sidneysheldon.astrangerinthemirror-第46章

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d　hold　it　up　so　he　could　see　it。　
　〃There　we　are　with　the　Queen。　Do　you　remember；　how　they　all　cheered　you　that　night？　That's　the　way　it's　going　to　be　again。　You're　going　to　be　bigger　than　ever；　Toby；　bigger　than　ever。〃　She　tucked　him　in　at　night　and　crawled　into　the　cot　she　had　put　next　to　his　bed；　drained。　In　the　middle　of　the　night；　she　would　be　awakened　by　the　noisome　stench　of　Toby's　bowel　movement　in　bed。　She　would　drag　herself　from　her　cot　and　change　Toby's　diaper　and　clean　him。　By　then　it　would　be　time　to　start　fixing　his　breakfast　and　begin　another　day。　And　another。　In　an　endless　march　of　days。　Each　day　Jill　pushed　Toby　a　little　harder；　a　little　further。　Her　nerves　were　so　frayed　that；　if　she　felt　Toby　was　not　trying；　she　would　slap　him　across　the　face。　
　〃We're　going　to　beat　them；〃　she　said　fiercely。　〃You're　going　to　get　well。〃　
　Jill's　body　was　exhausted　from　the　punishing　routine　she　was　putting　herself　through；　but　when　she　lay　down　at　night；　sleep　eluded　her。　There　were　too　many　visions　dancing　through　her　head；　like　scenes　from　old　movies。　She　and　Toby　mobbed　by　reporters　at　the　Cannes　Festival。。。　The　President　at　their　Palm　Springs　home；　telling　Jill　how　beautiful　she　was。。。　Fans　crowding　around　Toby　and　her　at　a　premiere　。。。　The　Golden　Couple。。。　Toby　stepping　up　to　receive　his　medal　and　falling。。。　falling　。。。　Finally；　she　would　drift　off　to　sleep。　Sometimes；　Jill　would　awaken　with　a　sudden；　fierce　headache　that　would　not　go　away。　She　would　lie　there　in　the　loneliness　of　the　dark；　fighting　the　pain；　until　the　sun　would　e　up；　and　it　was　time　to　drag　herself　to　her　feet。　And　it　would　begin　all　over　again。　It　was　as　though　she　and　Toby　were　the　lone　survivors　of　some　long…forgotten　holocaust。　Her　world　had　shrunk　to　the　dimensions　of　this　house；　these　rooms；　this　man。　She　drove　herself　relentlessly　from　dawn　until　past　midnight。　And　she　drove　Toby；　her　Toby　imprisoned　in　hell；　in　a　world　where　there　was　only　Jill；　whom　he　must　blindly　obey。　The　weeks；　dreary　and　painful；　dragged　by　and　turned　into　months。　Now；　Toby　would　begin　to　cry　when　he　saw　Jill　ing　toward　him；　for　he　knew　he　was　going　to　be　punished。　Each　day　Jill　became　more　merciless。　She　forced　Toby's　flopping；　useless　limbs　to　move；　until　he　was　in　unbearable　agony。　He　made　horrible　gurgling　pleas　for　her　to　stop；　but　Jill　would　say；　
　〃Not　yet。　Not　until　you're　a　man　again；　not　until　we　show　them　all。〃　She　would　go　on　kneading　his　exhausted　muscles。　He　was　a　helpless；　full…grown　baby；　a　vegetable；　a　nothing。　But　when　Jill　looked　at　him；　she　saw　him　as　he　was　going　to　be；　and　she　declared；　
　〃You're　going　to　walk！〃　She　would　lift　him　to　his　feet　and　hold　him　up　while　she　forced　one　leg　after　the　other；　so　that　he　was　moving　in　a　grotesque　parody　of　motion；　like　a　drunken；　disjointed　marionette。　Her　headaches　had　bee　more　frequent。　Bright　lights　or　a　loud　noise　or　sudden　movement　would　set　them　off。　I　must　see　a　doctor；　she　thought。　Later；　when　Toby　is　well　again。　Now　there　was　no　time　or　room　for　herself。　Only　Toby。　It　was　as　though　Jill　were　possessed。　Her　clothes　hung　loosely　on　her；　but　she　had　no　idea　of　how　much　weight　she　had　lost　or　how　she　looked。　Her　face　was　thin　and　drawn；　her　eyes　hollow。　Her　once　beautiful　shiny　black　hair　was　lusterless　and　stringy。　She　did　not　know；　nor　would　she　have　cared。　
　
　One　day　Jffl　found　a　telegram　under　the　door　asking　her　to　phone　Dr。　Kaplan。　No　time。　The　routine　must　be　kept。　The　days　and　nights　became　a　blur　of　bathing　Toby　and　exercising　him　and　changing　him　and　shaving　him　and　feeding　him。　And　then　starting　all　over　again。　She　got　a　walker　for　Toby　and　fastened　his　fingers　around　it　and　moved　his　legs；　holding　him　up；　trying　to　show　him　the　motions；　walking　him　back　and　forth　across　the　room　until　she　was　asleep　on　her　feet；　not　knowing　any　longer　where　or　who　she　was；　or　what　she　was　doing。　Then；　one　day；　Jill　knew　that　it　had　all　e　to　an　end。　
