srdonaldson.theillearthwar-第30章

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ut　of　pure　friendship　a　handmark　of　allegiance　and　fealty　in　the　eternal　stone　of　Time；　the　Lords　under　my　Watch　labored　to　find　and　make　manifest　the　true　purpose　of　the　Earth's　Creator；　barred　from　His　creation　by　the　vary　power　of　that　purpose…power　graven　into　the　flesh　and　bone　of　the　Land　by　the　immutable　Law　of　its　creation：　how　could　I　stand　so；　so　much　glory　and　dominion　prehended　by　the　outstretch　of　my　armsstand　thus；　eye　to　eye　with　the　Despiser；　and　not　be　dismayed？
　But　then　the　song　changed；　as　if　the　singer　opened　inner　chambers　to　give　her　voice　more　resonance。　In　high；　arching　spans　of　song；　she　gave　out　her　threnody　…highlighted　it　and　underscored　it　with　so　many　implied　harmonies；　so　many　suggestions　of　other　acpanying　voices；　that　she　seemed　to　have　a　whole　choir　within　her；　using　her　one　throat　for　utterance。
　Where　is　the　Power　that　protects　beauty　from　the　decay　of　life？
　preserves　truth　pure　of　falsehood？　secures　fealty　from　that　slow　stain　of　chaos　which　corrupts？
　How　are　we　so　rendered　small　by　Despite？　Why　will　the　very　rocks　not　erupt　for　their　own　cleansing；
　or　crumble　into　dust　for　shame？　Creator！
　When　You　desecrated　this　temple；　rid　Yourself　of　this　contempt　by　inflicting　it　upon　the　Land；　did　You　intend　that　beauty　and　truth　should　pass　utterly　from　the　Earth？
　Have　You　shaped　my　fate　into　the　Law　of　life？　Am　I　effectless？
　Must　I　preside　over；　sanction；　acknowledge　with　the　bitter　face　of　treachery；　approve　the　falling　of　the　world？
　Her　music　ached　in　the　air　like　a　wound　of　song。　And　as　she　finished；　the　people　came　to　their　feet　with　a　rush。　Together　they　sang　into　the　fathomless　heavens：
　Ah；　Creator！
　Timelord　and　Landsire！
　Did　You　intend　that　beauty　and　truth　should　pass　utterly　from　the　Earth？
　Bannor　stood；　though　he　did　not　join　the　song。　But　Covenant　kept　his　seat；　feeling　small　and　useless　beside　the　munity　of　Revelstone。　Their　emotion　climaxed　in　the　refrain；　expending　sharp　grief　and　then　filling　the　amphitheater　with　a　wash　of　peace　which　cleansed　and　healed　the　song's　despair；　as　if　the　united　power　of　the　singing　alone　were　answer　enough　to　Kevin's　outcry。　By　making　music　out　of　despair；　the　people　resisted　it。　But　Covenant　felt　otherwise。　He　was　beginning　to　understand　the　danger　that　threatened　the　Land。
　So　he　was　still　sitting；　gripping　his　beard　and　staring　blankly　before　him；　when　the　people　filed　out　of　the　amphitheater；　left　him　alone　with　the　hot　brightness　of　the　sun。　He　remained　there；　muttering　grimly　to　himself；　until　he　became　aware　that　Hile　Troy　had　e　over　to　him。
　When　he　looked　up；　the　Warmark　said；　〃I　didn't　expect　to　see　you　here。〃
　Gruffly；　Covenant　responded；　〃I　didn't　expect　to　see　you。〃　But　he　was　only　obliquely　thinking　about　Troy。　He　was　still　trying　to　grapple　with　Kevin。
　As　if　he　could　hear　Covenant's　thoughts；　the　Warmark　said；　〃It　all　es　back　to　Kevin。　He's　the　one　who　made　the　Seven　Wards。　He's　the　one　who　inspired　the　Bloodguard。　He's　the　one　who　did　the　Ritual　of　Desecration。　And　it　wasn't　necessary…or　it　wasn't　inevitable。　He　wouldn't　have　been　driven　that　far　if　he　hadn't　already　made　his　big　mistake。〃
　〃His　big　mistake；〃　Covenant　murmured。
　〃He　admitted　Foul　to　the　Council；　made　him　a　Lord。　He　didn't　see　through　Foul's　disguise。　After　that　it　was　too　late。　By　the　time　Foul　declared　himself　and　broke　into　open　war；　he'd　had　time　for　so　much　subtle　treachery　that　he　was　unbeatable。
　〃In　situations　like　that；　I　guess　most　ordinary　men　kill　themselves。　But　Kevin　was　no　ordinary　man…he　had　too　much　power　for　that；　even　though　it　seemed　useless。　He　killed　the　Land　instead。　All　that　survived　were　the　people　who　had　time　to　escape　into　exile。
　〃They　say　that　Kevin　understood　what　he'd　done　just　before　he　died。　Foul　was　laughing　at　him。　He　died　howling。
　〃Anyway；　that's　why　the　Oath　of　Peace　is　so　important　now。　Everyone　takes　it…it's　as　fundamental　as　the　Lords'　oath　of　service　to　the　Land。　Together　they　all　swear　that　somehow　they'll　resist　the　destructive　emotions…like　Kevin's　despair。　They…〃
