cpatricia.blacknotice-第70章

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　　〃Do　you　have　any　idea　what　you're　doing？〃　I　asked　him。
　　He　wiped　his　face　on　the　back　of　his　hand。　He　was　breathing　so　hard　he　was　wheezing。　It　occurred　to　me　he　might　have　a　heart　attack。
　　〃Marino。〃　I　shook　his　arm。　〃Listen　to　me。　What　you　just　did　in　there　is　unconscionable。　Talley　has　done　nothing　to　you。　I've　done　nothing　to　you。〃
　　〃Maybe　I'm　sticking　up　for　Benton　'cause　he　ain't　here　to　do　it　himself；〃　Marino　said　in　a　flat；　worn…out　voice。
　　〃No。　You　were　throwing　punches　at　Carrie　Grethen；　at　Joyce。　It's　them　you　want　to　beat　up；　maim；　kill。〃
　　He　took　deep；　defeated　breaths。
　　〃Don't　you　think　I　know　what　you're　doing？〃　I　…went　on　in　an　intense；　quiet　voice。
　　People　were　shadows　drifting　past　us　on　the　sidewalk。　Light　spilled　out　of　brasseries　and　cafés　that　were　having　busy　nights；　their　small　outdoor　tables　full。
　　〃You　have　to　take　it　out　on　someone；〃　I　went　on。　〃That's　the　way　it　works。　And　who　is　there　to　go　after？　Carrie　and　Joyce　are　dead。〃
　　〃At　least　you　and　Lucy　got　to　kill　the　motherfuckers。　Shoot　their　goddamn　asses　out　of　the　air。〃　Marino　began　to　sob。
　　〃e　on；〃　I　said。
　　I　took　his　arm　in　mine　and　we　started　walking。
　　〃I　had　nothing　to　do　with　killing　them；〃　I　said。　〃Not　that　I　would　have　hesitated；　Marino。　But　Lucy　pulled　the　trigger。　And　you　know　what？　She　doesn't　feel　the　better　for　it。　She　still　hates　and　simmers　and　beats　and　shoots　her　way　through　life。　She'll　have　her　day　of　reckoning；　too。　And　this　is　yours。　Let　it　go。〃　；
　　〃Why　did'ya　have　to　go　and　do　that　with　him？〃　he　asked　in　a　small；　pained　voice　as　he　wiped　his　eyes　on　his　sleeve。　〃How　e；　Doc？　Why　him？〃
　　〃There's　no　one　good　enough　for　me；　is　that　it？〃　I　said。
　　He　had　to　think　about　that。
　　〃And　there's　no　one　good　enough　for　you。　No　one　as　good　as　Doris。　When　she　divorced　you；　that　was　hard；　wasn't　it？　And　I've　never　thought　any　woman　you've　been　with　since　is　even　close　to　what　she　was。　But　we　have　to　try；　Marino。　We　have　to　live。〃
　　〃Yeah；　and　they　all　dumped　me；　too。　Those　women　who　ain't　good　enough　for　me。〃
　　〃They　dumped　you　because　they're　bowling…alley　bimbos。〃
　　He　smiled　in　the　dark。
　　　
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　　The　streets　of　Paris　were　waking　up　and　getting　lively　as　Talley　and　I　walked　to　the　Café　Runtz。　The　air　was　cool　and　felt　good　on　my　face；　but　I　was　anxious　and　full　of　doubt　again。　I　wished　I'd　never　e　to　France。　When　we　crossed　the　Place　de　I'Opém　and　he　reached　for　my　hand；　I　wished　I　had　never　met　Jay　Talley。
　　His　fingers　were　warm　and　strong　and　slender；　and　I　never　expected　that　such　a　gentle　form　of　affection　would　jolt　and　revulse　me　when　what　we'd　done　in　my　room　hours　earlier　had　not。　I　felt　ashamed　of　myself。
　　〃I　want　you　to　know　this　matters　to　me；〃　he　said。　〃I　don't　have　flings；　Kay。　I'm　not　into　one…night　stands。　It's　important　you　know　that。〃
　　〃Don't　fall　in　love　with　me；　Jay。〃　I　looked　up　at　him。
　　His　silence　said　everything　about　how　thosé　words　made　him　feel。
　　〃Jay；　I'm　not　saying　I　don't　care。〃
　　〃You'll　really　like　this　café；〃　he　said。　〃It's　a　secret。　You'll　see。　No　one　in　here　speaks　anything　but　French　and　if　you　don't　speak　French；　you　have　to　point　on　the　menu　or　get　out　your　little　dictionary；　and　the　owner　will　be　amused　by　you。　Odette　is　very　no…nonsense　but　very　nice。〃
　　I　was　scarcely　hearing　a　word。
　　〃She　and　I　have　a　détente。　If　she's　pleasant；　I　patronize　her　establishment。　If　I'm　pleasant；　she　lets　me　patronize　her　establishment。〃
　　〃I　want　you　to　listen　to　me；〃　I　said；　slipping　my　hand　up　his　arm　and　leaning　against　it。　〃The　last　thing　I　ever　want　to　do　is　hurt　anyone。　I　didn't　want　to　hurt　you。　And　I　already　have。〃
　　〃How　could　I　feel　hurt？　This　afternoon　was　incredible。〃
　　〃Yes；　it　was；〃　I　said。　〃But。　。　。〃
　　He　stopped　on　the　sidewalk　and　looked　into　my　eyes　as　people　flowed　around　us　and　light　from　shops　unevenly　shoved　back　the　night。　I　was　raw　and　alive　where　he　had　touched　me。
　　〃I　didn't　ask　you　to　love　me；〃　he　said。
　　〃That's　not　something　you　should　have　to　ask。〃
