jg.skippingchristmas-第21章

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　〃What's　the　matter？〃　he　asked；　and　immediately　wished　he'd　said　nothing。　It　was　quite　obvious　what　was　the　matter。
　She　rolled　her　eyes　and　started　to　snap；　then　gritted　her　teeth　and　repeated；　〃Unload　the　car。〃
　Luther　high…stepped　toward　the　door　and　was　almost　outside　when　he　heard；　〃What　an　ugly　tree！〃
　He　spun；　ready　for　war；　and　said；　〃Take　it　or　leave　it。〃
　〃Red　lights？〃　she　said；　her　voice　incredulous。　Trogdon　had　used　a　strand　of　red　lights；　one　solitary　string　of　them；　and　had　wrapped　them　tightly　around　the　trunk　of　the　tree。　Luther　had　toyed　with　the　idea　of　pulling　them　off；　but　it　would've　taken　an　hour。　Instead；　he　and　Spike　had　tried　to　hide　them　with　ornaments。　Nora；　of　course；　had　spotted　them　from　the　kitchen。
　Now　she　had　her　nose　in　the　tree。　〃Red　lights？　We've　never　used　red　lights。〃
　〃They　were　in　the　box；〃　Luther　lied。　He　did　not　enjoy　lying；　but　he　knew　it　would　be　standard　behavior　for　the　next　day　or　so。
　〃Which　box？〃
　〃What　do　you　mean；　'Which　box？'　I've　been　throwing　stuff　on　the　tree　as　fast　as　I　can　open　boxes；　Nora。　Now's　not　the　time　to　get　touchy　about　the　tree。
　〃Green　icicles？〃　she　said；　picking　one　off　the　tree。　〃Where'd　you　find　this　tree？〃
　〃I　bought　the　last　one　from　the　Boy　Scouts。〃　A　sidestep；　not　a　direct　lie。
　She　looked　around　the　room；　at　the　strewn　and　empty　boxes；　and　decided　there　were　more　important　things　to　worry　about。
　〃Besides；〃　Luther　said；　unwisely；　〃at　the　rate　we're　going；　who's　gonna　see　it？〃
　〃Shut　up　and　unload　the　car。〃　There　were　four　bags　of　food　from　a　store　Luther'd　never　heard　of；　three　shopping　bags　with　handles　from　a　clothing　store　in　the　mail；　a　case　of　soft　drinks；　a　case　of　bottled　water；　and　a　bouquet　of　dreadful　flowers　from　a　florist　known　for　his　outrageous　prices。　Luther's　accountant's　brain　wanted　to　tally　up　the　damage；　but　he　thought　better　of　it。　
　How　would　he　explain　this　around　the　office？　All　the　money　he'd　saved　now　up　in　smoke。　Plus；　the　cruise　he　didn't　take　getting　wasted　because　he'd　declined　to　purchase　travel　insurance。　Luther　was　in　the　middle　of　a　financial　disaster　and　couldn't　do　a　thing　to　stop　the　bleeding。　
　〃Did　you　get　the　Yarbers　and　the　Friskis？〃　Nora　asked　at　the　phone；　the　receiver　stuck　to　her　head。
　〃Yes；　they　can't　e。〃
　〃Unpack　those　grocery　bags；〃　she　demanded；　then　said　into　the　phone；　〃Sue；　it's　Nora。　Merry　Christmas。　Look；　we've　just　had　a　big　surprise　over　here。　Blair's　ing　home　with　her　fiancé；　be　here　tonight；　and　we're　running　around　like　crazy　trying　to　put　together　a　last…minute　party。〃　Pause。　〃Peru；　thought　we　wouldn't　see　her　till　next　Christmas。〃　Pause。　〃Yes；　quite　a　surprise。〃　Pause。　〃Yes；　fiancé。〃　Pause。　〃He's　a　doctor。〃　Pause。　〃He's　from　down　there　somewhere；　Peru　I　think；　she　just　met　him　a　few　weeks　ago　and　now　they're　getting　married；　so　needless　to　say　we're　in　shock。　So　tonight。〃　Pause。
