lmb.shardsofhonor-第40章

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　〃Why　don't　you　go　ahead　and　put　them　on；〃　urged　the　stewardess；　smiling　extraordinarily。
　〃Why　not。〃　She　had　been　wearing　the　same　borrowed　Escobaran　uniform　for　quite　some　time　now；　and　was　thoroughly　tired　of　it。　She　took　the　sky　blue　cloth　and　the　shiny　black　boots；　amused。　〃Why　jackboots；　in　God's　name？　There's　scarcely　a　horse　on　Beta　Colony；　except　in　the　zoos。　I　admit；　they　do　look　wicked。〃
　Finding　she　was　the　sole　passenger　on　the　shuttle；　she　changed　on　the　spot。　The　stewardess　had　to　help　her　with　the　boots。
　〃Whoever　designed　these　should　be　forced　to　wear　them　to　bed；〃　Cordelia　muttered。　〃Or　perhaps　he　does。〃
　The　shuttle　descended；　and　she　went　to　the　window；　eager　for　the　first　look　at　her　hometown。　The　ochre　haze　parted　at　last；　and　they　spiraled　neatly　down　to　the　shuttleport　and　taxied　to　the　docking　bay。
　〃Seems　to　be　a　lot　of　people　out　there　today。〃
　〃Yes；　the　President's　going　to　make　a　speech；〃　said　the　stewardess。　〃It's　very　exciting。　Even　if　I　didn't　vote　for　him。〃
　〃Steady　Freddy　got　that　many　people　to　show　up　for　one　of　his　speeches？　Just　as　well。　I　can　blend　with　the　crowd。　This　thing　is　a　bit　bright。　I　think　I'd　rather　be　invisible；　today。〃
　She　could　feel　the　letdown　beginning；　and　wondered　how　far　down　it　would　end。　The　Escobaran　doctor　had　been　right　in　her　principles；　if　not　in　her　facts；　there　was　an　emotional　debt　yet　to　be　paid；　knotted　somewhere　under　her　stomach。
　The　shuttle's　engines　whined　to　silence；　and　she　rose　to　thank　the　grinning　stewardess；　uneasy。　〃There's　not　going　to　be　a　r…reception　mittee　out　there　for　me；　is　there？　I　really　don't　think　I　could　handle　it　today。〃
　〃You'll　have　some　help；〃　the　stewardess　assured　her。　〃Here　he　es　now。〃
　A　man　in　a　civilian　sarong　entered　the　shuttle；　smiling　broadly。　〃How　do　you　do；　Captain　Naismith；〃　he　introduced　himself。　〃I'm　Philip　Gould；　the　President's　Press　Secretary。〃　Cordelia　was　shocked。　Press　Secretary　was　a　cabinet…level　post。　〃It's　an　honor　to　meet　you。〃
　She　was　tumbling　fast。　〃You're　not　p…planning　some　kind　of；　of　d…dog　and　pony　show　out　there；　are　you？　I　r…really　just　want　to　go　home。〃
　〃Well；　the　President　is　planning　a　speech。　And　he　has　a　little　something　for　you；〃　he　said　soothingly。　〃In　fact；　he　was　hoping　he　might　make　several　speeches　with　you；　but　we　can　discuss　that　later。　Now；　we　hardly　expect　the　Heroine　of　Escobar　to　suffer　from　stage　fright；　but　we　have　prepared　some　remarks　for　you。　I'll　be　with　you　all　the　time；　and　help　you　with　the　cues；　and　the　press。〃　He　passed　her　a　hand　viewer。　〃Do　try　and　look　surprised；　when　you　first　step　out　of　the　shuttle。〃
　〃I　am　surprised。〃　She　scanned　the　script　rapidly。　〃Th…this　is　a　p…pack　of　lies！〃
　He　looked　worried。　〃Have　you　always　had　that　little　speech　impediment？〃　he　asked　cautiously。
　〃N…no；　it's　my　souvenir　from　the　Escobaran　psych　service；　and　the　l…late　war。　Who　came　up　with　this　g…garbage；　anyway？〃　The　line　that　particularly　caught　her　eye　referred　to　〃the　cowardly　Admiral　Vorkosigan　and　his　pack　of　ruffians。〃
　〃Vorkosigan's　the　bravest　man　I　ever　met。〃
　Gould　took　her　firmly　by　the　upper　arm；　and　guided　her　to　the　shuttle　hatch。　〃We　have　to　go；　now；　to　make　the　holovid　timing。　Maybe　you　can　just　leave　that　line　out；　all　right？　Now；　smile。〃
　〃I　want　to　see　my　mother。〃
　〃She's　with　the　President。　Here　we　go。〃　They　exited　the　tube　from　the　shuttle　hatch　into　a　milling　mob　of　men；　women；　and　equipment。　They　all　began　shouting　questions　at　once。　Cordelia　began　to　shake；　all　over；　in　waves　that　began　in　the　pit　of　her　stomach　and　radiated　outward。　〃I　don't　know　any　of　these　people；〃　she　hissed　to　Gould。
　〃Keep　walking；〃　he　hissed　back　through　a　fixed　smile。　They　mounted　a　reviewing　stand　set　up　on　the　balcony　overlooking　the　shuttleport　concourse。　The　concourse　was　packed　solidly　with　a　colorful　crowd　in　a　holiday　mood。　They　blurred　before　Cordelia's　eyes。　She　saw　a　familiar　face　at　last；　her　mother；　smiling　and　crying；　and　she　fell　into　her　arms；　to　the　delight　of　the　press　who　recorded　it　copiously。　〃Get　me　out　of　this　as　fast　as　you　can；〃　she　whispered　fiercely　into　her　mother's　ear。　〃I'm　about　to　lose　it。〃
