sk.everythingseventual-第87章

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rt；　she　thought；　and　tightened　her　belt。
　　'You　really　don't　remember？'　he　asked；　tightening　his　own。　The　little　jet　ran　through　a　cloud　filled　with　bumps；　one　of　the　pilots　in　the　cockpit　made　a　minor　adjustment；　and　the　ride　smoothed　out　again。　'Because　usually；　just　after　you　wake　up；　you　can　still　remember。　Even　the　bad　ones。'
　　'I　remember　Sister　Annunciata；　from　Our　Lady　of　Angels。　Sentence　Time。'
　　'Now；　that's　a　nightmare。'
　　Ten　minutes　later　the　landing　gear　came　down　with　a　whine　and　a　thump。　Five　minutes　after　that　they　landed。
　　'They　were　supposed　to　bring　the　car　right　out　to　the　plane；'　Bill　said；　already　starting　up　the　Type　A　shit。　This　she　didn't　like；　but　at　least　she　didn't　detest　it　the　way　she　detested　the　plummy　laugh　and　his　repertoire　of　patronizing　looks。　'I　hope　there　hasn't　been　a　hitch。'
　　There　hasn't　been；　she　thought；　and　the　feeling　swept　over　her　full　force。　I'm　going　to　see　it　out　the　window　on　my　side　in　just　a　second　or　two。　It's　your　total　Florida　vacation　car；　a　great　big　white　goddam　Cadillac；　or　maybe　it's　a　Lincoln　…
　　And；　yes；　here　it　came；　proving　what？　Well；　she　supposed；　it　proved　that　sometimes　when　you　had　déjà　vu　what　you　thought　was　going　to　happen　next　really　did。　It　wasn't　a　Caddy　or　a　Lincoln　after　all；　but　a　Crown　Victoria…what　the　gangsters　in　a　Martin　Scorsese　film　would　doubtless　call　a　Crown　Vic。
　　'Whoo；'　she　said　as　he　helped　her　down　the　steps　and　off　the　plane。　The　hot　sun　made　her　feel　dizzy。
　　'What's　wrong？'
　　'Nothing；　really。　I've　got　déjà　vu。　Left　over　from　my　dream；　I　guess。　We've　been　here　before；　that　kind　of　thing。'
　　'It's　being　in　a　strange　place；　that's　all；'　he　said；　and　kissed　her　cheek。　'e　on；　let　the　wild　rumpus　start。'
　　They　went　to　the　car。　Bill　showed　his　driver's　license　to　the　young　woman　who　had　driven　it　out。　Carol　saw　him　check　out　the　hem　of　her　skirt；　then　sign　the　paper　on　her　clipboard。
　　She's　going　to　drop　it；　Carol　thought。　The　feeling　was　now　so　strong　it　was　like　being　on　an　amusement…park　ride　that　goes　just　a　little　too　fast；　all　at　once　you　realize　you're　edging　out　of　the　Land　of　Fun　and　into　the　Kingdom　of　Nausea。　She'll　drop　it；　and　Bill　will　say　'Whoopsy…daisy'　and　pick　it　up　for　her；　get　an　even　closer　look　at　her　legs。
　　But　the　Hertz　woman　didn't　drop　her　clipboard。　A　white　courtesy　van　had　appeared；　to　take　her　back　to　the　Butler　Aviation　terminal。　She　gave　Bill　a　final　smile…Carol　she　had　ignored　pletely…and　opened　the　front　passenger　door。　She　stepped　up；　then　slipped。　'Whoopsy…daisy；　don't　be　crazy；'　Bill　said；　and　took　her　elbow；　steadying　her。　She　gave　him　a　smile；　he　gave　her　well…turned　legs　a　goodbye　look；　and　Carol　stood　by　the　growing　pile　of　their　luggage　and　thought；　Hey　there；　Mary　。　。　。
　　'Mrs。　Shelton？'　It　was　the　co…pilot。　He　had　the　last　bag；　the　case　with　Bill's　laptop　inside　it；　and　he　looked　concerned。　'Are　you　all　right？　You're　very　pale。'
　　Bill　heard　and　turned　away　from　the　departing　white　van；　his　face　worried。　If　her　strongest　feelings　about　Bill　were　her　only　feelings　about　Bill；　now　that　they　were　twenty…five　years　on；　she　would　have　left　him　when　she　found　out　about　the　secretary；　a　Clairol　blonde　too　young　to　remember　the　Clairol　slogan　that　started　'If　I　have　only　one　life　to　live。'　But　there　were　other　feelings。　There　was　love；　for　instance。　Still　love。　A　kind　that　girls　in　Catholic…school　uniforms　didn't　suspect；　a　weedy；　unlovely　species　too　tough　to　die。
　　Besides；　it　wasn't　just　love　that　held　people　together。　There　were　secrets；　and　the　price　you　paid　to　keep　them。
　　'Carol？'　he　asked　her。　'Babe？　All　right？'
　　She　thought　about　telling　him　no；　she　wasn't　all　right；　she　was　drowning；　but　then　she　managed　to　smile　and　said；　'It's　the　heat；　that's　all。　I　feel　a　little　groggy。　Get　me　in　the　car　and　crank　up　the　air…conditioning。　I'll　be　fine。'
　　Bill　took　her　by　the　elbow　（Bet　you're　not　checking　out　my　legs；　though；　Carol　thought。　You　know　where　they　go；　don't　you？）　and　led　her　toward　the　Crown　Vic　as　if　she　were　a　very　old　lady。　By　the　time　the　door　was　closed　and　cool　air　was　pumping　over　her　face；　she　actually　had　started　to　feel　a　little　better。