　She　had　been　up　with　Toby　half　the　night　and　had　finally　gone　into　her　own　bedroom；　where　she　had　fallen　into　a　dazed　slumber　just　before　dawn。　When　Jill　awakened；　the　sun　was　high　in　the　sky。　She　had　slept　long　past　noon。　Toby　had　not　been　fed　or　bathed　or　changed。　He　was　lying　in　his　bed；　helpless；　waiting　for　her；　probably　panicky。　Jill　started　to　rise　and　found　that　she　could　not　move。　She　was　filled　with　such　a　bottomless；　bone…deep　weariness　that　her　exhausted　body　would　no　longer　obey　her。　She　lay　there；　helpless；　knowing　that　she　had　lost；　that　it　had　all　been　wasted；　all　the　days　and　nights　of　hell；　the　months　of　agony；　none　of　it　had　meant　anything。　Her　body　had　betrayed　her；　as　Toby's　had　betrayed　him。　Jill　had　no　strength　left　to　give　him　anymore；　and　it　made　her　want　to　weep。　It　was　finished。　She　heard　a　sound　at　her　bedroom　door　and　she　raised　her　eyes。　Toby　was　standing　in　the　doorway；　by　himself；　his　trembling　arms　clutching　his　walker；　his　mouth　making　unintelligible　slobbering　noises；　working　to　say　something。　〃Jiiuiugb。。。　Jiiiiiigh。。。〃　He　was　trying　to　say　〃Jill〃。　She　began　to　sob　uncontrollably；　and　she　could　not　stop。　
　From　that　day　on；　Toby's　progress　was　spectacular。　For　the　first　time；　he　knew　he　was　going　to　get　well。　He　no　longer　objected　when　Jill　pushed　him　beyond　the　limits　of　his　endurance。　He　weled　it。　He　wanted　to　get　well　for　her。　Jill　bad　bee　his　goddess；　if　he　had　loved　her　before；　he　worshiped　her　now。　And　something　had　happened　to　Jill。　Before；　it　had　been　her　own　life　she　was　fighting　for；　Toby　was　merely　the　instrument　she　was　forced　to　use。　But　somehow；　that　had　changed。　It　was　as　though　Toby　had　bee　a　part　of　her。　They　were　one　body　and　one　mind　and　one　soul；　obsessed　with　the　same　purpose。　They　had　gone　through　a　purging　crucible。　His　life　bad　been　in　her　hands；　and　she　had　nurtured　it　and　strengthened　it；　and　saved　it；　and　out　of　that　had　grown　a　kind　of　love。　Toby　belonged　to　her；　just　as　she　belonged　to　him。　
　Jill　changed　Toby's　diet；　so　that　he　began　to　regain　the　weight　he　had　lost。　He　spent　time　in　the　sun　every　day　and　took　long　walks　around　the　grounds；　using　the　walker；　then　a　cane；　building　up　his　strength。　When　the　day　came　that　Toby　could　walk　by　himself；　the　two　of　them　celebrated　by　having　a　candlelight　dinner　in　the　dining　room。　Finally；　Jill　felt　that　Toby　was　ready　to　be　seen。　She　telephoned　Dr。　Kaplan；　and　his　nurse　put　him　on　the　phone　immediately。　
　〃Jill！　I've　been　terribly　worried。　I've　tried　to　telephone　you　and　there　was　never　any　answer。　I　sent　a　telegram；　and　when　I　didn't　hear；　I　assumed　you　had　taken　Toby　away　somewhere。　Is　hehas　he　？〃　
　〃e　and　see　for　yourself；　Eli。〃　
　Dr。　Kaplan　could　not　conceal　his　astonishment。　
　〃It's　unbelievable；〃　he　told　Jill。　〃It's　　it's　like　a　miracle。〃　
　〃It　is　a　miracle；〃　Jill　said。　Only　in　this　life　you　made　your　own　miracles；　because　God　was　busy　elsewhere。　
　〃People　still　call　me　to　ask　about　Toby；〃　Dr。　Kaplan　was　saying。　〃Apparently　they've　been　unable　to　get　through　to　you。　Sam　Winters　calls　at　least　once　a　week。　Clifton　Lawrence　has　been　calling。〃　
　Jill　dismissed　Clifton　Lawrence。　But　Sam　Winters！　That　I　was　good。　Jill　had　to　find　a　way　to　let　the　world　know　that　Toby　Temple　was　still　a　superstar；　that　they　were　still　the　Golden　Couple。　
　Jill　telephoned　Sam　Winters　the　next　morning　and　asked　him　if　he　would　like　to　e　and　visit　Toby。　Sam　arrived　at　the　house　an　hour　later。　Jill　opened　the　front　door　to　let　him　in；　and　Sam　tried　to　conceal　his　shock　at　her　appearance。　Jill　looked　ten　years　older　than　when　he　had　last　seen　her。　Her　eyes　were　hollow　brown　pools　and　her　face　was　etched　with　deep　lines。　She　had　lost　so　much　weight　that　she　looked　almost　skeletal。　
　〃Thank　you　for　ing；　Sam。　Toby　will　be　pleased　to　see　you。〃　
　Sam　had　been　prepared　to　see　Toby　in　bed；　a　shadow　of　the　man　he　had　once　been；　but　he　was　in　for　a　stunning　surprise。　Toby　was　lying　on　a　pad　alongside　the　pool　and；　as　Sam　approached；　Toby　rose　to　his　feet；　a　little　slowly；　but　steadily；　and　held　out　a　firm　hand。　He　appeared　tanned　and　healthy；　better　than　he　had　looked　before　his　stroke。　It　was　as　though　through　some　arcane　alchemy；　Jill's　health　and　vitality　had　sowed　into　Toby's　body；　and　the　sick　tides　that　had　ravaged　Toby　had　ebbed　into　Jill。　
　〃Hey！