mc.prey-第8章

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you're　the　walking　wounded；　it's　night　of　the　living　dead；　but　he　won't　tell　you。　In　my　experience；　guys　never　tell　other　guys　when　they　know　something　about　their　wives。　But　women　always　tell　other　women；　if　they　know　of　a　husband's　infidelity。
　That's　just　how　it　is。
　But　I　was　feeling　so　tense　I　wanted　to…
　〃Hey；　look　at　the　time；〃　Ricky　said；　giving　me　a　big　grin。　〃I'm　late；　Mary'll　kill　me；　I've　got　to　run。　She's　already　annoyed　because　I　have　to　spend　the　next　few　days　at　the　fab　facility。　So　I'll　be　out　of　town　while　the　maid's　gone　。。。〃　He　shrugged。　〃You　know　how　it　is。〃
　〃Yeah；　I　do。　Good　luck。〃
　〃Hey；　man。　Take　care。〃
　We　shook　hands。　Murmured　another　good…bye。　Ricky　rolled　his　cart　around　the　corner　of　the　aisle；　and　was　gone。
　Sometimes　you　can't　think　about　painful　things；　you　can't　make　your　mind　focus　on　them。　Your　brain　just　slips　away；　no　thank　you；　let's　change　the　subject。　That　was　happening　to　me　now。　I　couldn't　think　about　Julia；　so　I　started　thinking　about　what　Ricky　had　told　me　about　their　fabrication　plant。　And　I　decided　it　probably　made　sense；　even　though　it　went　against　the　conventional　wisdom　about　nanotechnology。
　There　was　a　long…standing　fantasy　among　nanotechnologists　that　once　somebody　figured　out　how　to　manufacture　at　the　atomic　level；　it　would　be　like　running　the　four…minute　mile。　Everybody　would　do　it；　unleashing　a　flood　of　wonderful　molecular　creations　rolling　off　assembly　lines　all　around　the　world。　In　a　matter　of　days；　human　life　would　be　changed　by　this　marvelous　new　technology。　As　soon　as　somebody　figured　out　how　to　do　it。
　But　of　course　that　would　never　happen。　The　very　idea　was　absurd。　Because　in　essence；　molecular　manufacturing　wasn't　so　different　from　puter　manufacturing　or　flow…valve　manufacturing　or　automobile　manufacturing　or　any　other　kind　of　manufacturing。　It　took　a　while　to　get　it　right。　In　fact；　assembling　atoms　to　make　a　new　molecule　was　closely　analogous　to　piling　a　puter　program　from　individual　lines　of　code。　And　puter　code　never　piled；　the　first　time　out。　The　programmers　always　had　to　go　back　and　fix　the　lines。　And　even　after　it　was　piled；　a　puter　program　never　ever　worked　right　the　first　time。　Or　the　second　time。　Or　the　hundredth　time。　It　had　to　be　debugged；　and　debugged　again；　and　again。　And　again。
　I　always　believed　it　would　be　the　same　with　these　manufactured　molecules…they'd　have　to　be　debugged　again　and　again　before　they　worked　right。　And　if　Xymos　wanted　〃flocks〃　of　molecules　working　together；　they'd　also　have　to　debug　the　way　the　molecules　municated　with　each　other；　however　limited　that　munication　was。　Because　once　the　molecules　municated；　you　had　a　primitive　network。　To　organize　it；　you'd　probably　program　a　distributed　net。　Of　the　kind　I　had　been　developing　at　MediaTronics。　So　I　could　perfectly　well　imagine　them　doing　programming　along　with　the　manufacturing。　But　I　couldn't　see　Julia　hanging　around　while　they　did　it。　The　fab　facility　was　far　from　the　Xymos　headquarters。　It　was　literally　in　the　middle　of　nowhere…out　in　the　desert　near　Tonopah；　Nevada。　And　Julia　didn't　like　to　be　in　the　middle　of　nowhere。　I　was　sitting　in　the　pediatrician's　waiting　room　because　the　baby　was　due　for　her　next　round　of　immunizations。　There　were　four　mothers　in　the　room；　bouncing　sick　kids　on　their　laps　while　the　older　children　played　on　the　floor。　The　mothers　all　talked　to　each　other　and　studiously　ignored　me。
　I　was　getting　used　to　this。　A　guy　at　home；　a　guy　in　a　setting　like　the　pediatrician's　office；　was　an　unusual　thing。　But　it　also　meant　that　something　was　wrong。　There　was　probably　something　wrong　with　the　guy；　he　couldn't　get　a　job；　maybe　he　was　fired　for　alcoholism　or　drugs；　maybe　he　was　a　bum。　Whatever　the　reason；　it　wasn't　normal　for　a　man　to　be　in　the　pediatrician's　office　in　the　middle　of　the　day。　So　the　other　mothers　pretended　I　wasn't　there。　Except　they　shot　me　the　occasional　worried　glance；　as　if　I　might　be　sneaking　up　on　them　to　rape　them　while　their　backs　were　turned。　Even　the　nurse；　Gloria；　seemed　suspicious。　She　glanced　at　the　baby　in　my　arms…who　wasn't　crying；　and　was　hardly　sniffling。　〃What　seems　to　be　the　problem？〃
