　sewage　record　because
it's　a　big　one；　there　must　be　over　150　billion　people　on　Helior　。　。　。〃
　　　〃WOW！〃
　　〃。　。　。　you're　right；　I　can　see　that　glow　in　your　eye。　That　is　a　lot　of　sewage；　and　I　hope　sometime　to　have　the　honor　of　showing　you　through　our　plant。　But　remember；　where　there　is　sewage　there　must　be　food；　and　with　Helior　importing　all　its　food　we　have　a　closed…circle　operation　here　that　is　a　sanitary　engineer's　dream。　Ships　from　the　agricultural　planets　bring　in　the　processed　food　which　goes　out　to　the　populace　where　it　starts　through；　what　might　be　called　the　chain　of　mand。　We　get　the　effluvium　and　process　it；　the　usual　settling　and　chemical　treatments；　anaerobic　bacteria　and　the　like…　I'm　not　boring　you　am　I？〃
　　〃No；　please　。　。　。〃　Bill　said；　smiling　and　flicking　away　a　tear　with　a　knuckle；　〃it's　just　that　I'm　so　happy；　I　haven't　had　an　intelligent　conversation　in　so　long　。　。　。〃
　　〃I　can　well　imagine…it　must　be　brutalizing　in　the　service；〃　he　clapped　Bill　on　the　shoulder；　a　hearty　stout…fellow…well…met　gesture。　〃Forget　all　that；　you're　among　friends　now。　Where　was　I？　Oh　yes；　the　bacteria；　then　dehydration　and　pression。　We　produce　one　of　the　finest　bricks　of　condensed　fertilizer　in　the　civilized　galaxy　and　I'll　stand　up　to　any　man　on　that　〃
　　〃I'm　sure　you　do！〃　Bill　agreed　fervently。
　　〃…and　automated　belts　and　lifts　carry　the　bricks　to　the　spaceports　where　they　are　loaded　into　the　spaceships　as　fast　as　they　are　emptied。　A　full　load　for　a　full　load；　that's　our　motto。　And　I've　heard　that　on　some　poor…soiled　planets　they　cheer　when　the　ships　e　home。　No；　we　can't　plain　about　our；　sewage　operation；　it　is　in　the　other　departments　that　we　have　our　problems。〃　Inspector　Jeyes　drained　his　container　and　sat　scowling；　his　pleasure　drained　just　as　fast。　〃No；　don't　do　that！〃　he　barked　as　Bill　finished　his　drink　and　started　to　pitch　the　empty　container　at　the　wall…disposal　chute。　　　〃Didn't　mean　to　snap；〃　the　inspector　apologized；　〃but　that's　our　big　problem。　Refuse。　Did　you　ever　think　how　many　newspapers　150　billion　people　throw　away　every　day？　Or　how　many　dispos…a…steins？　Or　dinner　plates？　We're　working　on　this　problem　in　research；　day　and　night；　but　it's　getting　ahead　of　us。　It's　a　nightmare。　That　Alco…Jolt　container　you're　holding　is　one　of　our　answers；　but　it's　just　a　drop　of　water　in　the　ocean。〃　
　　As　the　last　drops　of　liquid　evaporated　from　the　container　it　began　to　writhe　obscenely　in　Bill's　hand；　and；　horrified；　he　dropped　it　to　the　floor；　where　it　continued　to　twitch　and　change　form；　collapsing　and　flattening　before　his　eyes。　
　　〃We　have　to　thank　the　mathematicians　for　that　one；〃　the　inspector　said。　〃To　a　topologist　a　phonograph　record　or　a　teacup　or　a　drink　container　all　have　the　same　shape；　a　solid　with　a　hole　in　it；　and　any　one　can　be　deformed　into　any　of　the　others　by　a　continuous　one…to…one　transformation。　So　we　made　the　containers　out　of　memory　plastic　that　return　to　their　original　shape　once　they're　dry…there；　you　see。〃
　　　The　container　had　finished　its　struggles　and　now　lay　quietly　on　the　floor；　a　flat　and　finely　grooved　disk　with　a　hole　in　the　center。　Inspector　Jeyes　picked　it　up　and　peeled　the　Alco…Jolt　label　off；　and　Bill　could　now　read　the　other　label　that　had　been　concealed；　underneath。　LOVE　IN　ORBIT；　BOING！　BOING！　BOING！　SUNG　BY　THE　COLEOPTERAE。　　　〃Ingenious；　isn't　it？　The　container　has　transformed　itself　into　a　phonograph　record　of　one　of　the　more　obnoxious　top　tunes；　an　object　that　no　Alco…Jolt　addict　could　possibly　discard。　It　is　taken　away　and　cherished　and　not　dropped　down　a　chute　to　make　another　problem　for　us。〃　　　Inspector　Jeyes　took　both　of　Bill's　hands　in　his；　and　when　he　looked　him　directly　in　the　eyes　his　own　were　more　than　a　little　damp。　〃Say　you'll　do　it；　Bill…go　into　research。　We　have　such　a　shortage　of　skilled；　trained　men；　men　who　understand　our　problems。　Maybe　you　didn't　finish　your　fertilizeroperating
course；　but　you　can　help；　a　fresh　mind　with　fresh　ideas。　A　new　broom　to　help　sweep　things　clean；　hey？〃
