srdonaldson.theillearthwar-第96章

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s　you　are　his。　It　may　be　as　Lord　Mhoram　believes…perhaps　the　Land's　Creator　also　chose。　Or　perhaps　the　dead　Lords　…perhaps　High　Lord　Kevin　himself　wields　some　influence　from　beyond　his　lost　grave。　But　I　made　no　choice。〃　Then　her　tone　changed；　and　she　went　on；　〃Yet　had　I　chosen…〃
　Covenant　interrupted　her。　〃'That　isn't　what　I　meant。　I　know　why　this　is　happening　to　me。　It's　because　I'm　a　leper。　A　normal　person　would　just　laugh…　No；　what　I　meant　is；　why　did　you　ask　me　to　e　with　you　looking　for　the　Seventh　Ward？　Surely　there　were　other　people　you　could　have　chosen。〃
　Gently；　she　returned；　〃I　do　not　understand　this　disease　which　causes　you　to　be　a…leper。　You　describe　a　world　in　which　the　innocent　are　tormented。　Why　are　such　things　done？　Why　are　they　permitted？〃
　〃Things　aren't　so　different　here。　Or　what　did　you　think　it　was　that　happened　to　Kevin？　But　you're　changing　the　subject。　I　want　to　know　why　you　picked　me。〃　He　winced　at　the　memory　of　Troy's　chagrin　when　the　High　Lord　had　announced　her　choice。
　〃Very　well；　ur…Lord；〃　she　said　with　a　tone　of　reluctance。　〃If　this　question　must　be　answered；　I　will
　answer　it。　There　are　many　reasons　for　my　choice。　Will　you　hear　them？〃
　〃Go　ahead。〃
　〃Ah；　Unbeliever。　At　times　I　think　that　Warmark　Troy　is　not　so　blind。　The　truth…you　evade　the　truth。　But　I　will　give　you　my　reasons。　First；　I　prepare　for　the　chances　of　the　future。　If　at　the　last　you　should　e　to　desire　the　use　of　your　white　gold；　with　the　Staff　of　Law　I　am　better　able　to　aid　you　than　any　other。　I　do　not　know　the　wild　magic's　secret…but　there　is　no　more　discerning　tool　than　the　Staff。　And　if　at　the　last　you　should　turn　against　the　Land；　with　the　Staff　I　will　be　able　to　resist　you。　We　possess　nothing　else　which　can　hope　to　stand　against　the　power　of　white　gold。
　〃But　I　seek　other　goals　also。　You　are　no　warrior　the　Warward　will　meet　great　peril；　where　only　power　and　skill　in　bat　may　hope　to　preserve　life。　I　do　not　wish　to　risk　your　death。　You　must　be　given　time　to　find　your　own　reply　to　yourself。　And　for　myself　I　seek　panionship。　Neither　Warmark　Troy　nor　Lord　Mhoram　can　be　spared　from　the　war。　Do　you　desire　more　explanation？〃
　He　sensed　the　inpleteness　of　her　response；　and　forced　himself　to　pursue　it　despite　his　fear。　With　a　grimace　of　distaste　for　the　pervasive　irrectitude　of　his　conduct　in　the　Land；　he　said　deliberately；　〃panionship？　After　all　I've　done。　You're　remarkably　tolerant。〃
　〃I　am　not　tolerant。　I　do　not　make　choices　without　consulting　my　own　heart。〃
　For　a　moment；　he　faced　squarely　the　implications　of　what　she　said。　It　was　what　he　had　both　wanted　and　feared　to　hear。　But　then　a　plex　unwillingness；　posed　of　sympathy　and　dread　and　self…judgment；　deflected　him。　It　made　his　voice　rough　as　he　said；　〃You're　breaking　Trell's　heart。　And　your　mother's。〃
　Her　face　stiffened。　〃Do　you　accuse　me　of　Trell's　pain？〃
　〃I　don't　know。　He　would　be　following　us　if　he　had　any　hope　left。　Now　he　knows　for　sure　that　you're　not　even　thinking　about　punishing　me。〃
　He　stopped；　but　the　sight　of　the　pain　he　had　given　her　made　him　speak　again；　rush　to　answer　replies；　counteraccusations；　that　she　had　not　uttered。　〃As　for　your　mother…I've　got　no　right　to　talk。　I　don't　mean　about　what　I　did　to　her。　That's　something　I　can　at　least　understand。　I　was　in　such…penury…and　she　seemed　so　rich。
　〃No；　I'　mean　about　the　Ranyhyn…those　Ranyhyn　that　went　to　Mithil　Stonedown　every　year。　I　made　a　bargain　with　them。　I　was　trying　to　find　some　solution　some　way　to　keep　myself　from　going　pletely　insane。　And　they　hated　me。　They　were　just　like　the　Land…they　were　big　and　powerful　and　superior　and　they　loathed　me。〃　He　rasped　that　word　loathed；　as　if　he　were　echoing；　Leper　outcast　unclean！　〃But　they　reared　to　me…a　hundred　of　them。　They　were　driven
　〃So　I　made　a　bargain　with　them。　I　promised　that　I　wouldn't　ride…wouldn't　force　one　of　them　to　carry　me。　And　I　made　them　promise…　I　was　trying　to　find　some　way　to　keep　all　that　size　and　power　and　health　and　fidelity　from　driving　me　crazy。　I　made　them　promise　to　answer　if　I　ever　called　them。　And　I　made　them　promise　to　visit　your　mother。〃
