lmb.shardsofhonor-第12章

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　in　bits　and　dribbles。〃　She　paused；　in　the　friendly　dark。　〃I　knew　this　woman；　once…a　very　good　friend　of　mine。　In　Survey。　She　was　rather…socially　inept。　Everyone　around　her　seemed　to　be　finding　their　soul…mates；　and　the　older　she　grew；　the　more　panicky　she　got　about　being　left　out。　Quite　pathetically　anxious。
　〃She　finally　fell　in　with　a　man　with　the　most　astonishing　talent　for　turning　gold　into　lead。　She　couldn't　use　a　word　like　love；　or　trust；　or　honor　in　his　presence　without　eliciting　clever　mockery。　Pornography　was　permitted；　poetry；　never。
　〃They　were；　as　it　happened；　of　equal　rank　when　the　captaincy　of　their　ship　fell　open。　She'd　sweated　blood　for　this　mand；　worked　her　tail　off…well；　I'm　sure　you　know　what　it's　like。　mands　are　few；　and　everybody　wants　one。　Her　lover　persuaded　her；　partly　by　promise　that　turned　out　to　be　lies；　later…children；　in　fact…to　stand　down　in　his　favor；　and　he　got　the　mand。　Quite　the　strategist。　It　ended　soon　after。　Thoroughly　dry。
　〃She　had　no　stomach　for　another　lover；　after　that。　So　you　see；　I　think　your　old　Barrayarans　may　have　been　on　to　something；　after　all。　The　inept…need　rules；　for　their　own　protection。〃
　The　waterfall　whispered　in　the　silence。　〃I…knew　a　man　once；〃　his　voice　came　out　of　the　darkness。　〃He　was　married；　at　twenty；　to　a　girl　of　high　rank　of　eighteen。　Arranged；　of　course；　but　he　was　very　happy　with　it。〃
　〃He　was　away　most　of　the　time；　on　duty。　She　found　herself　free；　rich；　alone　in　the　capital　in　the　society　of　people…not　altogether　vicious；　but　older　than　herself。　Rich　parasites；　their　parasites；　users。　She　was　courted；　and　it　went　to　her　head。　Not　her　heart；　I　think。　She　took　lovers；　as　those　around　her　did。　Looking　back；　I　don't　think　she　felt　any　more　emotion　for　them　than　vanity　and　pride　of　conquest；　but　at　the　time。。。　He　had　built　up　a　false　picture　of　her　in　his　mind；　and　having　it　suddenly　shattered。。。　This　boy　had　a　very　bad　temper。　It　was　his　particular　curse。　He　resolved　on　a　duel　with　her　lovers。
　〃She　had　two　on　her　string；　or　her　on　theirs；　I　can't　say　which。　He　didn't　care　who　survived；　or　if　he　were　arrested。　He　imagined　he　was　dishonored；　you　see。　He　arranged　to　have　each　meet　him　at　a　deserted　place；　about　half　an　hour　apart。〃
　He　paused　for　a　long　time。　Cordelia　waited；　barely　breathing；　uncertain　whether　to　encourage　him　to　go　on　or　not。　He　continued　eventually；　but　his　voice　went　flatter　and　he　spoke　in　a　rush。
　〃The　first　was　another　pigheaded　young　aristocrat　like　himself；　and　he　played　out　the　game　by　the　rules。　He　knew　the　use　of　the　two　swords；　fought　with　flair；　and　almost　killed　m…my　friend。　The　last　thing　he　said　was　that　he'd　always　wanted　to　be　killed　by　a　jealous　husband；　only　at　age　eighty。〃
　By　this　time；　the　little　slip　was　no　surprise　to　Cordelia；　and　she　wondered　if　her　story　had　been　as　transparent　to　him。　It　certainly　seemed　so。
　〃The　second　was　a　high　government　minister；　an　older　man。　He　wouldn't　fight；　although　he　knocked　him　down　and　stood　him　up　several　times。　After…after　the　other；　who　had　died　with　a　joke　in　his　mouth；　he　could　hardly　bear　it。　He　finally　slew　him　outright　in　the　middle　of　his　begging；　and　left　them　there。
　〃He　stopped　at　his　wife's　apartment；　to　tell　her　what　he'd　done；　and　returned　to　his　ship；　to　wait　for　arrest。　This　all　happened　in　one　afternoon。　She　was　enraged；　full　of　wounded　pride…she　would　have　dueled　with　him；　if　she　could…and　she　killed　herself。　Shot　herself　in　the　head；　with　his　service　plasma　arc。　I　wouldn't　have　thought　it　a　woman's　weapon。　Poison；　or　cutting　the　wrists；　or　something。　But　she　was　true　Vor。　It　burned　her　face　entirely　away。　She'd　had　the　most　beautiful　imaginable　face。。。
　〃Things　worked　out　very　strangely。　It　was　assumed　the　two　lovers　had　killed　each　other…I　swear；　he　never　planned　it　that　way…and　that　she'd　killed　herself　in　despondency。　No　one　ever　asked　him　the　first　question　about　it。〃
