annr.pandora-第36章
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rn！ All of you will burn！ As I burn！ Because I am the Fount！ And the evil in me will be burnt and extinguished in all of you forever。 e； you miserable fledgling；〃 she said to me。 〃Do as they say。 Drink； and wait my vengeance。
〃The god Amon Ra will rise in the East and I will walk towards him； and his deadly rays will kill me。 I shall be a sacrifice of fire to destroy every one of you who has been born of me； transformed by my blood！ You greedy wanton gods who would use the power we possess for gain！〃
Then a hideous transformation befell the entire dream。 She rose to her feet。 She was pristine and freshly adorned。 Torches burst into flame around her； one and two and three and then many and more； flaring as if they'd just been ignited； till she was surrounded by flame。 The gods were gone。 She smiled and beckoned to me。 She lowered her head； the white beneath her eyes shone as she looked up at me。 She smiled。 She was cunning。
I woke up screaming。
I was in my bed。 Antioch。 The lamp burned。 Flavius held me。 I saw the light shine on his ivory leg as it was stretched out。 I saw the light shine on the carved toes。
〃Hold onto me； hold me！〃 I said。 〃Mother Isis！ Hold me。
〃How long have I been asleep？〃
〃Only moments；〃 he said。
〃No。〃
〃The sun has just risen。 Do you want to go out； lie in the warm sun perhaps？〃
〃No！〃 I screamed。
He tightened his warm； desperate forting grip。 〃It was only a bad dream； my beautiful lady；〃 he said。 〃Close your eyes。 I'll sleep by your side； with my dagger here。〃
〃Oh； yes； please； please； Flavius。 Don't let me go。 Hold me；〃 I cried。
。I lay down and he snuggled next to me； his knees behind mine； his arm over me。
My eyes opened。 I heard Marius's voice again；
〃Thank the gods that I don't want you！ Not enough to betray love for brief and bloody ecstasy。〃
〃Oh； Flavius；〃 I said。 〃My skin！ Is my skin burning！〃 I started to rise。 〃Put out the light。 Put out the sun！〃
〃No； Madam； your skin is as beautiful as it always was。 Lie down。 Let me sing to you。〃
〃Yes； sing。。。〃 I said。
I followed his song； it was Homer； it was Achilles and Hector； and I loved the way he sang it； the pauses he made； I pictured those heroes； and the high walls of doomed Troy； and my eyes grew heavy。 I drifted。 I rested。
He placed his hand over my head； as if to keep the dreams out； as if to be a human dream catcher。 And I sighed as he smoothed my hair。
I pictured Marius； the sheen of his skin。 It had been so like that of the Queen； and the dazzle of his eyes； so truly like that of the Queen； and I heard him say； 〃Damn it； Pandora； do you think I wanted my life foreshortened and my destiny extended forever！〃
And there followed； before unconsciousness； the utter despair； the sense of worthlessness of all striving。 Better that we be no more than beasts； like the lions in the arena。
8
I awoke。 I could hear the birds。 I wasn't sure。 I calculated that it was still morning； midmorning。
I walked barefoot into the next room； and through it into the peristyle。 I walked on the tiled edge of the Earth and looked up at the blue sky。 The sun had not yet risen high enough to be seen directly above。
I unbolted the door and went barefoot to the gate。 To the first man I saw； a man of the desert； wearing a long head veil； I said：
〃What rime is it？ Noon'？〃
〃Oh； no； Madam；〃 he said。 〃Not by half。 Have you overslept？ How lucky for you。〃 He nodded and went on。
A lamp burned in the living room。 I walked into the living room and saw that the lamp stood on the desk which my servants had prepared for me。
The ink was there and so were the pens； and so were sheets of clean parchment。
I sat down and I wrote down everything that I could remember of the dreams； my eyes straining to see by the miserable little lamp in the shadows； too far from the light that filled the fresh green garden of the peristyle。
My arm hurt finally from the speed with which I scratched at the parchment。 In detail I described the last dream； the torches； the Queen's smile； her beckoning to me。 It was done。 All the while； I had set aside the pages to dry all about me on the floor。 There was no breeze or wind to threaten them。 I gathered them up。
