sk.everythingseventual-第16章
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I went on with it； anyway。 Sometimes stories cry out to be told in such loud voices that you write them just to shut them up。 I thought the finished product a rather humdrum folktale told in pedestrian language； certainly miles from the Hawthorne story I liked so much。 When The New Yorker asked to publish it； I was shocked。 When it won first prize in the O。 Henry Best Short Story petition for 1996； I was convinced someone had made a mistake （that did not keep me from accepting the award； however）。 Reader response was generally positive； too。 This story is proof that writers are often the worst judges of what they have written。
ALL THAT YOU LOVE WILL BE
CARRIED AWAY
It was a Motel 6 on I…80 just west of Lincoln； Nebraska。 The snow that began at midafternoon had faded the sign's virulent yellow to a kinder pastel shade as the light ran out of the January dusk。 The wind was closing in on that quality of empty amplification one encounters only in the country's flat midsection； usually in winter…time。 That meant nothing but disfort now； but if big snow came tonight…the weather forecasters couldn't seem to make up their minds…then the interstate would be shut down by morning。 That was nothing to Alfie Zimmer。
He got his key from a man in a red vest and drove down to the end of the long cinder…block building。 He had been selling in the Midwest for twenty years； and had formulated four basic rules about securing his night's rest。 First； always reserve ahead。 Second； reserve at a franchise motel if possible…your Holiday Inn； your Ramada Inn； your fort Inn； your Motel 6。 Third； always ask for a room on the end。 That way； the worst you could have was one set of noisy neighbors。 Last； ask for a room that begins with a one。 Alfie was forty…four； too old to be fucking truck…stop whores； eating chicken…fried steak； or hauling his luggage upstairs。 These days； the rooms on the first floor were usually reserved for non…smokers。 Alfie rented them and smoked anyway。
Someone had taken the space in front of Room 190。 All the spaces along the building were taken。 Alfie wasn't surprised。 You could make a reservation； guarantee it； but if you arrived late （late on a day like this was after 4 P。M。）； you had to park and walk。 The cars belonging to the early birds were nestled up to the gray cinder block and the bright…yellow doors in a long line； their windows already covered with a scrim of light snow。
Alfie drove around the corner and parked with the nose of his Chevrolet pointed at the white expanse of some farmer's field； swimming deep into the gray of day's end。 At the farthest limit of vision he could see the spark lights of a farm。 In there； they would be hunkered down。 Out here； the wind blew hard enough to rock the car。 Snow skated past； obliterating the farm lights for a few moments。
Alfie was a big man with a florid face and a smoker's noisy respiration。 He was wearing a topcoat； because when you were selling that was what people liked to see。 Not a jacket。 Storekeepers sold to people wearing jackets and John Deere caps； they didn't buy from them。 The room key lay on the seat beside him。 It was attached to a diamond of green plastic。 The key was a real key； not a MagCard。 On the radio Clint Black was singing 'Nothin' but the Tail Lights。' It was a country song。 Lincoln had an FM rocker now； but rock…and…roll music didn't seem right to Alfie。 Not out here； where if you switched over to AM you could still hear angry old men calling down hellfire。
He shut off the engine； put the key to 190 in his pocket； and checked to make sure he still had his notebook in there； too。 His old pal。 'Save Russian Jews；' he said； reminding himself。 'Collect valuable prizes。'
He got out of the car and a gust of wind hit him hard； rocking him back on his heels； flapping his pants around his legs； making him laugh a smoker's surprised rattlebox laugh。
His samples were in the trunk； but he wouldn't need them tonight。 No； not tonight； not at all。 He took his suitcase and his briefcase out of the backseat； shut the door； then pushed the black button on his key fob。 That one locked all the doors。 The red one set off an alarm； what you were supposed to use if you were going to get mugged。 Alfie had never been mugged。 He guessed that few salesmen of gourmet foods were； especially in this part of the country。 There was a market for gourmet foods in Nebraska； Iowa； Oklahoma； and Kansas； even in the Dakotas； although many might not believe it。 Alfie had done quite well； especially over the last two years as he got to know the market's deeper creases…but it was never going to equal the market for； let's say； fertilizer。 Which he could smell even now on the winter wind that was freezing his cheeks and turning them an even darker shade of red。
He stood where he was a moment longer； waiting for the wind to drop。 It did； and he could see the spark lights again。 The farmhouse。 And was it possible that behind those lights； some farmer's wife was even now heating up a pot of Cottager Split Pea Soup or perhaps microwaving a Cottager Shepherd's Pie or Chicken Fran？ais？ It was。 It was as possible as hell。 While her husband watched the early news with his shoes off and his sock feet on a hassock； and overhead their son played a video game on his GameCube and their daughter sat in the tub； chin…deep in fragrant bubbles； her hair tied up with a ribbon； reading The Golden pass； by Philip Pullman； or perhaps one of the Harry Potter books； which were favorites of Alfie's daughter； Carlene。 All that going on behind the spark lights； some family's universal joint turning smoothly in its socket； but between them and the edge of this parking lot was a mile and a half of flat field； white in the running…away light of a low sky； atose with the season。 Alfie briefly imagined himself walking into that field in his city shoes； his briefcase in one hand and his suitcase in the other； working his way across the frozen furrows； finally arriving； knocking； the door would be opened and he would smell pea soup； that good hearty smell； and hear the KETV meteorologist in the other room saying； 'But now look at this low…pressure system just ing over the Rockies。'
And what would Alfie say to the farmer's wife？ That he just dropped by for dinner？ Would he advise her to save Russian Jews； collect valuable prizes？ Would he begin by saying； 'Ma'am； according to at least one source I've read recently； all that you love will be carried away'？ That would be a good conversation opener； sure to interest the farmer's wife in the wayfaring stranger who had just walked across her husband's east field to knock on her door。 And when she invited him to step in； to tell her more； he could open his briefcase and give her a couple of his sample books； tell her that once she discovered the Cottager brand of quick…serve gourmet delicacies she would almost certainly want to move on to the more sophisticated pleasures of Ma Mère。 And； by the way； did she have a taste for caviar？ Many did。 Even in Nebraska。
Freezing。 Standing here and freezing。
He turned from the field and the spark lights at the far end of it and walked to the motel； moving in careful duck steps so he wouldn't go ass over teakettle。 He had done it before； God knew。 Whoops…a…daisy in half a hundred motel parking lots。 He had done most of it before； actually； and supposed that was at least part of the problem。
There was an overhang； so he was able to get out of the snow。 There was a Coke machine with a sign saying； USE CORRECT CHANGE。 There was an ice machine and a Snax machine with candy bars and various kinds of potato chips behind curls of metal like bedsprings。 There was no USE CORRECT CHANGE sign on the Snax machine。 From the room to the left of the one where he intended to kill himself； Alfie could hear the early news； but it would sound better in that farmhouse over yonder； he was sure of that。 The wind boomed。 Snow swirled around his city shoes； and then Alfie let himself into his room。 The light switch was to the left。 He turned it on and shut the door。
He knew the room； it was the room of his dreams。 It was square。 The walls were white。 On one was a picture of
