ch.nativetongue-第75章

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to　wit；　the　pistol…whipping　of　a　young　man　suspected　of　shoplifting　a　bag　of　cheese…flavored　Doritos。
　Diamond　J。　Love　was　elated　to　be　hired　for　the　security　force　at　the　Amazing　Kingdom；　and　pleased　to　find　himself　surrounded　with　colleagues　of　similarly　checkered　backgrounds。　On　slow　days；　when　they　weren't　breaking　into　the　RVs　of　tourists；　they'd　sit　around　and　swap　stories　about　the　old　police　days…tales　of　stacking　the　civil…service　boards　to　beat　a　brutality　rap；　perjuring　themselves　silly　before　grand　juries；　rounding　up　hookers　on　phony　vice　sweeps　just　to　cop　a　free　hummer；　switching　kilos　of　baking　soda　for　cocaine　in　the　evidence　rooms。　Diamond　J。　Love　enjoyed　these　bull　sessions；　and　he　enjoyed　his　job。　For　the　most　part。
　The　only　area　of　concern　was　the　boss　himself；　a　monster　steroid　freak　whose　bustible　mood　swings　had　prompted　several　of　his　own　officers　to　leave　their　holsters　permanently　unsnapped；　just　in　case。　Some　days　Pedro　Luz　was　reasonable　and　coherent；　other　days　he　was　a　drooling　psycho。　The　news　that　he　had　chewed　off　his　own　foot　only　heightened　the　anxiety　level　on　the　security　squad；　even　the　potheads　were　getting　jumpy。
　Which　is　why　Diamond　J。　Love　did　not　wish　to　be　late　for　work　on　this　very　important　morning；　and　why　he　reacted　with　exceptionally　scathing　impudence　to　the　mild…mannered　inquiry　of　a　black　state　trooper　who　had　pulled　over　his　car　on　County　Road　905。
　〃May　I　see　your　driver's　license；　please？〃
　〃Get　serious；　Uncle　Ben。〃
　From　there　it　went　downhill。　The　trooper　was　singularly　unimpressed　by　Diamond　J。　Love's　expired　NYPD　police　badge；　nor　was　he　particularly　understanding　on　the　issue　of　Diamond　J。　Love's　outdated　New　York　driver's　license。　Or　the　fact　that；　according　to　some　puter；　the　serial　numbers　on　Diamond　J。　Love's　Camaro　matched　precisely　those　of　a　Camaro　stolen　eight　months　earlier　in　New　Smyrna　Beach。
　〃That's　bullshit；〃　suggested　Diamond　J。　Love。
　〃Please　get　out　of　the　car；〃　the　trooper　said。
　At　which　point　Diamond　J。　Love　attempted　to　speed　away；　and　instead　felt　himself　dragged　by　the　collar　through　the　window　and　deposited　face…first　on　the　macadam。　Upon　regaining　consciousness；　Diamond　J。　Love　discovered　Plasticuffs　cinched　painfully　to　his　wrists　and　ankles。　He　further　was　surprised　to　see　that　he　shared　his　predicament　with　several　other　security　guards；　who　had　apparently　encountered　the　highway　patrol　on　the　pre…dawn　journey　to　the　Amazing　Kingdom　of　Thrills。　There　sat　Ossie　Cano；　former　Seattle　robbery　detective…turned…fence；　William　Z。　Ames；　former　Orlando　patrolman…turned…pornographer；　Neal　〃Bart〃　Bartkowski；　former　sergeant　with　the　Atlanta　police；　currently　appealing　a　federal　conviction　for　tax　evasion。
　〃The　hell's　going　on　here？〃　demanded　Diamond　J。　Love。
　〃Roadblock；〃　Cano　replied。　
　〃A　one…man　roadblock？〃　
　〃I　heard　him　radio　for　backup。〃　
　〃But　still；〃　said　Diamond　J。　Love。　〃One　guy？〃　
　By　sunrise　there　were　nine　of　them　handcuffed　or　otherwise　detained；　a　row　of　sullen　penguins　lined　up　along　County　Road　905。　Basically　it　was　the　Amazing　Kingdom's　entire　security　force；　except　for　Pedro　Luz　and　one　other　guard；　who　had　spent　the　night　at　the　amusement　park。
　Trooper　Jim　Tile　was　impressed　by　the　accuracy　of　Joe　Winder's　intelligence；　particularly　the　make　and　license　numbers　of　the　guards'　personal　cars…information　pilfered　by　Carrie　Lanier　from　the　files　of　the　Personnel　Department。　Jim　Tile　was　also　impressed　that　not　a　single　one　of　the　guards　had　a　clean　record；　to　a　man　there　arose　problems　with　driver's　licenses；　expired　registration　stickers；　doctored　title　certificates　or　unpaid　traffic　tickets。　Each　of　the　nine　attempted　to　slide　out　of　the　road　check　by　flashing　outdated　police　ID…〃badging；〃　in　cop　vernacular。　Two　of　the　nine　had　offered　Jim　Tile　a　whispered　inducement　of　either　cash　or　narcotics；　three　others　had　sealed　their　fate　by　making　racial　remarks。　All　had　been　disarmed　and　handcuffed　so　swiftly；　and　with　such　force；　that　physical　resistance　had　been　impossible。
