ch.nativetongue-第54章

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ase。
　What　press　release？　Chelsea　had　asked。　The　one　about　hepatitis；　said　the　guy　from　the　newspaper。　The　hepatitis　epidemic　among　Uncle　Ely's　Elves。　In　his　smoothest；　most　controlled　tone；　Chelsea　had　asked　the　newspaper　guy　to　please　fax　him　a　copy。　The　sight　of　it　creeping　off　the　machine　had　sent　a　prickle　down　the　ridge　of　his　spine。
　As　Jake　Harp　prepared　to　tee　off；　Chelsea　showed　the　press　release　to　Francis　X。　Kingsbury　and　said；　〃It's　ours。〃
　〃What　the　hell　you…I　don't　get　it。　Ours？〃　
　〃Meaning　it's　the　real　thing。　The　stationery　is　authentic。〃
　Kingsbury　frowned　at　the　letterhead。　〃Jesus　Christ；　then　we　got　some　kinda　mole。　That　what　you're　saying？　Somebody　on　the　inside　trying　to　screw　with　our　plans？〃　
　〃Not　necessarily；〃　Chelsea　said。
　Jake　Harp　hooked　his　drive　into　a　fairway　bunker。　He　said；　〃Don't　you　boys　know　when　to　shut　up？〃
　This　time　Charles　Chelsea　didn't　bother　to　apologize。　He　itched　to　remind　Jake　Harp　that　dead　silence　hadn't　helped　him　one　bit　in　the　〃78　Masters；　when　he'd　four…putted　the　third　hole　at　Augusta　and　let　Nicklaus；　Floyd；　everybody　and　their　mothers　blow　right　past　him。
　Kingsbury　said；　〃Probably　it's　some　bastard　from　Disney。　A　ringer；　hell；　I　should've　known。　Somebody　they　sent　just　to　screw　me　up　for　the　summer。〃
　〃It's　nobody　on　the　inside；〃　said　Chelsea。　〃It　wasn't　done　on　one　of　our　typewriters。〃
　〃Who　then？　I　mean；　why　in　the　name　of　fuck？〃　Jake　Harp　marveled　at　the　inventive　construction　of　Kingsbury's　profanity。　He　imagined　how　fine　it　would　feel　to　take　a　two…iron　and　pulverize　the　man's　skull　into　melon　rind。　Instead　he　said；　〃You're　up；　Frank。〃
　Charles　Chelsea　stood　back　while　Kingsbury　took　a　practice　swing。　It　was　not　a　thing　of　beauty。　From　the　safety　of　the　cart　path；　Chelsea　said；　〃I　think　it's　Joe　Winder。　The　fellow　we　fired　last　week。　The　one　we've　had　some　trouble　with。〃
　〃What　makes　you　so　sure…wait；　Christ；　didn't　he　used　to　work　for　The　Rat？〃
　〃Yes；　briefly。　Anyway；　there's　some　stationery　missing　from　Publicity。　I　thought　you　ought　to　know。〃　〃How　much？〃
　〃Two　full　boxes；〃　Chelsea　replied。　Enough　to　do　one　fake　press　release　every　day　for　about　three　years。　Or　one　hundred　a　day　until　the　Summerfest　Jubilee。
　Kingsbury　knocked　his　drive　down　the　left　side　of　the　fairway　and　grunted　in　approval。　He　plopped　his　butt　in　the　golf　cart　and　said　to　Chelsea：　〃Let　me　see　it　one　more　time。〃
　Chelsea　gave　him　the　paper　and　climbed　on　the　back　of　the　cart；　wedging　himself　between　the　two　golf　bags。　He　wondered　if　this　was　how　the　Secret　Service　rode　when　the　President　was　playing。
　Pointing　over　Kingsbury's　shoulder；　Chelsea　said；　〃It's　definitely　Winder's　style。　I　recognize　some　of　the　dry　touches。〃
　The　press　release　said：
　
　Medical　authorities　at　the　Amazing　Kingdom　of　Thrills　announced　today　that　the　outbreak　of　viral　hepatitis　that　struck　the　popular　theme　park　this　week　is　〃practically　under　control。〃
　Visitors　to　the　Amazing　Kingdom　are　no　longer　in　immediate　danger　of　infection；　according　to　specialists　who　flew　in　from　the　National　Center　for　Disease　Control　in　Atlanta。　So　far；　five　cases　of　hepatitis　have　been　positively　diagnosed。　All　the　victims　were　actors　who　portray　Uncle　Ely's　Elves；　a　troupe　of　mischievous　trolls　who　frolic　and　dance　in　daily　performances　throughout　the　park。
　Experts　say　there　is　no　reason　to　suspect　that　the　highly　contagious　disease　is　being　transmitted　in　the　food　and　beverages　being　served　at　the　Amazing　Kingdom。　A　more　likely　source　is　the　vending　machine　located　in　a　dressing　room　often　used　by　Uncle　Ely's　Elves　and　several　other　performers。
　Charles　Chelsea；　vice　president　in　charge　of　publicity；　said：　〃We　know　that　the　candy　machine　down　there　hadn't　been　serviced　for　about　seven　months。　There　are　serious　questions　regarding　the　freshness　and　edibility　of　some　of　the　chocolate　products；　as　well　as　the　breath　mints。　All　items　have　been　removed　from　the　machine　and　are　presently　being　tested　for　contamination。〃
