lh.narcissusinchains-第88章
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knew。 I valued that little girl smile from her； because I saw it so rarely。
I walked the few feet to the two men。 Stephen was still kneeling； his brother huddled against him。 He watched me with cautious eyes。 He was rubbing his hand on Gregory's bare back over and over in small circles； the way you stroke a sick child when they want some touch to let them know they're going to be alright。 Looking into Stephen's eyes； I knew he didn't believe that。 He didn't believe Gregory would be alright； and it terrified him。
I knelt beside them and was almost the same height as Stephen。 I met that pale gaze； that demand； and said； 〃I'm going to try and heal him。〃
It was Caleb who said； 〃If Micah couldn't heal him； why do you think you can？〃
I didn't even bother glancing back at him。 〃It doesn't hurt to try。〃
〃You haven't seen your first full moon；〃 Merle said。 〃You can't call flesh and heal him； not yet； maybe not ever。 Calling flesh to heal is a rare talent。〃
I did look at Merle。 〃I'm not going to call flesh； I'm not even sure how that works。〃
〃Then how will you heal him？〃 Merle asked。
〃With the munin。〃
〃How will a werewolf ghost help you heal a wereleopard？〃
I shook my head。 〃I've healed the leopards before using the munin。〃
〃You've healed Nathaniel；〃 Cherry said； 〃twice； but no one else。〃
〃If it works for one of you； it should work for all of you；〃 I said。
Cherry was frowning。
〃What's wrong？〃
〃You heal with Raina； everything was sex with her； and you want Nathaniel in that way。 You've never been attracted to Gregory。〃
I shrugged。 She was pretty much voicing the same doubts that I had； but hearing them out loud made them sound worse。 I felt more doubtful that I could do it and more slutty because I needed sexual attraction to heal。 But I was getting over the slutty feeling。 If I could save both Gregory's hearing and his life； a little embarrassment wasn't too high a price to pay。
I looked down at Gregory； still huddled in a tight fetal ball around Stephen's lap and waist。 He held on as if his brother were the last solid thing in the universe； as if； if he let go he'd swirl away and be lost。
I touched his hair； lightly； and he moved his face so that he could see me through a tangle of pale curls。 I swept the curls away from his face。 It was a gesture you used for a child。 I'd hated Gregory once because of some things he'd done when Raina and Gabriel were still alive。 But the moment they were dead and he knew he had a choice； he'd stopped doing most of them。 Had he made me Nimir…Ra on purpose？ Staring into his wide blue eyes I didn't believe that。 It wasn't naivete； it was a surety that Gregory just wasn't that dominant。 To decide； even in a split second； to change the status quo that profoundly was just beyond him。 He'd debate； or ask advice； or ask permission； but he wouldn't make a unilateral decision without some feedback。 I knew this about Gregory。 Richard didn't。
I touched his face； cupping it； raising it so he'd meet my eyes without having to do that eye roll that unnerved me。 Just too subservient for my taste。 I stared into that beautiful face； let my gaze glide over the fall of curls； the line of his back； the curl of his hip； but I felt nothing。 I could appreciate his beauty； but I tried very hard to think of my leopards as neuter。 You can be someone's friend and have sex with them。 The trick is you have to want their emotional and physical well…being more than you want to fuck them。 If you cross that line and want sex more than their happiness； then you aren't their friend。 Their lover maybe； but not their friend。
But it was more than that。 Cherry was right； Gregory had never moved me in that way。 I sighed and moved my hand back from him。 〃What's wrong？〃 Stephen asked。
〃He's pretty to look at； but 。。。 〃
Stephen almost smiled。 〃But you need more than just a pretty face to lust after。〃
I shrugged。 〃Sometimes my life would be simpler if I didn't； but yeah。〃
〃I remember I had to talk you through the first time you healed Nathaniel；〃 he said； voice soft。