　When　the　van　from　the　Monroe　County　Sheriff's　Office　arrived；　the　deputy's　eyes　swept　from　Jim　Tile　to　the　cursing　horde　of　prisoners　and　back　again。
　The　deputy　said；　〃Jimmy；　you　do　this　all　by　yourself？〃
　〃One　at　a　time；〃　the　trooper　answered。　〃A　road　check；　that's　all。〃
　〃I　know　some　of　these　boys。〃
　〃Figured　you　might。〃
　〃We　lookin'　at　anything　serious？〃
　〃We're　considering　it。〃
　From　the　end　of　the　line　came　an　outcry　from　Diamond　J。　Love：　〃Dwight；　you　gonna　let　this　nigger　get　away　with　it？〃
　Jim　Tile　gave　no　indication　of　hearing　the　remark。　The　deputy　named　Dwight　did；　however。　〃Damndest　thing；〃　he　said　in　a　hearty　voice。　〃The　air…conditioning　broke　down　in　the　paddy　wagon。　Just　now　happened。〃
　The　trooper　said；　〃What　a　shame。〃
　〃Gonna　be　a　long　trip　back　to　the　substation。〃
　〃Probably　gets　hot　as　hell　inside　that　van。〃
　〃Like　an　oven；〃　Dwight　agreed　with　a　wink。
　〃Fuck　you！〃　shouted　Diamond　J。　Love。　〃Fuck　the　both　of　you。〃
　
　The　phone　bleeped　in　Charles　Chelsea's　apartment　at　seven…fifteen。　It　might　as　well　have　been　a　bomb。
　〃That　fucking　Pedro；　I　can't　find　him！〃　Who　else　but　Francis　X。　Kingsbury。
　〃Have　you　tried　the　gym？〃　Chelsea　said　foggily。
　〃I　tried　everywhere；　hell；　you　name　it。　And　there's　no　guards！　I　waited　and　waited；　finally　said　fuck　it　and　drove　myself　to　work。〃　He　was　on　the　speaker　phone；　hollering　as　he　stormed　around　the　office。
　〃The　security　men　never　showed　up？〃
　〃Wake　up；　dicklick！　I'm　alone；　prende？　No　Pedro；　no　guards；　nada。〃
　Dicklick？　Charles　Chelsea　sat　up　in　bed　and　shook　his　head　like　a　spaniel。　Do　I　really　deserve　to　be　called　a　dicklick？　Is　that　what　I　get　for　all　my　loyalty？
　Kingsbury　continued　to　fulminate：　〃So　where　in　the　name　of　Christ　Almighty　is　everybody？　Today　of　all　days…is　there　something　you're　not　telling　me；　Charlie？〃
　〃I　haven't　heard　a　thing；　sir。　Let　me　check　into　it。〃　
　〃You　do　that！〃　And　he　was　gone。　
　Chelsea　dragged　himself　to　the　kitchen　and　fine…tuned　the　coffee…maker。　In　less　than　two　hours；　some　lucky　customer　would　breach　the　turnstiles　at　the　Amazing　Kingdom　of　Thrills　and　be　proclaimed　the　Five…Millionth　Visitor。　Officially；　at　least。　Chelsea　was　fairly　certain　that　at　least　one　enterprising　journalist　would　take　the　time　to　add　up　the　park's　true　attendance　figures　and　expose　the　promotion　for　the　hoax　that　it　was。　The　scene　was　set　for　a　historic　publicity　disaster；　already　the　national　newsmagazines　and　out…of…state　papers　were　snooping　around；　waiting　for　poor　Jake　Harp　to　expire。　In　recent　days　Chelsea's　office　had　been　deluged　with　applications　for　media　credentials　from　publications　that　previously　had　displayed　no　interest　in　covering　the　Amazing　Kingdom's　Summerfest　Jubilee。　Chelsea　wasn't　naive　enough　to　believe　that　the　New　York　Daily　News　was　seriously　interested　in　a　feature　profile　of　the　engineer　who'd　designed　the　Wet　Willy　water　slide；　no；　their　presence　was　explained　by　pure　rampant　bloodlust。　The　kidnapped　mango　voles；　the　dead　scientist；　the　dead　Orky；　the　nearly　dead　Jake　Harp；　flaming　bulldozers；　phony　snake　invasions；　exploding　cement　trucks…an　irresistible　convergence　of　violence；　mayhem　and　mortality！
　Charles　Chelsea　understood　that　the　dispatches　soon　to　be　filed　from　the　Amazing　Kingdom　of　Thrills　wouldn't　be　bright　or　warm　or　fluffy。　They　would　be　dark　and　ominous　and　chilling。　They　would　describe　a　screaming　rupture　of　the　civil　order；　a　culture　in　terminal　moral　hemorrhage。
　And　this　would　almost　certainly　have　a　negative　effect　on　tourism。　Oh　well；　Chelsea　thought；　I　gave　it　my　best。
　He　foraged　in　the　refrigerator；　unearthed　a　stale　bagel　and　began　gnawing　dauntlessly。　Hearing　a　knock　at　the　door；　he　assumed　that　the　pathologically　impatient　Kingsbury　had　sent　a　car　for　him。
　〃Just　a　second！〃　Chelsea　called；　and　went　to　put　on　a　robe。
　When　he　opened　the　door；　he　faced　the　immutable；　bewhiskered　grin　of　Robbie　Raccoon。
　Who　was　holding；　in　his　three…fingered　polyester　paw；　a　gun。
　Which　was　pointed　at　Charles　Chelsea's　throat。
　〃What's　this？〃　croaked　the　publicity　man。
　〃Show　time；〃　said　Joe　Winder。
　
　THIRTY…TWO
　The　raccoon　suit　was　musty　and　stifling；　but　it