　Luther　removed　eight　pounds　of　smoked　Oregon　trout；　all　packed　in　airtight　thick　cellophane　wrappers；　the　type　that　gave　the　impression　the　fish　had　been　caught　years　ago。
　〃Sounds　like　a　nice　party；〃　Nora　was　saying。　〃Sorry　you　can't　make　it。　Yes；　I'll　give　a　hug　to　Blair。　Merry　Christmas；　Sue。〃　She　hung　up　and　took　a　deep　breath。　With　the　worst　possible　timing　Luther　said；　〃Smoked　trout？〃
　〃Either　that　or　frozen　pizza；〃　she　fired　back　with　glowing　eyes　and　clenched　fists。
　〃There's　not　a　turkey　or　a　ham　left　in　the　stores；　and；　even　if　I　found　one；　there's　not　enough　time　to　cook　it。　So；　yes；　Luther；　Mr。　Beach　Bum；　we're　having　smoked　trout　for　Christmas。〃
　The　phone　rang　and　Nora　snatched　it。
　〃Hello；　yes；　Emily；　how　are　you？　Thanks　for　returning　my　call。〃
　Luther　couldn't　think　of　a　single　person　named　Emily。　He　pulled　out　a　three…pound　block　of　Cheddar　cheese；　a　large　wedge　of　Swiss；　boxes　of　crackers；　clam　dip；　and　three　two…day…old　chocolate　pies　from　a　bakery　Nora　had　always　avoided。　She　was　rattling　on　about　their　last…minute　party；　when　suddenly　she　said；　〃You　can　e！　That's　wonderful。　Around　sevenish；　casual；　sort　of　a　e…and…go。〃　Pause。　〃Your　parents？　Sure　they　can　e；　the　more　the　merrier。　Great；　Emily。　See　you　in　a　bit。〃　She　hung　up　without　a　smile。
　〃Emily　who？〃
　〃Emily　Underwood。〃
　Luther　dropped　a　box　of　crackers。　〃No；〃　he　said。
　She　was　suddenly　interested　in　unpacking　the　last　bag　of　groceries。
　〃You　didn't；　Nora；〃　he　said。　〃Tell　me　you　didn't　invite　Mitch　Underwood。　Not　here；　not　to　our　house。　You　didn't；　Nora；　please　say　you　didn't。〃
　〃We're　desperate。〃
　〃Not　that　desperate。〃
　〃I　like　Emily。〃
　〃She's　a　witch　and　you　know　it。　You　like　her？　When's　the　last　time　you　had　lunch　with　her；　or　breakfast　or　coffee　or　anything？〃
　〃We　need　bodies；　Luther。〃
　〃Mitch　the　Mouth　is　not　a　body；　he's　a　windbag。　A　thundering　load　of　hot　air。　People　hide　from　the　Underwoods；　Nora。　Why？〃
　〃They're　ing。　Be　thankful。〃
　〃They're　ing　because　nobody　in　their　right　mind　would　invite　them　to　a　social　occasion。　They're　always　free。〃
　〃Hand　me　that　cheese。〃
　〃This　is　a　joke；　right？〃
　〃He'll　be　good　with　Enrique。〃
　〃Enrique'll　never　again　set　foot　in　the　United　States　after　Underwood　gets　through　with　him。　He　hates　everything…the　city；　the　state；　Democrats；　Republicans；　Independents；　clean　air；　you　name　it。　He's　the　biggest　bore　in　the　world。　He'll　get　half…drunk　and　you　can　hear　him　two　blocks　over。〃
　〃Settle　down；　Luther。　It's　done。　Speaking　of　drinking；　I　didn't　have　time　to　get　the　wine。　You'll　have　to　go。〃