　〃I　know；〃　Covenant　sighed。　〃I　know　all　about　it。〃　He　was　remembering　Triock；　the　man　who　had　loved　Lena　in　Mithil　Stonedown　forty　years　ago。　Triock　had　wanted　to　kill　Covenant；　but　Atiaran　had　prevented　him　on　the　strength　of　the　Oath　of　Peace。　〃Please　don't　say　any　more。　I'm　having　a　hard　enough　time　as　it　is。〃
　〃Covenant；〃　Troy　continued　as　if　he　were　still　on　the　same　subject；　〃I　don't　see　why　you　aren't　ecstatic　about　being　here。　How　can　the　‘real'　world　be　any　more　important　than　this？〃
　〃It's　the　only　world　there　is。〃　Covenant　climbed　heavily　to　his　feet。　〃Let's　get　out　of　here。　This　heat　is　making　me　giddy。〃
　Moving　slowly；　they　left　the　amphitheater。　The　air　in　Revelstone　weled　them　back　with　its　cool；　dim　pleasance；　and　Covenant　breathed　it　deeply；　trying　to　steady　himself。
　He　wanted　to　get　away　from　Troy；　evade　the　questions　he　knew　Troy　would　ask　him。　But　the　Warmark　had　a　look　of　determination。　After　a　few　moments；　he　said；　〃Listen；　Covenant。　I'm　trying　to　understand。　Since　the　last　time　we　talked；　I've　spent　half　my　time　trying。　Somebody　has　got　to　have　some　idea　what　to　expect　from　you。　But　I　just　don't　see　it。　Back　there；　you're　a　leper。　Isn't　this　better？〃
　Dully；　answering　as　briefly　as　possible；　Covenant　said；　〃It　isn't　real。　I　don't　believe　it。〃　Half　to　himself；　he　added；　〃Lepers　who　pay　too　much　attention　to　their　own　dreams　or　whatever　don't　live　very　long。〃
　〃Jesus；〃　Troy　muttered。　〃You　make　it　sound　as　if　leprosy　is　all　there　is。〃　He　thought　for　a　moment；　then　demanded；　〃How　can　you　be　so　sure　this　isn't　real？〃
　〃Because　life　isn't　like　this。　Lepers　don't　get　well。　People　with　no　eyes　don't　suddenly　start　seeing。　Such　things　don't　happen。　Somehow；　we're　being　betrayed。　Our　own…our　own　needs　for　something　that　we　don't　have…are　seducing　us　into　this。　It's　crazy。　Look　at　you。　e　on…think　about　what　happened　to　you。　There　you　were；　trapped　between　a　nine…story　fall　and　a　raging　fire…blind　and　helpless　and　about　to　die。　Is　it　so　strange　to　think　that　you　cracked　up？
　〃That　is；〃　he　went　on　mordantly；　〃assuming　you　exist　at　all。　I've　got　an　idea　about　you。　I　must've　made　you　up　subconsciously　so　that　I　would　have　someone　to　argue　with。　Someone　to　tell　me　I'm　wrong。〃
　〃Damn　it！〃　Troy　cried。　Turning　swiftly；　he　snatched　up　Covenant's　right　hand　and　gripped　it　at　eye　level　between　them。　With　his　head　thrust　defiantly　forward；　he　said　intensely；　〃Look　at　me。　Feel　my　grip。　I'm　here。　It's　a　fact。　It's　real。〃
　For　a　moment；　Covenant　considered　Troy's　hand。　Then　he　said；　〃I　feel　you。　And　I　see　you。　I　even　hear　you。　But　that　only　proves　my　point。　I　don't　believe　it。　Now　let　go　of　me。〃
　〃Why？！〃
　Troy's　sunglasses　loomed　at　him　darkly；　but　Covenant　glared　back　into　them　until　they　turned　away。　Gradually；　the　Warmark　released　the　pressure　of　his　grip。　Covenant　yanked　his　hand　away；　and　walked　on　with　a　quiver　in　his　breathing。　After　a　few　strides；　he　said；　〃Because　I　can　feel　it。　And　I　can't　afford　it。　Now　listen　to　me。　Listen　hard。　I'm　going　to　try　to　explain　this　so　you　can　understand。
　〃Just　forget　that　you　know　there's　no　possible　way　you　could　have　e　here。　It's　impossible…　But　just　forget　that　for　a　while。　Listen。　I'm　a　leper。　Leprosy　is　not　a　directly　fatal　disease；　but　it　can　kill　indirectly。　I　can　only…any　leper　can　only　stay　alive　by　concentrating　all　the　time　every　minute　to　keep　himself　from　getting　hurt…and　to　take　care　of　his　hurts　as　soon　as　they　happen。　The　one　thing…　Listen　to　me。　The　one
　thing　no　leper　can　afford　is　to　let　his　mind　wander。　If　he　wants　to　stay　alive。　As　soon　as　he　stops　concentrating；　and　starts　thinking　about　how　he's　going　to　make　a　better　life　for　himself；　or　starts　dreaming　about　how　his　life　was　before　he　got　sick；　or　about　what　he　would　do　if　he　only　got　cured；　or　even　if　people　simply　stopped　abhorring　lepers〃…he　threw　the　words　at　Troy's　head　like　chunks　of　stone…〃then　he　is　as　good　as　dead。
　〃This…Land…is　suicide　to　me。　It's　an　escape；　and　I　can't　afford　even　thinking　about　escapes；　much　less　actually　falling　into　one。　Maybe　a　blind　man　can　stand　the　risk；　but　a　leper　can't。　If　I　give　in　here；　I　won't　last　a　month　where　it　really　counts。　Be