mp.godfather-第100章

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tered　his　head　that　Nino　might　be　jealous。
　
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　A　year　ago　Johnny　Fontane　had　sat　in　his　plush　office；　the　office　of　the　movie　pany　he　headed；　and　felt　as　lousy　as　he　had　ever　felt　in　his　life。　Which　was　surprising　because　the　first　movie　he　had　produced；　with　himself　as　star　and　Nino　in　a　featured　part；　was　making　tons　of　money。　Everything　had　worked。　Everybody　had　done　their　job。　The　picture　was　brought　in　under　budget。　Everybody　was　going　to　make　a　fortune　out　of　it　and　Jack　Woltz　was　losing　ten　years　of　his　life。　Now　Johnny　had　two　more　pictures　in　production；　one　starring　himself；　one　starring　Nino。　Nino　was　great　on　the　screen　as　one　of　those　charming；　dopey　lover…boys　that　women　loved　to　shove　between　their　tits。　Little　boy　lost。　Everything　he　touched　made　money；　it　was　rolling　in。　The　Godfather　was　getting　his　percentage　through　the　bank；　and　that　made　Johnny　feel　really　good。　He　had　justified　his　Godfather's　faith。　But　today　that　wasn't　helping　much。
　
　And　now　that　he　was　a　successful　independent　movie　producer　he　had　as　much　power；　maybe　more；　than　he　had　ever　had　as　a　singer。　Beautiful　broads　felt　all　over　him　just　like　before；　though　for　a　more　mercial　reason。　He　had　his　own　plane；　he　lived　more　lavishly　even；　with　the　special　tax　benefits　a　businessman　had　that　artists　didn't　get。　Then　what　the　hell　was　bothering　him？
　
　He　knew　what　it　was。　The　front　of　his　head　hurt；　his　nasal　passages　hurt；　his　throat　itched。　The　only　way　he　could　scratch　and　relieve　that　itch　was　by　singing　and　he　was　afraid　to　even　try。　He　had　called　Jules　Segal　about　it；　when　it　would　be　safe　to　try　to　sing　and　Jules　had　said　anytime　he　felt　like　it。　So　he'd　tried　and　sounded　so　hoarse　and　lousy　he'd　given　up。　And　his　throat　would　hurt　like　hell　the　next　day；　hurt　in　a　different　way　than　before　the　warts　had　been　taken　off。　Hurt　worse；　burning。　He　was　afraid　to　keep　singing；　afraid　that　he'd　lose　his　voice　forever；　or　ruin　it。
　
　And　if　he　couldn't　sing；　what　the　hell　was　the　use　of　everything　else？　Everything　else　was　just　bullshit。　Sing　was　the　only　thing　he　really　knew。　Maybe　he　knew　more　about　singing　and　his　kind　of　music　than　anybody　else　in　the　world。　He　was　that　good；　he　realized　now。　All　those　years　had　made　him　a　real　pro。　Nobody　could　tell　him；　the　right　and　the　wrong；　he　didn't　have　to　ask　anybody。　He　knew。　What　a　waste；　what　a　damn　waste。
　
　It　was　Friday　and　he　decided　to　spend　the　weekend　with　Virginia　and　the　kids。　He　called　her　up　as　he　always　did　to　tell　her　he　was　ing。　Really　to　give　her　a　chance　to　say　no。　She　never　said　no。　Not　in　all　the　years　they　had　been　divorced。　Because　she　would　never　say　no　to　a　meeting　of　her　daughters　and　their　father。　What　a　broad；　Johnny　thought。　He'd　been　lucky　with　Virginia。　And　though　he　knew　he　cared　more　about　her　than　any　other　woman　he　knew　it　was　impossible　for　them　to　live　together　sexually。　Maybe　when　they　were　sixty…five；　like　when　you　retire；　they'd　retire　together；　retire　from　everything。
　
　But　reality　shattered　these　tests　when　he　arrived　there　and　found　Virginia　was　feeling　a　little　grouchy　herself　and　the　two　girls　not　that　crazy　to　see　him　because　they　had　been　promised　a　weekend　visit　with　some　girl　friends　on　a　California　ranch　where　they　could　ride　horses。
　
　He　told　Virginia　to　send　the　girls　off　to　the　ranch　and　kissed　them　good…bye　with　an　amused　smile。　He　understood　them　so　well。　What　kid　wouldn't　rather　go　riding　horses　on　a　ranch　than　hang　around　with　a　grouchy　father　who　picked　his　own　spots　as　a　father。　He　said　to　Virginia；　〃I'll　have　a　few　drinks　and　then　I'll　shove　off　too。〃
　
　〃All　right；〃　she　said。　She　was　having　one　of　her　bad　days；　rare；　but　recognizable。　It　wasn't　too　easy　for　her　leading　this　kind　of　life。
　
　She　saw　him　taking　an　extra　large　drink。　〃What　are　you　cheering　yourself　up　for？〃　Virginia　asked。　〃Everything　is　going　so　beautifully　for　you。　I　never　dreamed　you　had　it　in　you　to　be　such　a　good　businessman。〃
　