　Although　no　cases　of　hepatitis　have　been　reported　among　visitors　to　the　Amazing　Kingdom；　Monroe　County　health　officials　advise　testing　for　anyone　who　has　had　recent　contact　with　any　of　Uncle　Ely's　Elves…or　food　products　handled　by　the　elves。　This　advisory　applies　to　all　persons　who　might　have　posed　for　photographs　or　danced　with　one　of　the　little　people　during　the　Nightly　Pageant　of　Tropics。
　Moe　Strickland；　the　veteran　character　actor　who　popularized　the　role　of　Uncle　Ely；　said　the　stricken　performers　are　resting　quietly　at　Baptist　Hospital　in　Miami；　and　are　expected　to　recover。　He　added；　〃I'm　worried　about　what　the　kids　will　think　when　they　don't　see　us　around　the　park　for　a　few　weeks。　I　guess　we'll　have　to　tell　them　that　Uncle　Ely　took　the　elves　on　a　summer　vacation　to　Ireland；　or　wherever　it　is　that　elves　go。〃
　Chelsea　said　there　are　no　plans　to　close　the　Amazing　Kingdom　to　the　public。　〃This　was　a　freakish　incident；　and　we　are　confident　that　the　worst　is　over；〃　he　said。　〃From　now　on；　we　get　back　to　the　business　of　having　fun。〃
　Beginning　tonight；　the　Amazing　Kingdom　of　Thrills　will　present　a　multi…media　tribute　to　Vance　and　Violet；　the　last　surviving　blue…tongued　mango　voles。　The　gentle　animals　were　stolen　from　the　park　ten　days　ago　in　a　daring　daylight　robbery；　and　later　died　tragically。
　The　show　will　be　presented　at　8　p。m。　in　the　Rare　Animal　Pavilion；　and　will　feature　color　slides；　videotapes；　rare　outdoor　film　footage　and　a　Claymation　exhibit。　Admission　is　4　for　adults；　2。50　for　children。
　
　Kingsbury　reread　the　press　release　as　they　jolted　down　the　cart　path　with　Jake　Harp　at　the　wheel。　When　they　stopped　next　to　his　golf　ball；　Kingsbury　shoved　the　paper　back　at　Chelsea。　〃It　sounds　awfully　damn。。。what's　the　word？〃
　〃Authentic；　sir。　This　is　what　we're　up　against。〃
　〃I　mean；　hell；　it　sure　puts　me　off　the　candy　machines。〃
　〃It's　fooling　the　reporters；　too；〃　Chelsea　said。
　〃You　say　this　maniac's　got…what；　two　goddamn　boxes？〃
　〃That's　what's　missing。〃
　Jake　Harp　said；　〃If　you're　not　going　to　play　that　lie；　pick　the　damn　thing　up。〃
　Kingsbury　paid　no　attention。　〃I　guess　we'll　need…obviously；　what　am　I　saying！…get　a　new　letterhead　for　Publicity。〃
　〃I　ordered　it　this　morning；〃　Chelsea　reported。　〃I'm　afraid　it　won't　be　ready　for　two　weeks。〃
　〃Don't　tell　me…God；　two　weeks。　So　what　do　we　do　if　your　theory's　right？　If　it's　Winder；　I　mean。〃　Kingsbury　took　his　stance　and　rifled　a　six…iron　dead　into　the　heart　of　a　tea…colored　pond。
　〃See　what　happens　when　you　run　your　mouth；〃　said　Jake　Harp。
　〃The　options　are　limited；〃　Chelsea　told　Kingsbury。　〃Do　we　e　right　out　and　admit　it's　a　fake？　A　disgruntled　former　employee；　blah；　blah；　blah。　Or　do　we　roll　with　it？　Take　the　hit　and　hope　it's　over。〃
　〃Is　that　your　advice？　Roll　with　it？〃
　〃For　now；　yes。〃
　〃Me；　too；〃　Francis　Kingsbury　said。　〃Besides；　Pedro's　on　the　case。〃　A　brand…new　golf　ball　appeared　in　Kingsbury's　right　hand；　and　he　dropped　it　with　a　flourish　on　the　fairway。　This　time　he　nailed　the　six…iron　to　the　center　of　the　green；　fifteen　feet　from　the　flag。
　Jake　Harp　blinked　sullenly　and　said　nothing。
　
　A　duel。
　That's　how　Charles　Chelsea　saw　it。　The　ultimate　test　of　skills。
　He　warmed　up　the　word　processor　and　began　to　write：
　
　The　outbreak　of　viral　hepatitis　among　performers　at　the　Amazing　Kingdom　of　Thrills　was　not　as　serious　as　first　believed；　according　to　a　respected　epidemiologist　who　visited　the　popular　tourist　attraction　Friday。
　The　disease　was　confined　to　only　four　persons；　none　of　whom　became　seriously　ill；　according　to　Dr。　Neil　Shulman；　an　international　expert　on　liver　pathology。
　〃Visitors　to　the　Amazing　Kingdom　are　in　absolutely　no　danger；〃　Dr。　Shulman　declared。　〃There's　no　evidence　that　the　disease　originated　here。　The　food　and　beverages　I've　sampled　are　perfectly　safe…and　tasty；　too！〃
　Initially　it　was　believed　that　five　persons　were　infected　with　hepatitis。　Later；　however；　it　was　determined　that　one　of　the　ill　employees　was　actually　suffering　from　gallstones；　a　mon　and　non…transmittable　disorder。
　The　four　men　who　were　diagnosed　with　hepatitis　all　began　showing　symptoms　on　Wednesday　morning。　Contrary　to　earlier　reports；　however；　the　victims　did　not　contract　the　v