sidneysheldon.astrangerinthemirror-第50章

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　At　two　o'clock　in　the　morning；　Jill's　escort　dropped　her　at　her　hotel　suite。　She　went　inside　and　found　Toby　lying　on　the　floor　in　the　middle　of　the　room；　unconscious；　his　right　hand　stretched　out　toward　the　telephone。　
　
　matic　Polyclinic　at　3　Sverchkov　Prospekt。　Three　top　spedalists　were　summoned　in　the　middle　of　the　night　to　examine　him。　Everyone　was　sympathetic　toward　Jill。　The　chief　of　the　hospital　escorted　her　to　a　private　office；　where　she　waited　for　news。　It's　like　a　rerun；　Jill　thought。　All　this　had　happened　before。　It　had　a　vague；　unreal　quality。　Hours　later；　the　door　to　the　office　opened　and　a　short；　fat　Russian　waddled　in。　He　was　dressed　in　an　ill…fitting　suit　and　looked　like　an　unsuccessful　plumber。　
　〃I　am　Dr。　Durov；〃　he　said。　〃I　am　in　charge　of　your　husband's　case。〃　
　〃I　want　to　know　how　he　is。〃　
　〃Sit　down；　Mrs。　Temple；　please。〃　
　Jill　had　not　even　been　aware　that　she　had　stood　up。　〃Tell　me。〃　
　〃Your　husband　has　suffered　a　stroke　　technically　called　a　cerebral　venous　thrombosis。〃　
　〃How　bad　is　it？〃　
　〃It　is　the　most　　what　do　you　say？　　hard…hitting；　dangerous。　If　your　husband　lives　　and　it　is　too　soon　to　tell　　he　will　never　walk　or　speak　again。　His　mind　is　dear　but　he　is　pletely　paralyzed。〃　
　
　Before　Jill　left　Moscow；　David　telephoned　her。　
　〃I　can't　tell　you　how　sorry　I　am；〃　he　said。　〃I'll　be　standing　by。　Anytime　you　need　me；　I'll　be　there。　Remember　that。〃　It　was　the　only　thing　that　helped　Jill　keep　her　sanity　in　the　nightmare　that　was　about　to　begin。　
　
　The　journey　home　was　a　hellish　deja　vu。　The　hospital　litter　in　the　plane；　the　ambulance　from　the　airport　to　the　house；　the　sickroom。　Except　that　this　time　it　was　not　the　same。　Jill　had　known　it　the　moment　they　had　allowed　her　to　see　Toby。　His　heart　was　beating；　his　vital　organs　functioning；　in　every　respect　he　was　a　living　organism。　And　yet　he　was　not。　He　was　a　breathing；　pulsating　corpse；　a　dead　man　in　an　oxygen　tent；　with　tubes　and　needles　running　into　his　body　like　antennae；　feeding　him　the　vital　fluids　that　were　necessary　to　keep　him　alive。　His　face　was　twisted　in　a　horrifying　rictus　that　made　him　look　as　though　he　were　grinning；　his　lips　pulled　up　so　that　his　gums　were　exposed。　I　am　afraid　I　can　offer　you　no　hope；　the　Russian　doctor　had　said。　
　That　had　been　weeks　ago。　Now　they　were　back　home　in　Bel…Air。　Jill　had　immediately　called　in　Dr。　Kaplan；　and　he　had　sent　for　specialists　who　had　summoned　more　specialists；　and　the　answer　always　came　out　the　same：　a　massive　stroke　that　had　heavily　damaged　or　destroyed　the　nerve　centers；　with　very　little　chance　of　reversing　the　damage　that　had　already　been　done。　There　were　nurses　around　the　clock　and　a　physiotherapist　to　work　with　Toby；　but　they　were　empty　gestures。　The　object　of　all　this　attention　was　grotesque。　Toby's　skin　had　turned　yellow；　and　his　hair　was　falling　out　in　large　tufts。　His　paralyzed　limbs　were　shriveled　and　stringy。　On　his　face　was　the　hideous　grin　that　he　could　not　control。　He　was　monstrous　to　look　at；　a　death's　head。　But　his　eyes　were　alive。　And　how　alive！　They　blazed　with　the　power　and　frustration　of　the　mind　trapped　in　that　useless　shell。　Whenever　Jill　walked　into　his　room；　Toby's　eyes　would　follow　her　hungrily；　frantically；　pleading。　For　what？　For　her　to　make　him　walk　again？　Talk　again？　To　turn　him　into　a　man　again？　She　would　stare　down　at　him；　silent；　thinking：　A　part　of　me　is　lying　in　that　bed；　suffering；　trapped。　They　were　bound　together。　She　would　have　given　anything　to　have　saved　Toby；　to　have　saved　herself。　But　she　knew　that　there　was　no　way。　Not　this　time。　The　phones　rang　constantly；　and　it　was　a　replay　of　all　those　other　phone　calls；　all　those　other　offers　of　sympathy。　But　there　was　one　phone　call　that　was　different。　David　Kenyon　telephoned。　
　〃I　just　want　you　to　know　that　whatever　I　can　do　　anything　at　all　　I'm　waiting。〃　
　Jill　thought　of　how　he　looked；　tall　and　handsome　and　strong；　and　she　thought　of　the　misshapen　caricature　of　a　man　in　the　next　room。　
　〃Thank　you；　David。　I　appreciate　it。　There's　nothing。　Not　at　the　moment。〃　
