ch.nativetongue-第14章

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　〃Thanks；　boss。　And　you're　right…it　was　a　piece。〃
　Chelsea　sat　down；　eyeing　the　fast…food　debris　on　Joe　Winder's　tray。　One　of　Uncle　Ely's　Elves；　sitting　at　the　other　end　of　the　table；　belched　sonorously。　Charles　Chelsea　pretended　not　to　notice。　He　said；　〃Not　to　brag；　Joey；　but　I　think　I　did　a　pretty　fair　job　with　this　ditty　myself。　Mr。　X　loved　his　quotes。　He　said　I　made　him　sound　like　a　real　human　being。〃
　With　the　tips　of　his　fingers；　Joe　Winder　began　to　rub　both　his　temples　in　a　ferocious　circular　motion。
　Chelsea　asked；　〃Now　what's　the　matter？〃
　〃Headache。〃　Winder　squinted　as　tightly　as　he　could；　to　wring　the　pain　out　of　his　eyeballs。　〃Listen；　I　called　Dr。　Koocher's　house。　He　didn't　go　home　last　night。　His　wife　is　scared　out　of　her　mind。〃
　〃Maybe　he　just　got　depressed　and　tied　one　on。　Or　maybe　he's　got　a　girlfriend。〃
　Joe　Winder　decided　not　to　tell　Chelsea　that　Koocher　had　tried　to　reach　him。　〃His　wife's　eight　months　pregnant；　Charlie。　She　says　he　usually　calls　about　nineteen　times　an　hour；　but　she　hasn't　heard　a　word　since　yesterday。〃
　〃What　would　you　like　me　to　do？〃
　〃Worry　like　hell；〃　said　Winder。　He　stood　up。　〃Also；　I'd　like　your　permission　to　talk　to　Pedro　Luz。　I　think　he's　hiding　something。〃
　Charles　Chelsea　said；　〃You　can't　talk　to　him；　Joe。　He's　in　the　hospital。〃　He　paused　wearily　and　shook　his　head。　〃Don't　ask。〃
　〃e　on；　Charlie。〃
　〃For　rabies　shots。〃
　〃I　should've　guessed；〃　Winder　said。　〃My　condolences　to　the　dog。〃
　〃It　wasn't　a　dog；〃　Chelsea　said。　〃Can't　this　wait　till　tomorrow？　Pedro's　in　a　lot　of　pain。〃
　〃No；〃　said　Joe　Winder；　〃that's　perfect。〃
　
　Pedro　Luz　had　been　taken　to　the　closest　emergency　room；　which　was　Mariners'　Hospital　down　on　Plantation　Key。　The　nurse　on　duty　remembered　Pedro　Luz　very　well；　and　directed　Joe　Winder　to　a　private　room　on　the　second　floor。
　He　didn't　bother　to　knock；　just　eased　the　door　open。　The　impressive　bulk　of　Pedro　Luz　was　propped　up　in　bed；　watching　a　Spanish…language　soap　opera　on　Channel　23。　He　was　sucking　on　one　end　of　the　plastic　IV　tube；　which　he　had　yanked　out　of　his　arm。
　〃That　doesn't　go　in　your　mouth；〃　Winder　told　him。
　〃Yeah；　well；　I'm　thirsty。〃
　〃You're　bleeding　all　over　the　place。〃
　〃What　do　you　care？〃　said　Pedro　Luz。　With　a　corner　of　the　sheet　he　swabbed　the　blood　from　his　arm。　〃You　better　get　out　of　here。　I　mean　right　now。〃
　Joe　Winder　pulled　a　chair　close　to　the　bed　and　sat　down。　Pedro　Luz　smelled　like　a　fifty…five…gallon　drum　of　rubbing　alcohol。　His　luxuriant　hair　stood　in　oily　black　spikes；　and　his　massive　neck　was　covered　with　angry　purple　acne；　a　side　effect　of　the　fruit…and…steroid　body…building　diet。
　〃You　like　your　job？〃　Winder　asked　him。
