ch.nativetongue-第55章

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　The　four　men　who　were　diagnosed　with　hepatitis　all　began　showing　symptoms　on　Wednesday　morning。　Contrary　to　earlier　reports；　however；　the　victims　did　not　contract　the　virus　from　contaminated　candy　purchased　at　a　vending　machine　in　the　Amazing　Kingdom。　It　is　now　believed　that　the　men…all　of　whom　portray　members　of　Uncle　Ely's　Elves…became　infected　during　a　recent　promotional　trip　to　the　Caribbean　aboard　a　Nassau…based　cruise　ship。
　Moe　Strickland；　the　crusty　character　actor　who　immortalized　the　character　of　Uncle　Ely；　recalled　how　some　of　his　troupe　had　plained　of　〃funky…tasting　lobster〃　during　the　four…day　excursion。　Viral　hepatitis　has　an　incubation　period　of　15　to　45　days。
　Those　who　were　stricken　spent　only　one　night　in　the　hospital；　and　are　now　resting　fortably　at　home。　Although　their　conditions　are　good；　they　will　not　return　to　work　until　doctors　are　sure　that　they　are　not　contagious。
　Dr。　Shulman；　who　has　written　extensively　for　national　medical　journals；　said　he　is　certain　that　the　disease　has　been　contained；　and　that　no　other　employees　or　visitors　to　the　Amazing　Kingdom　are　in　jeopardy。　〃It's　as　safe　as　can　be；〃　he　said。　〃In　fact；　I'm　staying　over　the　weekend　myself　so　I　can　ride　the　new　porpoise！〃
　
　Skimming　the　text；　Charles　Chelsea　changed　the　word　〃outbreak〃　to　〃incidence。〃　Then；　with　uncharacteristic　fire；　he　punched　the　Send　button。
　To　an　invisible　enemy　he　snarled；　〃All　right；　Joey。　It's　go　time。〃
　The　queasy　feeling　that　always　acpanied　the　prospect　of　bad　publicity　had　given　way　to　a　fresh　sense　of　challenge；　Chelsea　felt　he'd　been　training　his　whole　professional　life　for　such　a　test。　He　was　up　against　an　opponent　who　was　talented；　ruthless　and　quite　possibly　insane。
　As　much　as　Chelsea　feared　and　distrusted　Winder；　he　respected　his　creative　skills：　the　vocabulary；　so　rich　in　adjectives；　the　glib　turn　of　an　alliterative　phrase…and；　of　course；　the　speed。　Joe　Winder　was　the　fastest　writer　that　Chelsea　had　ever　seen。
　Now　it　was　just　the　two　of　them：　Winder；　holed　up　God　knows　where；　hammering　out　inflammatory　libels　as　fast　as　his　fingers　could　fly。　And　on　the　other　end；　Chelsea　himself；　waiting　to　catch　these　malicious　grenades　and　smother　them。　The　alternative…meaning；　to　tell　the　truth…was　unthinkable。　To　admit　a　hoaxster　was　loose；　forging　demented　fantasies　on　Amazing　Kingdom　letterhead。。。what　a　story　that　would　make。　In　their　excitement　the　media　would　e　all　over　themselves。　Even　worse；　each　publicity　announcement　from　the　theme　park　would　be　scrutinized　severely　by　reporters　and　editors；　whose　careers　are　seldom　enhanced　by　getting　duped　into　print。　One　thing　that　Charles　Chelsea　（or　any　PR　flack）　didn't　need　was　a　more　toxic　level　of　skepticism　and　suspicion　among　the　journalists　he　was　supposed　to　manipulate。
　So　telling　the　truth　about　Joe　Winder　was　out　of　the　question。　Whatever　revolting　fable　Winder　concocted　next；　Chelsea　would　be　ready　to　extinguish　it　with　press　releases　that　were　both　calm　and　plausible。　One　pack　of　lies　softening　another。
　It　was　going　to　be　one　roaring　hell　of　a　battle。
　
　As　the　Publicity　Department's　fax　machines　were　launching　Chelsea's　counterattack　against　the　hepatitis　scare；　Moe　Strickland　arrived　to　bitch　about　sick　pay　and　what　the　almighty　Screen　Actors　Guild　would　say。
　He　lit　up　a　cigar　and　said；　〃The　union　would　go　nuts。〃
　〃We　don't　recognize　the　union；〃　Chelsea　said　coolly。　〃I　really　don't　understand　your　objections；　Moe。　Most　people　would　kill　for　two　weeks　off。〃
　Moe　Strickland　protested　with　a　wet　cough。　〃You're　docking　us　sick　days；　that's　the　objection。　Because　we're　not　really　sick。〃
　〃That's　something　to　be　taken　up　with　Personnel。　It's　simply　not　my　bailiwick。〃　Charles　Chelsea　waved　his　hands　to　clear　the　rancid　smoke。　The　office　was　starting　to　smell　like　dead　mice。
　〃I　don't　see　why　they　can't　just　give　us　two　weeks　paid；〃　said　Moe　Strickland；　〃and　leave　us　our　sick　days。　Whatever　happened；　it's　sure　not　our　fault。〃
　〃No；　it's　not；〃　Chelsea　agreed。　〃Listen　to　me；　Moe。　Uncle　Ely　and　the　Elves　are　on　vacation；　all　right？　They　went　to　Ireland。　That's　the　official　story。〃
