anner.bloodandgold-第45章
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I need the blood。〃
I rose。 I waited。 I wished that I would see Akasha's hand rise as it had for Eudoxia。 I thought of the words of her Maker； 〃She never destroys those she beckons。〃
But there was no warm gesture for me。 There was only my courage； as I once more embraced Akasha； and pressed my lips to her neck； and then pierced her skin and felt the delicious indescribable blood。
What did I see in my ecstasy？ What did I see in this sublime satisfaction？ It was the lush and beautiful palace garden； full of carefully tended fruit trees； and the soft dark grass； and the sun shining through the branches。 How could I ever forget that fatal and supremelybeautiful sun？ Beneath my naked foot； I felt the soft waxy petal of a flower。 Against my face； I felt soft branches。 I drank and drank； slipping out of time； and the warmth paralyzed me。
Is this your sign； Mother？ I was walking in the palace garden； and it seemed I held a paintbrush in my hand； and when I looked up； I was painting the very trees that I saw above me； creating the garden on the wall of my house； the garden in which I walked。 I understood this paradox perfectly。 This was a garden which I had once painted on the walls of the shrine。 And now it was mine to have both on a flat wall； and also surrounding me； as if it really existed。 And that was the omen。 Keep the Mother and the Father。 Do not be afraid。
I drew back。 I could take no more。 I clung to Akasha like a child。 I held to her neck with my left hand； my forehead against her heavy black plaits； and I kissed her； over and over again； I kissed her； as though that and only that were the most eloquent gesture in the world。
Enkil did not stir。 Akasha did not stir。 I sighed and that was the only sound。
Then I withdrew and knelt down before both of them； and I gave my thanks。
How pletely and totally I loved her； my shimmering Egyptian goddess。 How I believed that she belonged to me。
Then for a long time I pondered this problem with Eudoxia； and I saw it a little more clearly。
It occurred to me that in the absence of a clear sign to Eudoxia； my battle with her would be to the death。 She would never allow me to remain in this city； and she meant to take Those Who Must Be Kept from me； so that I would have to use the Fire Gift against her as best I could。 What had happened earlier this night was only the beginning of our little war。
It was dreadfully sad to me； because I admired Eudoxia； but I knew that she had been far too humiliated by our struggle ever to give in。
I looked up at Akasha。 〃How do I fight this creature to the death？ 〃 I asked。 〃This creature has your blood in her。 I have your blood in me。 But surely there must be a clearer sign of what you mean for me to do？〃
I stayed there for an hour or more； and then finally I went out。
I found Avicus and Mael waiting where I had left them。
〃She's given me her blood；〃 I said。 〃This isn't a boast。 I only mean for you to know it。 And I believe that that is her sign。 But how can I know？ I believe that she does not want to be given over to Eudoxia； and she will destroy if provoked。〃
Avicus looked desperate。
〃In all our years in Rome；〃 he said； 〃we were blessed that no one of great strength ever challenged us。〃
I agreed with him。 〃Strong blood drinkers stay away from others like them；〃 I said。 〃But you must see； surely； that we are challenging her。 We could leave as she has asked us to do。〃
〃She has no right to ask this of us；〃 said Avicus。 〃Why can't she try to love us？ 〃
〃Love us？〃 I asked； repeating his words。 〃What makes you say such a strange thing？ I know that you're enamored of her。 Of course。 I've seen this。 But why should she love us？〃
〃Precisely because we are strong；〃 he responded。 〃She has only the weakest blood drinkers around her； creatures no more than half a century in age。 We can tell her things； things she may not know。〃
〃Ah； yes； I thought the same things when I first laid eyes on her。 But with this one it's not to be。〃
〃Why？〃 he asked again。
〃If she wanted strong ones like us； they would be here；〃 I said。 And then I said dejectedly； 〃We can always go back to Rome。〃
He had no answer for that。 I didn't know whether I meant it myself。
As we went up the steps and through the tunnels to the surface； I took his arm。
〃You're mad with thoughts of her；〃 I said。 〃You must regain your spiritual self。 Don't love her。 Make it a simple act of will。〃
He nodded。 But he was too troubled to conceal it。
I glanced at Mael； and found him more calm about all this than I had imagined。 Then came the inevitable question：
〃Would she have destroyed Avicus if you hadn't opposed her？〃 Mael asked。
〃She was going to give it a very good try；〃 I said。 〃But Avicus is very old； older than you or me。 And possibly older than her。 And you've seen his strength tonight。〃
Uneasy； filled with misgivings； and bad thoughts； we went to our unholy rest。
The following night； as soon as I rose； I knew that there were strangers in our house。 I was furious； but had some sense even then that anger renders one weak。
Mael and Avicus came to me immediately； and the three of us went to discover Eudoxia and the terrified Asphar with her； and two other young male blood drinkers whom we had not see before。
All were settled within my library as if they were invited guests。
Eudoxia was dressed in splendid and heavy Eastern robes with long bell sleeves； and Persian slippers； and her thick black curls were gathered above her ears with jewels and pearls。
The room was not as fine as the one in which she had received me； as I had not finished with my furnishings and other such things； and therefore she appeared the most sumptuous ornament in view。
I was struck once more by the beauty of her small face； especially I think by her mouth； though her cold dark eyes were as mesmerizing as before。
I felt sorry for the miserable Asphar who was so afraid of me； and as for the other two blood drinkers； both boys in mortal life； and young in immortality； I felt rather sorry for them too。
Need I say that they were beautiful？ They had been grown children when they were taken； that is； splendid beings with adult bodies and chubby boyish cheeks and mouths。
〃Why have you e without an invitation？〃 I asked Eudoxia。 〃You sit in my chair as though you're my guest。〃
〃Forgive me；〃 she said gently。 〃I came because I felt pelled to e。 I've searched your house through and through。〃 〃You boast of this？ 〃I asked。
Her lips were parted as though she meant to answer but then the tears rose in her eyes；
〃Where are the books； Marius？〃 she said softly。 She looked at me。 〃Where are all the old books of Egypt？ The books that were in the temple； the books that you stole？〃 I didn't answer。 I didn't sit down。
〃I came because I hoped to find them；〃 she said； staring forward； her tears falling。 〃I came here because last night I dreamed of the priests in the temple； and how they used to tell me that I ought to read the old tales。〃
Still I didn't answer。
She looked up； and then with the back of one hand； she wiped at her tears。 〃I could smell the scents of the temple； the scent of papyrus；〃 she said。 〃I saw the Elder at his desk。〃
〃He put the Parents in the sun； Eudoxia；〃 I said。 〃Don't slide into a dream that makes him innocent。 The Elder was evil and guilty。 The Elder was selfish and bitter。 Would you know his ultimate fate？〃
〃In my dream； the priests told me that you took the books； Marius。 They said that； unopposed； you came into the library of the temple and took all the old scrolls away。〃
I said nothing。
But her grief was heartrending。
〃Tell me； Marius。 Where are those books？ If you will let me read them； if you will let me read the old stories of Egypt； then my soul can find some peace with you。 Can you do that much for me？〃
How bitterly did I draw in my breath。
〃Eudoxia；〃 I said gently。 〃They're gone； those books； and all that remains of them is here； in my head。〃 I tapped the side of my forehead。 〃In Rome； when the savages from the North breached the city； my