　〃What　do　you　mean…at　the　Kingdom？　Sure；　I　guess。〃　The　security　man　pulled　the　covers　off　his　legs；　so　Joe　Winder　could　see　the　bandages　on　his　ferret…gnawed　ankle。　〃Except　for　shit　like　this；〃　said　Pedro　Luz。　〃Otherwise；　it's　an　okay　job　most　of　the　time。〃
　Winder　said；　〃So　you　really　wouldn't　want　to　get　fired。〃
　〃The　hell　are　you　talking　about？〃
　〃For　lying。　I　think　you're　lying。〃
　〃What　about？〃
　Joe　Winder　said；　〃Don't　play　dumb　with　me。〃　As　if　the　guy　had　a　choice。　〃Tell　me　why　you　sent　a　man　to　Koocher's　lab　yesterday。　I　know　you　did；　because　he　called　me　about　it。〃
　Pedro　Luz　got　red　in　the　cheeks。　The　cords　in　his　neck　stood　out　like　a　rutting　bull's。　〃I　already　told　you；〃　he　said。　〃I　don't　have　no　report　on　that　guy。〃
　〃He's　missing　from　the　park。〃
　〃Then　I'll　do　up　a　report；〃　Pedro　Luz　said。　He　breathed　deeply；　as　if　trying　to　calm　himself。　〃Soon　as　I　get　outta　here；　I'll　make　a　report。〃　He　took　the　IV　tube　out　of　his　mouth。　〃This　stuff's　not　so　bad；〃　he　said　thoughtfully。　〃Tastes　like　sugar　syrup。〃　He　replaced　the　tube　between　his　lips　and　sucked　on　it　loudly。
　Joe　Winder　said；　〃You're　a　moron。〃
　〃What　did　you　say？〃
　〃Make　that　a　submoron。〃
　Pedro　Luz　shrugged。　〃I'd　beat　the　piss　out　of　you；　if　I　didn't　feel　so　bad。　They　gave　me　about　a　million　shots。〃　He　leered　woozily　and　opened　his　gown。　〃See；　they　broke　two　needles　on　my　stomach。〃
　Joe　Winder　couldn't　help　but　admire　Pedro　Luz's　physique。　He　could　see　the　bright　crimson　spots　where　the　hypodermics　had　bent　against　the　muscle。
　〃Least　I　won't　get　the　rabies；〃　said　Pedro　Luz；　drawing　merrily　on　the　tube。　〃You　oughta　take　off；　before　I　start　feeling　better。〃
　Winder　stood　up　and　slid　the　chair　back　to　its　corner。　〃Last　chance；　Hercules。　Tell　me　why　you　sent　a　man　to　the　lab　yesterday。〃
　〃Or　else　what？〃
　〃Or　we　play　〃This　Is　Your　Life；　Pedro　Dipshit。〃　I　tell　Kingsbury's　people　all　about　your　sterling　employment　record　with　the　Miami　Police　Department。　I　might　even　give　them　a　copy　of　the　indictment。　A　spine…chilling　saga；　Pedro。　Not　for　the　meek　and　mild。〃
　Pedro　Luz　removed　the　tube　and　wiped　his　lips　on　the　sleeve　of　his　gown。　He　looked　genuinely　puzzled。　〃But　they　know；〃　he　said。　〃They　know　all　about　it。〃
　〃And　they　hired　you　anyway？〃
　〃Course；〃　said　Pedro　Luz。　〃It　was　Kingsbury　himself。　He　said　every　man　deserves　a　second　chance。〃
　〃I　admire　that　philosophy；〃　Joe　Winder　said；　〃most　of　the　time。〃
　〃Yeah；　well；　Mr。　X　took　a　personal　liking　to　me。　That's　why　I'm　not　too　worried　about　all　your　bullshit。〃
　〃Yes；〃　said　Joe　Winder。　〃I'm　beginning　to　understand。〃
　〃Because　you　couldn't　get　me　fired　no　matter　what；〃　said　Pedro　Luz。　〃And　you　know　what　else？　Don't　never　call　me　a　moron　again；　if　you　know　what's　good　for　you。〃
　〃I　guess　I　don't；〃　said　Joe　Winder。　〃Obviously。〃