　〃For　Christ's　sake…Ireland？　Does　Ely　sound　like　an　Irish　name？〃　Moe　Strickland　sneered　in　contempt。
　〃I'm　not　here　to　argue；〃　Chelsea　said。　〃But　I　do　wish　to　caution　you　against　speaking　to　the　media。　All　interview　requests　are　to　be　routed　through　me；　understand？〃　
　〃You　mean　like　the　newspapers。〃　
　〃Newspapers；　television；　anybody　asking　questions　about　a　cruise。　You　tell　them　to　call　me。　And　make　sure　the　elves　do　the　same。〃
　〃What；　now　you　don't　trust　us？〃
　〃No　interviews；　Moe。　The　order　es　straight　from　Mr。　X。〃
　〃Figures；〃　said　Moe　Strickland。　〃What's　the　name　of　that　disease？　Tell　me　again。〃
　〃Viral　hepatitis。〃
　〃Sounds　terrible。〃
　〃It's　a　nasty　one；〃　Chelsea　conceded。
　〃Who　in　hell　would　make　up　a　story　like　that？〃　The　actor　smacked　on　the　soggy　stump　of　cigar。　〃What　kind　of　sick　bastard　would　say　such　a　thing？〃
　Chelsea　did　not　reply。　He　was　watching　a　string　of　brown　drool　make　its　way　down　Moe　Strickland's　snowy　beard。
　〃I　feel　like　suing　the　sonofabitch；〃　Moe　Strickland　remarked。
　Chelsea　said；　〃Don't　take　it　personally。　It's　got　nothing　to　do　with　you。〃
　〃I　never　had　hepatitis。　Is　it　some　kind　of　dick　disease？　Because　if　it　is；　we're　definitely　suing　the　bastard。　The　boys're　as　clean　as　a　whistle　down　there　and　they　can　sure　prove　it。〃
　〃Moe；〃　said　Chelsea；　〃please　settle　down。〃　
　〃Does　this　mean　we　can't　march　in　the　Jubilee？〃　
　〃Not　as　Uncle　Ely　and　the　Elves。　We'll　get　you　some　other　costumes…gunslingers；　how　about　that？〃
　〃Oh　great；　midget　gunslingers。　No　thanks。〃　On　his　way　out　the　door；　Moe　Strickland　spit　something　heavy　into　Charles　Chelsea's　wastebasket。
　
　That　night；　Channel　7　devoted　forty　seconds　to　the　hepatitis　scare；　closing　the　piece　with　a　sound…bite　from　Charles　Chelsea；　cool　in　a　crisp　blue　oxford　shirt　and　tortoiseshell　eyeglasses。　The　glasses　were　a　new　touch。　Not　bad；　thought　Joe　Winder；　if　you　like　the　George　Will　look。
　He　was　watching　the　news　with　a　notebook　on　his　lap。　He　called　toward　the　kitchen：　〃He　got　the　number　of　victims　down　from　five　to　four。　Plus　he's　planted　the　idea　that　the　disease　was　picked　up　in　the　Caribbean；　not　at　the　Amazing　Kingdom。　Pretty　damn　slick　on　short　notice！〃
　Carrie　Lanier　was　fixing　popcorn。　〃So　they're　toughing　it　out；〃　she　said。　〃Looks　that　way。〃
　She　came　out　and　placed　the　bowl　on　the　sofa　between　them。　〃They've　got　to　be　worried。〃
　〃I　hope　so。〃　Joe　Winder　thanked　her　again　for　stealing　the　letterhead　paper　from　the　stockroom　in　the　Publicity　Department。　〃And　for　renting　the　fax；〃　he　added。　〃I'll　pay　you　back。〃
　〃Not　necessary；　sir。　Hey；　I　heard　somebody　shot　up　some　rental　cars　on　Card　Sound　Road。〃　〃Yeah；　it　was　on　the　news。〃　
　〃Did　they　catch　the　guy？〃
　〃No；〃　he　said；　〃and　they　won't。〃　He　wondered　if　Skink's　sniper　attack　was　the　beginning　of　a　major　offensive。
　Carrie　pointed　at　the　television。　〃Hey；　look；　it's　Monkey　Mountain！〃
　A　blue　body　bag　was　being　carried　out　of　the　amusement　park。　A　florid　middle…aged　schoolteacher；　a　Miss　Pedrosa；　was　being　interviewed　about　what　happened。
　She　said　her　students　thought　the　man　was　merely　sleeping；　not　dead。　The　news　reporter　said　the　victim　was　believed　to　be　a　recent　immigrant；　a　Latin　male　in　his　mid…thirties。　A　police　detective　at　the　scene　of　the　shooting　said　it　appeared　to　be　a　suicide。　The　detective's　voice　was　nearly　drowned　out　by　the　jabbering　of　angry　baboons　in　a　tree　behind　him。
　Carrie　said；　〃Well；　Mr。　X　ought　to　be　happy。　Finally；　someplace　else　is　getting　bad　press。〃
　〃Strange　place　for　a　suicide；〃　observed　Joe　Winder。
　Carrie　Lanier　stuffed　a　handful　of　popcorn　into　his　mouth。　〃They　gave　me　my　new　costume　today。　You're　gonna　die。〃
　〃Let's　see。〃
　It　was　a　white　fishnet　tank　suit。　Carrie　put　it　on　and　struck　a　Madonna　pose。　〃Isn't　it　awful？〃　she　said。
　Joe　Winder　said　she　looked　irresistibly　slutty。　〃The　Indians　aren't　going　to　like　it；　though。〃
　〃I've　got　a　headband；　too。　And　a　black　wig。〃
　〃The　Seminoles　didn't　wear　fishnets；　they　used　them　on　bass。　By　the　way；　are　those　your　nipples？〃
　〃Who　else's　would　they　be？〃
　〃What　I　mean　is；　isn'