rj.acrownofswords-第154章
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aking advantage。 We must look closely at this last year； I think。〃
To that； Seaine agreed reluctantly。 There would be fewer pieces of paper to read and more questions to ask concerning recent months。 Deciding who else to make part of the inquiry was even harder。 Especially after Pevara said； 〃You were very brave ing to me； Seaine。 I've known Darkfriends to kill brothers； sisters； parents； to try hiding who they are and what they've done。 I love you for it； but you were very brave indeed。〃
Seaine shivered as if a goose had walked on her grave。 Had she wanted to be brave； she would have chosen Green。 She almost wished Elaida had gone to someone else。 There was no turning back now； though。
Chapter 33
（Dragon）
A Bath
The days after sending Perrin away seemed endless to Rand； and the nights longer。 He retreated to his rooms and stayed there； telling the Maidens to allow no one to enter。 Only Nandera was allowed past the doors with the gilded suns； bringing his meals。 The sinewy Maiden would set down a covered tray and list those who had asked to see him； then give him a look of rebuke when he repeated that he would see no one。 Often he heard disapproving ments from the Maidens outside before she pulled the door shut behind her； he was intended to hear； else they would have used handtalk。 But if they thought to chivy him out by claiming that he was sulking。。。 The Maidens did not understand； and might not if he explained。 If he could have brought himself to。
He picked at the meals without appetite； and tried to read； but his favorite books could divert him for only a few pages even in the beginning。 At least once every day； though he had promised himself he would not； he lifted the massive wardrobe of polished blackwood and ivory in his bedchamber； floated it aside on flows of Air and carefully unraveled the traps he had set and the Mask of Mirrors that made the wall seem smooth； all inverted so no other eyes but his could see。 There； in a niche hollowed out with the Power； stood two small statues of white stone about a foot tall； a woman and a man； each in flowing robes and holding a clear crystal sphere overhead in one hand。 The night he set the army in motion toward Illian he had gone to Rhuidean alone to fetch these ter'angreal： if he needed them； he might not have much time。 That was what he had told himself。 His hand would stretch toward the bearded man； the only one of the pair a man could use； stretch out and stop； shaking。 One finger touching； and more of the One Power than he could imagine could be his。 With that； no one could defeat him； no one stand against him。 With that； Lanfear had said once； he could challenge the Creator。
〃It is mine by right；〃 he muttered each time； with his hand trembling just short of the figure。 〃Mine！ I am the Dragon Reborn！〃
And each time he made himself draw back； reweaving the Mask of Mirrors； reweaving the invisible traps that would burn anyone to a cinder who tried to pass them without the key。 The huge wardrobe wafted back into place like a feather。 He was the Dragon Reborn。 But was that enough？ It would have to be。
〃I am the Dragon Reborn；〃 he whispered at the walls sometimes； and sometimes shouted at them。 〃I am the Dragon Reborn！〃 Silently and aloud he raged at those who opposed him； the blind fools who could not see and those who refused to see； for ambition or avarice or fear。 He was the Dragon Reborn； the only hope of the world against the Dark One。 And the Light help the world for it。
But his rages and thoughts of using the ter'angreal were only attempts to escape other things； and he knew it。 Alone； he picked at his meals； though less every day； and tried to read； though seldom； and attempted to find sleep。 That he tried more often as the days passed； not caring whether the sun was down or high。 Sleep came in fitful snatches； and what harrowed his waking thoughts also stalked his dreams and chased him awake too soon for any rest。 No amount of shielding could keep out what was already inside。 He had the Forsaken to face； and sooner or later the Dark One himself。 He had fools who fought him or ran away when their only hope was to stand behind him。 Why would his dreams not let him be？ From one dream he always sprang awake before it more than began； to lie there filled with self…loathing and muddled with lack of sleep； but the others。。。 He deserved them all； he knew。
Colavaere confronted him sleeping； her face black and the scarf she had used to hang herself still buried in the swollen flesh of her neck。 Colavaere； silent and accusing； with all the Maidens who had died for him arrayed behind her in silent staring ranks； all the women who died because of him。 He knew every face as well as his own； and every name but one。 From those dreams； he woke weeping。
A hundred times he hurled Perrin across the Grand Hall of the Sun； and a hundred times he was overwhelmed by blazing fear and rage。 A hundred times； he killed Perrin in his dreams and woke to his own screams。 Why had the man chosen the Aes Sedai prisoners to use for their argument？ Rand tried not to think about them； he had done his best to ignore their existence from the beginning。 They were too dangerous to keep long as captives； and he had no idea what to do with them。 They frightened him。 Sometimes he dreamed of being bound inside the box again； of Galina and Erian and Katerine and the rest taking him out to beat him； dreamed and woke whimpering even after he convinced himself his eyes were open and he was outside。 They frightened him because he feared he might give way to the fear and the anger； and then。。。 He tried not to think of what he might do then； but sometimes he dreamed it； and woke shaking in a cold sweat。 He would not do that。 Whatever he had done； he would not do that。
In dreams he gathered the Asha'man to attack the White Tower and punish Elaida； he leaped from a gateway filled with righteous anger and saidin … and learned that Alviarin's letter had been a lie； saw her stand alongside Elaida； saw Egwene beside her； too； and Nynaeve； and even Elayne； all with Aes Sedai faces； because he was too dangerous to let run free。 He watched the Asha'man destroyed by women who had years of studying the One Power behind them； not just a few months of harsh tutoring； and from those dreams； he could never wake until every man in a black coat was dead； and he stood alone to face the might of the Aes Sedai。 Alone。
Again and again Cadsuane spoke those words about madmen hearing voices； till he flinched at them as at blows of a whip； flinched in his sleep when she appeared。 In dreams and waking； he called to Lews Therin； shouted at him； screamed for him； and only silence answered。 Alone。 That small bundle of sensations and emotions in the back of his head； the sense of Alanna's almost touch； slowly became a fort。 In many ways； that frightened him most of all。
On the fourth morning； he woke groggily from a dream of the White Tower； flinging up a hand to shield grainy eyes from what he thought was a flare of saidar…wrought fire。 Dust motes sparkled in the sunlight streaming through the window to reach his bed； with its great square black…wood bedposts inlaid with ivory wedges。 Every piece of furnishing in the room was polished blackwood and ivory； square and stark and heavy enough to suit his mood。 For a moment he lay there； but if sleep returned； it would only bring another dream。
Are you there； Lews Therin？ he thought without any hope of answer； and wearily pushed himself to his feet； tugging his wrinkled coat straight。 He had not changed his clothes since first shutting himself away。
When he staggered into the anteroom； at first he thought he was dreaming again； the dream that always woke him straight off in shame and guilt and loathing； but Min looked up at him from one of the tall gilded chairs； a leather…bound book on her knees； and he did not wake。 Dark ringlets framed her face； big dark eyes so intent he almost felt her touch。 Her breeches of brocaded green silk fit her like a second skin； and her coat of matching silk hung open； a cream…colored blouse rising and falling with her breath。 He prayed to wak
