srdonaldson.theillearthwar-第21章

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hpower　which　preserved'　them；　secured　them　from　age　long　past　their　normal　years。　High　Lord　Kevin　lived　centuries　as　people　live　decades。
　〃So；　too；　it　is　in　this　present　time；　though　in　a　lesser　way。　We　do　not　bring　out　all　the　potency　of　the　Lore。　And　the　Warlore　does　not　preserve　its　followers；　so　Quaan　and　his　warriors　alone　of　your　former　rades　carry　their　full　burden　of　years。　But　those　of　the　rhadhamaerl　and　the　lillianrill；　and　the　Lords　who　follow　Kevin's　Lore；　age　more　slowly　than　others。　This　is　a　great　boon；　for　it　extends　our　strength。　But　also　it　causes　grief…〃
　She　fell　silent　for　a　moment；　sighed　quietly　to　herself　as　if　she　were　remembering　an　old　injury。　But　when　she　spoke　again；　her　voice　was　clear　and　steady。　〃So　it　has　always　been。　Lord　Mhoram　has　seen　ten　times　seven　summers…yet　he　hardly　carries　fifty　of　them。　And…〃　Once　again；　she　stopped　herself　and　changed　directions。　With　a　look　that　searched　Covenant；　she　said；　〃Does　it　surprise　you　to　hear　that　I　rode　a　Ranyhyn　as　a　child？　There　is　no　other　in　the　Land　who　。has　had　such　good　fortune。〃
　He　finished　his　springwine；　and　got　to　his　feet　to　pace　the　room　in　front　of　her。　The　tone　in　which　she　recurred　to　the　Ranyhyn　was　full　of　suggestions；　he　sensed　wide　possibilities　of　distress　in　it。　More　in　anxiety　than　in　irritation；　he　growled　at　her；　〃Hellfire。　Get　on　with　it。〃
　She　tensed　as　if　in　preparation　for　a　struggle；　and　said；　〃Warmark　Hile　Troy's　account　of　his　summoning　to　the　Land　may　not　have　been　altogether　accurate。　I　have　heard　him　tell　his　tale；　and　he　confuses　something　which　I…we…have　not　thought　it　well　to　correct。　We　have　kept　this　matter　secret　between　us。
　〃Ur…Lord　Covenant。〃　She　paused；　steadying　herself；　then　said　carefully；　〃Hile　Troy　was　summoned　by　no　young　student；　ignorant　of　the　perils　of　power。　The　summoner　was　one　whom　you　have　known。〃
　Triock！　Covenant　almost　missed　his　footing。　Triock　son　of　Thuler；　of　Mithil　Stonedown；　had　reason　to　hate　the　Unbeliever。　He　had　loved　Lena…but　Covenant　could　not　bear　to　say　that　name　aloud。　Squirming　at　his　cowardice；　he　avoided　Triock　by　saying；　〃Pietten。　That　poor　kid…from　Soaring　Woodhelven。　The　ur…viles　did　something　to　him。　Was　it　him？〃　He　did　not　dare　to　meet　the　High　Lord's　eyes。
　〃No；　Thomas　Covenant；〃　she　said　gently。　〃It　was　no　man。　You　knew　her　well。　She　was　Atiaran　Trellmate…she　who　guided　you　from　Mithil　Stonedown　to　your　meeting　with　Saltheart　Foamfollower　at　the　Soulsease　River。〃
　〃Hellfire！〃　he　groaned。　At　the　sound　of　her　name；　he　saw　in　his　mind　Atiaran's　spacious　eyes；　saw　the　courage　with　which　she　had　denied　her　passion　against　him　in　order　to　serve　the　Land。　And　he　caught　a　quick　visionary　image　of　her　face　as　she　incinerated　herself　trying　to　summon　him…entranced；　bitter；　livid　with　the　conflagration　of　all　the　inner　truces　which　he　had　so　severely　harmed。　〃Ah；　hell；〃　he　breathed。　〃Why？　She　needed…she　needed　to　forget。〃
　〃She　could　not。　Atiaran　Trell…mate　returned　to　the　Loresraat　in　her　old　age　for　many　reasons；　but　two　were　uppermost。　She　desired　to　bring…no；　desire　is　too　small　a　word。　She　hungered　for　you。　She　could　not　forget。　But　whether　she　wanted　you　for　the　Land；　or　for　herself；　I　do　not　know。　She　was　a　torn　woman；　and　it　is　in　my　heart　that　both　hungers　warred　in　her　to　the　last。　How　otherwise？　She　said　that　you　permitted　the　ravage　of　the　Celebration　of　Spring；　though　my　mother　taught　me　a　different　tale。〃
　No！　moaned　Covenant；　pacing　bent　as　if　borne　down　by　the　weight　of　the　darkness　on　his　forehead。　Oh；　Atiaran！
　〃Her　second　reason　touches　on　the　grief　of　long　years　and　extended　strength。　For　her　husband　was　Trell；　Gravelingas　of　the　rhadhamaerl。　Their　marriage　was　brave　and　glad　in　the　memory　of　Mithil　Stonedown；　for　though　she　had　surpassed　her　strength　during　her　youth　in　the　Loresraat；　and　had　left　in　weakness；　yet　was　she　strong　enough　to　stand　with　Trell　her　husband。