　I　said　we　were　here　for　immunizations。
　〃She's　been　here　before？〃
　Yes；　she　had　been　ing　to　the　doctor　since　she　was　born。
　〃Are　you　related？〃
　Yes；　I　was　the　father。
　Eventually　we　were　ushered　in。　The　doctor　shook　hands　with　me；　was　very　friendly；　never　asked　why　I　was　there　instead　of　my　wife　or　the　housekeeper。　He　gave　two　injections。　Amanda　howled。　I　bounced　her　on　my　shoulder；　forted　her。
　〃She　may　have　a　little　swelling；　a　little　local　redness。　Call　me　if　it's　not　gone　in　forty…eight　hours。〃　Then　I　was　back　in　the　waiting　room；　trying　to　get　out　my　credit　card　to　pay　the　bill　while　the　baby　cried。　And　that　was　when　Julia　called。
　〃Hi。　What're　you　doing？〃　She　must　have　heard　the　baby　screaming。
　〃Paying　the　pediatrician。〃
　〃Bad　time？〃
　〃Kind　of　。。。〃
　〃Okay；　listen；　I　just　wanted　to　say　I　have　an　early　night…finally！…so　I'll　be　home　for　dinner。　What　do　you　say　I　pick　up　on　my　way　home？〃
　〃That'd　be　great；〃　I　said。
　Eric's　soccer　practice　ran　late。　It　was　getting　dark　on　the　field。　The　coach　always　ran　practice　late。　I　paced　the　sidelines；　trying　to　decide　whether　to　plain。　It　was　so　hard　to　know　when　you　were　coddling　your　kid；　and　when　you　were　legitimately　protecting　them。　Nicole　called　on　her　cell　to　say　that　her　play　rehearsal　was　over；　and　why　hadn't　I　picked　her　up？　Where　was　I？　I　said　I　was　still　with　Eric　and　asked　if　she　could　catch　a　ride　with　anybody。
　〃Dad　。。。〃　she　said；　exasperated。　You'd　think　I　had　asked　her　to　crawl　home。
　〃Hey；　I'm　stuck。〃
　Very　sarcastic：　〃Whatever。〃
　〃Watch　that　tone；　young　lady。〃
　But　a　few　minutes　later；　soccer　was　abruptly　canceled。　A　big　green　maintenance　truck　pulled　onto　the　field；　and　two　men　came　out　wearing　masks　and　big　rubber　gloves；　with　spray　cans　on　their　backs。　They　were　going　to　spray　weed　killer　or　something；　and　everybody　had　to　stay　off　the　field　overnight。
　I　called　Nicole　back　and　said　we　would　pick　her　up。
　〃When？〃
　〃We're　on　our　way　now。〃
　〃From　the　little　creep's　practice？〃
　〃e　on；　Nic。〃
　〃Why　does　he　always　e　first？〃
　〃He　doesn't　always　e　first。〃
　〃Yes　he　does。　He's　a　little　creep。〃
　〃Nicole　。。。〃
　〃Sor…ry。〃
　〃See　you　in　a　few　minutes。〃　I　clicked　off。　Kids　are　more　advanced　these　days。　The　teenage　years　now　start　at　eleven。
　By　five…thirty　the　kids　were　home；　raiding　the　fridge。　Nicole　was　eating　a　big　chunk　of　string　cheese。　I　told　her　to　stop；　it　would　ruin　her　dinner。　Then　I　went　back　to　setting　the　table。　〃When　is　dinner？〃
　〃Soon。　Mom's　bringing　it　home。〃
　〃Uh…huh。〃　She　disappeared　for　a　few　minutes；　and　then　she　came　back。　〃She　says　she's　sorry　she　didn't　call；　but　she's　going　to　be　late。〃
　〃What？〃　I　was　pouring　water　into　the　glasses　on　the　table。
　〃She's　sorry　she　didn't　call　but　she's　going　to　be　late。　I　just　talked　to　her。〃
　〃Jesus。〃　It　was　irritating。　I　tried　never　to　show　my　irritation　around　the　kids；　but　sometimes　it　slipped　out。　I　sighed。　〃Okay。〃
　〃I'm　really　hungry　now；　Dad。〃
　〃Get　your　brother　and　get　into　the　car；〃　I　said。　〃We're　going　to　the　drive…in。〃　Later　that　night；　as　I　was　carrying　the　baby　to　bed；　my　elbow　brushed　against　a　photograph　on　the　living…room　bookshelf。　It　clattered　to　the　floor；　I　stooped　to　pick　it　up。　It　was　a　picture　of　Julia　and　Eric　in　Sun　Valley　when　he　was　four。　They　were　both　in　snowsuits；　Julia　was　helping　him　learn　to　ski；　and　smiling　radiantly。　Next　to　it　was　a　photo　of　Julia　and　me　on　our　eleventh　wedding　anniversary　in　Kona；　I　was　in　a　loud　Hawaiian　shirt　and　she　had　colorful　leis　around　her　neck；　and　we　were　kissing　at　sunset。　That　was　a　great　trip；　in　fact；　we　were　pretty　sure　Amanda　was　conceived　there。　I　remember　Julia　came　home　from　work　one　day　and　said；　〃Honey；　remember　how　you　said　mai…tais　were　dangerous？〃　I　said；　〃Yes　。。。〃　And　she　said；　〃Well；　let　me　put　it　this　way。　It's　a　girl；〃　and　I　was　so　startled　the　soda　I　was　drinking　went　up　my　nose；　and　we　both　started　to　laugh。
　Then　a　picture　of　Julia　making　cupcakes　with　Nicole；　who　was　so　young　she　sat　on　the　kitchen　counter　and　her　legs　didn't　reach　the　edge。　She　couldn't　have　been　more　than　a