I nodded。 〃I remember too。〃
Gregory sat up； watching us both； trying to read our lips； I think。 There was something frantic about the way he tried to decipher what we were saying。 God； please let me help him。 He was so scared。
〃I think of him more like a child； no offense。〃
〃You think more like a parent than a seducer； that's a good thing；〃 Stephen said。 〃Don't apologize for it。〃
Cherry joined us； kneeling on her heels； long body curved in graceful lines。 〃You called Raina in the lupanar without any lust； right？〃
I nodded。 〃I can call Raina's munin； sometimes even if I don't want to； but she always demands a price before she leaves。〃
〃You didn't seduce anyone at the lupanar tonight；〃 she said。
〃No； but I damn near started a fight by hitting Richard； and that was part Raina's doing。 She enjoyed my loss of control； and 。。。 and she was worried about the pack tonight。 She doesn't like what Richard's done。 I think she toned down her demands because of that。〃
〃And she doesn't care about us like she does the wolves。〃
〃No； she doesn't。〃
〃What are you afraid of？〃 Stephen asked。 〃That you'll molest Gregory？〃
I shook my head。 〃No； I'm afraid Raina will。〃
〃You healed Nathaniel in the woods and didn't do anything awful to him；〃 Cherry said。
〃No； but I had Richard and the pack there to balance me； to help me control her through the marks。 Without extra help in that area； Raina's idea of payment can get a little messy。〃
〃Define messy；〃 Stephen said。
〃Sex； violence 〃 I shrugged 〃messy。〃
〃You have the pard here now；〃 Cherry said。 〃You can use us for balance。〃
Truth was； without Micah here I wasn't sure I could do that。 Just as Richard was my door to the wolves； Micah was my door to the leopards。 Or was he？ I was treating this like I treated Richard and Jean…Claude； like I was the outsider and they were my ticket in。 But what if I really was the leopard queen？ If I really was Nimir…Ra； then I should be able to do this without Micah。 I realized the moment I doubted that； I was still hoping I wasn't going to be furry next full moon。 No matter how much evidence to the contrary； I still didn't believe it。 Maybe I didn't want to believe it。 But I wanted to heal Gregory； that I did want。
I looked at them all and knew Cherry was right。 If I was Nimir…Ra； then I had all I needed to balance me。 If I wasn't Nimir…Ra； then it wouldn't work。 What did we have to lose？ I looked at Stephen and Gregory； their mirror faces； their frightened eyes； and knew exactly what we had to lose if I didn't try。
I took the Uncle Mike's sidekick holster plete with Firestar out of the front of my jeans and looked around。 If I was going to be calling on the leopards； I didn't want them having to worry about the gun。 I motioned Claudia the wererat over。 Since I was still kneeling； she towered over me； only two inches shorter than Dolph。 I had to admit it was impressive； even more so because she was a woman。
I handed the holstered gun to her； and she took it。 〃Make sure no one gets shot with it。〃
She frowned down at me。 〃You think someone is going to try and get the gun？〃
〃Me； maybe。〃
The frown deepened。 〃I don't understand。〃
〃Raina's amused by violence。 I don't want to be carrying a gun when I call her munin。〃
Claudia's eyebrows raised。 〃You mean she'd try to get you to use it on some one？〃
I nodded。
〃She's tried before？〃
I nodded again。 〃In Tennessee when I was practicing with the munin； yeah。〃
Claudia shook her head。 〃You didn't seem that worried at the lupanar。〃
〃I can call her once and be okay； probably。 But if I call her too often； too close together； it's like she grows 〃 I hesitated 〃stronger； or maybe I just get tired of fighting。〃
〃She was a bitch when she was alive；〃 Claudia said。
〃Being dead hasn't changed her much；〃 I added。
The tall woman shivered。 〃I'm glad the wererats don't have anything like the munin。 The thought of some entity inside me just creeps me out。〃
〃Me too；〃 I said。
She looked down at me； thoughtful now。 〃I'll keep the gun safe。 Is there anything else Igor and I can do to help？〃
I tried to think of something； but only one thing cam
