rh.royalassassin-第55章

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　　　　　　　Not　scraps。　Go　look。
　　　　　　　He　surged　forward；　and　then　angled　toward　the　hut。　I　watched　him　go。　Our　dream　hunts　together　had　taught　him　much；　but　now　I　wished　him　to　hunt　entirely　independently　of　me。　I　did　not　doubt　that　he　could　do　it。　I　chided　myself　that　demanding　this　proof　was　just　one　more　procrastination。
　　　　　　　He　stayed　in　the　snowy　brush　as　much　as　he　could。　He　approached　the　hut　cautiously；　ears　alert　and　nose　working。　Old　scents。　Humans。　Goats。　Cold　and　gone。　He　froze　an　instant；　then　took　a　careful　step　forward。　His　motions　now　were　calculated　and　precise。　Ears　forward；　tail　straight；　he　was　totally　intent　and　focused。　MOUSE！　He　sprang　and　had　it。　He　shook　his　head；　a　quick　snap；　and　then　let　the　little　animal　go　flying。　He　caught　it　again　as　it　came　down。　Mouse！　he　announced　gleefully。　He　flipped　his　kill　up　into　the　air　and　danced　up　after　it　on　his　hind　legs。　He　caught　it　again；　delicately；　in　his　small　front　teeth；　and　tossed　it　up　again。　I　radiated　pride　and　approval　at　him。　By　the　time　he　had　finished　playing　with　his　kill；　the　mouse　was　little　more　than　a　sodden　rag　of　fur。　He　gulped　it　down　finally　in　a　single　snap　and　came　bounding　back　to　me。
　　　　　　　Mice！　The　place　is　riddled　with　them。　Their　smell　and　sign　are　everywhere　all　about　the　hut。
　　　　　　　I　thought　there　would　be　plenty　here。　The　shepherds　plain　about　them；　that　the　mice　overrun　this　place　and　spoil　their　provisions　in　the　summer。　I　guessed　they　would　winter　here；　too。
　　　　　　　Surprisingly　fat；　for　this　time　of　year；　Cub　opined；　and　was　off　again　with　a　bound。　He　hunted　with　frantic　enthusiasm；　but　only　until　his　hunger　was　sated。　Then　it　was　my　turn　to　approach　the　hut。　Snow　had　drifted　up　against　the　rickety　wooden　door；　but　I　shouldered　it　open。　The　interior　was　dismal。　Snow　had　sifted　in　through　the　thatched　roof　and　lay　in　streaks　and　stripes　on　the　frozen　dirt　floor。　There　was　a　rudimentary　hearth　and　chimney；　with　a　kettle　hook。　A　stool　and　a　wooden　bench　were　the　only　furnishings。　There　was　still　a　bit　of　firewood　left　beside　the　hearth；　and　I　used　it　to　build　a　careful　fire　on　the　blackened　stones。　I　kept　it　small；　just　enough　to　warm　myself　and　to　thaw　the　bread　and　meat　I　had　packed　with　me。　Cub　came　for　a　taste　of　that；　more　for　the　sharing　than　for　any　hunger。　He　made　a　leisurely　exploration　of　the　hut's　interior。
　　　　　　　Lots　of　mice！
　　　　　　　I　know。　I　hesitated；　then　forced　myself　to　add；　You　won't　starve　here。
　　　　　　　He　lifted　his　nose　abruptly　from　the　corner　he'd　been　sniffing。　He　advanced　a　few　steps　toward　me；　then　stopped；　standing　stiff…legged。　His　eyes　met　mine　and　held。　The　wilds　were　in　their　darkness。　You're　abandoning　me　here。
　　　　　　　Yes。　There　is　food　in　plenty　here。　In　a　while　I　will　e　back；　to　be　sure　you　are　all　right。　I　think　you　will　be　fine　here。　You　will　teach　yourself　to　hunt。　Mice　at　first；　and　then　larger　game　。。。
　　　　　　　You　betray　me。　You　betray　pack。
　　　　　　　No。　We　are　not　pack。　I　am　setting　you　free；　Cub。　We　are　being　too　close。　That　is　not　good；　for　either　of　us。　I　warned　you；　long　ago；　that　I　would　not　bond。　We　can　have　no　part　of　each　other's　lives。　It　is　better　for　you　to　go　off；　alone；　to　bee　what　you　were　meant　to　be。
　　　　　　　I　was　meant　to　be　a　member　of　a　pack。　He　leveled　his　stare　at　me。　Will　you　tell　me　that　there　are　wolves　near　here；　ones　who　will　accept　an　intruder　into　their　territory　and　make　me　part　of　their　pack？
　　　　　　　I　was　forced　to　look　aside　from　him。　No。　There　are　no　wolves　here。　One　would　have　to　travel　many　days　to　e　to　a　place　wild　enough　for　wolves　to　run　freely。
　　　　　　　Then　what　is　there　here　for　me？
　　　　　　　Food。　Freedom。　Your　own　life；　independent　of　mine。
　　　　　　　Isolation。　He　bared　his　teeth　at　me；　and　then　abruptly　turned　aside。　He　circled　past　me；　a　wide　circle　as　he　went　to　the　door。　Men。　He　sneered。　Truly　you　are　not　pack；　but　man。　He　paused　in　the　open　door　to　look　back　at　me。　Men　it　is　who　think　they　can　rule　others'　lives　but　have　no　bonds　to　them。　Do　you　think　that　to　bond　or　not　to　bond　is　for　you　alone　to　decide？　My　heart　is　my　own。　I　give　it　where　I　will。　I　will　not　give　it　to　one　who　thrusts　me　aside。　Nor　will　I　obey　one　who　denies　pack　and　bond。　Do　you　think　I　will　stay　here　and　snuff　about　this　men's　lair；　to　snap　at　the　mice　who　have　e　for　their　leavings；　to　be　like　the　mice；　things　that　live　on　the　droppings　of　men？　No。　If　we　are　not　pack；　then　we　are　not　kin。　I　owe　you　nothing；　and　least　of　all　obedience。　I　shall　not　stay　here。　I　shall　live　as　I　please。
