lmb.shardsofhonor-第18章
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〃I'm not a Vor；〃 she suggested。
He stared through her glumly。 〃You're like a Vor； Ma'am。〃
Unnerved； she gave up。
That afternoon she made herself fortable on her narrow bunk and began to explore the menu the library puter had to offer her。 She picked out a vid with the unalarming grade school title of 〃People and Places of Barrayar〃 and punched it up。
Its narration was as banal as the title had promised； but the pictures were utterly fascinating。 It seemed a green； delicious； sunlit world to her Betan eyes。 People went about without nose filters or rebreathers； or heat shields in the summer。 The climate and terrain were immensely varied； and it had real oceans； with moon…raised tides； in contrast to the flat saline puddles that passed for lakes at home。
A knock sounded at her door。 〃Enter；〃 she called； and Vorkosigan appeared around it； greeting her with a nod。 Odd hour of the day for him to be in dress uniform； she thought…but my word； he cleans up good。 Nice； very nice。 Sergeant Bothari acpanied him； he remained standing stolidly outside the half…opened door。 Vorkosigan walked around the room for a moment as if searching for something。 He finally emptied her lunch tray and used it to prop the door open a narrow crack。 Cordelia raised her eyebrows at this。
〃Is that really necessary？〃
〃I think so。 At the current rate of gossip I'm bound to encounter some joke soon about the privileges of rank that I can't pretend not to hear； and I'll have to quash the unlucky； er； humorist。 I have an aversion to closed doors anyway。 You never know what's on the other side。〃
Cordelia laughed outright。 〃It reminds me of that old joke； where the girl says； 'Let's not； and tell everybody we have。' 〃
Vorkosigan grimaced agreement and seated himself on the bolted…down swivel chair by the metal desk built into the wall； and swung to face her。 He leaned back with his legs stretched out before him； and his face became serious。 Cordelia cocked her head； half…smiling。 He began obliquely； nodding toward the screen swung over her bed。 〃What have you been viewing？〃
〃Barrayaran geography。 It's a beautiful place。 Have you ever been to the oceans？〃
〃When I was a small boy； my mother used to take me to Bonsanklar every summer。 It was a sort of upper…class resort town with a lot of virgin forest backing up to the mountains behind it。 My father was away mostly； at the capital or with his corps。 Midsummer's Day was the old Emperor's birthday； and they used to have the most fantastic fireworks…at least； they seemed so to me at the time…out over the ocean。 The whole town would turn out on the esplanade； nobody even armed。 No duels were permitted on the Emperor's birthday； and I was allowed to run all over the place freely。〃 He looked at the floor； beyond the toes of his boots。 〃I haven't been back there for years。 I should like to take you there someday； for the Midsummer's festival； should the opportunity present itself。〃
〃I'd like that very much。 Will your ship be returning to Barrayar soon？〃
〃Not for some time； I'm afraid。 You're in for a long period as a prisoner。 But when we return； in view of the escape of your ship； there should be no reason to continue your internment。 You should be freed to present yourself at the Betan embassy； and go home。 If you wish。〃
〃If I wish！〃 She laughed a little； uncertainly； and sat back against her hard pillow。 He was watching her face intently。 His posture was a fair simulation of a man at his ease； but one boot was tapping unconsciously。 His eye fell on it； he frowned； and it stopped。 〃Why shouldn't I wish？〃
〃I thought； perhaps； when we arrive on Barrayar； and you are free； you might consider staying。〃
〃To visit…where you said； Bonsanklar； and so on？ I don't know how much leave I'll have； but…sure； I like to see new places。 I'd like to see your planet。〃
〃Not a visit。 Permanently。 As…as Lady Vorkosigan。〃 His face brightened with a wry smile。 〃I'm making a hash of this。 I promise； I'll never think of Betans as cowards again。 I swear your customs take more bravery than the most suicidal of our boys' contests of skill。〃
She let her breath trickle out through pursed lips。 〃You don't…deal in small change； do you？〃 She wondered where the phrase about hearts leaping up came from。 It felt far more like the bottom dropping out of her stomach。 Her consciousness of her own body shot up with a lurch； she was already overwhelmingly conscious of his。
He shook his head。 〃That's not what I want； for you； with you。 You should have the best。 I'm hardly that； you must know by now。 But at least I can offer you the best that I have。 Dear C…mander； am I too sudden； by Betan standards？ I've been waiting for days； for the right opportunity； but there never seemed to be one。〃
〃Days！ How long have you been thinking along these lines？〃
〃It first occurred to me when I saw you in the ravine。〃
〃What； throwing up in the mud？〃 He grinned at that。 〃With great posure。 By the time we finished burying your officer； I knew。〃
She rubbed her lips。 〃Anybody ever tell you you're a lunatic？〃
〃Not in this context。〃
〃I…you've confused me。〃
〃Not offended you？〃
〃No； of course not。〃
He relaxed just slightly。 〃You needn't say yes or no right now； of course。 It will be months before we're home。 But I didn't want you to think…it makes things awkward； your being a prisoner。 I didn't want you to think I was offering you an insult。〃
〃Not at all；〃 she said faintly。
〃There are some other things I should tell you；〃 he went on； his attention seemingly caught by his boots again。 〃It wouldn't be an easy life。 I have been thinking； since I met you； that a career cleaning up after the failures of politics； as you phrased it； might not be the highest honor after all。 Maybe I should be trying to prevent the failures at their source。 It would be more dangerous than soldiering…chances of betrayal； false charges； assassination； maybe exile； poverty； death。 Evil promises with bad men for a little good result； and that not guaranteed。 Not a good life； but if one had children…better me than them。〃
〃You sure know how to show a girl a good time；〃 she said helplessly； rubbing her chin and smiling。
Vorkosigan looked up； uncertain of his hope。
〃How does one set about a political career； on Barrayar？〃 she asked； feeling her way。 〃I presume you're thinking of following in your grandfather Prince Xav's steps； but without the advantage of being an Imperial prince； how do you get an office？〃
〃Three ways。 Imperial appointment； inheritance； and rising through the ranks。 The Council of Ministers gets its best men through the last method。 It's their great strength； but closed to me。 The Council of Counts； by inheritance。 That's my surest route； but it waits on my father's death。 It can just go on waiting。 It's a moribund body anyway； afflicted with the narrowest conservatism； and stuffed with old relics only concerned with protecting their privileges。 I'm not sure anything can be done with the Counts in the long run。 Perhaps they should finally be allowed to dodder over the brink of extinction。 Don't quote that；〃 he added as an afterthought。
〃It's the weirdest design for a government。〃
〃It wasn't designed。 It grew。〃
〃Maybe what you need is a constitutional convention。〃
〃Spoken like a true Betan。 Well； perhaps we do； although it sounds like a prescription for civil war； in our context。 That leaves Imperial appointment。 It's quick； but my fall could be as sudden and spectacular as my rise； if I should offend the old man； or he dies。〃 The light of battle was in his eyes as he spoke； planning。 〃My one advantage with him is that he enjoys plain speaking。 I don't know how he acquired the taste for it； because he doesn't get much of it。
〃Do you know； I think you'd like politics； at least on Barrayar。 Maybe because it's so similar to what we call war； elsewhere。
〃There is a more immediate political problem； though； with respect to your ship； and some other things。。。〃
He paused； losing momentum。 〃Maybe…maybe an insoluble one。 It really may be premature for me to be discussing marriage until I know which way it's going to fall out。 But I couldn't let you go on thinking…what were you thinking； anyway？〃
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