anner.bloodandgold-第98章
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and it hung to my shoulders。 It made my face all the more black。 I put aside the looking glass。
〃Where will we go when we leave here?〃 she asked me。 How steady she seemed; how unafraid。
〃To a magical place; a place you would not believe if I told you of it;〃 I answered。 〃Princess of the skies。〃
〃Can I do this?〃 she asked。 〃Go up into the heavens?〃
〃No; darling one;〃 I said; 〃not for centuries。 It takes time and blood to make such strength。 Some night however it will e to you; and you'll feel the strangeness; the loneliness of it。〃
〃Let me put my arms around you;〃 she said。
I shook my head。
〃Talk to me; tell me stories;〃 she said。 〃Tell me of Mael。〃
We made a place to sit against the wall; and we were warm together。
I began to talk; slowly I think; pouring out old tales。
I told her of the Druid grove again; and how I had been the god there and fled those who would have entrapped me; and I saw her eyes grow wide。 I told her of Avicus and Zenobia; of our hunting in the city of Constantinople。 I told her of how I cut Zenobia's beautiful black hair。
And telling these tales; I felt calmer and less sad and broken and able to do what I must do。
Never in all my time with Amadeo had I told such stories。 Never with Pandora had it been so simple。 But with this creature it seemed only natural to talk and to find consolation in it。
And I remembered that when first I had set eyes upon Bianca I had dreamt of this very thing; that she would be with me in the Blood and that we should speak together so easily。
〃But let me tell you prettier stories;〃 I said; and I talked of when I had lived in old Rome; and I had painted on the walls; and my guests had laughed and drunk their wine; and rolled about on the grass of my garden。
I made her laugh and then it seemed my pain was gone for a moment; gone in the sound of her voice。
〃There was one I loved very much;〃 I said。
〃Tell me of him;〃 she said。
〃No; it was a woman;〃 I replied。 I amazed myself to speak of such a thing。 Yet I went on speaking。 〃I knew her when we were mortals together。 I was a young man and she was a child。 In those times; as now; marriages were made when women were but children but her father refused me。 I never forgot her。
〃And then later; after the Blood was in me; we came together she and I。。 。 。〃
〃Go on; you must tell me。 Where did you e together?〃
〃And the Blood went into her;〃 I said; 〃and the two of us were together。 We were together for two hundred years。〃
〃Oh; such a long time;〃 she said。
〃Yes; it was a long time; though it did not seem so then。 Every night was new and I loved her and she loved me; of course; and we quarreled so often。。。。〃
〃But was it a good quarreling?〃 she asked。
〃Yes; it was; how very right of you to ask that question;〃 I said。 〃It was a good quarreling until the last。〃
〃What was the last?〃 she asked gently。
〃I did a cruel and mistaken thing to her。 I did a wrong thing。 I left her without warning and without recourse; and now I can't find her。〃
〃You mean you search for her even now?〃
〃I don't search because I don't know where to search;〃 I said; lying just a little; 〃but I look always。。。。〃
〃Why did you do it?〃 she asked。 〃Why did you leave her as you described?〃
〃Out of love and anger;〃 I said。 〃And it was the first time that the Satan worshipers had e; you see。 Those of the very same ilk that burnt my house and took Amadeo。 Only it was centuries ago; can you understand? They came。 Oh; not with my enemy; Santino。 Santino didn't exist then。 Santino is no ancient one。 But it was the same tribe; the same ones who believe they are put here on Earth as blood drinkers to serve the Christian God。〃
I could feel her shock; though for a moment she said nothing; and then she spoke。
〃So this was why they cried out about blasphemy;〃 she said。
〃Yes; and long long ago; they said similar things as they came to us。 They threatened us; and they wanted; they wanted what we knew。〃
〃But how did this divide you and the woman?〃
〃We destroyed them。 We had to。 And she knew that we had to do it; and afterwards; when I fell sullen and listless and would say nothing; she was angry with me; and I grew angry with her。〃
〃I see;〃 she answered。
〃It didn't have to be; this quarrel。 I left her。 I left her because she was resolute and strong and had known that the Satan worshipers had to be destroyed。 And I had not known and even now; all these many centuries later; I have fallen into the same error。
〃In Rome; I knew they existed; these creatures; in Rome; this Santino came to me。 In Rome; I should have destroyed him and his followers。 But I would have no part of it; you see; and so he came after me; and burnt my house and all I loved。〃
She was shocked and for a long time said nothing。
〃You love her still; this woman;〃 she said。
〃Yes; but you see; I never stop loving anyone。 I will never stop
loving you。〃
〃Are you certain of it?〃
〃pletely;〃 I answered。 〃I loved you when first I saw you。 Haven't I told you?〃
〃In all these years; you've never stopped thinking of her?〃
〃No; never stopped loving her。 Impossible to stop thinking of her or loving her。 Even the details of her remain with me。 Loneliness and solitude have imprinted her most strongly on my mind。 I see her。 I hear her voice。 She had a lovely clear voice。〃 I mused。 I went on。
〃She was tall; she had brown eyes; with thick brown eyelashes。 Her hair was long and rippling and dark brown。 She wore it loose when she wandered。 Of course I remember her in the softly draped clothes of those ancient times; and I cannot envision her as she might be in these years。 And so she seems some goddess to me or saint; I'm not certain which。 。 。 。〃
She said nothing。 Then finally she spoke。
〃Would you leave me for her if you could?〃
〃No; if I found her; we would all of us be together。〃
〃Oh; that's too lovely;〃 she said。
〃I know it can be that way; I know it can and it will be; all of us together; you and she and I。 She lives; she thrives; she wanders; and there will e a time when you and I will be with her。〃
〃How do you know that she lives? What if。。。 but I don't want my words to hurt you。〃
〃I have hope that she lives;〃 I said。
〃Mael; the fair one; he told you。〃
〃No。 Mael knows nothing of her。 Nothing。 I don't believe I ever spoke one sacred word of her to Mael。 I have no love for Mael。 I have not called out to him in these terrible nights of suffering to aid us。 I would not have him see me as I am now。〃
〃Don't be angry;〃 she said soothingly。 〃Don't feel the pain of it。 I understand。 You were speaking softly of the woman。。。。〃
〃Yes;〃 I said。 〃Perhaps I know that she lives because I know that she would never destroy herself without first finding me and making certain that she had taken her leave of me; and not having found me; and having no proof that I am lost; she can't do it。 Do you understand me?〃
〃Yes; I do;〃 she said。 She crept closer to me; but she understood when with my gloved hand I touched her gently and moved her away。
〃What was the woman's name?〃 she asked。
〃Pandora;〃 I said。
〃I shall never be jealous of her;〃 she said softly。
〃No; you must never but how can you say such a thing so quickly? How do you know? 〃
She answered calmly; sweetly。
〃You speak too reverently of her for me to be jealous;〃 she said; 〃and I know that you can love both of us; because you loved Amadeo and me。 I saw this with my own eyes。〃
〃Oh; yes; you are so right;〃 I said。 I was almost weeping。 I thought in my secret heart of Botticelli; the man himself standing in his studio staring at me; wondering helplessly what sort of strange patron I was; and never dreaming that my hunger and adoration were mingled; never dreaming of a danger which had e so close。
〃It's almost dawn;〃 she said。 〃I feel cold now。 And nothing matters。 Do you feel the same way?〃
〃Soon we will leave here;〃 I said in answer; 〃and we will have golden lamps around us。 And a hundred fine candles。 Yes; one hundred white candles。 And we'll be warm wher