srdonaldson.theillearthwar-第16章

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　〃So　talk；〃　Covenant　said　around　a　mouthful　of　stew。　In　spite　of　his　visitor's　insistent　impatience；　he　kept　on　eating。　He　ate　rapidly；　acting　on　his　decision　before　doubt　could　make　him　regret　it。
　Troy　paced　the　room　stiffly　for　a　moment；　then　brought　himself　to　take　a　seat　opposite　Covenant。　He　sat　as　he　stood　with　unbending　uprightness。　His　gleaming；　impenetrable；　black　sunglasses　emphasized　the　tightness　of　the　muscles　in　his　cheeks　and　forehead。　Carefully；　he　said；　〃You're　determined　to　make　this　hard；　aren't　you？　You're　determined　to　make　it　hard　for　everyone。〃
　Covenant　shrugged。　As　the　springwine　unfurled　within　him；　he　began　to　recover　from　what　he　had　seen　in　the　sacred　enclosure。　At　the　same　time；　he　remembered　his　distrust　of　Troy。　He　ate　with　increasing　wariness；　watched　the　Warmark　from　under　his　eyebrows。
　〃Well；　I'm　trying　to　understand；〃　Troy　went　on　in　a　constrained　tone。　〃God　knows　I've　got　a　better　chance　than　anyone　else　here。〃
　Covenant　put　down　the　wooden　fork　and　looked　squarely　at　Troy。
　〃The　same　thing　happened　to　us　both。〃　To　the　obvious　disbelief　in　Covenant's　face；　he　responded；　〃Oh；　it's　all　clear　enough。　A　white　gold　wedding　ring。
　Boots；　jeans；　and　a　T…shirt。　You　were　talking　on　the　phone　with　your　wife。　And　the　time　before　that　have　I　got　this　right？　you　were　hit　by　a　car　of　some　kind。〃
　〃A　police　car；〃　Covenant　murmured；　staring　at　the　Warmark。
　〃You　see？　I　can　recognize　every　detail。　And　you　could　do　the　same　for　my　story。　We　both　came　here　from　the　same　place；　the　same　world；　Covenant。　The　real　world。〃
　No；　Covenant　breathed　thickly。　None　of　this　is　happening。
　〃I've　even　heard　of　you；〃　Troy　went　on　as　if　this　argument　would　be　incontrovertible。　〃I've　read…your　book　was　read　to　me。　It　made　an　impression　on　me。〃
　Covenant　snorted。　But　he　was　disturbed。　He　had　burned　that　book　too　late；　it　continued　to　haunt　him。
　〃No；　hold　on。　Your　damn　book　was　a　best…seller。
　Hundreds　of　thousands　of　people　read　it。　It　was　made　‘　into　a　movie。　Just　because　I　know　about　it　doesn't　mean　I'm　a　figment　of　your　imagination。　In　fact；　my　presence　here　is　proof　that　you　are　not　going　crazy。：　Two　independent　minds　perceiving　the　same　phenomenon。〃
　He　said　this　with　confident　plausibility；　but　Covenant　was　not　swayed。　〃Proof？〃　he　muttered。　〃I　would　be　amused　to　hear　what　else　you　call　proof。〃
　〃Do　you　want　to　hear　how　I　came　here？〃
　〃No！〃　Covenant　was　suddenly　vehement。　〃I　want　to　hear　why　you　don't　want　to　go　back。〃
　For　a　moment；　Troy　sat　still；　facing　Covenant　with　his　sunglasses。　Then　he　snapped　to　his　feet；　and　started　to　pace　again。　Swinging　tightly　around　on　his　heel　at　one　end　of　the　room；　he　said；　〃Two　reasons。　First；　I　like　it　here。　I'm　useful　to　something　worth　being　useful　to。　The　issues　at　stake　in　this　war　are　the　only　ones　I've　ever　seen　worth　fighting　for。　The　life　of　the　Land　is　beautiful。　It　deserves　preservation。　For　once；　I　can　do　some　good。　Instead　of　spending　my　time　on　troop　deployment；　first…　and　second…strike　capabilities；　superready　status；　demoralization　parameters；　nuclear　induction　of　lethal　genetic　events；〃　he　recited　bitterly；　〃I　can　help　defend　against　a　genuine　evil。　The　world　we　came　from…the　‘real'　world　hasn't　got　such　clear　colors；　no　blue　and　black　and　green　and　red；　'ebon　ichor　incarnadine　viridian。'　Gray　is　the　color　of　‘reality。'
　〃Actually〃…he　dropped　back　into　his　chair；　and　his　voice　took　on　a　more　conversational　tone…〃I　didn't　even　know　what　gray　was　until　I　came　here。　That's　my　second　reason。〃
　He　reached　up　with　both　hands　and　removed　his　sunglasses。
　〃I'm　blind。〃
　His　sockets　were　empty；　orbless；　lacking　even　lids　and　lashes。　Blank　skin　grew　in　the　holes　where　his　eyes　should　have　been。
　〃I　was　born　this　way；〃　the　Warmark　said；　as　if　he　could　see　Covenant's　astonishment。　〃A　genetic　freak。　But　my　parents　saw　fit　to　keep　me　alive；　and　by　the　time　they　died　I　had　learned　various　ways　to　function　on　my　own。　I　got　myself　into　special　schools；　got　special　help。　It　took　a　few　extra　years　because　I　had　to　have　most　things　read　to　me；　but　eventually　I　got　through　high　school　and　college。　After　which　my　only　real　skill　was　keeping　track　of　spatial　relationships　in　my　head。　For　instance；　I　could　play　chess　without　a　board。　And　if　someone　described　a　room　to　me；　I　could　walk　through　it　without　bumping　into　anything。　Basically　I　was　good　at　that　because　it　was　how　I　kept　myself　alive。