　Johnny　smiled　at　her。　〃It's　not　so　hard；〃　he　said。　At　the　same　time　he　was　thinking；　so　that's　what　was　wrong。　He　understood　women　and　he　understood　now　that　Virginia　was　down　because　she　thought　he　was　having　everything　his　own　way。　Women　really　hated　seeing　their　men　doing　too　well。　It　irritated　them。　It　made　them　less　sure　of　the　hold　they　exerted　over　them　through　affection；　sexual　custom　or　marriage　ties。　So　more　to　cheer　her　up　than　voice　his　own　plaints；　Johnny　said；　〃What　the　hell　difference　does　it　make　if　I　can't　sing。〃
　
　Virginia's　voice　was　annoyed。　〃Oh；　Johnny；　you're　not　a　kid　anymore。　You're　over　thirty…five。　Why　do　you　keep　worrying　about　that　silly　singing　stuff？　You　make　more　money　as　a　producer　anyhow。〃
　
　Johnny　looked　at　her　curiously　and　said；　〃I'm　a　singer。　I　love　to　sing。　What's　being　old　got　to　do　with　that？〃
　
　Virginia　was　impatient。　〃I　never　liked　your　singing　anyway。　Now　that　you've　shown　you　can　make　movies；　I'm　glad　you　can't　sing　anymore。〃
　
　They　were　both　surprised　when　Johnny　said　with　fury；　〃That's　a　fucking　lousy　thing　to　say。〃　He　was　shaken。　How　could　Virginia　feel　like　that；　how　could　she　dislike　him　so　much？
　
　Virginia　smiled　at　his　being　hurt　and　because　it　was　so　outrageous　that　he　should　be　angry　at　her　she　said；　〃How　do　you　think　I　felt　when　all　those　girls　came　running　after　you　because　of　the　way　you　sang？　How　would　you　feel　if　I　went　ass…naked　down　the　street　to　get　men　running　after　me？　That's　what　your　singing　was　and　I　used　to　wish　you'd　lose　your　voice　and　could　never　sing　again。　But　that　was　before　we　got　divorced。〃
　
　Johnny　finished　his　drink。　〃You　don't　understand　a　thing。　Not　a　damn　thing。〃　He　went　into　the　kitchen　and　dialed　Nino's　number。　He　quickly　arranged　for　them　both　to　go　down　to　Palm　Springs　for　the　weekend　and　gave　Nino　the　number　of　a　girl　to　call；　a　real　fresh　young　beauty　he'd　been　meaning　to　get　around　to。　〃She'll　have　a　friend　for　you；〃　Johnny　said。　〃I'll　be　at　your　place　in　an　hour。〃
　
　Virginia　gave　him　a　cool　good…bye　when　he　left。　He　didn't　give　a　damn；　it　was　one　of　the　few　times　he　was　angry　with　her。　The　hell　with　it；　he'd　just　tear　loose　for　the　weekend　and　get　all　the　poison　out　of　his　system。
　
　Sure　enough；　everything　was　fine　down　in　Palm　Springs。　Johnny　used　his　own　house　down　there；　it　was　always　kept　open　and　staffed　this　time　of　year。　The　two　girls　were　young　enough　to　be　great　fun　and　not　too　rapacious　for　some　kind　of　favor。　Some　people　came　over　to　keep　them　pany　at　the　pool　until　suppertime。　Nino　went　to　his　room　with　his　girl　to　get　ready　for　supper　and　a　quick　bang　while　he　was　still　warm　from　the　sun。　Johnny　wasn't　in　the　mood；　so　he　sent　his　girl；　a　short　bandbox　blonde　named　Tina；　up　to　shower　by　herself。　He　never　could　make　love　to　another　woman　after　he'd　had　a　fight　with　Virginia。
　
　He　went　into　the　glass…walled　patio　living　room　that　held　a　piano。　When　singing　with　the　band　he　had　fooled　around　with　the　piano　just　for　laughs；　so　he　could　pick　out　a　song　in　a　fake　moonlight…soft　ballad　style。　He　sat　down　now　and　hummed　along　a　bit　with　the　piano；　very　softly；　muttering　a　few　words　but　not　really　singing。　Before　he　knew　it　Tina　was　in　the　living　room　making　him　a　drink　and　sitting　beside　him　at　the　piano。　He　played　a　few　tunes　and　she　hummed　with　him。　He　left　her　at　the　piano　and　went　up　to　take　his　shower。　In　the　shower　he　sang　short　phrases；　more　like　speaking。　He　got　dressed　and　went　back　down。　Tina　was　still　alone；　Nino　was　really　working　his　girl　over　or　getting　drunk。
　
　Johnny　sat　down　at　the　piano　again　while　Tina　wandered　off　outside　to　watch　the　pool。　He　started　singing　one　of　his　old　songs。　There　was　no　burning　in　his　throat。　The　tones　were　ing　out　muted　but　with　proper　body。　He　looked　at　the　patio。　Tina　was　still　out　there；　the　glass　door　was　closed；　she　wouldn't　hear　him。　For　some　reason　he　didn't　want　anybody　to　hear　him。　He　started　off　fresh　on　an　old　ballad　that　was　his　favorite。　He　sang　full　out　as　if　he　were　singing　in　public；　letting　himself　go；　waiting　for　the　familiar　burning　rasp　in　his　throat　but　there　was　none。　He　listened　to　his　voice；　it　was　diferent　somehow；　but　he　liked　it。　It　was　darker；　it　was　a　man's　voice；　not　a　kid's；　rich　h