lmb.shardsofhonor-第24章

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er；　icy　fingers　up　her　back。　I　am　a　rock。　I　am　a　void。　I　am　a　silence。。。　In　the　rear　the　silence　was　broken　by　the　noise　of　someone　vomiting；　and　some　muffled　swearing。　Blast　this　tumble。　Hope　he　had　time　to　grab　a　bag。。。
　There　came　a　jerk　and　a　pressure　of　weight　at　an　odd　angle。　Parnell　spat　an　oath　like　a　sob。　〃Tractor　tow！　That's　it。〃
　She　sighed　without　relief；　and　reached　out　to　key　the　shuttle　back　to　life；　wincing　at　the　blinding　brightness　of　the　little　lights。　〃Well；　let's　see　what's　caught　us。〃
　Her　hands　flicked　over　the　panels。　She　took　a　glance　at　her　exterior　monitors；　and　hastily　pressed　the　red　button　that　crashed　the　lifeboat's　puter　memory　and　recognition　codes。
　〃What　the　hell　have　we　got　out　there？〃　asked　the　engineer　anxiously；　noting　the　gesture　as　he　made　his　way　to　her　shoulder。
　〃Two　cruisers　and　a　fast　courier；〃　she　informed　him。　〃We　appear　to　be　slightly　outnumbered。〃
　He　snorted　unhappily。
　A　disembodied　voice　blared　from　the　m；　at　too　great　a　volume；　she　turned　it　down　quickly。
　〃。。。　not　acknowledge　surrender；　we　will　destroy　you。〃
　〃This　is　Lifeboat　Shuttle　A5A；〃　she　responded；　modulating　her　voice　carefully。　〃Captain　Cordelia　Naismith；　Betan　Expeditionary　Force；　manding。　We　are　an　unarmed　lifeboat。〃
　The　m　emitted　a　surprised　〃Peh！〃　and　the　voice　added；　〃Another　damned　woman！　You　people　are　slow　learners。〃
　There　was　an　unintelligible　murmur　in　the　background；　and　the　voice　returned　to　its　original　official　tone。　〃You　will　be　taken　in　tow。　At　the　first　sign　of　resistance；　you　will　be　obliterated。　Understood？〃
　〃Acknowledged；〃　Cordelia　responded。　〃We　surrender。〃
　Parnell　shook　his　head　angrily。　She　killed　the　m　and　raised　an　eyebrow。
　〃I　think　we　should　try　and　make　a　break；〃　he　said。
　〃No。　These　guys　are　professional　paranoids。　The　sanest　one　I　ever　met　didn't　like　being　in　a　room　with　a　closed　door…claimed　you　never　knew　what　was　on　the　other　side。　If　they　say　they'll　shoot；　you'd　better　believe　'em。〃
　Parnell　and　the　engineer　exchanged　a　look。　〃Go　ahead；　Nell；〃　said　the　engineer。　〃Tell　her。〃
　Parnell　cleared　his　throat；　and　moistened　dry　lips。　〃We　wanted　to　let　you　know；　Captain…that　if　you　think；　uh；　blowing　up　the　lifeboat　might　be　the　best　thing　for　all　concerned；　we're　with　you。　Nobody　else　is　looking　forward　to　being　taken　prisoner　either。〃
　Cordelia　blinked　at　this　offer。　〃That's…very　courageous　of　you；　Pilot　Officer；　but　totally　unnecessary。　Don't　flatter　yourself。　We　were　handpicked　for　our　ignorance；　not　our　knowledge。　You　all　only　have　guesses　about　what　was　aboard　that　convoy；　and　even　I　don't　know　any　technical　details。　If　we　cooperate　on　the　surface；　we've　at　least　some　chance　of　getting　through　this　alive。〃
　〃It…wasn't　spilling　intelligence　we　were　thinking　about；　ma'am。　It's　their　other　habits。〃
　A　sticky　silence　fell。　Cordelia　sighed；　spiraling　in　a　vortex　of　grieving　doubt。　〃It's　all　right；〃　she　said　at　last。　〃Their　reputation　is　way　overblown。　Quite　decent　fellows；　some　of　them。〃　Especially　one；　her　mind　mocked。　And　even　assuming　he's　still　alive；　do　you　really　think　you　could　find　him　in　all　this　mess？　Or　finding　him；　save　him　from　the　gifts　you　yourself　have　brought　from　hell's　hardware　store　without　betraying　your　duty？　Or　is　this　a　secret　suicide　pact？　Do　you　even　know　yourself？　Know　thyself。
　Parnell；　watching　her　face；　shook　his　head　grimly。　〃You　sure？〃
　〃I've　never　killed　anybody　in　my　life。　I'm　not　going　to　start　with　people　on　my　own　side；　for　pity's　sake。〃
　Parnell　acknowledged　the　justice　of　this　with　a　little　quizzical　shrug；　not　quite　concealing　an　underlying　relief。
　〃Anyway；　I've　got　things　to　live　for。　This　war　can't　last　forever。〃
　〃Somebody　back　home？〃　he　asked；　and　as　her　eyes　turned　to　the　probe　readouts；　added　wisely；　〃Or　out　there？〃
　〃Uh；　yeah。　Out　there　somewhere。〃
　He　shook　his　head　in　sympathy。　〃That's　a　tough　one。〃　He　studied　her　still　profile；　and　added　encouragingly；　〃But　you're　right。　The　big　boys　will　blast　those　bastards　out　of　the　sky　sooner　or　later。〃
