lh.narcissusinchains-第44章

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　〃Always　do。〃　The　smile　had　faded；　leaving　him　serious。　With　his　yellow　hair　and　blue　eyes；　he　looked　somehow　out　of　place　against　all　the　black　silk；　as　if　he　needed　a　different　color　to　frame　him　to　best　advantage。　Of　course；　the　bed　wasn't　meant　to　frame　him　to　best　advantage；　it　was　meant　to　frame　Jean…Claude。
　The　thought　was　enough。　I　felt　him　in　his　coffin；　felt　him　dead　to　the　world；　gone　away　wherever　vampires　go　when　the　sun　rises。　The　feel　of　him　so　distant；　unable　to　hold　me；　or　help　me；　made　me　feel　cold；　and　even　more　cut　adrift。
　I　leaned　against　the　heavy　cherry　wood　post　of　the　bed；　one　hand　on　it。　But　my　hands　were　not　big　enough　to　encircle　the　wood。　It　was　a　big　bed　　at　least　king　size。
　〃What's　wrong；　Anita？〃
　I　shook　my　head。　〃I　don't　want　to　talk　about　it。〃
　〃I'm　sorry。　I　will　be　good。　I　promise。〃
　〃No　more　teasing？〃　I　asked。
　He　tried　to　stay　serious；　but　a　smile　crept　through。　〃I'd　promise　no　more　teasing　if　I　thought　I　could　live　up　to　it；　but　I　will　promise　to　try　and　not　tease　you　anymore　today。　How's　that？〃
　I　had　to　smile。　〃Honest；　I　guess。〃　I　sat　down　on　the　edge　of　the　bed。
　〃You　seem　lost　tonight；〃　he　said。
　It　was　so　close　to　what　I　was　thinking　that　I　turned　and　looked　at　him。　〃Is　it　that　obvious？〃
　〃Only　to　someone　who　knows　you。〃
　〃Do　you　know　me　that　well；　Jason？〃
　〃Sometimes。　And　sometimes　you　are　totally　confusing　to　me。〃
　I　pulled　back　the　covers　and　crawled　under　the　sheet；　pushing　the　heavy　satin　coverlet　away　from　me。　I'd　left　a　lot　of　distance　between　me　and　Jason。　I　slid　my　gun　under　the　nearest　pillow；　safety　on。　And　for　extra　precaution；　since　I　was　sleeping　with　non…gun　users；　no　bullets　were　in　the　chamber。
　〃Honest；　Anita；　I'll　behave　myself；　you　can　move　closer。〃
　〃I　know。〃
　〃And　not　just　because　Jean…Claude　and　Richard　wouldn't　like　it。〃
　〃Richard　isn't　dating　me　anymore；　Jason。　He's　not　mine　anymore。〃　Just　saying　it　out　loud　made　my　skin　colder；　my　stomach　clench　tight。
　〃He　may　say　that；　but　if　he　found　out　I　tried　anything　tonight；　anything　serious；　he'd　make　me　pay　for　it。〃
　〃What　do　you　mean？〃
　〃He　may　not　be　dating　you；　but　I'll　bet　my　favorite　body　part　that　he　wouldn't　tolerate　you　dating　any　of　the　other　werewolves。　Him　not　being　able　to　have　you　isn't　the　same　thing　as　not　wanting　you。〃
　I　looked　at　him；　sheet…covered　knees　hugged　to　my　chest。　〃When　did　you　get　so　smart？〃
　〃I　have　my　moments。〃
　I　had　to　smile。　〃Yeah；　you　do。〃
　We　were　both　smiling　when　Nathaniel　came　out　of　the　bathroom。　〃Hit　the　lights；　Nathaniel。〃
　Nathaniel　did　what　I　asked；　and　the　blackness　was　plete。　The　lights　were　on　a　timer　and　would　e　on　softly　in　a　few　hours。　But　until　then　it　was　a　darkness　so　plete　it　was　like　being　dropped　in　ink。　I'm　not　usually　bothered　by　darkness；　but　just　then　it　was　claustrophobic；　like　some　giant　black　hand　pressing　against　me。
　I　felt　Nathaniel　by　the　bed。　〃Please；　turn　on　the　bathroom　light；　leave　the　door　ajar。〃　He　went　back　and　did　it。　One　of　the　good　things　about　Nathaniel　was　he　didn't　question　orders　much。　It　used　to　bug　me。　Now　I　counted　on　it；　sometimes。
　He　left　the　door　open　a　crack；　just　enough　to　let　a　slender　finger　of　light　fall　into　the　room　and　slant　along　the　bed。
　Nathaniel　lifted　the　sheet　and　crawled　into　bed　without　a　word。　But　him　crawling　in　meant　I　had　to　move　over　closer　to　Jason。　I　found　the　gun　and　moved　it　down　a　pillow　with　me。　But　Nathaniel　didn't　crowd　me；　and　there　was　still　space　between　us　when　we　all　tucked　in　for　the　night。　Not　as　much　space　as　I'd　have　liked；　but　still　space。　In　fact　I　was　able　to　roll　over　onto　my　side　without　bumping　anyone。　Of　course；　that　wasn't　how　I　slept　at　home。　At　home　Nathaniel　and　the　rest　of　the　wereleopards　cuddled　into　big　piles。　I'd　slept　most　of　the　last　six　months　among　them。　It　was；　sadly；　getting　to　the　point　that　when　I　slept　alone　I　felt　lonely。
