ericlustbader.the ninja-第12章

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　She　stood　silently　regarding　him　and　only　a　slight　tremor　along　her　neck　told　him　that　she　had　heard。
　'But　we　can't；'　he　continued。　'Human　memory　is　long；　it's　after　all　what　brings　us　together；　what　causes　that　peculiar　tingling；　sometimes；　when　we　first　meet；　like　a　faint　but　unmistakable　brush　of　recognition　…　of　what？　A　kindred　spirit；　perhaps。　An　aura。　It　has　many　names。　It　exists；　invisible　but　unallayed　for　all　that。'　He　paused。　'Did　you　feel　it　when　we　met？'
　'I　felt　…　something。　Yes。'　Her　thumb　stroked　the　back　of　his　hand；　tracing　the　lines　of　the　bones　there。　'A　spark　from　a　flame。'　She　looked　down　at　her　feet；　at　the　damp　black　sand；　at　the　rushing　water。　'I'm　afraid　to　trust　you。'　Her　head　came　up　abruptly　as　if　she　had　made　some　decision　and　was　now　determined　to　adhere　to　it。　'My　men　have　been　such　bastards　and　…　I　did　the　picking；　after　all。。。'
　'How　can　I　be　any　different；　is　that　it？'
　'But　you　are　different；　Nick。　I　can　feel　it。'　Yet　she　took　her　hand　away　from　his。　'I　can't　go　through　it　again。　I　just　can't。　This　isn't　a　movie。　I　don't　know　that　everything　is　going　to　turn　out　right。'
　'When　do　you　ever　know　that？'
　But　she　ignored　him；　continuing；　'We're　brought　up　with　a　kind　of　romanticism　that's　so　false　it　leads　us　astray。　Falling　in　love　and　marriage　is　forever。　The　movies；　then　TV　told　us　that；　even　…　especially　…　the　mercials。　We're　all　electronic　babies　now。　So　then　we　pass　out　of　〃us〃　and　into　〃I〃　…　what　do　you　do　when　the　〃us〃　doesn't　work　and　the　〃I〃　is　far　too　lonely？'
　'You　keep　searching；　I　suppose。　That's　all　life　is　anyway。　It's　one　great　search　for　whatever　it　is　we　want：　love；　money；　fame；　recognition；　security　…　all　of　those　things。　It's　the　degrees　of　importance　which　varies　in　each　individual。〃
　'Except　for　me。'　Justine's　voice　was　tinged　with　bitterness　now。　'I　don't　know　what　I　want　any　more。'
　'What　was　it；'　he　said；　'that　you　wanted　in　San　Francisco？'　He　saw　only　her　outline；　an　ebon　figure　in　the　darkness；　blotting　out　the　starlight　where　she　stood。
　Her　voice；　when　she　answered；　was　like　a　wisp　out　of　time；　a　cold　tendril；　slightly　unearthly；　so　that　he　felt　a　brief　shiver　run　through　him。
　'I　wanted；'　she　said；　'to　be　dominated。'
　…　'I　still　can't　believe　I　said　that　to　you。'
　They　lay；　naked；　beneath　he　sheets　in　his　bed。　A　beam　of　moonlight　came　in　through　the　windows　overlooking　the　sea　like　an　ethereal　bridge　to　another　land。
　'Why？'　Nicholas　asked　her。
　'Because　I'm　ashamed　of　it。　I'm　ashamed　I　ever　felt　that　way。　I　don't　ever　want　to　be　like　that　again。　I　reject　it。'
　'Is　it　so　terrible；　then；　to　want　to　be　dominated？'
　'The　way　I　wanted　it　。。。　Yes；　it　was　…　unnatural。'
　'How　do　you　mean　that？'
　She　turned　around　and　he　felt　the　soft　press　of　her　breasts　against　his　skin。　'I　don't　want　to　talk　about　it　any　more。　Let's　just　forget　I　ever　said　it。'
　He　took　her　bare　arms　in　his　hands　and　looked　her　full　in　the　face。　'Let's　get　one　thing　straight。　I　am　who　I　am。　I'm　not　…what　was　that　guy's　name　in　San　Francisco？'
　'Chris。'
　Tm　not　Chris　and　I'm　not　anyone　else　who's　been　in　your
　life。'　He　paused；　studying　her　eyes。　'Do　you　understand　what　I'm　saying？　If　you're　fearful　of　the　same　things　happening；　then　you're　bound　to　see　me　as　Chris　or　someone　else。　We　all　do　that　at　times；　unconsciously；　because　we　all　have　archetypes。　But　you　can't　do　that　now。　If　you　fail；　if　you　don't　break　through　now；　you　never　will。　And　every　man　you　meet　will　in　some　way　be　Chris　and　you'll　never　be　free　of　whatever　it　is　you　fear。'
　She　broke　away　from　him。　'You've　got　ho　right　to　lecture　me　this　way。　Who　the　hell　do　you　think　you　are？　I　say　one　thing　to　you　and　right　away　you　think　you　know　me。'　She　got　up　off　the　bed。　'You　don't　know　shit　about　me。　You　never　will。　Who　the　fuck　cares　what　you　have　to　say　anyway？'
　He　saw　her　moving　away　and；　a　moment　later；　heard　the　bathroom　door　slam。
