annr.pandora-第49章
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How ghastly her worship seemed。 Flawed and ignorant； being elevated to such power！ And how revealing suddenly that at the core of mysteries there should lie such degrading explanations。 Blood spilt on her golden gown！
All images and meaningful glimpses do but teach you deeper things； I thought again； as I had in the Temple； when I had settled for the consolation of a basalt statue。
It is I； and I alone； who must make of my new life a heroic tale。
I was very happy for Marius that he had such fort in reason。 But reason was only a created thing； imposed with faith upon the world； and the stars promise nothing to no one。
I had seen something deeper in those dark nights of hiding in this house in Antioch； in mourning for my Father。 I had seen that at the very heart of Creation there very well might lie something as uncontrollable and inprehensible as a raging volcano。
Its lava would destroy trees and poets alike。
So take this gift； Pandora； I told myself。 Go home； thankful that you are again wed； for you have never made a better match or seen a more tantalizing future。
When I returned； and my return was very rapid； full of new lessons in how I might pass quickly over rooftops； scarce touching them； and over walls … when I returned； I found him as I had left him； only much sadder。 He sat in the garden； just as he had in the vision shown to me by Akasha。
It must have been a place he loved； behind the villa with its many doors； a bench facing a thicket and a natural stream bubbling up and over the rocks and spilling down into a current through high grass。
He rose at once。
I took him in my arms。
〃Marius； forgive me；〃 I said。
〃Don't say such a thing； I'm to blame for it all。 And I didn't protect you from it。〃
We were in each other's arms。 I wanted to press my teeth into him； drink his blood； and then I did； and felt him taking the blood from me。 This was a union more powerful than any I had ever known in a marriage bed； and I yielded to it as I never yielded in life to anyone。
I felt an exhaustion sweep me suddenly。 I withdrew my kiss with its teeth。
〃e on； now；〃 he said。 〃Your slave is asleep。 And during the day； while we must sleep； he will bring all your possessions here； and those girls of yours； should you want to keep them。〃
We walked down the stairs； we entered another room。 It took all Marius's strength to pull back the door； which meant simply that no mortal man could do it。
There lay a sarcophagus； plain； of granite。
〃Can you lift the lid of the sarcophagus？〃 Marius asked。
〃I am feeling weald〃
〃It's the sun rising； try to 1ift the lid。 Slide it to one side。〃
I did； and inside I found a bed of crushed lilies and rose petals； of silken pillows； and bits of dried flower kept for scent。
I stepped in； turned around； sat and stretched out in this stone prison。 At once he took his place in the tomb beside me； and pushed the lid back to its place； and all the world's light in any form was shut out； as if the dead would have it so。
〃I'm drowsy。 I can hardly form words。〃
〃What a blessing；〃 he said。
〃There is no need for such an insult；〃 I murmured。 〃But I forgive you。〃
〃Pandora； I love you！〃 he said helplessly。
〃Put it inside me；〃 I said； reaching between his legs。 〃Fill me and hold me。〃
〃This is stupid and superstitious！〃
〃It is neither；〃 I said。 〃It is symbolic and forting。〃
He obeyed。 Our bodies were one； connected by this sterile organ which was no more to him now than his arm； but how I loved the arm he threw over me and the lips he pressed to my forehead。
〃I love you； Marius； my strange； tall and beautiful Marius。〃
〃I don't believe you；〃 he said； his voice barely a whisper。
〃What do you mean？〃
〃You'll despise me soon enough for what I've done to you。〃
〃Not so； oh； rational one。 I am not as eager to grow old； wither and die； as you might think。 I should like a chance to know more； to see more。。。〃
I felt his lips against my forehead。
〃Did you really try to marry me when I was fifteen？〃
〃Oh； agonizing memories！ Your Father's insults still sting my ears！ He had me all but thrown out of your house！〃
〃I love you with my whole heart；〃 I whispered。 〃And you have won。 You have me now as your wife。〃
〃I have you as something； but I do not think that 'wife' is the word for it。 I wonder that you've already forgotten your earlier strenuous objection to the term。
〃Together；〃 I said； scarce able to talk on account of his kisses。 I was drowsy； and loved the feel of his lips； their sudden eagerness for pure auction。 〃We'll think of another word more exalted than 'wife。' 〃
Suddenly I moved back。 I could not see him in the dark。
'Are you kissing me so that I will not talk'？〃
〃Yes； that's exactly what I was doing；〃 he said。
I turned away from him。
〃Turn back； please；〃 he said。
〃No；〃 I said。
I lay still； realizing dimly that his body felt quite normal to me now； because mine was as hard as his was； as strong perhaps。 What a sublime advantage。 Oh； but I loved him。 I loved him！ So let him kiss the back of the neck！ He could not force me to turn towards him！
The sun must have risen。
For a silence fell on me which was as if the universe with all its volcanoes and raging tides … and all its Emperors； Kings； judges； Senators； philosophers and Priests … had been erased from existence。
II
Well； David； there you have it。
I could continue the Plautus…Terence style edy for pages。 I could vie with Shakespeare's Much Ado About Nothing。
But that is the basic story。 That is what lies behind the flippant capsule version in The Vampire Lestat； fashioned into its final trivial form by Marius or Lestat； who knows。
Let me lead you through those points which are sacred and burn still in my heart； no matter how easily they have been dismissed by another。
And the tale of our parting is not mere dissonance but may contain some lesson。
Marius taught me to hunt； to catch the evildoer only； and to kill without pain； enwrapping the soul of my victim in sweet visions or allowing the soul to illuminate its own death with a cascade of fantasies which I must not judge； but merely devour； like the blood。 All that does not require detailed documentation。
We were matched in strength。 When some burnt and ruthlessly ambitious blood drinker did find his way to Antioch； which happened only a few times and then not at all； we executed the supplicant together。 These were monstrous mentalities； forged in ages we could hardly understand； and they sought the Queen like jackals seek the bodies of the human dead。
There was no argument between us over any of them。
We often read aloud to each other； and we laughed together at Petronius's Satyricon； and we shared both tears and laughter later as we read the bitter satires of Juvenal。 There was no end of new satire and history ing from Rome and from Alexandria。
But something forever divided Marius from me。
Love grew but so did constant argument； and argument became more and more the dangerous cement of the bond。
Over the years； Marius guarded his delicate rationality as a Vestal Virgin guards a sacred flame。 If ever any ecstatic emotion took hold of me； he was there to grab me by the shoulders and tell me in no uncertain terms that it was irrational。 Irrational； irrational； irrational！
When the terrible earthquake of； the second century struck Antioch； and we were unharmed； I dared speak of it as a Divine Blessing。 This set Marius into a rage； and he was quick to point that the same Divine Intervention had also protected the Roman Emperor Trajan； who was in the city at the time。 What was I to make of that？
For the record； Antioch quickly rebuilt itself； the markets flourished； more slaves poured in； nothing stopped the caravans headed for the ships； and the ships headed for the caravans。
But long before that earthquake we had all but e to blows night after night。
If I lingered for hours in the room of the Mother and the Father； Marius invariably came to collect me and bring me back to my senses。 He could not read in peace with me in such a state； he declared。 He could not think because he knew I was downstairs deliberately inviting madness。
Why；
