rr.armageddonthemusical-第5章
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'Oh； that again；' said Garstang； and immediately wished he hadn't。
'When our founder drew up the original script for The Earthers； it was written into the contract that； although a certain degree of creativity was allowable； the basic plot wasn't to be tampered with in any way。 This； you will recall； is referred to as Holy Writ。'
'And if I recall；' sneered the hooknose； 'it ends with a world war。'
'And if I recall；' said Calvus Cornelius； who felt that it was his turn to stick two pennyworth in； 'it was scheduled to end in the Earth year 999。'
There was a long silence； this was one of those things that it was not considered seemly to touch upon。 Cornelius could suddenly hear the call of the post beds。 'Or so Garstang is always saying；' he said rapidly。
'I never have；' Garstang rose with a flurry of heart…crossing。
'Gentlemen； gentlemen； this is getting us nowhere。 Surely one amongst you has something constructive to offer。' Mungo Madoc gazed at the blank faces。 His eyes soon caught upon that of Fergus Shaman； which appeared a little less blank than the rest。 It was smiling broadly。
'Fergus；' said Mungo； 'Fergus； do you have something to tell us？'
Fergus nodded brightly。 He was a curious fellow。 Somewhat lop…sided of face and bent of body； he carried about with him a mysterious air which； real or imagined； gave him a certain authority。 Mungo Madoc could never quite bring himself to call him Shaman； at least not to his face。
'I have the solution；' said Fergus Shaman。 That is all。'
'Then the floor is yours。' Mungo reseated himself； clasped his fingers before him on the tabletop and smiled the sweetest of smiles。
'Whether or not The Earthers was scheduled to end in 999； I don't know； neither in truth； do I care。' Ignoring the raised eyebrows； he continued； 'One thing I do know； is that it remains very much in all our interests to see that it doesn't end in the foreseeable future。' Eyebrows lowered； heads nodded slowly。 'The so…called Armageddon sequence must be postponed for as long as possible。 Indefinitely； if needs be。'
'But the viewing figures。。。' said Mungo。
'I am； of course； well aware of our dilemma。 The viewing public is a fickle creature； it loves its heroes and hates its villains。 Through the medium of constant re…runs it is also well aware of the story so far。 Let's not pretend that we haven't tampered with the plot。 We have； time and time again。'
'Out of the purest motives；' said Mungo Madoc。
'Be that as it may。 What I'm suggesting will e as a shock to some of you； but we are in a desperate situation。 It's a somewhat revolutionary approach； but I think it will pay off in the long run。'
'Go on then；' said Mungo； 'say your piece。'
'I'm proposing that we skip back one hundred years and change the plot。'
There is always a silence before the storm and indeed there was one now。 When the ensuing storm broke； it was a real belter。 Sheltering beneath an umbrella of facts； only known to himself； Fergus Shaman weathered it out。
'How？' said Mungo； when he was finally able to make himself heard。
'In the simplest terms available； we pick upon a popular character of the time； allow him to view the future； his own in particular； and offer him another chance。'
'Go on。'
'Well；' said Fergus； 'back in the 1950s there was a certain Elvis Presley。 Perhaps you recall him？'
'Big fat Northern Irish fellow； always shouting 〃down with the pope〃。'
'No；' Fergus shook his head； 'that was someone else entirely。'
'Sorry； they all look the same after a while。'
'This Elvis Presley was a leader of the nation's youth。 In 1958 he joined the American Army。 Many historians agree that this was the downfall of his career。 The expression 〃sold out〃 was one in popular use at the time。 However； in my new scenario； Elvis refuses to take the draft。 He is arrested and spends a short time in prison。 But the outcry from the teenage population is so great； that he is soon released。 He bees a figure in American politics and in 1963 bees president of the USA。'
'I know this Presley；' Garstang pipped in； 'he was a wally； by any account。'
'I have no wish to be flippant；' Fergus replied； 'but I hardly see why that should affect him being president。'
Mungo chuckled。 'Sounds like a president in the grand tradition to me。 But I don't see how this Presley can be held responsible for the events in the latter part of the twentieth century。'
'Simple politics；' Fergus said。 'If Presley had never joined up； nor would half a generation of the nation's youth。 There would have been no war in Vietnam； the Americans being unable to raise an Army。 You can't fight a really decent war without conscripts。'
'It still sounds a bit iffy； even if it was possible； I can't see how we are going to get away with it。'
Fergus did a bit of smiling。 'Back in the eighties there was a soap opera on Earth。 It was very big indeed； but the producers made a grave mistake by killing off one of its most popular characters。 In order to revive viewing figures they did likewise to him a series or two later； by simply having him turn up in the shower one morning as if nothing had happened。 It was then revealed that the last umpteen episodes had just been his wife's bad dream。'
Looks of disbelief were passed around the table。 Someone said； 'e on now。'
'As true as I'm standing here；' said Fergus； 'I won't mention the name of the series； but the Earthers are still watching it now。 Although it is presently set in a millionaire's bunker and has only three characters left。 My plan is a case of life imitating art。 After all the viewers consider The Earthers to be a real…life drama。'
'Which it is；' said Mungo Madoc。
'And so there you have it。 Presley for president； the Nuclear Holocaust Event postponed for another hundred years； the Armageddon Sequence for another thousand。 I'm not saying that this Presley is the all…round good guy； on the contrary； his reign as president will be a colourful affair。 Plenty of sex and drugs and rock and roll。'
Wisten grinned enthusiastically。 'Sounds good to me。'
'Sounds good to me；' Mungo agreed。 'But I foresee certain small flaws in the scheme。 Firstly； as we all know； the Earthers are a contrary bunch。 One can never rely on them to carry the plot。 We e up with all kinds of grand scenarios but they inevitably cock it up。 Sometimes I wonder who is running this show； them or us。'
'There are no absolutes in this business； I agree； but I have done my research； and barring some； dare I say it； act of God； I'm certain that it will work。 I have all the facts and figures right here。 You are all wele to look them over。'
'As indeed we will。' Mungo stroked the table…top with a wan digit。 'But there is one minor point that I should like to raise。 It's a small matter； but one which I think shouldn't be overlooked。'
'Oh yes；' said Fergus； 'and that is？'
'That is the simple matter that time travel is an impossibility； you craven buffoon！'
Fergus shook his head。 He was still smiling。 'Not any more；' said he； winking lewdly。 'Not with the latest miracle of modern horticulture。'
He dug into his trouser pocket and brought out a spherical green object； which he reverently laid before him on the table。
'Gentlemen； please allow me to introduce you to THE time sprout！'
'Pleased to be here；' said the vegetable in question。
A stairway to oblivion is better than no stairway at all。 The Suburban Book of the Dead
The interview with Ms Vrillium went remarkably well； all things considered。 Rex put this down to the element of surprise。 He had evidently earned some big kudos in getting past the receptionist。 Now he listened with growing interest as the nature of his post was outlined to him。
'Religious affairs correspondent；' said Ms Vrillium。 'As you are no doubt well aware； Buddhavision is the biggest of the Big Three stations。 We are a religious organisation； linked to Buddha Biological and Buddha Wholefoods International。 It is our duty to bring enlightenment to the…masses。 This we do by providing superior entertainment； embodying elements of theological doctrine couched in terms that the layman
