ch.nativetongue-第42章

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ther　to　inquire　if　the　blue…tongued　mango　voles　were　real。
　The　government　check　had　arrived　on　time；　they'd　split　it　fifty…fifty　and　that　was　that。　Francis　Kingsbury　paid　no　further　attention　to　the　creatures　until　customers　started　noticing　that　the　voles〃　tongues　were　no　longer　very　blue。　Once　children　openly　began　grilling　the　Amazing　Kingdom　tour　guides　about　how　the　animals　got　their　name；　Kingsbury　ordered　Pedro　Luz　to　get　some　food　coloring　and　touch　the　damn　things　up。　Unfortunately；　Pedro　had　neither　the　patience　nor　the　gentle　touch　required　to　be　an　animal　handler；　and　one　of　the　voles…the　female…was　crushed　accidentally　during　a　tongue…painting　session。　Afraid　for　his　job；
　Pedro　Luz　had　told　no　one　of　the　mishap。　To　replace　the　deceased　vole；　he　had　purchased　a　dwarf　hamster　for　nine　dollars　from　a　pet　store　in　Perrine。　After　minor　modifications；　the　hamster　had　fooled　both　the　customers　and　the　male　vole；　which　repeatedly　attempted　to　mount　its　chubby　new　panion。　Not　only　had　the　hamster　rejected　these　advances；　it　had　counterattacked　with　such　ferocity　that　Pedro　Luz　had　been　forced　to　hire　a　night　security　guard　to　prevent　a　bloodbath。
　Matters　were　further　plicated　by　the　appearance　of　an　ill…mannered　pinhead　from　U。S。　Fish　and　Wildlife；　who　had　barged　into　the　theme　park　and　demanded　follow…up　data　from　the　〃project　manager。〃　Of　course　there　was　no　such　person　because　there　was　no　project　to　manage；　research　consisted　basically　of　making　sure　that　the　rodents　were　still　breathing　every　morning　before　the　gates　were　opened。　With　the　feds　suddenly　asking　questions；　Charles　Chelsea　had　quietly　put　out　an　all…points　bulletin　for　a　legitimate　biologist…a　recruiting　effort　that　eventually　induced　Dr。　Will　Koocher　to　e　to　the　Amazing　Kingdom　of　Thrills。
　
　Kingsbury　decided　not　to　burden　Rachel　Lark　with　the　details　of　the　doctor's　grisly　demise；　it　was　irrelevant　to　the　purpose　of　his　call。
　〃Forget　the　money；〃　Kingsbury　told　her。
　〃I　must　be　hearing　things。〃
　〃No；　I　mean　it。〃
　〃Then　what　do　you　want？〃
　〃More　voles。〃
　〃You're　joking。〃
　〃My　customers；　hell；　they　go　nuts　for　the　damn　things。　Now　I　got　spin…offs；　merchandise…a　major　warehouse　situation；　if　you　follow　me。〃
　〃Sorry；〃　Rachel　Lark　said；　〃it　was　a　one…time　deal。〃　She'd　pulled　off　the　endangered…species　racket　on　two　other　occasions…once　for　a　small　Midwestern　zoo；　and　once　for　a　disreputable　reptile　farm　in　South　Carolina。　Neither　deal　made　as　much　money　as　the　mango…vole　scam；　but　neither　had　wound　up　in　the　headlines　of　the　Washington　Post；　either。
　Kingsbury　said；　〃Look；　I　know　there's　no　more　mango　voles…〃
　〃Hey；　sport；　there　never　were　any　mango　voles。〃
　〃So　what　you're　saying；　we　defrauded　the　government。〃
　〃God；　you're　quick。〃
　〃I'm　wondering；〃　said　Kingsbury；　〃those　fucking　fur…balls　I　paid　for…what　were　they？　Just　out　of　curiosity。〃
　Rachel　Lark　said；　〃Give　me　some　credit；　Frankie。　They　were　voles。　Microtus　pitymys。　mon　pine　voles。〃
　〃Not　endangered？〃
　〃There's　billions　of　the　darn　things。〃
　It　figures；　Kingsbury　thought。　The　blue　tongues　were　a　neat　touch。　〃So　get　me　some　more；〃　he　said。　〃We'll　call　'em　something　else；　banana　voles　or　whatever。　The　name's　not　important；　long　as　they're　cute。〃
　The　woman　who　called　herself　Rachel　Lark　said：　〃Look；　I　can　get　you　other　animals…rare；　not　endangered…but　my　advice　is　to　stay　away　from　the　feds　for　a　while。　You　put　in　for　another　big　grant；　it's　a　swell　way　to　get　audited。〃
　Again　Kingsbury　agreed　without　objection。　〃So　what　else　have　you　got；　I　mean；　in　the　way　of　a　species？〃
　〃Lizards　are　your　best　bet。〃　Rachel　Lark　stretched　on　her　belly　and　motioned　the　masseur；　whose　real　name　was　Ray；　to　do　her　spine。
　〃Christ　on　a　Harley；　who　wants　goddamn　lizards！〃　Kingsbury　cringed　at　the　idea；　he　had　been　thinking　more　along　the　lines　of　a　panda　or　a　koala　bear。　〃I　need　something；　you　know；　soft　and　furry　and　all　that。　Something　the　kiddies'll　want　to　take　home。〃
