if.thespywholovedme-第19章

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ody。　I　was　frightened　still；　of　course…terrified；　but　in　a　docile；　fatalistic　way。　At　the　same　time　my　body　said　it　was　hungry；　it　wanted　to　get　back　its　strength；　it　wanted　to　live。
　So　I　made　scrambled　eggs　and　coffee　and　hot　buttered　toast　for　myself　as　well；　and；　after　I　had　taken　theirs　over；　I　sat　down　out　of　sight　of　them　behind　the　counter　and　ate　mine　and　then；　almost　calmly；　lit　a　cigarette。　I　knew　the　moment　I　lit　it　that　it　was　a　foolish　thing　to　do。　It　called　attention　to　me。　Worse；　it　showed　I　had　recovered；　that　I　was　worth　baiting　again。　But　the　food　and　the　simple　business　of　eating　it…of　putting　salt　and　pepper　on　the　eggs；　sugar　into　the　coffee…had　been　almost　intoxicating。　It　was　part　of　the　old　life；　a　thousand　years　ago；　before　the　men　came。　Each　mouthful…the　forkful　of　egg；　the　bit　of　bacon；　the　munch　of　buttery　toast…was　an　exquisite　thing　that　occupied　all　my　senses。　Now　I　knew　what　it　must　be　like　to　get　some　food　smuggled　into　jail；　to　be　a　prisoner　of　war　and　get　a　parcel　from　home；　to　find　water　in　the　desert；　to　be　given　a　hot　drink　after　being　rescued　from　drowning。　The　simple　act　of　living；　how　precious　it　was！　If　I　got　out　of　this；　I　would　know　it　forever。　I　would　be　grateful　for　every　breath　I　breathed；　every　meal　I　ate；　every　night　I　felt　the　cool　kiss　of　sheets；　the　peace　of　a　bed　behind　a　closed；　locked；　door。　Why　had　I　never　known　this　before？　Why　had　my　parents；　my　lost　religion；　never　taught　it　to　me？　Anyway；　I　knew　now。　I　had　found　it　out　for　myself。　Love　of　life　is　born　of　the　awareness　of　death；　of　the　dread　of　it。　Nothing　makes　one　really　grateful　for　life　except　the　black　wings　of　danger。
　These　feverish　thoughts　were　born　of　the　intoxication　of　the　food　and　of　eating　it　alone　behind　the　barricade　of　the　counter。　For　a　few　moments　I　was　back　in　the　old　life。　So；　lightheadedly；　and　to　hug　the　moment　to　me；　I　lit　the　cigarette。
　Perhaps　a　minute　later；　the　mumble　of　the　voices　died。　Behind　〃Tales　of　the　Vienna　Woods〃　ing　softly　from　the　radio；　I　heard　a　chair　being　drawn　back。　Now　I　felt　panic。　I　put　out　the　cigarette　in　the　dregs　of　my　coffee　and　got　up　and　began　briskly　turning　taps　and　clattering　the　dishes　in　the　metal　sink。　I　didn't　look；　but　I　could　see　Sluggsy　ing　across　the　room。　He　came　up　to　the　counter　and　leaned　on　it。　I　looked　up　as　if　surprised。　He　was　still　chewing　away　at　a　toothpick；　flicking　it　from　side　to　side　of　his　thick…lipped；　oval　mouth。　He　had　a　box　of　Kleenex　that　he　put　on　the　counter。　He　wrenched　out　a　handful　of　tissues　and　blew　his　nose　and　dropped　the　tissues　on　the　floor。　He　said　in　an　amiable　voice；　〃Ya　gone　an'　given　me　a　catarrh　bimbo。　All　that　chasing　aroun'　in　the　woods。　This　trouble　of　mine；　this　alopecia　thing　that　kills　the　hair。　You　know　what　that　does？　That　kills　the　hairs　inside　the　nose　too。　Together　with　all　the　rest。　An'　you　know　what　that　does？　That　makes　your　schnozzle　dribble　bad　when　you　got　a　cold。　You　given　me　a　cold；　bimbo。　That　means　a　box　of　wipes　every　twenty…four　hours。　More；　mebbe。　Ya　ever　think　of　that？　Ya　ever　think　of　people　have　no　hairs　in　their　snouts？　Aargh！〃　The　hairless　eyes　were　suddenly　hard　with　anger。　〃You　gashes　are　all　the　same。　Just　think　of　yerselves。　To　hell　with　the　guys　that　got　troubles！　You　just　go　for　the　good…timers。〃
　I　said　quietly；　under　the　noise　of　the　radio。　〃I'm　sorry　for　your　troubles。　Why　aren't　you　sorry　for　mine？〃　I　spoke　quickly；　forcefully。　〃Why　do　you　two　e　here　and　knock　me　about？　What　have　I　done　to　you？　Why　don't　you　let　me　go？　If　you　do；　I　promise　I　won't　say　a　word　to　anyone。　I've　got　a　little　money。　I　could　give　you　some　of　it。　Say　two　hundred　dollars。　I　can't　afford　any　more。　I've　got　to　get　all　the　way　down　to　Florida　on　the　rest。　Please；　won't　you　let　me　go？〃
　Sluggsy　let　out　a　hoot　of　laughter。　He　turned　and　called　across　to　the　thin　man；　〃Hey；　get　out　the　crying　towel；　Horror。　The　slot　says　she'll　hand　over　two　Cs　if　we　let　her　scram。〃　The　thin　man　gave　a　slight　shrug　of　the　shoulders　but　made　no　ment。　Sluggsy　turned　back　to　me。　His　eyes　were　hard　and　without　mercy。　He　said；　〃Wise　up；　bimbo。　You're　in　the　act；　and　you've　been　given　a　star　part　to　play。　You　ought　to　be　tickled　to　be　of　so　much　interest　to　busy；　important　guys　like　Horror　and　me；　and　to　a　big　wheel　like　Mr。　Sanguinetti。〃
