annr.pandora-第22章
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〃Madam；〃 he said； 〃please place a value upon my loyalty to a house in which I served all my life。 I cannot speak more； If I bee your servant； you will have the same loyalty from me。 Your house will bee my house； and sacred to me。 What happens within your walls will remain within your walls。 I speak of virtue and kindness in my Master because this is proper to say。 Let me say no more。〃
Sublime old…Greek morality。
〃Write more； hurry！〃 said the slave merchant。
〃Be quiet；〃 I told him。 〃He's written quite enough。〃
The handsome brown…haired slave； this enticingly beautiful one…legged man； had fallen into some deep pit of woe and looked towards the distant Forum； flash of figures back and forth over the mouth of the street。
〃What would I do as a free man？〃 he said to me； looking up at me from a position of utter careless loneliness。 〃Copy all day for a pittance at the booksellers？ Write letters for coins？ My Master risked his own life to save me from that boar。 In battle I served under Tiberius in Illyricum； where with some fifteen legions he put down all revolts。 I chopped the head off a man to save my Master。 What am I now？〃
I was filled with pain。
〃What am I now'？〃 he repeated the question。
〃If I were free； I would live hand to mouth； and when I slept in some filthy tenement； my ivory leg would be severed and stolen！〃
I gasped and put my hand to my lips。
His eyes filled with tears as he looked at me； and his voice became all the more softer； yet sharply articulate：
〃Oh； I could teach philosophy beneath the arches out there； you know； prattle on about Diogenes； and pretend that I liked wearing rags； as do his followers these days。 What a circus out there； have you seen it？ I have never seen so many philosophers in my life as in this city！ Take a look when you go back。 You know what it takes to teach philosophy here？ You have to lie。 You have to fling meaningless words as fast as you can at young people； and brood when you can't answer； and make up nonsense and ascribe it to the old Stoics。〃
He broke off； and tried to gain mand of himself。
I was almost in tears as I looked down at him。
〃But you see； I have no skill at lying；〃 he said。 〃That has been my undoing with you； Great Lady。〃
I was shattered inside； my wounds silently opened。 The nerve which had carried me out of confinement was ebbing away。 But surely he saw my tears。
He looked towards the Forum again。
〃I dream of an honorable Master or Mistress； a house with honor。 Can a slave through the contemplation of honor thereby have honor？ The law says not。 So any slave called to testify in a court trial must be tortured； for he has no honor！ But reason says otherwise。 I have learned and I can teach both bravery and honor。 And yes； all of this tablet is true。 I didn't have time or opportunity to temper its boastful style。〃
He bowed his head and looked again towards the Forum； as though towards the lost world。 He drew himself up in the chair； for bravery's sake。 Again； he tried to stand。
〃No； sit；〃 I said。
〃Madam；〃 he said； 〃if you seek my services for a house of ill repute； let me tell you now。。。 if it is to torture and force young girls such as those you just purchased； if you order me to advertise their charms abroad； I won't do it。 It is as dishonorable to me as to steal or to lie。 Why do you want me？〃
The tears were halted； merely resting between him and his vision of the world around him。 His face was serene。
〃Do I look as if I am a whore？〃 I asked him with shock。 〃Yea gods； I wore all my best clothes。 I'm doing my best to look revoltingly respectable in all these fancy silks！ Do you see cruelty in my eyes？ Can't you believe that it is perhaps the tempered soul that survives grief？ One need not fight on a battlefield to have courage。〃
〃No； Madam； no！〃 he said。 He was so very sorry。
〃Then why fling these insults at me now？〃 I said； full of hurt。 〃And no； I agree with you； what you've written there； our Roman poets are not the equals of the Greeks。 I don't know our destiny as an Empire and this weighs as heavily on me as it ever did on my Father and his Father！ Why'？ I don't know！〃 I turned as if to go； but I had really no intention of going！ His insults had simply gone too far。
He bent towards me over the writing table。
〃Madam；〃 he said whispering even lower and with greater solicitude。 〃Forgive me my rash words。 You are absolutely a paradox。 Your face is eccentrically painted； and I think the lip rouge is not properly set。 You have rouge on your teeth。 You have no powder on your arms。 You wear three dresses of silk and I can see through all of them！ Your hair is in two barbarian…style braids lying on your shoulders； and you are raining little silver and gold pins galore。 Look at these little pins falling。 Madam； you will be hurt by these pins。 Your mantle； more appropriate for evening； has fallen on the ground。 Your hems drag in the dirt。〃
Not missing a beat of his speech； he reached down deftly and picked up the palla； standing at once to offer it to me； ing round the table with a heavy shift of his leg； to lay the palla on my shoulders。
〃You speak with miraculous speed； and stunning gibes；〃 he went on； 〃yet you carry a huge dagger in your girdle。 It should be hidden on your forearm under your mantle。 And your purse。 You take gold out of it to pay the girls。 It's huge； carelessly visible。 And your hands； your hands are beautiful； fine as your Latin and your Greek； but they are deeply creased with dirt as though you have been digging in the Earth itself。〃
I smiled。 I had stopped my tears。
〃You are very observant；〃 I said cheerfully。 I was charmed。 〃Why did I have to cut you so deeply to find your soul？ Why can't we simply reveal ourselves to one another？ I need a strong steward； a guardian who can bear arms； run my house and protect it because I am alone。 Can you really see through all this silk？〃
He nodded。 〃Well； now that the mantle is over your shoulders and hiding the。。。 the dagger and the girdle … 〃He blushed。 Then as I smiled at him； trying to regain my calm； trying to fight back the engulfing darkness that would take away all confidence from me； all faith in any task； he spoke on。
〃Madam； we learn to hide our souls because we are betrayed by others。 But I would entrust to you my soul！ I know it； if you would reconsider your judgment！ I can protect you； I can run your house。 I will not molest your little girls。 But mark； for all my time fighting in Illyricum I have one leg。 I came home from three years of bloody constant battle to lose it to a boar because a spear； poorly tempered and made； broke as I thrust it into the boar。〃
〃What's your name？〃 I asked。
〃Flavius；〃 he answered。 This was a Roman name。
〃Flavius；〃 I said。
〃Madam； the palla is slipping again from your head。 And these little pins； they are sharp； they are everywhere； they'll hurt you。〃
〃Never mind that；〃 I said； though I let him drape me again properly as if he were Pygmalion； and I his Galatea。 He used the tips of his fingers。 But the mantle was already soiled。
〃Those girls；〃 I said； 〃whom you glimpsed。 They are my household； as of the past half…hour。 You have to be their loving master。 But if you lie in any woman's bed under my roof； the bed had better be mine。 I am flesh and blood！〃
He nodded； at a total loss for words。
I pulled open my purse and took out what I thought to pay； a reasonable price in Rome； I thought； where slaves were always bragging about how much they had cost。 I laid down the gold； oblivious to the imprint of the coin； only gauging the value。
The slave stared at me with ever increasing fascination； then his eyes whipped the merchant。
The slimy； merciless； weasling slave trader puffed up like a toad and told me this priceless Greek scholar was to be auctioned for a high price。 Several rich men had expressed interest。 An entire school class was to question him within the hour。 Roman officers had sent their stewards to inspect him。
〃I have no more stamina for it；〃 I said； and reached in my purse again。
At once； my new slave Flavius put his hand out gents to prevent me。
He glared at the merchant with great authority and fearless contempt。
〃For a man with one leg