　He　sat　up；　swinging　his　legs　over　the　side　of　the　bed。　The　urge　to　smoke　was　strong　so　he　turned　his　mind　to　other　matters。　He　ran　his　fingers　through　his　hair；　staring　sightlessly　out　at　the　sea。　Even　now；　Japan　lapped　at　his　consciousness。　There　was　a　message　there；　he　knew；　but　because　he　himself　had　forced　it　to　be　buried　so　deep；　it　was　slow　in　working　its　way　upwards　to　the　light。
　He　stood　up。　'Justine；'　he　called。
　The　door　to　the　bathroom　flew　open　and　she　emerged；　dressed　in　a　dark　tank　top　and　jeans。　Her　eyes　were　bright　hard　points；　flashing。
　Tm　leaving；'　she　said　tightly。
　'So　soon？'　he　was　amused　by　her　elaborate　melodramatics　and；　too；　he　did　not　quite　believe　her　after　all。
　'You　bastard！　You're　like　all　the　rest！'　She　turned　towards　the　hall。
　He　grabbed　her　right　wrist；　whirling　her　back。　'Where　are　you　going？'
　'Away！'　she　cried。　'Out　of　here！　Away　from　you；　you　sono'abitch　I'
　'Justine；　you're　acting　idiotic。'
　Her　free　hand　slashed　upwards；　struck　him　across　the　face。　'Don't　you　say　that　to　me。'　Her　tone　was　low；　a　growl；　her　face　was　an　animalistic　mask。
　Without　thinking；　he　slapped　her。　The　blow　was　hard　enough　so　that　she　reeled　backwards　against　the　wall。　Immediately；　his　heart　broke　and　he　said　her　name　softly　and　she　came　into　his　arms；　her　open　lips　against　the　tendons　of　his　neck；　her　hot　tears　scalding　his　flesh；　she　stroked　the　back　of　his　head。
　He　picked　her　up　and　carried　her　to　the　rumpled　bed　and　they　made　violent　love　for　a　very　long　time。
　Afterwards；　with　her　lithe　arms　about　him；　her　legs　twined　with　his；　he　said　quite　seriously；　'That　will　never　happen　again。　Never。'
　'Never；'　she　breathed；　echoing　him。
　He　heard　the　phone　ringing　in　his　sleep　and　drew　himself　up　through　the　layers　from　delta　to　beta　to　alpha。　Just　as　he　awoke；　the　muscles　in　his　stomach　tightened。　He　turned　over　and　reached　for　the　receiver；　beside　him；　Justine　stirred。
　'Hello？'　His　voice　sounded　furry。
　Justine　put　her　arm　across　his　chest；　even　her　nails　were　warm。
　'Hi！　It's　Vincent。'　There　was　a　pause。　'Say；　am　I　disturbing　you？'
　'Well；　sort　of。'
　'Sorry；　buddy。'
　There　was　only　a　singing　on　the　line　and　he　woke　up。　Vincent　was　too　much　a　Japanese　to　intrude　yet　he　would　not　be　calling　this　early　unless　it　was　important。　It　was　up　to　him　now；　Nicholas　knew。　If　he　said　'later'；　Vincent　would　hang　up　and　that　would　be　the　end　of　it。
　Justine's　head　moved　into　the　crook　of　his　shoulder　and　her　face　went　from　light　to　shadow。
　'What　is　it；　Vincent？　I　suspect　this　isn't　a　strictly　personal　call。'
　'No。　It　isn't。'
　'What's　up？'
　'You　read　about　the　stiff　they　took　out　of　the　water　a　couple　of　days　ago？'
　'Yeah。'　His　stomach　rolled　over。　'What　about　him？'
　'That's　why　I'm　out　here。'　Vincent　cleared　his　throat；　obviously　uneasy。　I'm　　at　the　M。E。's　building　in　Hauppauge。　Do　you　know　where　it　is？'
　'I　know　how　to　get　to　Hauppauge；　if　that's　what　you're　aiming　at；'　he　said　shortly。
　'I'm　afraid　I　am；　Nick。'
　He　felt　as　if　he　were　abruptly　holding　onto　three　pounds　of　air。　'What　the　hell　is　going　on？　Why　all　the　goddamn　secrecy？'
　'I　think　you　ought　to　see　what　we've　got　for　yourself。'　Vincent's　voice　seemed　strained。　'I　don't　…　I　don't　want　to　prejudice　you　in　any　way。　That's　why　I'm　not　giving　you　anything　to　think　about　over　the　phone。'
　'Buddy；　you're　wrong　about　that。　You're　giving　me　plenty　to　think　about。'　He　glanced　at　his　watch：　7：15。　'Give　me　about　forty　minutes；　okay？'
　'Sure。　I'll　meet　you　outside；　guide　you　in。'　There　was　silence　for　a　moment。　'Sorry；　buddy。'
　'Yeah。'
　When　he　put　down　the　phone；　he　found　that　the　palm　of　his　hand　was　slippery　with　sweat。
　Nicholas　looked　again　at　the　sliver　of　metal　under　the　eye　of　the　microscope；　a　fractional　shaving　from　the　small　piece　Doc　Deer…forth　had　recovered　from　the　breastbone　of　the　corpse。
　'Here　are　the　spectrometer　readouts；'　Vincent　said；　slipping　the　sheets　across　the　zinc　alloy　table。　Nicholas　took　his　eye　from　the　microscopic　fragment。　'We　ran　it　through　　threetimes　to　be　certain。'
　Nicholas　picked　up　the　sheets；　running　his　gaze　over　the　figures。　But　he　already　suspected　what　he　would　find　there。　Still；　it　seemed　incredible　to　him。
　'This　steel；'　he　said　carefully；　'was　manufactured　from　a　particular　type　of　magnetic　i