　Her　mother　held　her　at　arm's　length；　not　understanding；　still　smiling。　Her　place　was　taken　by　Cordelia's　brother；　his　family　clustered　nervously　and　proudly　behind　him；　looking　at　her；　she　felt；　with　eyes　that　devoured　her。　She　spotted　her　crew；　also　dressed　in　the　new　uniforms；　standing　with　some　government　officials。　Parnell　gave　her　a　thumbs…up；　grinning　dementedly。　She　was　bundled　over　to　stand　behind　a　rostrum　with　the　President　of　Beta　Colony。
　Steady　Freddy　seemed　larger　than　life　to　her　confused　eyes；　big　and　booming。　Perhaps　that　was　why　he　projected　over　the　holovid　so　well。　He　grasped　her　hand　and　held　it　up　in　his；　to　the　cheers　of　the　crowd。　It　made　her　feel　like　an　idiot。
　The　President　gave　a　fine　performance　with　his　speech；　not　even　using　the　prompter。　It　was　full　of　the　jingoistic　patriotism　that　had　so　intoxicated　the　place　when　she'd　left；　and　not　one　word　in　a　dozen　touched　the　real　truth　even　from　the　Betan　point　of　view。　He　worked　up　gradually　and　with　perfect　showmanship　to　the　medal。　Cordelia's　heart　began　to　pound　lumpishly　as　she　caught　the　drift　of　it。　She　tried　desperately　to　evade　the　knowledge；　turning　to　the　Press　Secretary。
　〃Is　this　on　behalf　of　m…my　crew；　for　the　plasma　mirrors？〃
　〃They　have　theirs　already。〃　Was　he　ever　going　to　stop　smiling？　〃This　is　your　very　own。〃
　〃I　s…see。〃
　The　medal；　it　appeared；　was　to　be　awarded　for　her　brave；　one…woman　assassination　of　Admiral　Vorrutyer。　Steady　Freddy　actually　avoided　the　word　assassination；　along　with　blunt　terms　like　murder　and　killing；　favoring　more　liquid　phrases　like　〃freeing　the　universe　of　a　viper　of　iniquity。〃
　The　speech　lumbered　to　its　close；　and　the　glittering　medal　on　its　colorful　ribbon；　Beta　Colony's　highest　honor；　was　lowered　over　her　head　by　the　President's　own　hand。　Gould　positioned　her　in　front　of　the　rostrum；　and　pointed　out　the　glowing　green　words　of　the　prompter　marching　across　thin　air　before　her　eyes。　〃Start　reading；〃　he　whispered。
　〃Am　I　on？　Oh；　Uh。。。　People　of　Beta　Colony；　my　beloved　home；〃　that　was　all　right　so　far；　〃when　I　left　you　to　meet　the　m…menace　of　Barrayaran　tyranny；　s…succoring　our　friend　and　ally　Escobar；　it　was　with　no　idea　that　fate　was　to　bring　me　face…to…face　with　a　n…nobler　d…destiny。〃
　It　was　here　she　departed　from　the　script；　watching　herself　go　helplessly；　like　a　doomed　sea　ship　sinking　beneath　the　waves。　〃I　don't　see　what's　so　n…noble　about　b…butchering　that　sadistic　ass　Vorrutyer。　And　I　wouldn't　take　a　medal　for　m…murdering　an　unarmed　m…man　even　if　I　had　done　it。〃
　She　pulled　it　off　over　her　head。　The　ribbon　caught　in　her　hair；　and　she　yanked　it　free；　painfully；　angrily。　〃For　the　last　time。　I　did　not　kill　Vorrutyer。　One　of　his　own　men　killed　Vorrutyer。　He　c…caught　him　from　behind　and　cut　his　throat　from　ear　to　ear。　I　was　there；　damn　it。　He　bled　all　over　me。　The　press　from　both　sides　are　stuffing　you　with　lies　about　that　s…stupid　war。　D…damn　voyeurs！　Vorkosigan　was　not　in　charge　of　the　prison　camp　when　the　atrocities　took　place。　As　s…soon　as　he　was　in　charge　he　stopped　them。　Sh…sh…shot　one　of　his　own　officers　just　to　feed　your　l…lust　for　vengeance；　and　it　cost　him　in　his　honor；　too；　I　can　tell　you。〃
　The　sound　going　out　from　the　rostrum　was　cut　off　suddenly。　She　turned　to　Steady　Freddy；　tears　of　fury　blurring　her　view　of　his　astonished　face；　and　flung　the　medal　back　at　him　with　all　the　force　of　her　arm。　It　missed　his　head　and　glittered　down　over　the　balcony　into　the　crowd。
　Her　arms　were　pinned　from　behind。　It　triggered　some　buried　reflex；　and　she　kicked　out　frantically。
　If　only　the　President　hadn't　tried　to　dodge；　he　would　have　been　all　right。　As　it　was；　the　toe　of　her　jackboot　caught　him　in　the　groin　with　perfect　unplanned　accuracy。　His　mouth　made　a　soundless　〃O〃　and　he　went　down　behind　the　rostrum。
　Cordelia；　hyperventilating　uncontrollably；　began　to　cry　as　a　dozen　more　hands　grabbed　her　arms；　waist；　legs。　〃P…please　don't　lock　me　up　again！　I　couldn't　take　it。　I　just　wanted　to　go　home！　Get　that　goddamn　ampule　away　from　me！　No！　No！　No　drugs；　please；　please！　I'm　sorry！〃
　She