　〃Their　promise　remains。〃　She　said　this　as　if　it　gave　her　a　deep　pride。
　He　sighed。　〃That's　what　Rue　said。　But　that's　not　the　point。　Do　you　see？　I　was　trying　to　give　her　something；　make　it　up　to　her　somehow。　But　that　doesn't　work。　When　you've　hurt　someone　that　badly；　you　can't　go　around　giving　them　gifts。　That's　arrogant　and　cruel。〃　His　mouth　twisted　at　the　bitter　taste　of　what　he　had　done。　〃I　was　really　just　trying　to　make　myself　feel　better。
　〃Anyway；　it　didn't　work。　Foul　can　pervert　anything。　By　the　time　I　got　to　the　end　of　the　Quest　for　the　Staff　of　Law；　things　were　so　bad　that　no　bargain　could　have　saved　me。〃
　Abruptly；　he　ran　out　of　words。　He　wanted　to　tell　Elena　that　he　did　not　accuse　her；　could　not　accuse　her　…and　at　the　same　time　a　part　of　him　did　accuse　her。
　That　part　of　him　felt　that　Lena's　pain　deserved　more　loyalty。
　But　the　High　Lord　seemed　to　understand　this。　Though　her　elsewhere　gaze　did　not　touch　him；　she　replied　to　his　thought。　〃Thomas　Covenant；　you　do　not　altogether　prehend　Lena　my　mother。　I　am　a　woman…human　like　any　other。　And　I　have　chosen　you　to　be　my　panion　on　this　quest。　Surely　my　choice　reveals　my　mother's　heart　as　well　as　my　own。　I　am　her　daughter。　From　birth　I　lived　in　her　care；　and　she　taught　me。　Unbeliever；　she　did　not　teach　me　any　anger　or　bitterness　toward　you。〃
　〃No！〃　Covenant　breathed。　〃No。〃　No！　Not　her；　too！　A　vision　of　blood　darkened　his　sight…the　blood　on　Lena's　loins。　He　could　not　bear　to　think　that　she　had　forgiven　him；　she！
　He　turned　away。　He　felt　Elena　watching　him；　felt　her　presence　reaching　toward　him　in　an　effort　to　draw　him　back。　But　he　could　not　face　her。　He　was　afraid　of　the　emotions　that　motivated　her；　he　did　not　even　name　them　to　himself。　He　lay　down　in　his　blankets　with　his　back　to　her　until　she　banked　the　graveling　for　the　night　and　settled　herself　to　sleep。
　The　next　morning；　shortly　after　dawn；　Morin　and　Bannor　reappeared。　They　brought　Myrha　and　Covenant's　mount　with　them。　He　roused　himself；　and　joined　Elena　in　a　meal　while　the　Bloodguard　packed　their　blankets。　And　soon　after　they　had　started　westward　again；　Amok　became　visible　at　the　High　Lord's　side。
　Covenant　was　in　no　mood　for　any　more　of　Amok's　spellbinding。　And　he　had　made　a　decision　during　the　night。　There　was　a　risk　he　had　to　take…a　dangerous　gesture　that　he　hoped　might　help　him　recover　some　kind　of　integrity。　Before　the　youth　could　begin；　Covenant　clenched　himself　to　contain　the　sudden　hammering　of　his　heart；　and　asked　Amok　what　he　knew　about　white　gold。
　〃Much　and　little；　Bearer；〃　Amok　answered　with　a　laugh　and　a　bow。　〃It　is　said　that　white　gold　articulates　the　wild　magic　which　destroys　peace。　But　who　is　able　to　describe　peace？〃
　Covenant　frowned。　〃You're　playing　word　games。　I　asked　you　a　straight　question。　What　do　you　know　about　it？〃
　〃Know；　Bearer？　That　is　a　small　word…it　conceals　the　magnitude　of　its　meaning。　I　have　heard　what　I　have　been　told；　and　have　seen　what　my　eyes　have　beheld；　but　only　you　bear　the　white　gold。　Do　you　call　this　knowledge？〃
　〃Amok；〃　Elena　came　to　Covenant's　aid；　〃is　white　gold　in　some　way　interwoven　with　the　Seventh　Ward？　Is　white　gold　the　subject　or　key　of　that　Ward？〃
　〃Ah；　High　Lord；　all　things　are　interwoven。〃　The　youth　seemed　to　relish　his　ability　to　dodge　questions。　〃The　Seventh　Ward　may　ignore　white　gold；　and　the　master　of　white　gold　may　have　no　use　for　the　Seventh　Ward…yet　both　are　power；　forms　and　faces　of　the　one　Power　of　life。　But　the　Bearer　is　not　my　master。　He　shadows　but　does　not　darken　me。　I　respect　that　which　he　bears；　but　my　purpose　remains。〃
　Elena's　response　was　firm。　〃Then　there　is　no　need　to　evade　his　questions。　Speak　of　what　you　have　heard　and　learned　concerning　white　gold。〃
　〃I　speak　after　my　fashion；　High　Lord。　Bearer；　I　have　heard　much　and　learned　little　concerning　white　gold。　It　is　the　girding　paradox　of　the　arch　of　Time；　the　undisciplined　restraint　of　the　Earth's　creation；　the　absent　bone　of　the　Earthpower；　the　rigidness　of　water　and　the　flux　of　rock。　It　articulates　the　wild　magic　which　destroys　peace。　It　is　spoken　of　softly　by　the　Bhrathair；　and　named　in　awe　by　the　Elohim；；　though　they　have　n