　Rachel　Lark　explained　that　the　Florida　Keys　were　home　to　a　very　limited　number　of　native　mammals；　and　the　sudden　discovery　of　a　new　species　（so　soon　after　the　mango…vole　announcement）　would　attract　more　scientific　scrutiny　than　the　Amazing　Kingdom　could　withstand。
　〃You're　saying；　I　take　it；　forget　about　pandas。〃
　〃Frank；　they'd　die　of　heatstroke　in　about　five　minutes。〃
　Exasperated；　Kingsbury　said；　〃I　got　problems　down　here　you　wouldn't　believe。〃　He　nearly　told　her　about　the　blackmailing　burglars。
　〃A　new　lizard　you　can　get　away　with；〃　she　said；　〃especially　in　the　tropics。〃
　〃Rachel；　what'd　I　just　say？　Fuck　the　lizards。　I　can't　market　lizards。〃
　Rachel　Lark　moaned　blissfully　as　the　masseur　kneaded　the　muscles　of　her　neck。　〃My　advice；〃　she　said　into　the　phone；　〃is　stay　away　from　mammals　and　birds…it's　too　risky。　Insects　are　another　story。　Dozens　of　species　of　insects　are　discovered　every　year。　Grasshoppers；　doodlebugs；　you　name　it。〃
　There　was　a　grumpy　pause　on　the　other　end。　Finally；　Francis　X。　Kingsbury　said；　〃Getting　back　to　the　lizards。　I　mean；　for　the　sake　of　argument。。。〃
　〃They're　very　colorful；〃　said　the　woman　who　called　herself　Rachel　Lark。
　〃Ugly　is　out　of　the　question；〃　Kingsbury　stated　firmly。　〃Ugly　scares　the　kiddies。〃
　〃Not　all　reptiles　are　ugly；　Frankie。　In　fact；　some　are　very　beautiful。〃
　〃All　right；〃　he　said。　〃See　what　you　can　do。〃
　The　woman　who　called　herself　Rachel　Lark　hung　up　the　phone　and　closed　her　eyes。　When　she　awoke；　the　masseur　was　gone　and　the　man　from　Singapore　was　knocking　on　the　door。　In　one　hand　was　a　small　bouquet　of　yellow　roses；　and　in　the　other　was　a　tan　briefcase　holding　a　large　down　payment　for　a　shipment　of　rare　albino　scorpions。　Real　ones。
　
　EIGHTEEN
　On　the　morning　of　July　23；　a　semi…tractor　truck　leaving　North　Key　Largo　lost　its　brakes　on　the　Card　Sound　Bridge。　The　truck　plowed　through　the　tollbooth；　jack…knifed　and　overturned；　blocking　both　lanes　of　traffic　and　effectively　severing　the　northern　arm　of　the　island　from　the　Florida　mainland。　The　gelatinous　contents　of　the　container　were　strewn　for　ninety…five　yards　along　the　road；　and　within　minutes　the　milky…blue　sky　filled　with　turkey　buzzards…hundreds　of　them；　wheeling　counterclockwise　lower　and　lower；　only　the　noisy　throng　of　gawkers　kept　the　hungry　scavengers　from　landing　on　the　crash　site。　The　first　policeman　to　arrive　was　Highway　Patrol　Trooper　Jim　Tile；　who　nearly　flipped　his　Crown　Victoria　cruiser　when　he　tried　to　stop　on　the　freshly　slickened　pavement。　The　trooper　tugged　the　truck　driver　from　the　wreckage　and；　while　splinting　the　man's　arm；　demanded　to　know　what　godforsaken　cargo　he'd　been　hauling。
　〃A　dead　whale；〃　moaned　the　driver；　〃and　that's　all　I'm　saying。〃
　
　Charles　Chelsea　was　summoned　to　Francis　X。　Kingsbury's　office　at　the　unholy　hour　of　seven　in　the　morning。
　Kingsbury　looked　as　if　he　hadn't　slept　since　Easter。　He　asked　Chelsea　how　long　it　would　take　to　get　the　TV　stations　out　to　the　Amazing　Kingdom　of　Thrills。
　〃Two　hours；〃　Chelsea　said　confidently。
　〃Do　it。〃　Kingsbury　blew　his　nose。　〃On　the　horn；　now。〃
　〃What's　the　occasion；　if　I　might　ask？〃
　Kingsbury　held　up　five　fingers。　〃Today's　the　big　day。　Our　five…millionth　visitor。　Arrange　something；　a　fucking　parade；　I　don't　care。〃
　Charles　Chelsea　felt　his　stomach　yaw。　〃Five　million　visitors；〃　he　said。　〃Sir；　I　didn't　realize　we'd　reached　that　milestone。〃
　〃We　haven't。〃　Kingsbury　hacked　ferociously　into　a　monogrammed　handkerchief。　〃Damn　my　hay　fever；　I　think　it's　the　mangroves。　Every　morning　my　whole　head's　fulla　snot。〃　He　pushed　a　copy　of　the　Wall　Street　Journal　at　Chelsea。　A　column　on　the　front　page　announced　that　Walt　Disney　World　was　expanding　its　empire　to　build　a　mammoth　retail　shopping　center；　one　of　the　largest　in　the　Southeastern　United　States。
　〃See；　we　can't　just　sit　here；〃　Kingsbury　said。　〃Got　to　e　back　strong。　Big　media　counterpunch。〃
　Chelsea　skimmed　the　Journal　article　and　laid　it　on　his　lap。　Tentatively　he　said；　〃It's　hard　to　pete　with　something　like　this。　I　mean；　it　goes　so　far　beyond　the　realm　of　a　family　theme　park…〃
　〃Bullshit；〃　said　Kingsbury。　〃The　Miami…Lauderdale　TV　market　is…what；　three　times　the　size　of　Orlando。　Plus　CNN；　don't　they　have　a　bureau　down　here？〃　Kingsbury　s