　〃But　her　weakness；　her　self…distrust；　remained。　The　grave　test　of　her　life　came　and　passed；　and　she　grew　old。　And　to　the　pain　you　gave　her　was　added　another；　she　aged；　and　Trell　Atiaran…mate　did　not。　His　lore　sustained　him　beyond　his　years。　So　after　so　much　hurt　she　began　to　lose　her　husband　as　well；　though　his　love　was　steadfast。　She　was　his　wife；　yet　she　became　old　enough　to　be　his　mother。
　〃So　she　returned　to　the　Loresraat；　in　grief　and　pain…and　in　devotion；　for　though　she　doubted　herself；　her　love　for　the　Land　did　not　waver。　Yet　at　the　last　ill　came　upon　her。　Fleeing　the　restraint　of　the　Lorewardens；　she　wrought　death　upon　herself。　In　that　way；　she　broke　her　Oath　of　Peace；　and　ended　her　life　in　despair。〃
　No！　he　protested。　But　he　remembered　Atiaran's　anguish；　and　the　price　she　had　paid　to　repress　it；　and　the　wrong　he　had　done　her。　He　feared　that　Elena　was　right。

　In　a　sterner　voice　that　did　not　appear　to　match　her　words；　the　High　Lord　continued；　〃After　her　death；　Trell　came　to　Revelstone。　He　is　one　of　the　mightiest　of　all　the　rhadhamaerl；　and　he　remains　here；　giving　his　skill　and　lore　to　the　defense　of　the　Land。　But　he　knows　bitterness；　and　I　fear　that　his　Oath　rests　uneasily　upon　him。　For　all　his　gentleness；　he　has　been　too　much　made　helpless。　It　is　in　my　heart　that　he　does　not　forgive。　There　was　no　aid　he　could　give　Atiaran　…or　my　mother。〃
　Through　the　ache　of　his　memories；　Covenant　wanted　to　protest　that　Trell；　with　his　broad　shoulders　and　his　strange　power；　knew　nothing　about　the　true　nature　of　helplessness。　But　this　objection　was　choked　off　by　the　grip　of　Elena's　voice　as　she　said；　my　mother。　He　stood　still；　bent　as　if　he　were　about　to　capsize；　and　waited　for　the　last　unutterable　blackness　to　fall　on　him。
　〃So　you　must　understand　why　I　rode　a　Ranyhyn　as　a　child。　Every　year　at　the　last　full　moon　before　the　middle　night　of　spring；　a　Ranyhyn　came　to　Mithil　Stonedown。　My　mother　understood　at　once　that　this　was　a　gift　from　you。　And　she　shared　it　with　me。　It　was　so　easy　for　her　to　forget　that　you　had　hurt　her。　Did　I　not　tell　you　that　I　also　am　young？　I　am　Elena　daughter　of　Lena　daughter　of　Atiaran　Trell…mate。　Lena　my　mother　remains　in　Mithil　Stonedown；　for　she　insists　that　you　will　return　to　her。〃
　For　one　more　moment；　he　stood　still；　staring　at　the　pattern　woven　into　the　shoulders　of　her　shift。　Then　a　flood　of　revelations　crashed　through　him；　and　he　understood。　He　stumbled；　dropped　into　a　chair　as　suddenly　as　if　his　spine　had　broken。　His　stomach　churned；　and　he　gagged；　trying　to　heave　up　his　emptiness。
　〃I'm　sorry。〃　The　words　burst　between　his　teeth　as　if　torn　out　of　his　chest　by　a　hard　fist　of　contrition。　They　were　as　inadequate　as　stillborns；　too　dead　to　express　what　he　felt。　But　he　could　do　nothing　else。　〃Oh；　Lena！　I'm　sorry。〃　He　wanted　to　weep；　but　he　was　a　leper；　and　had　forgotten　how。
　〃I　was　impotent。〃　He　forced　the　jagged　confession　through　his　sore　throat。　〃I　forgot　what　it's　like。　Then　we　were　alone。　And　I　felt　like　a　man　again；　but　I　knew　it　wasn't　true；　it　was　false；　I　was　dreaming；　had　to　be；　it　couldn't　happen　any　other　way。　It　was　too　much。　I　couldn't　stand　it。〃
　〃Do　not　speak　to　me　of　impotence；〃　she　returned　tightly。　〃I　am　the　High　Lord。　I　must　defeat　the　Despiser　using　arrows　and　swords。〃　Her　tone　was　harsh；　he　could　hear　other　words　running　through　it；　as　if　she　were　saying；　Do　you　think　that　mere　explanation　or　apology　is　sufficient　reparation？　And　without　the　diseased　numbness　which　justified　him；　he　could　not　argue。
　〃No；〃　he　said　in　a　shaking　voice。　〃Nothing　suffices。〃
　Slowly；　heavily；　he　raised　his　head　and　looked　at　her。　Now　he　could　see　in　her　the　sixteen…year…old　child　he　had　known；　her　mother。　That　was　her　hidden　familiarity。　She　had　her　mother's　hair；　her　mother's　figure。　Behind　her　discipline；　her　face　was　much　like　her　mother's。　And　she　wore　the　same　white　leaf…pattern　woven　into　the　cloth　at　her　shoulders　which　Lena　had　worn…the　pattern　of　Trell's　and　Atiaran's　family。
　When　he　met　her　eyes；　he　saw　that　they；　too；　were　like　Lena's。　They　glowed　with　something　that　was　neither　anger　nor　condemnation；　they　seemed　to　contradict　the　judgment　he　had　heard　a　moment　earlier。
　〃What　are　you　going　to　do　now？〃　he　said　weakly。　〃Atiaran　wanted…wanted　the　Lords　to　punish　me。〃
　Abruptly；　she　left　her　seat；　moved　around　beh