　His　voice　slowed；　and　intensified。　〃He　went　through　that　whole　afternoon　like　a　sleepwalker；　or　an　actor；　saying　the　expected　lines；　going　through　the　expected　motions；　and　at　the　end　his　honor　was　no　better　for　it。　Nothing　was　served；　no　point　was　proved。　It　was　all　as　false　as　her　love　affairs；　except　for　the　deaths。　They　were　real。〃　He　paused。　〃So　you　see；　you　Betans　have　one　advantage。　You　at　least　permit　each　other　to　learn　from　your　mistakes。〃
　〃I'm…grieved；　for　your　friend。　Does　it　seem　very　long　ago？〃
　〃Sometimes。　Over　twenty　years。　They　say　that　senile　people　remember　things　from　their　youth　more　clearly　than　those　of　last　week。　Maybe　he's　getting　senile。〃
　〃I　see。〃　She　took　the　story　in　like　some　strange；　spiked　gift；　too　fragile　to　drop；　too　painful　to　hold。　He　lay　back；　silent　again；　and　she　took　another　turn　around　the　glade；　listening　at　the　wood's　edge　to　a　silence　so　profound　the　roaring　of　the　blood　in　her　ears　seemed　to　drown　it　out。　When　she'd　pleted　the　round；　Vorkosigan　was　asleep；　restless　and　shivering　in　his　fever。　She　filched　one　of　the　half…burned　bedrolls　from　Dubauer；　and　covered　him　up。
　
　CHAPTER　FOUR
　Vorkosigan　woke　about　three　hours　before　dawn；　and　made　her　lie　down　to　snatch　a　couple　hours　sleep。　In　the　grey　before　sunup　he　roused　her　again。　He　had　evidently　bathed　in　the　stream；　and　used　the　single…application　packet　of　depilatory　he　had　been　saving　in　his　belt　to　wipe　away　the　itchy　four…day　growth　on　his　face。
　〃I　need　some　help　with　this　leg。　I　want　to　open　and　drain　it　and　cover　it　back　up。　That　will　hold　until　this　afternoon；　and　after　that　it　won't　matter。〃
　〃Right。〃
　Vorkosigan　stripped　off　boot　and　sock；　and　Cordelia　had　him　hold　his　leg　under　a　rushing　spout　at　the　edge　of　the　waterfall。　She　rinsed　his　bat　knife；　then　laid　open　the　grossly　swollen　wound　in　a　deep；　quick　stroke。　Vorkosigan　went　white　around　the　lips；　but　said　nothing。　It　was　Cordelia　who　winced。　The　cut　squirted　blood　and　pus　and　odd…smelling　clotted　matter　which　the　stream　washed　away。　She　tried　not　to　think　about　what　new　microbes　they　might　be　introducing　by　the　procedure。　It　only　needed　to　be　a　temporary　palliative。
　She　packed　the　wound　with　the　last　of　the　tube　of　his　rather　ineffective　antibiotic；　and　stripped　out　the　tube　of　plastic　bandage　to　cover　it。
　〃It　feels　better。〃　But　Vorkosigan　stumbled　and　almost　fell　when　he　attempted　to　walk　normally。　〃Right；〃　he　muttered。　〃The　time　has　e。〃　Ceremoniously；　he　removed　the　last　painkiller　and　a　small　blue　pill　from　his　first…aid　kit；　swallowed　them；　and　threw　the　empty　case　away。　Cordelia　somewhat　absently　picked　it　up；　found　herself　with　no　place　to　put　it；　and　surreptitiously　dropped　it　again。
　〃These　things　work　great；〃　he　told　her；　〃until　they　give　out；　when　you　fall　down　like　a　marionette　with　the　strings　cut。　I'm　good　for　about　sixteen　hours　now。〃
　Indeed；　by　the　time　they'd　finished　the　field　rations　and　readied　Dubauer　for　the　day's　march；　he　looked　not　merely　normal；　but　fresh　and　rested　and　full　of　energy。　Neither　referred　to　the　previous　night's　conversation。
　He　led　them　in　a　wide　arc　around　the　mountain's　base；　so　that　by　noon　they　were　approaching　the　cratered　side　from　nearly　due　west　They　made　their　way　through　woods　and　glades　to　a　spur　opposite　a　great　bowl　that　was　all　that　remained　of　the　lower　mountainside　from　the　days　before　an　ancient　volcanic　cataclysm。　Vorkosigan　crawled　out　on　a　treeless　promontory；　taking　care　not　to　show　himself　above　the　tall　grass。　Dubauer；　wan　and　exhausted；　curled　up　on　his　side　in　their　place　of　concealment　and　fell　asleep。　Cordelia　watched　him　until　his　breathing　was　slow　and　steady；　then　crept　out　beside　Vorkosigan。　The　Barrayaran　captain　had　his　field　scope　out；　sweeping　over　the　hazy　green　amphitheater。
　〃There's　the　shuttle。　They're　camped　in　the　cache　caves。　See　that　dark　streak　beside　the　long　waterfall？　That's　the　entrance。〃　He　lent　her　the　scope　for　a　closer　look。
　〃Oh；　there's　somebody　ing　out。　You　can　see　their　faces　on　high　magnification。〃
　Vorkosigan　took　back　the　scope。　〃Koudelka。　He's　all　right。　But　the　thin　man　with　him　is　Darobey；　one　of　Radnov's　spies　in　my　munications　section。　Remember　his　face…you'll　need　to　know　when　to　keep　your　head　down。〃
　Cordelia　wondered　if　Vorkosigan's　air　of　enjoyment　was　an　artifact　of　the