annr.pandora-第48章
按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
en he sent me to the South； to Egypt； the motherland of all mysteries。〃
〃How long have you kept them？〃
〃Over fifteen years。 I lose count。 They never move or speak。 The wounded ones； those burnt so badly that time will take centuries to heal them； they learn that I am here。 They e。 I try to extinguish them before their minds can give forth a flash of a confirming image to other distant minds。 She doesn't guide these burnt children to where she is； as she once guided me！ If I am tricked or overwhelmed； she moves only as you saw； to crush the blood drinker。 But she has called you； Pandora； reached out for you。 And we know now to what exact purpose。 And I've been cruel to you。 Clumsy。〃
He turned to me。 His voice grew tender。 〃Tell me； Pandora；〃 he asked。 〃In the vision you saw； when we were married； were we young or old'？ Were you the girl of fifteen I sought too early perhaps； or the mature full blossom of a creature you are now？ Are the families happy？ Are we ely？〃
I was hotly embraced by the sincerity of his words。 The anguish and the pleading that lay behind them。
〃We were as we are now；〃 I said； cautiously answering his smile with my own。 〃You were a man fixed in the prime of life forever； and I？ As I am at this hour。〃
〃Believe me；〃 he said with sweetness in his voice；
〃I would not have spoken so harshly on this of all nights； but you have now so many other nights to e。 Nothing can kill you now； but the sun or fire。 Nothing in you will deteriorate。 You have a thousand experiences to discover。〃
〃And what of the ecstasy when I drank from her？〃 I asked。 〃What of her own beginnings and her suffering？ Does she in no way connect herself to the sacred？〃
〃What is sacred？〃 he asked； shrugging his shoulder。 〃Tell me。 What is sacred？ Was it sanctity you saw in her dreams？〃
I bowed my head。 I couldn't answer。
〃Certainly not the Roman Empire；〃 he said； 〃Certainly not the temples of Augustus Caesar。 Certainly not the worship of Cybele！ Certainly not the cult of those who worship fire in Persia。 Is the name Isis sacred anymore； or was it ever？ The Elder in Egypt； my first and only instructor in all this； said that Akasha invented the stories of Isis and Osiris to suit her purposes； to give a poetry to her worship。 I think rather she grafted herself upon old stories。 The demon in those two grows with each new blood drinker made。 It must。〃
〃But to no purpose？〃
〃That it may know more？〃 he said。 〃That it may see more； feel more； through each of us which carries its blood？ Perhaps it is such a creature as that and each of us is but a tiny part of it； carrying all its senses and capacities and returning our experiences to it。 It reaches out through us to know the world！〃
〃I can tell you this；〃 he said。 He paused and put his hands on the desk。 〃What burns in me does not care if the victim is innocent or guilty of any crime。 It thirsts。 Not every night； but often！ It says nothing！ It does not talk of altars to me in my heart！ It drives me as though I were the battle steed and it the mounted General！ It is Marius who weeds the good from the bad； according to the old custom； for reasons you can well understand； but not this ravening thirst； this thirst knows nature but no morality。〃
〃I love you； Marius；〃 I said。 〃You and my Father are the only men I've ever really loved。 But I must go out alone now。〃
〃What did you say！〃 He was amazed。 〃It's just past midnight。〃
〃You've been very patient； but I have to walk alone now。〃
〃I'll e with you。〃
〃You will not；〃 I said。
〃But you can't simply roam around Antioch on your own； alone。〃
〃Why not？ I can hear mortal thoughts now if I want to。 A litter just passed。 The slaves are so drunk it's a wonder they don't drop the thing and heave the Master into the road； and he himself is fast asleep。 I want to walk alone； out there； in the city in the dark places and the dangerous places and the evil places and the places where even 。。。 where even a god would not go。〃
〃This is your vengeance on me；〃 he said。 I walked towards the gate and he followed。 〃Pandora； not alone。〃
〃Marius； my love；〃 I said； turning； taking his hand。 〃It is not vengeance。 The words you spoke earlier； 'girl' and 'woman；' they have always circumscribed my life。 I want only now to walk fearlessly with my arms bare and my hair down my hack； into any cavern of danger I choose。 I am drunk still from her blood； from yours！ Things shimmer and flicker that should shine。 I must be alone to ponder all you've said。〃
〃But you have to be back before dawn； well before。 You have to be with me in the crypt below。 You can't merely lie in some room somewhere。 The deadly light will penetrate …〃
He was so protective； so lustrous； so infuriated。
〃I will be back；〃 I said； 〃and well before dawn； and for now； my heart will break if we are not； as of this moment； bound together。〃
〃We are bound；〃 he said。 〃Pandora； you could drive me mad。〃
He stopped at the bars of the gate。
〃Don't e any farther；〃 I said as I left。
I walked down towards Antioch。 My legs had such strength and spring； and the dust and pebbles of the road were nothing to my feet； and my eyes penetrated the night to see the full conspiracy of owls and little rodents that hovered in the trees； eyeing me； then fleeing as if their natural senses warned them against me。
Soon I came into the city proper。 I think the resolution with which I moved from little street to little street was enough to frighten anyone who would have contemplated molesting me。 I heard only cowardice and erotic curses from the dark； those tangled ugly curses men heap on women they desire … half threat； half dismissal。
I could sense the people in their houses fast asleep； and hear the guards on watch； talking in their barracks behind the Forum。
I did all the things the new blood drinkers always do。 I touched the surfaces of walls and stared； enchanted at a mon torch and the moths that gave themselves up to it。 I felt against my naked arms and fragile tunic the dreams of all Antioch surrounding me。
Rats fled up and down the gutters and the streets。 The river gave off its own sound； and there came a hollow echoing from the ships at anchor； even from the faintest stirring of the water。
The Forum； resplendent with its ever burning lights； caught the moon as if it were a great human trap for it； the very reverse of an earthly crater； a man…made design that could be seen and blessed by the intransigent heavens。
When I came to my own house；； I found I could climb to the very top easily； and there I sat on the tiled roof； so relaxed and secure and free； looking down into the courtyard； into the peristyle； where I had really learned … alone on those three nights … the truths that had prepared me for Akasha's blood。
In calmness and without pain； I thought it through again … as if I owed this reconsideration to the woman I had been； the initiate； the woman who had sought refuge in the Temple。 Marius was right。 The Queen and King were possessed of some demon which spread through the blood； feeding upon it and growing； as I could feel it doing in me now。
The King and Queen did not invent justice！ The Queen； who broke the little Pharaoh into sticks； did not invent law or righteousness！
And the Roman courts； bumbling awkwardly towards each decision； weighing all sides； refusing any magical or religious device； they did even in these terrible times strive for justice。 It was a system based not upon the revelation of the gods； but upon reason。
But I could not regret the moment of intoxication when I'd drunk her blood and believed in her； and seen the flowers e down upon us。 I could not regret that any mind could conceive of such perfect transcendence。
She had been my Mother； my Queen； my goddess； my all。 I had known it as we were meant to know it when we drink the potions in the Temple； when we sing； when we are rocking in delirious song。 And in her arms I had known it。 In Marius's arms I'd known it as well； and in a safer measure； and I wanted only to be with him now。
How ghastly her worship seemed。 Flawed and ignorant； being elevated to such power！ And how revealing suddenly that at the core of mysteries there should lie such degrading explanatio
