anner.bloodandgold-第26章
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hese on her cold sluggish arms with slow tender movements so as not to insult her by what I did。 I fussed with the gold in the black plaited hair of both Parents。 I arranged a handsome
necklace around the naked shoulders of the King。
I never spoke to either of them idly。 They were too grand for that。 I addressed them only in prayer。
I was silent in the shrine as I worked； with my paint pots and brushes。 I was silent as I sat there peering in frank disgust at what I'd done。
Then one night； after many years of diligence in the shrine； I stood back and tried to see the whole as never before。 My head was swimming。
I went to the entrance to take the stance of a man who was new the place； and forgetting utterly the Divine Pair； I merely looked at the walls。
A truth came clear to me in painful clarity。 I had painted Pandora。 I had painted her everywhere。 Each nymph； each goddess； was Pandora。 Why hadn't I known？
I was amazed and defeated。 My eyes are playing tricks on me； I thought。 I wiped them； actually wiped them as a mortal might do； to see all the better and looked again。 No。 It was Pandora； rendered beautifully everywhere that I looked。 Dresses changed and style of hair； yes； and other adornments but these creatures were all Pandora； and I had not seen it until now。
Of course the never ending garden looked familiar。 Never mind that。 Pandora had little or nothing to do with those feelings。 Pandora was inescapable and came from some different fount of sensations。 Pandora would never leave me。 That was the curse。
I concealed all my paints and brushes behind the Divine Parents as I always did…it would have been an insult to the Father and Mother to leave them…and I went back to Rome。
I had before me several hours before dawn in which to suffer； in which to think of Pandora as never before。
The drunken party was winding down a bit as it always did in the small hours； with a few guests asleep in the grass outside； and others singing together in a small group； and no one took notice of me as I went into my library； and sat at my desk。
Through the open doors I looked out at the dark trees and wished that my life were at an end。
It seemed I lacked the courage to go on in the existence which I'd made for myself； and then I turned and decided…simply out of desperation…to look at the paintings on the walls of the room。 I had of course approved these paintings and paid to have them refreshed and changed many a time。
But now I took stock of them from my point of view not as Marius the rich man who can have whatever he wishes； but as Marius the monster painter who had rendered Pandora twenty…one times on the four walls of Akasha's shrine。
I saw suddenly how inferior were these paintings； how rigid and pallid the goddesses and nymphs who peopled this world of my study； and quickly I woke my day slaves and told them that they must have everything covered over with fresh paint the following day。 Also an entire supply of the best paints must be purchased and brought to the house。 Never mind how the walls were to be redecorated。 Leave that to me。 Cover up all that was there。
They were used to my eccentricities； and after making certain that they understood me； they went back to their sleep。
I didn't know what I meant to do； except I felt driven to make
pictures； and I felt if I can cling to that； if I can do that； then I can go on。
My misery deepened。
I laid out vellum for an entry in my erstwhile journal and began to describe the experience of discovering my beloved everywhere around me； and how it seemed to contain an element of sorcery when
suddenly I heard an unmistakable sound。
Avicus was at my gate。 Indeed he was asking me with a strong current of the Mind Gift whether or not he might corne over the wall and in to visit me。
He was leery of the mortals in my banquet room and in my garden。 But might he e in？
At once I gave my silent answer that he could。
It had been years since I had so much as glimpsed him in the back streets； and I was not entirely surprised to see him dressed as a Roman soldier； and to see that he had taken to carrying a dagger and a sword。
He glanced fretfully at the door to the banquet room； but I gestured
that he must pay the guests no attention at all。
His rich curling dark hair was well groomed arid clean and he had about him an attitude of prosperity and well…being； except that his clothes were dreadfully stained with blood。 It was not human blood。 I would have srnelled human blood。 He soon gave me to know by a
simple facial expression that he was in dire distress。
〃What is it？ What can I do for you？〃 I asked。 I tried to cloak rny pure loneliness； my pure need to touch his hand。
You are a creature like me； I wanted to say。 We are monsters and we can put our arms around each other。 What are they； my guests； but tender things？ But I said nothing at all。
It was Avicus who spoke。
〃Something dreadful has happened。 I don't know how to correct it； or even if it can be corrected。 I beg you to e。〃
〃e where； tell me；〃 I said sympathetically。
〃It's Mael。 He's been grievously wounded and I don't know if the damage can be repaired。〃
We went out at once。
I followed him into a very crowded quarter of Rome where the newer buildings faced one another sometimes with no more than two
feet in between。 At last we came to a substantial new house on the outskirts； a rich dwelling； with a heavy gate； and he took me inside； through the entranceway and into the broad beautiful atrium or
courtyard within the house。
Let me note here that he was not using his full strength during this little journey； but I did not want to point this out to him； and so at his slow pace； I had followed his lead。
Now； through the atrium； we passed into the main room of the house； the room where mortals would have dined； and there by the light of one lamp； I saw Mael lying in seeming helplessness on the tiled floor。
The light was glinting in his eyes。 I knelt beside him at once。
His head was twisted awkwardly to one side； and one of his arms was turned as though the shoulder were out of joint。 His entire body was hideously gaunt； and his skin had a dreadful pallor to it。 Yet his eyes fixed on me with neither malice nor supplication。
His clothes； very much like those of Avicus； hung loose on his starved frame； and were deeply soaked with blood。 As for his long blond hair it was clotted with blood also； and his lips shivered as if he were trying to speak but could not。
Avicus gestured to me helplessly with both hands。 I bent closer to have a better look at Mael； while Avicus brought the oil lamp near and held it so that it cast a warm bright light。
Mael made a low； harsh sound； and I saw gradually that there were horrid red wounds on his throat； and on his naked shoulder where the cloth of his tunic had been pushed out of the way。 His arm was at the wrong angle to his body； most definitely； and his neck had been
horribly twisted so that his head was not right。
In a moment of exquisite horror； I realized that these parts of him… head and arm…had been shifted from their natural place。
〃How did this happen？〃 I asked。 I looked up at Avicus。 〃Do you know？〃
〃They cut off his head and his arm；〃 said Avicus。 〃It was a band of soldiers； drunk and looking for trouble。 We made to go around them； but they turned on us。 We should have gone up over the roofs。 We were too sure of ourselves。 We thought ourselves so superior； so invincibly strong。〃
〃I see；〃 I answered。 I clasped the hand of Mael's good arm。 At once；he pressed my hand in return。 In truth I was deeply shocked。 But I could not let either of them see this； for it would only have made them more afraid。
I had often wondered if we could be destroyed by dismemberment； and now the awful truth was plain to me。 It was not sufficient alone to release our souls from this world。
〃They surrounded him before I knew what to do；〃 said Avicus。 〃I fought off those who tried to harm me； but look what they have done to him。〃
〃And you brought him back