　〃We've　got　some　fine　doctors　in　Houston；〃　he　said。　〃Some　of　the　best　in　the　world。　I　could　fly　them　down　to　him。〃　
　Jill　could　feel　her　throat　tightening。　Oh；　how　she　wanted　to　ask　David　to　e　to　her；　to　take　her　away　from　this　place！　But　she　could　not。　She　was　bound　to　Toby；　and　she　knew　that　she　could　never　leave　him。　Not　while　he　was　alive。　
　Dr。　Kaplan　had　pleted　his　examination　of　Toby。　Jill　was　waiting　for　him　in　the　library。　She　turned　to　face　him　as　he　walked　through　the　door。　He　said；　with　a　clumsy　attempt　at　humor；　
　〃Well；　Jill；　I　have　good　news　and　I　have　bad　news。〃　
　〃Tell　me　the　bad　news　first。〃　
　〃I'm　afraid　Toby's　nervous　system　is　damaged　too　heavily　to　be　rehabilitated。　There's　no　question　about　it。　Not　this　time。　He'll　never　walk　or　talk　again。〃　
　She　stared　at　him　a　long　time；　and　then　said；　
　〃What's　the　good　news？〃　
　Dr。　Kaplan　smiled。　〃Toby's　heart　is　amazingly　'strong。　With　proper　care；　he　can　live　for　another　twenty　years。〃　
　Jill　looked　at　him；　unbelievingly。　Twenty　years。　That　was　the　good　news！　She　thought　of　herself　saddled　with　the　horrible　gargoyle　upstairs；　trapped　in　a　nightmare　from　which　there　was　no　escape。　She　could　never　divorce　Toby。　Not　as　long　as　he　lived。　Because　no　one　would　understand。　She　was　the　heroine　who　had　saved　his　life。　Everyone　would　feel　betrayed；　cheated；　if　she　deserted　him　now。　Even　David　Kenyon。　David　telephoned　every　day　now；　and　he　kept　talking　about　her　wonderful　loyalty　and　her　selflessness；　and　they　were　both　aware　of　the　deep　emotional　current　flowing　between　them。　The　unspoken　phrase　was；　when　Toby　dies。　
　Three　nurses　attended　Toby　around　the　clock　in　shifts。　They　were　crisp　and　capable　and　as　impersonal　as　machines。　Jill　was　grateful　for　their　presence；　for　she　could　not　bear　to　go　near　Toby。　The　sight　of　that　hideous；　grinning　mask　repelled　her。　She　found　excuses　to　stay　away　from　his　room。　When　she　did　force　herself　to　go　to　him；　Jill　could　sense　a　change　in　him　immediately。　Even　the　nurses　could　feel　it。　Toby　lay　motionless　and　impotent；　frozen　in　his　spastic　cage。　Yet　the　moment　Jill　entered　the　room；　a　vitality　began　to　blaze　from　those　bright　blue　eyes。　Jill　could　read　Toby's　thoughts　as　clearly　as　if　he　were　speaking　aloud。　Don't　let　me　die。　Help　me。　Help　me！　Jill　stood　looking　down　at　his　ruined　body　and　thought；　I　can't　help　you。　You　don't　want　to　live　like　this。　You　want　to　die。　
　The　idea　began　to　grow　in　Jill。　The　newspapers　were　full　of　stories　about　terminally　ill　husbands　whose　wives　had　released　them　from　their　pain。　Even　some　doctors　admitted　that　they　deliberately　let　certain　patients　die。　Euthanasia；　it　was　called。　Mercy　killing。　But　Jill　knew　that　it　could　also　be　called　murder；　even　though　nothing　lived　in　Toby　anymore　but　those　damned　eyes　that　would　not　stop　following　her　around。　
　In　the　weeks　that　followed；　Jill　never　left　the　house。　Most　of　the　time；　she　shut　herself　away　in　her　bedroom。　Her　headaches　had　returned；　and　she　could　find　no　relief。　
　Newspapers　and　magazines　carried　human…interest　stories　about　the　paralyzed　superstar　and　his　devoted　wife；　who　had　once　nursed　him　back　to　health。　All　the　periodicals　speculated　about　whether　Jill　would　be　able　to　repeat　the　miracle。　But　she　knew　that　there　would　be　no　more　miracles。　Toby　would　never　be　well　again。　Twenty　years；　Dr。　Kaplan　had　said。　And　David　was　out　there　waiting　for　her。　She　had　to　find　a　way　to　escape　from　her　prison。　
　It　began　on　a　dark；　gloomy　Sunday。　It　rained　in　the　morning　and　continued　all　day；　drumming　against　the　roof　and　the　windows　of　the　house　until　Jill　thought　she　would　go　mad。　She　was　in　her　bedroom；　reading；　trying　to　get　the　vicious　tattoo　of　the　falling　rain　out　of　her　mind；　when　the　night　nurse　walked　in。　Her　name　was　Ingrid　Johnson。　She　was　starched　and　Nordic。　
　〃The　burner　upstairs　isn't　working；〃　Ingrid　announced。　〃Ill　have　to　go　down　to　the　kitchen　to　prepare　Mr。　Temple's　dinner。　Could　you　stay　with　him　for　a　few　minutes？〃　
　Jill　could　sense　the　disapproval　in　the　nurse's　voice。　She　thought　it　strange　for　a　wife　not　to　go　near　her　husband's　sickbed。　
　〃I'll　look　after　him；〃　Jill　said。　She　put　down　her　book　and　went