　〃So　I　finally　got　a　job　in　a　think　tank　with　the　Department　of　Defense。　They　wanted　people　who　could　understand　situations　without　being　able　to　see　them　…people　who　could　use　language　to　deal　with　physical　facts。　I　was　the　expert　on　war　games；　puter　hypotheticals；　that　sort　of　thing。　All　I　needed　was　accurate　verbal　information　on　topography；　troop　strength；　hardware　and　deployment；　support　capabilities…then　leave　the　game　to　me。　I　always　won。　So　what　did　it　all　amount　to？　Nothing。　I　was　the　freak　of　the　group；　that's　all。
　〃I　took　care　of　myself　as　well　as　I　could。　But　for　a　place　to　live；　I　was　pretty　much　at　the　mercy　of　what
　I　could　get。　So　I　lived　in　this　apartment　house　on　the　ninth　floor；　and　one　night　it　burned　down。　That　is；　I　assume　it　burned　down。　The　fire　pany　still　hadn't　e　when　my　apartment　caught。　There　was　nothing
　I　could　do。　The　fire　backed　me　to　the　wall；　and　finally　I　climbed　out　the　window。　I　hung　from　the　windowsill　while　the　
　heat　blistered　my　knuckles。　I　was　determined　not　to　let　go　because　I　had　a　very　clear　idea　of　how　far　above　the　ground　nine　floors　is。　Made　no　difference。　After　a　while；　my　fingers　couldn't　hold　on　anymore。
　〃The　next　thing　I　knew；　I　was　lying　on　something　that　felt　like　grass。　There　was　a　cool　breeze…but　with　enough　warmth　behind　it　to　make　me　think　it　must　be　daylight。　The　only　thing　wrong　was　a　smell　of　burned　flesh。　I　assumed　it　was　me。　Then　I　heard　voices…　‘　urgent；　people　hurrying　to　try　to　prevent　something。　They　found　me。
　〃Later；　I　learned　what　had　happened。　A　young　student　at　the　Loresraat　had　an　inspiration　about　a　piece　of　the　Second　Ward　he　was　working　on。　All　this　was　about　five　years　ago。　He　thought　he　had　figured　out　how　to　get　help　for　the　Land…how　to　summon　you；　actually。　He　wanted　to　try　it；　but　the　Lorewardens'　refused　to　let　him。　Too　dangerous。　They　took　his　idea　to　study；　and　sent　to　Revelstone　for　a　Lord　to　help　them　decide　how　to　test　his　theory。
　〃Well；　he　didn't　want　to　wait。　He　left　the　Loresraat。　and　climbed　a　few　miles　up　into　the　western　hills　of　；　Trothgard　until　he　thought　he　was　far　enough　away　to　work　in　peace。　Then　he　started　the　ritual。　Somehow；　the　Lorewardens　felt　the　power　he　was　using；。　and　went　after　him。　But　they　were　too　late。　He　succeeded…in　a　manner　of　speaking。　When　he　was　done；　。　I　was　lying　there　on　the　grass；　and　he…　He　had　burned　himself　to　death。　Some　of　the　Lorewardens　think　he　caught　the　fire　that　should　have　killed　me。　As　they　said；　it　was　too　dangerous。
　〃The　Lorewardens　took　me　in；　cared　for　me；　put　hurtloam　on　my　hands…even　on　my　eyesockets。　Before　long；　I　began　having　visions。　Colors　and　shapes　started　to　jump　at　me　out　of　the…out　of　whatever　it　was　I　was　used　to。　This　round；　white…orange　circle　passed　over　me　every　day…but　I　didn't　know　what　it　was。　I　didn't　even　know　it　was　‘round。'　I　had　no　visual　concept　of　‘round。'　But　the　visions　kept　getting　stronger。　Finally；　Elena…she　was　the　Lord　who　came　down　from　Revelstone；　only　she　wasn't　High　Lord　then…she　told　me　that　I　was　learning　to　see　with　my　mind…as　if　my　brain　were　actually　starting　to　see　through　my　forehead。　I　didn't　believe　it；　but　she　showed　me。　She　demonstrated　how　my　sense　of　spatial　relationships　fitted　what　I　was　‘seeing；'　and　how　my　sense　of　touch　matched　the　shapes　around　me。〃

　He　paused　for　a　moment；　remembering。　Then　he　said　strongly；　〃I'll　tell　you…I　never　think　about　going　back。　How　can　I？　I'm　here；　and　I　can　see。　The　Land's　given　me　a　gift　I　could　never　repay　in　a　dozen　lifetimes。　I've　got　too　big　a　debt…　The　first　time　I　stood　on　the　top　of　Revelwood　and　looked　over　the　valley　where　the　Rill　and　Llurallin　rivers　e　together　the　first　time　in　my　life　that　I　had　ever　seen…the　first　time；　Covenant；　I　had　ever　even　known　that　such　sights　existed…I　swore　I　was　going　to　win