　　If　the　feeling　es　back；　I'll　tell　him；　Carol　thought。　I'll　have　to。　It's　just　too　strong。　Not　normal。
　　Well；　déjà　vu　was　never　normal；　she　supposed…it　was　something　that　was　part　dream；　part　chemistry；　and　（she　was　sure　she'd　read　this；　maybe　in　a　doctor's　office　somewhere　while　waiting　for　her　gynecologist　to　go　prospecting　up　her　fifty…two…year…old　twat）　part　the　result　of　an　electrical　misfire　in　the　brain；　causing　new　experience　to　be　identified　as　old　data。　A　temporary　hole　in　the　pipes；　hot　water　and　cold　water　mingling。　She　closed　her　eyes　and　prayed　for　it　to　go　away。
　　Oh；　Mary；　conceived　without　sin；　pray　for　us　who　have　recourse　to　thee。
　　Please　（'Oh　puh…lease；'　they　used　to　say）；　not　back　to　parochial　school。　This　was　supposed　to　be　a　vacation；　not　…
　　Floyd；　what's　that　over　there？　Oh　shit！　Oh　SHIT！
　　Who　was　Floyd？　The　only　Floyd　Bill　knew　was　Floyd　Dorning　（or　maybe　it　was　Darling）；　the　kid　he'd　run　the　snack　bar　with；　the　one　who'd　run　off　to　New　York　with　his　girlfriend。　Carol　couldn't　remember　when　Bill　had　told　her　about　that　kid；　but　she　knew　he　had。
　　Just　quit　it；　girl。　There's　nothing　here　for　you。　Slam　the　door　on　the　whole　train　of　thought。
　　And　that　worked。　There　was　a　final　whisper…what's　the　story…and　then　she　was　just　Carol　Shelton；　on　her　way　to　Captiva　Island；　on　her　way　to　Palm　House　with　her　husband　the　renowned　software　designer；　on　their　way　to　the　beaches　and　the　rum　drinks；　and　the　sound　of　a　steel　band　playing　'Margaritaville。'
　　
　　They　passed　a　Publix　market。　They　passed　an　old　black　man　minding　a　roadside　fruit　stand…he　made　her　think　of　actors　from　the　thirties　and　movies　you　saw　on　the　American　Movie　Channel；　an　old　yassuh…boss　type　of　guy　wearing　bib　overalls　and　a　straw　hat　with　a　round　crown。　Bill　made　small　talk；　and　she　made　it　right　back　at　him。　She　was　faintly　amazed　that　the　little　girl　who　had　worn　a　Mary　medallion　every　day　from　ten　to　sixteen　had　bee　this　woman　in　the　Donna　Karan　dress…that　the　desperate　couple　in　that　Revere　apartment　were　these　middle…aged　rich　folks　rolling　down　a　lush　aisle　of　palms…but　she　was　and　they　were。　Once　in　those　Revere　days　he　had　e　home　drunk　and　she　had　hit　him　and　drawn　blood　from　below　his　eye。　Once　she　had　been　in　fear　of　Hell；　had　lain　half…drugged　in　steel　stirrups；　thinking；　I'm　damned；　I've　e　to　damnation。　A　million　years；　and　that's　only　the　first　tick　of　the　clock。
　　They　stopped　at　the　causeway　toll…booth　and　Carol　thought；　The　toll…taker　has　a　strawberry　birthmark　on　the　left　side　of　his　forehead；　all　mixed　in　with　his　eyebrow。
　　There　was　no　mark…the　toll…taker　was　just　an　ordinary　guy　in　his　late　forties　or　early　fifties；　iron…gray　hair　in　a　buzz　cut；　horn…rimmed　specs；　the　kind　of　guy　who　says；　'Y'all　have　a　nahce　tahm；　okai？'…but　the　feeling　began　to　e　back；　and　Carol　realized　that　now　the　things　she　thought　she　knew　were　things　she　really　did　know；　at　first　not　all　of　them；　but　then；　by　the　time　they　neared　the　little　market　on　the　right　side　of　Route　41；　it　was　almost　everything。
　　The　market's　called　Corson's　and　there's　a　little　girl　out　front；　Carol　thought。　She's　wearing　a　red　pinafore。　She's　got　a　doll；　a　dirty　old　yellow…haired　thing；　that　she's　left　on　the　store　steps　so　she　can　look　at　a　dog　in　the　back　of　a　station　wagon。
　　The　name　of　the　market　turned　out　to　be　Carson's；　not　Corson's；　but　everything　else　was　the　same。　As　the　white　Crown　Vic　passed；　the　little　girl　in　the　red　dress　turned　her　solemn　face　in　Carol's　direction；　a　country　girl's　face；　although　what　a　girl　from　the　toolies　could　be　doing　here　in　rich　folks'　tourist　country；　her　and　her　dirty　yellow…headed　doll；　Carol　didn't　know。
　　Here's　where　I　ask　Bill　how　much　farther；　only　I　won't　do　it。　Because　I　have　to　break　out　of　this　cycle；　this　groove。　I　have　to。
　　'How　much　farther？'　she　asked　him。　He　says　there's　only　one　road；　we　can't　get　lost。　He　says　he　promises　me　we'll　get　to　the　Palm　House　with　no　problem。　And；　by　the　way；　who's　Floyd？
　　Bill's　eyeb