　She　gave　vent　to　a　small；　mechanical；　〃Ha；〃　and　massaged　her　face　with　her　fingertips；　trying　to　rub　out　the　tension。　She　had　a　sudden　waking　vision　of　a　great　warship　cracked　open；　spilling　its　living　guts　like　some　monstrous　seedpod。　Frozen；　sterile　seeds；　adrift　on　no　wind；　bloated　from　depression　and　turning　forever。　Could　one　recognize　a　face；　after　that？　she　wondered。　She　turned　her　chair　half　away　from　Parnell；　signifying　an　end　to　the　conversation。
　A　Barrayaran　fast　courier　took　them　in　tow　within　an　hour。
　It　was　the　familiar　smell　that　hit　her　first；　the　metal…and…machine…oil；　ozone…redolent；　locker…room　smell　of　a　Barrayaran　warship。　The　two　tall　soldiers　in　black　who　escorted　her；　each　keeping　a　hand　firmly　on　her　elbow；　maneuvered　her　through　one　last　narrow　oval　doorway　to　what　she　guessed　must　be　the　main　prison　area　of　the　great　flagship。　She　and　her　four　men　were　stripped　ruthlessly；　searched　in　minute　and　paranoid　detail；　medically　examined；　holographed；　retinaprinted；　identified；　and　issued　shapeless　orange　pajamas。　Her　men　were　led　away　separately。　In　spite　of　her　words　to　Parnell；　she　was　sickened　by　dread　of　them　being　peeled；　layer　by　layer；　for　information　they　did　not　hold。　Gently　now；　reason　argued；　surely　the　Barrayarans　would　save　them　for　prisoner　exchange。
　The　guards　snapped　to　attention。　Turning；　she　saw　a　high…ranking　Barrayaran　officer　enter　the　processing　chamber。　The　bright　yellow　of　the　collar　tabs　on　his　dark　green　dress　uniform　marked　a　rank　she　had　not　seen　before；　and　with　a　shock　she　identified　it　as　the　color　for　a　vice…admiral。　Knowing　what　he　was；　she　knew　at　once　who　he　was；　and　studied　him　with　grave　interest。
　Vorrutyer；　that　was　his　name。　Co…mander　of　the　Barrayaran　armada；　along　with　Crown　Prince　Serg　Vorbarra。　She　supposed　he　was　the　one　who　did　the　real　work；　she'd　heard　he　was　slated　to　be　the　Barrayarans'　next　Minister　of　War。　So　that　was　what　a　rising　star　looked　like。
　In　a　way　he　was　a　little　like　Vorkosigan；　a　bit　taller；　about　the　same　weight　but　less　of　it　in　bone　and　muscle　and　more　of　it　in　fat。　He　had　dark　hair　too；　curlier　than　Vorkosigan's　and　with　less　grey　in　it；　was　a　similar　age；　and　rather　more　handsome。　His　eyes　were　quite　different；　a　deep　velvet　brown　fringed　by　long　black　lashes；　by　far　the　most　beautiful　eyes　she　had　ever　seen　in　a　man's　face。　They　triggered　a　small　subliminal　wailing　deep　in　her　mind；　crying；　you　thought　you　had　faced　fear　earlier　today；　but　you　were　mistaken；　here　is　the　real　thing；　fear　without　exhilaration　or　hope；　which　was　strange；　for　they　ought　to　have　attracted　her。　She　broke　eye　contact；　telling　herself　firmly　the　unease　and　instant　dislike　were　mere　nerves；　and　waited。
　〃Identify　yourself；　Betan；〃　he　growled。　It　gave　her　a　disjointed　sense　of　deja…vu。
　She　fought　for　equilibrium；　giving　him　a　snappy　salute　and　saying　smartly；　〃Captain　Cordelia　Naismith；　Betan　Expeditionary。　We　are　a　military　party。　batants。〃　This　private　joke　of　course　passed　by　him。
　〃Hah。　Strip　her；　and　turn　her　about。〃
　He　stepped　back；　watching。　The　two　grinning　soldiers　guarding　her　obeyed。　I　don't　like　the　way　this　is　starting　out。。。　She　forced　her　face　to　blandness；　holding　on　to　all　her　secret　sources　of　serenity。　Calm。　Calm。　This　one　wants　to　rattle　you。　You　can　see　it　in　his　eyes；　his　hungry　eyes。　Calm。
　〃A　little　old；　but　she'll　do。　I'll　send　for　her　later。〃
　The　guard　shoved　the　pajamas　back　at　her。　She　dressed　slowly；　to　annoy　them；　like　a　striptease　in　reverse；　with　precise　controlled　motions　of　the　sort　suitable　for　a　Japanese　tea　ceremony。　One　growled；　and　the　other　shoved　her　roughly　in　the　back　toward　her　cell。　She　smiled　sourly　at　her　success；　thinking；　well；　at　least　I　have　that　much　control　over　my　destiny。　Should　I　award　myself　points　if　I　can　goad　them　into　beating　me　up？
　They　bundled　her　into　a　bare　metal　room；　and　left　her。　She　continued　the　ploy；　for　her　own　thin　amusement；　by　kneeling　gracefully　on　the　floor　with　the　same　sort　of　movements；　right　toe　crossed　correctly　over　the　left；　hands　resting　motionless　upon　her　thighs。　The　touch　reminded　her　of　the　patch　on　her　left　leg　that　was　devoid　of　all　sensation；　heat；　cold；　pain；　p