　　　　　　　A　slyness　to　his　thoughts。　He　was　hiding　something；　but　I　guessed　it。　You　shall　do　as　you　wish；　Cub；　but　for　one　thing。　You　shall　not　follow　me　back　to　Buckkeep。　I　forbid　it。
　　　　　　　You　forbid？　You　forbid？　Forbid　the　wind　to　blow　past　your　stone　den；　then；　or　the　grass　to　grow　in　the　earth　around　it。　You　have　as　much　right。　You　forbid。
　　　　　　　He　snorted　and　turned　away　from　me。　I　hardened　my　will；　and　spoke　a　final　time　to　him。　〃Cub！〃　I　said　in　my　man　voice。　He　turned　back　to　me；　startled。　His　small　ears　went　back　at　my　tone。　Almost　he　sneered　his　teeth　at　me。　But　before　he　could；　I　repelled　at　him。　It　was　a　thing　I　had　always　known　how　to　do；　as　instinctively　as　one　knows　to　pull　the　finger　back　from　the　flame。　It　was　a　force　I　had　used　but　seldom；　for　once　Burrich　had　turned　it　against　me；　and　I　did　not　always　trust　it。　This　was　not　a　push；　such　as　I　had　used　on　him　when　he　was　caged。　I　put　force　into　it；　the　mental　repulsing　being　almost　a　physical　thing　as　he　recoiled　from　me。　He　leaped　back　a　stride　then　stood　splay…legged　on　the　snow；　ready　for　flight。　His　eyes　were　shocked。
　　　　　　　〃GO！〃　I　shouted　at　him；　man's　word；　man's　voice；　and　at　the　same　time　repelled　him　again　with　every　bit　of　Wit　I　had。　He　fled；　not　gracefully；　but　leaping　and　scrabbling　away　through　the　snow。　I　held　myself　within　myself；　refusing　to　follow　him　with　my　mind　and　make　sure　that　he　did　not　stop。　No。　I　was　done　with　that。　The　repelling　was　a　breaking　of　that　bond；　not　only　a　withdrawing　of　myself　from　him；　but　a　pushing　back　of　every　tie　he　had　to　me。　Severed。　And　better　to　let　them　remain　that　way。　Yet　as　I　stood　staring　at　the　patch　of　brush　where　he　had　disappeared；　I　felt　an　emptiness　that　was　very　like　to　cold；　a　tingling　itch　of　something　lost；　something　missing。　I　have　heard　men　speak　so　of　an　amputated　limb。　A　physical　groping　about　for　a　part　gone　forever。
　　　　　　　I　left　the　hut　and　began　my　hike　home。　The　farther　I　walked；　the　more　I　hurt。　Not　physically；　but　that　is　the　only　parison　I　have。　As　raw　and　flayed　as　if　stripped　of　skin　and　meat。　It　was　worse　than　when　Burrich　had　taken　Nosy；　for　I　had　done　it　to　myself。　The　waning　afternoon　seemed　chillier　than　the　dark　of　dawn　had。　I　tried　to　tell　myself　that　I　did　not　feel　ashamed。　I　had　done　what　was　necessary。　As　I　had　with　Virago。　I　pushed　that　thought　aside。　No。　Cub　would　be　fine。　He　would　be　better　off　than　if　he　were　with　me。　What　life　would　it　be　for　that　wild　creature；　skulking　about；　always　in　danger　of　discovery；　by　the　Keep　dogs　or　hunters　or　anyone　who　might　spot　him？　He　might　be　isolated；　he　might　be　lonely；　but　he　would　be　alive。　Our　connection　was　severed。　There　was　an　insistent　temptation　to　quest　out　about　me；　to　see　if　I　could　sense　him　still；　to　grope　and　find　if　his　mind　still　touched　mine　at　all。　I　sternly　resisted　it；　and　sealed　my　thoughts　against　his　as　firmly　as　I　could。　Gone。　He　would　not　follow　me。　Not　after　I　had　repelled　him　like　that。　No。　I　tramped　on　and　refused　to　look　back。
　　　　　　　Had　I　not　been　so　deep　in　thought；　so　intent　on　remaining　isolated　inside　myself；　I　might　have　had　some　warning。　But　I　doubt　it。　The　Wit　was　never　any　use　against　Forged　ones。　I　do　not　know　if　they　stalked　me；　or　if　I　blundered　right　past　their　hiding　place。　The　first　I　knew　of　them　was　when　the　weight　hit　my　back　and　I　went　down　face…first　in　the　snow。　At　first　I　thought　it　was　Cub；　e　back　to　challenge　my　decision。　I　rolled　and　came　almost　to　my　feet　before　another　one　seized　hold　of　my　shoulder。　Forged　ones；　three　males；　one　young；　two　large　and　once　well　muscled。　My　mind　recorded　it　all　quickly；　categorizing　them　as　neatly　as　if　this　were　one　of　Chade's　exercises。　One　big　one　with　a　knife；　the　others　had　sticks。　Torn　and　filthy　clothing。