　　We　started　walking　again。
　　〃I　know　it's　not　something　you　freely　offer；　Kay；〃　he　said。　〃Love　is　your　loup…garou。　The　monster　you　fear。　And　I　can　see　why。　It's　tracked　you　down　and　hurt　you　all　your　life。〃
　　〃Don't　try　to　psychoanalyze　me。　Don't　try　to　change　me；　Jay。〃
　　People　bumped　us　as　they　jostled　past。
　　Several　teenagers　with　body　piercing　and　dyed　hair　bumped　into　us　and　laughed。　A　small　crowd　was　staring　and　pointing　at　an　almost　life…size　yellow　biplane　attached　to　the　side　of　the　Grand　Marnier　building　advertising　a　Breiding　watch　show。　Roasting　chestnuts　smelled　burnt。
　　〃I've　not　touched　anyone　since　Benton　died；〃　I　said。　〃That's　where　you　are　in　my　food　chain；　Jay。〃
　　〃I　wasn't　trying　to　be　cruel　：　。　。〃
　　〃I'll　fly　home　in　the　morning。〃
　　〃I　wish　you　wouldn't。〃
　　〃I　have　a　mission；　remember？〃　I　said。
　　Anger　slipped　out　of　hiding；　and　when　Talley　tried　to　hold　my　hand　again；　I　slipped　my　fingers　away　from　him。
　　〃Or　should　I　say　I'll　sneak　home　in　the　morning；〃　I　said。　〃With　a　briefcase　of　illegal　evidence　that's　also；　by　the　way；　a　biological　hazard。　I'll　follow　my　orders；　trooper　that　I　am；　and　get　DNA　from　the　swabs　if　possible。　pare　it　to　the　unidentified　body's　DNA。　Eventually　determine　that　he　and　the　killer　are　brothers。　Meanwhile；　maybe　the　cops　will　luck　out　and　find　a　werewolf　wandering　the　streets　and　he'll　tell　you　guys　everything　about　the　Chandonne　cartel。　And　maybe　only　two　or　three　other　women　will　be　savaged　before　all　this　happens。〃
　　〃Please　don't　be　so　bitter；〃　Jay　said。
　　〃Bitter？　I　shouldn't　be　bitter？〃
　　We　turned　off　the　Boulevard　des　Italiens　onto　the　Rue　Favard。
　　〃I　shouldn't　be　bitter　when　I　was　sent　here　to　solve　problems…when　I've　been　a　pawn　in　some　scheme　I　knew　nothing　about？〃
　　〃I'm　sorry　you　look　at　it　that　way；〃　he　said。
　　〃We're　bad　for　each　other；〃　I　said。
　　Café　Runtz　was　small　and　quiet；　with　green　checked　cloths　and　green　glassware。　Red　lamps　glowed　and　the　chandelier　was　red。　Odette　was　making　a　drink　at　the　bar　when　we　walked　in。　Her　way　of　greeting　Talley　was　to　throw　her　hands　up　in　despair　and　chastise　him。
　　〃She's　accusing　me　of　staying　away　two　months　and　then　not　calling　before　I　e　in；〃　he　translated　for　me。
　　He　leaned　over　the　bar　and　kissed　her　on　both　cheeks　to　make　amends。　Regardless　of　how　crowded　the　café　was；　she　managed　to　fit　us　into　a　choice　corner　table　because　Talley　had　that　effect　on　people。　He　was　used　to　getting　what　he　wanted。　He　picked　out　a　Santenay　red　burgundy　since　he　remembered　I'd　told　him　how　much　I　liked　burgundies；　although　I　didn't　recall　when　I'd　said　that　or　if　I　really　had。　By　now　I　wasn't　sure　what　he　already　knew　and　what　he'd　gotten　directly　from　me。
　　〃Let's　see；〃　he　said；　scanning　the　menu。　〃I　highly　remend　the　Alsacienne　specialities。　But　to　start？　The　salade　de　gruyére…shaved　gruyere　that　looks　like　pasta　on　lettuce　and　tomato。　It's　filling；　though。〃
　　〃Maybe　that's　all　I'll　get；　then；〃　I　said；　with　no　appetite。
　　He　reached　inside　his　jacket　pocket　and　pulled　out　a　small　cigar　and　clipper。
　　〃Helps　me　cut　buck　on　cigarettes；〃　he　explained。　〃Would　you　like　one？〃
　　〃Everybody　in　France　smokes　too　much。　It's　time　I　quit　again；〃　I　said。
　　〃They're　very　good。〃　He　snipped　off　the　tip。　〃Dipped　in　sugar。　This　one's　vanilla；　but　I　also　have　cinnamon　and　sambuca。〃　He　fired　a　match。　〃But　I　like　the　vanilla　the　best。〃　He　puffed。　〃You　really　should　taste　this。〃
　　He　offered　it　to　me。
　　〃No；　thank　you；〃　…I　said。
　　〃I　order　them　from　a　wholesaler　in　Miami；〃　he　went　on；　flourishing　his　cigar　and　throwing　his　head　back　to　blow　out　smoke。　〃Cojimars。　Not　to　be　confused　with　Cohibas；　which　are　wonderful；　but　illegal　if　they're　Cuban　versus　those　made　in　the　Dominican　Republic。　Illegal　in　the　U。S。；　at　any　rate。　And　I　know　that　because　I'm　ATF。　Yes；　ma'am；　I　know　my　alcohol；　tobacco　and　firearms。〃
　　He　had　already　finished　his　first　glass　of　wine。
　　〃The　three　R's。　Running；　Running　and　Running。　Ever　heard　that？　They　teach　it　in　the　school　of　hard　knocks〃
　　He　refilled'his　glass　and　topped　off　mine。
　　〃If　I　came　back　to　the　States；　w