I went to the edge of the garden deliberately to look at the blue sky； this sheaf of papers dose to my breast。 Blue and clear。
〃And you cover this world；〃 I said。 〃And you are changeless； save for one light that rises and sets；〃 I said to the sky。 〃Then es the night with deceptive and seductive patterns！〃
〃Madam！〃 It was Flavius behind me； and very sleepy； 〃You've scarcely slept at all。 You need rest。 Go back to bed。〃
〃Go get my sandals now； hurry；〃 I said。
And as he disappeared； so did I … out the front gate of the house； walking as fast as I could。 I was halfway to the Temple of Isis when I realized the disfort of confronting this filthy street in bare feet。 I realized I wore the rumpled linen dresses in which I'd slept。 My hair streamed。 I didn't slow my pace。
I was elated。 I was not helpless as when I had fled my Father's house； I was not edgy and in deep danger as when Lucius had pointed me out to the Roman soldiers last night。
I was not gripped in fear as I had been when the Queen smiled to me in the dream。 Nor shivering as I had been upon waking。
I walked on and on。 I was in the grip of an immense drama。 I would see it through to the last act。
People passed … laborers of the morning； an old man with a crooked stick。 I barely saw these people。
I took a cold small delight in the fact that they noticed my loose； free hair and my wrinkled gowns。 I wondered what it must be like to separate oneself from all civilization and never worry again about the position of a fastening or a pin； to sleep on grass； to fear nothing！
Fear nothing！ Ah； that was so beautiful to me。
I came to the Forum。 The markets were busy； the beggars were out in full force。 Curtained litters were being carried every which way。 The philosophers were teaching under the porticoes。 I could hear those huge strange noises that always e from a harbor … of the cargo being dropped； perhaps； I didn't know。 I smelled the Orontes。 I hoped Lucius's body was floating in it。
I went up the steps and right into the Temple of Isis。
〃The High Priest and Priestess；〃 I said。 〃I must see them。〃 I walked past a confused and distinctly virginal…looking young woman and went into the side chamber where they had first spoken to me。 No table。 Only the couch。 I went into another apartment of the Temple。 A table。 Scrolls。
I heard feet rushing。 The Priestess came to me。 She was already painted for the day and her wig and ornaments were in place。 I felt no shock as I looked at her。
〃Look；〃 I said。 〃I had another dream。〃 I pointed to the sheets which I had piled neatly on the table。 〃I've written down everything for you。〃
The Priest arrived。 He approached the table and stared at the sheets。
〃Read it all； every word。 Read it now。 Bear witness lest something happens to me！〃
The Priest and Priestess stood on opposite sides of me； the Priest carefully lifting the pages to study each one； while not actually turning over the stack。
〃I am a migrant soul；〃 I said。 〃She wants some reckoning or favor of me； I don't know which； but she lives！ She is no mere statue。〃
They stared at me。
〃Well？ Speak up？ Everyone es to you for guidance。〃
〃But Madam；〃 said the Priest； 〃we can't read any of this。〃
〃What？〃
〃It's written in the most ancient and ornate form of the old picture writing。〃
〃What！〃
I stared down at the pages。 I saw only my own words as they had flowed in a cadence from my mind； through my hand； through my pen。 I couldn't make my eyes fix upon the form of the letters。
I lifted the last page and read aloud； 〃Her smile was cunning。 It filled me with fear。〃 I held out the page。
They shook their heads in firm denial。
Suddenly there was a little ruckus and Flavius； much out of breath and red in the face； was admitted to the room。 He had my sandals。 He took one look at me and rested back against the wall in great and obvious relief。
〃e here；〃 I said。
He obeyed。
〃Now look at these pages； read them； are they not in Latin？〃
Two slaves came tim