　
　SEVEN
　The　ticket　taker　at　the　Wet　Willy　attraction　was　trying　to　control　his　temper。　Firm；　but　friendly。　That's　how　you　deal　with　difficult　customers；　that's　what　they　taught　in　ticket…taker　training。
　The　young　man；　who　was　new　to　the　job；　said；　〃I'm　sorry；　sir；　but　you　can't　cut　to　the　front　of　the　line。　These　other　people　have　been　waiting　for　a　long　time。〃
　〃These　other　people；〃　the　man　said；　〃tell　me；　do　they　own　this　fucking　joint？〃
　The　ticket　taker　did　not　recognize　Francis　X。　Kingsbury；　who　wore　thong　sandals；　baggy　pastel　swim　trunks　and　no　shirt。　He　also　had　a　stopwatch　hanging　from　a　red　lanyard　around　his　neck。
　〃Now；　you　don't　want　me　to　call　Security；〃　the　ticket　taker　said。
　〃Nothing　but　idiots；〃　Kingsbury　muttered；　pushing　his　pallid　belly　through　the　turnstile。　He　shuffled　up　two　flights　of　stairs　to　the　launching　ramp；　and　dropped　to　all　fours。
　The　Wet　Willy　ride　was　one　of　the　Amazing　Kingdom's　most　popular　thrill　attractions；　and　one　of　the　cheapest　to　operate。　A　marvel　of　engineering　simplicity；　it　was　nothing　but　a　long　translucent　latex　tube。　The　inside　was　painted　in　outrageous　psychedelic　hues；　and　kept　slippery　with　drain　water　diverted　at　no　cost　from　nearby　drinking　fountains。　The　narrow　tube　descended　from　a　height　of　approximately　six　stories；　with　riders　plunging　downhill　at　an　average　angle　of　twenty…seven　exhilarating　degrees。
　Francis　X。　Kingsbury　was　exceptionally　proud　of　the　Wet　Willy　because　the　whole　contraption　had　been　his　idea；　his　concept。　The　design　engineers　at　the　Amazing　Kingdom　had　wanted　something　to　pete　with　Disney's　hugely　successful　Space　Mountain　ride。　Kingsbury　had　collected　all　the　press　clippings　about　Space　Mountain　and　used　a　bright　yellow　marker　to　emphasize　his　contempt　for　the　project；　particularly　the　development　cost。　〃Seventeen　million　bucks；〃　he　had　scoffed；　〃for　a　frigging　roller　ride　in　the　dark。〃
　The　engineers　had　earnestly　presented　several　options　for　the　Amazing　Kingdom…Jungle　Coaster；　Moon　Coaster；　Alpine　Death　Coaster…but　Kingsbury　rejected　each　for　the　obvious　reason　that　roller…coaster　cars　and　roller…coaster　tracks　cost　money。　So　did　the　electricity　needed　to　run　them。
　〃Gravity！〃　Kingsbury　had　grumped。　〃The　most　underused　energy　source　on　the　planet。〃
　〃So　you're　suggesting　a　slide；〃　ventured　one　of　the　engineers。　〃Maybe　a　water　slide。〃
　Kingsbury　had　shaken　his　head　disdainfully。　Slides　look　cheap；　he'd　plained；　we're　not　running　a　goddamn　State　Fair。　A　tube　would　be　better；　a　sleek　space…age　tube。
　〃Think　condom；〃　he　had　advised　the　engineers。　〃A　three…hundred…foot　condom。〃
　And　so　the　Wet　Willy　was　erected。　Instantly　it　had　bee　a　sensation　among　tourists　at　the　park；　a　fact　that　edified　Kings