　Nathaniel　had　rolled　automatically　onto　his　side；　his　back　to　me；　waiting　for　me　to　close　the　distance　between　us。　He'd　already　moved　his　hair　to　one　side　like　a　blanket　that　had　to　be　moved　out　of　the　way；　leaving　his　back　and　part　of　his　neck　smooth　and　bare。　I　lay　there　for　a　second　or　two；　then　thought；　screw　it。　I　moved　in　against　him；　pressing　myself　to　the　smooth　warmth　of　his　body；　my　arm　sliding　around　his　waist。　He　was　just　a　few　inches　taller　than　me；　enough　that　I　cuddled　down　just　a　little；　pressing　my　face　into　his　back；　in　the　hollow　behind　his　shoulder　blade。　It　was　the　way　we'd　gone　to　sleep　for　a　long　time。
　〃Now　I　do　feel　left　out；〃　Jason　said。
　I　sighed；　clutching　Nathaniel　a　little　tighter。　〃Do　you　promise　not　to　try　anything？〃
　〃I　promise　to　be　good。〃
　〃That's　not　what　I　asked。〃
　He　gave　a　small　laugh。　〃You're　better　than　you　used　to　be　at　this　game。　Okay；　I　promise　not　to　try　anything。〃
　〃Then　you　can　get　closer；　if　you　want　to。〃
　〃You　know　I　do；〃　he　said。　I　could　feel　him　moving　across　the　bed　towards　us。
　〃You　also　promised　to　be　good。〃
　〃You　have　no　idea　how　good　I　can　be。〃　He　was　very　close　when　he　said　the　last。
　〃You're　pushing　it；　Jason。〃
　〃Sorry。〃　But　he　didn't　sound　sorry。　He　curled　against　my　back；　his　body　spooning　against　me；　his　knees　bending　into　a　near　perfect　line　behind　mine。　We　were　within　an　inch　of　being　the　same　height；　which　made　spooning　easy。　It　also　put　certain　parts　of　his　anatomy　up　against　my　butt；　and　it　was　hard　not　to　notice　that　he　was　happy　to　be　there。　Not　too　long　ago；　I'd　have　made　him　move；　but　I'd　spent　months　learning　shapeshifter　etiquette。　The　men　tried　their　best　not　to　get　erections；　and　not　to　use　them　when　they　did；　the　women　tried　to　ignore　the　fact　that　they　had　them。　That　was　the　rule。　It　allowed　everyone　to　pretend　we　were　just　a　bunch　of　puppies　sleeping　in　a　nice　friendly　pile。　To　acknowledge　anything　else　meant　the　system　fell　apart。
　I　realized　that　it　didn't　bother　me。　Over　the　months　I'd　learned　that　it　was　just　one　of　those　involuntary　things　that　happened；　nothing　truly　personal。　I　think　Jason　was　disappointed　that　he　didn't　get　more　of　a　reaction　from　me。　When　I　didn't　react　at　all；　he　moved　his　hips　just　a　fraction　away　from　me；　but　snuggled　the　rest　of　himself　against　me　more　tightly。
　I　was　effectively　sandwiched　between　them；　and　it　reminded　me　forcibly　of　waking　up　between　Caleb　and　Micah。　Not　a　forting　memory。　But　the　smell　of　Nathaniel's　skin　was　familiar。　The　vanilla　scent　of　his　hair　where　it　edged　my　face　and　stretched　under　his　body　was　forting。　I　drew　the　scent　of　him　around　me　like　a　blanket；　pulled　my　body　in　as　close　to　the　warm　curve　of　him　as　I　could　go　and　not　e　out　the　other　side；　and　clung。　I　acknowledged　in　my　head；　though　never　aloud；　that　tonight　I　clung。　I　held　him　like　he　was　the　last　solid　thing　in　the　world；　the　way　I'd　wanted　to　hold　Jean…Claude　and　couldn't。
　Jason's　hand　smoothed　along　my　hip；　but　I'd　forced　his　hand　up　from　around　my　waist　when　I　tucked　so　tightly　against　Nathaniel；　there　was　really　nowhere　else　for　it　to　go。　His　hand　was　very　still　against　my　bare　leg；　and　there　was　a　tension　to　him；　as　if　he　was　waiting　for　me　to　protest。　When　I　didn't；　he　relaxed　and　even　moved　his　entire　body　back　against　me。　He'd　managed　to　calm　himself。　Good　for　him。
　Honestly；　it　was　nice　having　Jason's　weight　at　my　back。　Normally；　I　spooned　Nathaniel　　took　the　dominant　position　with　my　body　protecting　his　　my　back　bare　to　the　room。　But　I　wasn't　feeling　particularly　dominant。　I　wanted　someone　to　have　my　back。　And；　if　it　couldn't　be　Jean…Claude；　or　Richard；　Jason　wasn't　a　bad　choice。　For　all　his　teasing；　he　was　my　friend。
　Nathaniel　fell　asleep　first；　he　usually　drifted　off　faster　than　I　did。　Somehow　I　knew　that　Jason　was　still　awake　pressed　against　my　back；　his　hand　on　my　thigh。　I　could　feel　a　tension　in　him　as　I　began　to　drift　off；　and　strangely；　it　was　forting。　Jason　literally　had　my　back。　It　meant　I　could　sleep；　and　between　the　three　of　us；　whatever　came　through　the　door；　we　could　probably　handle　it。　Probably。
　
　15
　
　I　WAS　DREAMING。　Something　confusing　about　bodies　and　running　and　a　ringing　noise　that　made　the　crowd　run　faster。　Ringing　noise？　I　woke　up　enough　to　feel　Nathaniel　move　beside　me。　He　groped　over　the　side　of　the　bed　and　came　up　with　my　c