annr.pandora-第24章
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trated too deep。
What a shock awaited me as I found myself inside。
The Temple was far more ancient than our Temple in Rome； and Egyptian paintings covered its walls。 A shiver at once went through me。 The columns were in the Egyptian style； not fluted but smoothly round； and brightly painted in orange； and rising to giant lotus leaves at the capitals。 The smell of the incense was overpowering and I could hear music emanating from the Sanctuary。 I could hear the thin notes of the lyre； and of the wires of the sistrum being plucked； and I could hear a litany being chanted。
But this was a thoroughly Egyptian place； which enveloped me as firmly as my blood dreams。 I almost fainted。
The dreams came back … the deep paralytic sense of being in some secret Sanctuary in Egypt； my soul swallowed within another body！
The Priestess came to me。 This too was a shock。
In Rome； her dress would have been purely Roman； and she might have worn a small exotic headdress； a little cap to her shoulders； perhaps。
But this woman wore Egyptian clothes of pleated linen； in the old style； and she wore a magnificent Egyptian headdress and wig； the broad mass of long black braids falling down stiffly over her shoulders。 She looked as extravagant perhaps as Cleopatra had ever looked； for all I knew。
I had only heard stories of Julius Caesar's love of Cleopatra； then her affair with Mark Antony and Cleopatra's death。 All that was before my birth。
But I knew that Cleopatra's fabulous entrance into Rome had much affrighted the old Roman sense of morality。 I had always known the old Roman families feared Egyptian magic； In the recent punitive Roman massacre； which I've described； there was a lot of shouting about license and lust； but beneath it； there had been an unspoken fear of the mystery and the power hidden behind the Temple doors。
And now as I gazed at this Priestess； at her painted eyes； I felt in my soul this fear。 I knew it。 Of course this woman seemed to have stepped from the dreams； but it was not that which struck me so much； for after all； what are dreams？ This was an Egyptian woman … wholly alien and inscrutable to me。
My Isis had been Greco…Roman。 Even her statue in the Roman Sanctuary had been clothed in a gorgeously draped Greek dress and her hair had been done softy in the old Greek style； with waves around her face。 She had held her sistrum and an urn。 She had been a Romanized goddess。
Perhaps the same had happened with the goddess Cybele in Rome。 Rome swallowed things and made them Roman。
In a very few centuries； though I had no thought of it then … how could I … Rome would swallow and shape the followers of Jesus of Nazareth； and make of his Christians the Roman Catholic church。
I suppose you are familiar with the modern expression； 〃When in Rome； do as the Romans do。〃
But here； in this reddish gloom； among flickering lights and a deeper muskier incense than I had ever smelled； I resented my timidity in silence。 Then the dreams did descend； like so many veils lowered one by one to enclose me。 In a flash I saw the beautiful Queen weeping。 No。 She screamed。 Cried for help。
〃Get away from me；〃 I whispered to the air around me。 〃Fly from me； all things that are impure and evil。 Get away from me as I enter the house of my Blessed Mother。〃
The Priestess took me in hand。 I heard voices from my dream in violent argument。 I strained to dear my vision； to see the worshipers ing and going towards the Sanctuary to meditate or to make sacrifice； to ask for some favor。 I tried to realize it was a big busy crowd； very little different from Rome。
But the touch of the Priestess enfeebled me。 Her painted eyes struck terror。 Her broad necklace caused me to blink my eyes。 Row upon row of flat stones。
I was taken into a private apartment of the Temple by her； offered a sumptuous couch。 I lay back exhausted。 〃Fly from me； all things evil；〃 I whispered。 〃Including dreams。〃
The Priestess sat beside me and enfolded me in her silken arms。 I looked up into a mask！
〃Talk to me； suffering one；〃 she said in Latin with a thick accent。 〃Speak all that must e forth。〃
Suddenly … uncontrollably … I poured out my whole family story； the annihilation of my family； my guilt； my travails。
〃What if I was the cause of my family's downfall … my worship at the Temple of Isis？ What if Tiberius had remembered it？ What have I done？ The Priests were crucified and I did nothing。 What does Mother Isis want of me？ I want to die。〃
〃That she does not want of you；〃 said the Priestess； staring at me。 Her eyes were huge； or was it the paint？ No； I could see the whites of her eyes； so glistening and pure。 Her painted mouth let loose words like a tiny breeze in a monotone。
I was fast being delirious and totally unreasonable。 I murmured what I could about my initiation； what details I could tell a Priestess； for all these things were highly secret； you know； but I confirmed for her that I had been reborn in the rites。
All the stored…up weakness in me was cut loose in a flood。
Then I lay down my guilt。 I confessed that I had； early on； left the Cult of Isis； that in recent years； I had walked only in the public processions to the sea； when the goddess was carried to the shore to bless the ships。 Isis； the goddess of Navigation。 I had not lived a life of devotion。
I had done nothing when the Priests of Isis were crucified； except speak out with many others behind the Emperor's back。 There had been a solidarity between me and those Romans who thought Tiberius was a monster； but we had not raised our voices in defense of Isis。 My Father had told me to remain silent。 So I had。 This was the same Father who had told me to live。
I turned over and slipped down off this couch and I lay on the tiled floor。 I don't know why。 I pressed my cheek to the cold tile。 I liked the coldness against my face。 I was in a state of madness； but not an uncontrollable state。 I lay staring。
I knew one thing。 I wanted to get out of this Temple！ I didn't like it。 No； this had been a very bad idea。
I hated myself suddenly for having bee so vulnerable to this woman； whatever sort she was； and the atmosphere of the blood dreams beckoned to me。
I opened my eyes。 The Priestess bent over me。 I saw the weeping Queen of my nightmares。 I turned away and shut my eyes。
〃Be at peace；〃 she said in her calculated and perfected voice。 〃You did nothing wrong；〃 said the Priestess。
It seemed preposterous that such a voice should issue from such a painted face and form； but the voice was definite。
〃First；〃 the Priestess said； 〃you must understand that Mother Isis forgives anything。 She is the Mother of Mercy。〃 Then she said； 〃You have been more fully initiated by your description than most here or anywhere。 You made a long fast。 You bathed in the sacred blood of the bull。 You must have drunk the potion。 You dreamed and saw yourself reborn。〃
〃Yes；〃 I said； trying to revive the old ecstasy； the priceless gift of belief in something。 〃Yes。 I saw the stars and great fields of flowers； such fields。。。〃
It was no good。 I was scared of this woman and I wanted to get out of there。 I'd go home and confess all this to Flavius and make him let me weep on his shoulder。
〃I am not pious by nature；〃 I confessed。 〃I was young。 I loved the free women who went there； the women who slept with whom they chose； the whores of Rome； the keepers of the houses of pleasure； I liked women who thought for themselves； and followed the goings…on of the Empire。〃
〃You can enjoy such pany here as well；〃 said the Priestess； without batting an eye。 〃And don't fear that your old ties to the Temple caused your downfall in Rome。 We have plenty of news to confirm that the highborn were not persecuted by Tiberius when he destroyed the Temple。 It is always the poor who suffer： the street whore and the simple weaver； the hairdresser； the bricklayer。 No noble family was persecuted in the name of Isis。 You know that。 Some women fled to Alexandria because they would not give up the worship； but they were never in danger；〃
The dreams approached。 〃Oh； Mother of God；〃 I whispered。
The Priestess went on talking。
〃You； like Mother Isis； have been the victim of tragedy。 And you； li
