ericlustbader.the ninja-第26章
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gne。 Dom Perignon。 I'll bring the caviar。'
It would have been easy for Eileen to ask what all this was for but she felt that it would spoil the moment。 There was； after all； plenty of time to find out what she already knew in her heart。
'All right；' she said； her eyes very large now。
He turned； abruptly remembering。 'I'd better get upstairs and prepare the bokken。 Soon Hideoshi will be through with the others and I want to be ready。'
Justine's eyes were pletely dry。 This was something new for her but it brought her no solace。 Not when the anxiety had e again； a fierce knot in her stomach； a pressure on her chest； constricting her breaking； refusing to go away。 There is nothing wrong； she repeated over and over to herself。 Nothing。 Absolutely nothing。 She shivered； feeling cold。 Her fingers were like ice。
She stood in the darkened living room of Nicholas's house； staring out at the mist and rain on this dismal Sunday。 Out ' there； somewhere； was the sea； curling endlessly； but the spiteful rain hid it from her as if it were withholding a bright toy on Christmas morning。 She thought about going out there； piercing the mist； finding the ocean for herself； but she lacked； at this moment； the necessary fortitude to brave the weather。
Oh； my God I Oh； my God！
She whirled from the sleeted window…pane； running blindly through the house； groping for the bathroom； and there； at last； she collapsed in front of the toilet； retching。
Her body shook and sweat stood out on her forehead； rolling down into her eyes in tiny stinging rivulets。
After an endless time； when she could no longer stand the stink； she reached out a hand to flush the toilet。 It seemed to take all the energy she possessed。 But； after that； she somehow found the strength to stand up and bend over the basin。
The cold running water fell on her face like bullets from a gun。 She shivered； opened her mouth to get the sour taste out。 She could not swallow。
Sitting on the edge of the porcelain bath； feeling the cool bar of it striking across her buttocks； she curled over； putting her head in her arms； her arms on her knees。
She rocked back and forth； thinking； I can't do it。 I can't。
It was her mind now that did the vomiting。 The history of the betrayals unfurling like a hated flag above her head； blotting out all other signs of life。 All her men。 Timothy； who had been the first； the high…school basketball coach。 I'll be gentle； Justine； and thrusting savagely into her over and over； enjoying the expression of pain on her face； her crying out into the perfect sterile symmetry of the darkened gym； watching his eyes burn with her instant's fear。 Then Jodie； the Harvard man with the laughing eyes and the cruel soul。 I want to be a surgeon； Justine … and already was。 Eddie； who was seeing her and his wife on alternate nights； there was nothing he wanted but them both。 And then； in San Francisco； there had been Chris。 They had e together； igniting like a bonfire； insatiable； insensate to everything and everyone around them。 Or was that only the way it had been with her？ She could not bear that truth； even now。 Dredging it up was like an act of cruel masochism； like opening the edges of a slowly healing wound and probing for the nerve。
She had used her father's name then … and his money。 God only knew how much； certainly she did not。 Wasn't it the money that had made her weak and lazy？ So easy to pin down the blame； neatly and resolutely； ing back to her father。 How she hated him for giving her … those things： his name （she always wrote the word out on the screen of her mind so that she could make the deliberate typo fame which was； as far as she was concerned； no error） and his money。
God； this thing makes me nasty and bitter； she thought。 As if it's a physical malady that manufactures bile as a by…product。 She gagged again but； wrapping her arms around her stomach； she held herself together； there was nothing more to e up； she was empty yet the anxiety made her feel as if she had swallowed a two…by…four whole。
I can't do it； she repeated to herself。 I can't。
She had taken his money … so much of it … not thoughtlessly but wilfully。 Because she hated him。 But she found that getting it was like having the goblet of wine that was always full no matter how much you drank。 What had mattered so ^much to her was of absolutely no concern to him。
Of course it had mattered very much to Chris； who was the one； after all； who made use of most of the money。 At least that was how it had all e down that day when her father had flown in； had e to her house with the battery of local detectives he had hired。 It had all been there for her to read in the report。 The thing had so shocked her that she had hardly been able to utter a word let alone protest as her father had his men gather up her clothes； all her possessions。 He left them to it； hustling her outside and into the waiting limo。 She had not said a word all through the flight back east。 Her father； sitting across the' aisle in the private Lear jet； was too engrossed in reports to notice。 She found that she was not hungry； nor was she tired。 She was nothing。
It seemed like a long time ago now。 Years could be like lifetimes； never like days。 This is what came to her on the plane ride back to New York： she saw their old country house； the one in Connecticut that she had loved so much； with the stone walls covered with green creeping ivy； the high leaded…glass windows； the flagstone patio and； across the emerald back lawn； beyond the unpaved avenue； the brick…red of the stables； smelling of hay and manure and horse sweat。 How she loved that place； it reminded her of England； somehow。 Not like the new place on Gin Lane out on the Island。 Her father had sold the old house just after Justine's mother had died； paying two and a half million for the estate on one of the most famous streets in all America。
It was Easter…time in Connecticut。 She was eight。 Gelda had some friends over； whom she did not like or just did not want to be with。 Her mother was gone； having driven into town to do some shopping。 She wandered through the enormous old place； the large bright friendly rooms filled； here and there； by the busy servants preparing for a formal party later that evening。 Peering out of the window； she discovered that
there were a number of cars in the semicircular driveway and； as she went down the long curve of the main stairway to the ground floor； she could just make out voices ing from behind the closed doors of the library。 Her hand on the knob； turning； and she pushed。
'Daddy？'
Her father had indeed been inside。 He was with a group of men； discussing matters that had no meaning for her。
'Justine；' he said with a frown； 'you must see that I am busy at the moment。' He made no move towards her。
'I just wanted to talk to you。' She felt utterly dwarfed by the circle of men。 One of them shifted unfortably on the couch； the leather creaking under his weight。
〃This is not the time。 Shall I fetch Clifford。' The latter had the form but not the inflection of a question。
She looked around mutely。
Her father reached up and pulled a cord。 In just a moment； the manservant appeared。
'Yes； sir？'
'Clifford；' her father said。 'See that she is kept occupied until Mrs Tomkin returns； will you？ I can't have any more interruptions。 Doesn't Gelda have some friends here？'
'Yes； sir。'
'Well； that's the place for her then； eh？'
'Very good； sir。' He turned。 'e along； Miss Justine …'
But she had already turned； running down the； long； high hallway； slamming out through the front door。 She could hear Clifford clattering away behind her。 She liked Clifford。 She spent a lot of her time with him； just talking。 But right now she did not feel like being with anyone。
She sped around the side of the house； headed for the stables； and was quite out of breath by the time she got there。
They had six horses。 Arabians。 Her favourite was King Said。 He was her horse； to all intents and purposes。 But of course the children； though already good riders； were not allowed on horseback or even in the stables without an adult to supervise。 Justine did not really care about that now。 She went down the