　〃What　is　the　act？　What　do　you　want　me　for？〃
　Sluggsy　said　indifferently；　〃You'll　be　wised　up　e　morning。　Meanwhiles；　howsabout　shuttin'　that　dumb　little　hash…trap　of　yours？　All　this　yak　is　bending　my　ear。　I　want　some　action。　That's　sweet　stuff　they're　playing。　Howsabout　you　an'　me　stepping　it　together？　Put　on　a　little　show　for　Horror。　Then　we'll　be　off　to　the　hay　and　make　with　the　bodies。　C'mon；　chick。〃　He　held　out　his　arms；　clicking　his　fingers　to　the　music　and　doing　some　fast　steps。
　〃I'm　sorry。　I'm　tired。〃
　Sluggsy　came　back　to　the　counter。　He　said　angrily；　〃You've　got　a　big　keister　giving　me　that　crap。　Cheap　little　hustler！　I'll　give　you　something　to　make　you　tired。〃　Suddenly　there　was　an　obscene　little　black　leather　cosh　in　his　hand。　He　brought　it　down　with　a　dull　whack　on　the　counter。　It　left　a　deep　dent　in　the　formica。　He　began　to　move　stealthily　round　the　edge　of　the　counter；　humming　to　himself；　his　eyes　holding　mine。　I　backed　up　into　the　far　corner。　This　was　going　to　be　my　last　gesture。　Somehow　I　must　hurt　him　back　before　I　went　under。　My　hand　felt　for　the　open　cutlery　drawer　and　suddenly　I　dipped　in　and　flung；　all　in　one　motion。　His　duck　wasn't　quick　enough；　and　the　silver　spray　of　knives　and　forks　burst　round　his　head。　He　put　a　hand　up　to　his　face　and　backed　away；　cursing。　I　hurled　some　more　and　then　some　more；　but　they　only　clattered　inoffensively　round　his　hunched　head。　Now　the　thin　man　was　moving　fast　across　the　room。　I　grabbed　the　carving　knife　and　made　a　dash　for　Sluggsy；　but　he　saw　me　ing　and　dodged　behind　a　table。　Unhurriedly；　Horror　took　off　his　coat　and　wrapped　it　round　his　left　arm；　then　they　both　picked　up　chairs　and；　holding　the　legs　out　like　bulls'　horns；　they　charged　me　from　both　sides。　I　made　one　ineffectual　slash　at　an　arm；　and　then　the　knife　was　knocked　out　of　my　hand　and　all　I　could　do　was　to　get　back　behind　the　counter。
　Still　holding　the　chair；　Sluggsy　came　in　after　me　and；　while　I　stood　facing　him；　with　a　plate　in　each　hand；　the　thin　man　leaned　swiftly　across　the　counter　and　got　hold　of　my　hair。　I　hurled　the　plates　sideways；　but　they　only　clattered　away　across　the　floor。　And　then　my　head　was　being　bent　down　onto　the　counter　top　and　Sluggsy　was　on　me。
　〃Okay；　Horror。　Let　her　go。　This　is　for　me。〃　I　felt　his　powerful　arms　round　me；　crushing　me；　and　his　face　was　against　mine；　kissing　me　brutally；　while　his　hand　went　up　to　the　zip　at　my　neck　and　tore　it　right　down　to　my　waist。
　And　then　came　the　sharp　sound　of　the　buzzer　at　the　front　door；　and　everyone　froze。
　　
　Part　Three：　Him
　Ten：　Whassat？
　
　〃KERIST；　whassat？〃　Sluggsy　had　backed　away；　and　his　hand　was　inside　his　leather　jacket。
　Horror　recovered　himself　first。　There　was　a　cold　snarl　on　his　face。　〃Git　over　behind　the　door；　Sluggsy。　Hold　your　fire　until　I　tell　you。　You；〃…he　spat　the　words　at　me…〃get　yourself　into　shape。　You've　got　to　front　for　us。　If　you　don't　do　it　good；　you're　dead。　Understand？　You'll　be　shot。　Now　get　over　to　that　door　and　find　out　who　it　is。　Tell　'em　the　same　story　you　told　us。　Get　me？　And　take　that　silly　expression　off　your　face。　No　one's　going　to　hurt　you　if　you　do　what　I　say。　Pull　that　zipper　up；　dammit！〃　I　was　struggling　with　the　thing。　It　was　stuck。　〃Well；　hold　the　damn　thing　together　across　your　chest　and　get　moving。　I'll　be　right　behind　you。　And　don't　forget；　one　wrong　word　and　you　get　blasted　through　the　back。　And　the　guy；　too。　Now　scram　over　there。〃
　My　heart　was　beating　wildly。　Somehow；　whatever　happened；　I　was　going　to　save　myself！
　There　was　now　a　loud　knocking　at　the　door。　I　went　slowly　over；　holding　the　top　half　of　my　overalls　together。　I　knew　the　first　thing　I　had　to　do！
　When　I　got　to　the　door；　Sluggsy　leaned　sideways　and　unlocked　it。　Now　everything　depended　on　the　speed　of　my　hands。　I　took　hold　of　the　door　handle　with　my　left　hand　and；　as　I　turned　it；　my　right　hand　let　go　of　the　overalls　and　dived　down　to　the　chain　and　unhooked　it。　Somebody　cursed