　〃I'm　not　leaving　the　safety　of　my　home。〃
　〃Yes；　you　are。　I　didn't　see　Frosty。〃
　〃I'm　not　doing　Frosty。　I've　made　up　my　mind。〃
　〃Yes；　you　are。〃
　The　phone　rang　again；　and　Nora　grabbed　it。　〃Who　could　this　be？〃　Luther　muttered　to　himself。　〃Can't　get　any　worse。〃
　〃Blair；〃　Nora　said。　〃Hello；　dear。〃
　〃Gimme　the　phone；〃　Luther　kept　muttering。　〃I'll　send　'em　back　to　Peru。〃
　〃You're　in　Atlanta…great；〃　Nora　said。　Pause；　〃We're　just　cooking　away；　dear；　getting　ready　for　the　party。〃　Pause。　〃We're　excited　too；　dear；　can't　wait。〃　Pause。　〃Of　course　I'm　making　a　caramel　cream　pie；　your　favorite。〃　She　shot　Luther　a　look　of　horror。　〃Yes；　honey；　we'll　be　at　the　airport　at　six。　Love　you。〃
　Luther　glanced　at　his　watch。　Three　o'clock。　She　hung　up　and　said；　〃I　need　two　pounds　of　caramel　and　a　jar　of　marshmallow　cream。〃
　〃I'll　finish　the　tree…it　still　needs　more　ornaments；〃　Luther　said；　〃I'm　not　fighting　the　mobs。〃　
　Nora　chewed　a　fingernail　for　a　second　and　assessed　things。　This　meant　a　plan　was　ing；　probably　one　with　a　lot　of　detail。
　〃Let's　do　this；〃　she　began。　〃Let's　finish　decorating　by　four。　How　long　will　Frosty　take？〃
　〃Three　days。〃
　〃At　four；　I'll　make　the　final　run　to　town；　and　you　get　Frosty　up　on　the　roof。　Meanwhile；　we'll　go　through　the　phone　book　and　call　everybody　we've　ever　met。〃
　〃Don't　tell　anyone　Underwood's　ing。〃
　〃Hush；　Luther！〃
　〃Smoked　trout　with　Mitch　Underwood。　That'll　be　the　hottest　ticket　in　town。〃
　Nora　put　on　a　Sinatra　Christmas　CD；　and　for　twenty　minutes　Luther　flung　more　ornaments　on　Trogdon's　tree　while　Nora　set　out　candles　and　ceramic　Santas　and　decorated　the　fireplace　mantel　with　plastic　holly　and　mistletoe。　They　said　nothing　to　each　other　for　a　long　time；　then　Nora　broke　the　ice　with　more　instructions。　〃These　boxes　can　go　back　to　the　attic。〃
　Of　all　the　things　Luther　hated　about　Christmas；　perhaps　the　most　dreaded　chore　was　hauling　boxes　up　and　down　the　retractable　stairs　of　the　attic。　Up　the　staircase　to　the　second　floor；　then　wedge　into　the　narrow　hallway　between　two　bedrooms；　then　readjust　positions　so　that　the　box；　which　was　inevitably　too　big；　could　be　shoved　up　the　flimsy　ladder　through　the　opening　to　the　attic。　ing　down　or　going　up；　it　didn't　matter。　It　was　a　miracle　he'd　avoided　serious　injury　over　the　years。
　〃And　after　that；　start　bringing　Frosty　up；〃　she　barked　like　an　admiral。
　She　leaned　hard　on　Reverend　Zabriskie；　and　he　finally　said　he　could　stop　by　for　half　an　hour。　Luther；　at　gunpoint；　called　his　secretary；　Dox；　and　twisted　her　arm　until　she　agreed　to　stop　by　for　a　few　minutes。　Dox　had　been　married　three　times；　was　currently　unmarried　but　always　had　a　boyfriend　of　some　variety。　The　two　of　them；　plus　Reverend　and　Mrs。　Zabriskie；　plus　the　Underwood　group；　totaled　an　optimisti