　　〃I'll　do　it；〃　Bill　said　with　determination。　〃Refuse　research　is　the　sort　of　work　a　man　can　get　his　teeth　into。〃
　　〃It's　yours。　Room；　board；　and　uniform；　plus　a　handsome　salary　and　all　the　refuse　and　rubbish　you　want。　You'll　never　regret　this　。　。　。〃　A　warbling　siren　interrupted　him；　and　an　instant　later　a　sweating；　excited　man　ran　into　the　room。　　　〃Inspector；　the　rocket　has　really　gone　up　this　time。　Operation　Flying　Saucer　has　failed！　There　is　a　team　just　down　from　astronomy；　and　they　are　fighting　with　our　research　team；　just　rolling　over　and　over　on　the　floor　like　animals　。　。　。〃
　　Inspector　Jeyes　was　out　of　the　door　before　the　messenger　finished；　and　Bill　ran　after　him；　dropping　down　a　pig…chute　just　on　his　heels。　They　had　to　take　a　chairway；　but　it　was　too　slow　for　the　inspector；　and　he　bounded　along　like　a　rabbit　from　chair　back　to　chair　back；　with　Bill　close　behind。　Then　they　burst　into　a　laboratory　filled　with　plex　electronic　equipment　and　writhing；　fighting　men　rolling　and　kicking　in　a　hopeless　tangle。
　　〃Stop　it　at　once；　stop　it！〃　the　inspector　screamed；　but　no　one　listened。　　　〃Maybe　I　can　help；〃　Bill　said；　〃we　sort　of　learned　about　this　kind　of　thing　in　the　troopers。　Which　ones　are　our　G…men？〃
　　〃The　brown　tunics…〃
　　　〃Say　no　more！〃　Bill；　humming　cheerfully；　waded　into　the　grunting　mob　and　with　a　rabbit　punch　here；　a　kidney　crunch　there；　and　maybe　just　a　few　of　the　karate　blows　that　destroy　the　larynx　he　restored　order　to　the　room。　None　of　the　writhing　intellectuals　were　physical　types；　and　he　went　through　them　like　a　dose　of　salts；　then　began　to　extricate　his　new…found　rades　from　the　mess。　
　　〃What　is　it；　Basurero；　what　has　happened？〃　Inspector　Jeyes　asked。　
　　〃Them；　sir；　they　barge　in；　shouting；　telling　us　to　call　off　Operation　Flying　Saucer　just　when　we　have　upped　our　disposal　record；　we　found　that　we　can　almost　double　the　input　rate。。。〃
　　〃What　is　Operation　Flying　Saucer？〃　Bill　asked；　greatly　confused　as　to　what　was　going　on。　None　of　the　astronomers　were　awake　yet；　though　one　was　moaning；　so　the　inspector　took　time　to　explain；　pointing　to　a　gigantic　apparatus　that
filled　one　end　of　the　room。
　　　〃It　may　be　the　answer　to　our　problems；〃　he　said。　〃It's　all　those　damn　dispos…a…steins　and　trays　from　prepared　dinners　and　the　rest。　I　don't　dare　tell　you　how　many　cubic　feet　of　them　we　have　piled　up！　I　might　better　say　cubic　miles。　But　Basurero　here　happened　to　be　glancing　through　a　magazine　one　day　and　found　an　article　on　a　matter　transmitter；　and　we　put　through　an　appropriation　and　bought　the　biggest　model　they　had。　We　hooked　it　up　to　a　belt　and　loaders〃…he　opened　a　panel　in　the　side　of　the　machine；　and　Bill　saw　a　torrent　of　used　plastic　utensils　tearing　by　at　a　great　clip…〃and　fed　all　the　damned　crockery　into　the　input　end　of　the　matter　transmitter；　and　it　has　worked　like　a　dream　ever　since。〃
　　Bill　was　still　baffled。　〃But…where　do　they　go？　Where　is　the　output　end　of　the　transmitter？〃
　　〃An　intelligent　question；　that　was　our　big　problem。　At　first　we　just　lifted　them　into　space　but　Astronomy　said　too　many　were　ing　back　as　meteorites　and　ruining　their　stellar　observation。　We　upped　the　power　and　put　them　further　out　into　orbit；　but　Navigation　said　we　were　mitting　a　nuisance　in　space；　creating　a　navigation　hazard；　and　we　had　to　look　further。　Basurero　finally　got　the　co…ordinates　of　the　nearest　star　from　Astronomy；　and　since　then　we　have　just　been　dumping　them　into　the　star　and　no　problems　and　everyone　is　satisfied。　
　〃You　fool；〃　one　of　the　astronomers　said　through　puffed　lips　as　he　staggered　to　his　feet；　〃your　damned　flying　garbage　has　started　a　nova　in　that　starl　We　couldn't　figure　out　what　had　triggered　it　until　we　found　your　request　for　information　in　the　files　and　tracked　down　your　harebrained　operation　here…〃
　　　〃Watch　your　language　or　it's　back　to　sleep　for　you；　bowb　。　。　。〃　Bill　growled。　The　astronomer　recoiled　and　paled；　then　continued　in　a　milder　tone。
　　〃Look；　you　must　understand　what　has　happened。　You　just　can't　feed　all　those　carbon　an